Therefore
go on, my
dear bully.
dear bully.
Rehearsal - v1 - 1750
Disprove quotha!
what signi sies that ?
repeat the fame lye, over and over again, and with ten times more assurance.
Never heed answering.
Who minds answers. 'Tis the weakest side that answers. They are the desendants. And it is the attacking party carries it, ten to one.
That martyr and bead of the church in forty-one-time* whom we made a calves- head of, was full ofhis answer ing. And what did we return to his fine well-pennd declarations and messaces, full of reason, law, and all that ? the more of that we found in we answer 'd
with more insolent and bold resolve. And we carry it. For that shew'd we had power. And the lels reason that power gives, the greater. You may as well preach in battle, or make speech to great
reason, who contend
may recruit sooner than we can do. How then, master O. Ne'er trouble thy head. They know better how
to get victory over us, than how to make use of when they have got it. They will begin to court and flatter us again, to shew their moderation! and still con tinue to employ us in places of power to please us. This was the method used by King Charles all along. Who often had in his power to have crusht us to no thing, and ended what he called our rebellion. This gave us still new strength, and we gained by his advan tages over us, as well as by ours over him. For this shewed us to be the considerable party that must be gra tisied and of whom the government was afraid. This magnisied us in the eyes of the people, till we got them all over to us at last.
They had greater victory over us than all they have gained this summer, when we lost our immortal King William, and her present Majesty ascended the throne,
with an heart entirely English, and who promised to main
gun, as seek to convince those
for power.
£ But when the power
on their side too As by these late mictories, more over us, than over the French; who, am afraid,
they have evidently gained
C 2
it is
by
it is
i a
a
'd
a
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The HEHEARSAL;
,maintain the church of England, as by law established? and to promote those who were constantly zealous for her, . with a •very just regard. We were then under their feet. We were known in the streets. None of us having the ,heart to look above his toes. They needed noLhave/rW
upon the poor worms. We were gasping our last. Even
do'st not remember, then tacked about, to fave our bacon, and laid load upon king Wit- Hum and his ministry, particularly the foreigners, which
J. myself, country-man,
was the language we thought would please. What a
bloody character did I give of the E. of A— le in my
Observators of Dec. z6. and 30, 1702. telling of what vast sums of English money were given him to build his house in Gelderland, which I equall'd almost to Versailles. Then I sell upon the other Dutch favourite the E. of /* nd, and faid, that Jie was not willing to let any body plunder the king / And from what
wonder d what became all the money was raised? And in contempt of these Dutch-men, I faid in mine of Januarys. 1702. That this is but scandalum magnal-um equofum battavorum. And
was given them and others,
of
befides himself.
coming to more private affairs, I could I
tell many
that would the world; andif of
don't
things surprize publish
all (fay I) ,tis not tospare the Iking. And I tell that I had all this from a friend that attended the late king 12 years
together, here and beyond sea, a person os such judgment that nothing escap'd Mm. And I conclude, toshew mj countrymen, how much they have been misted and deluded by men who liv'd at discretion on the publick in the late reign, and gained a popular applause to justify them in their pira cies on the nation s treasure. But that my meaning might be more plainly understood, and to curry favour in time,
To
I prosess 'd in my Observator of Dec. 26. 1 702.
the fate of those worthy members expos'd to publick scandal by execrable wretches in a black list ; and of that god
parliament against which the lecionites drew up their forces. And in my next Observator of Dec. 30. 1 blackin king William ; and call the peace of Refwick, which he
. made, shameful to the English nation. And fay of him,
shart
THe REHEARSAL:
29 he TJVtZS astranger to our country, and knew not the merits
and sufferings of our natives. This was to shew the hap piness of a prince that was English born. Then I add, the neglect of us proceeded from the vertue of the English tri- Umuirate, and other great faints- of little value. And that
We were betray'd and impoverish d in the late reign.
To this condition, country-man, wer« we then reduc'd ! •
to call our best friends execrable wretches; and our
made us- court the very black-list tantivy-men and high-flyers, as worthy members. Nay, we renounc'd-
fears
legion our Goo. Because we thought he could no long er protect us. And had we been but left to our selves a- little longer, without any force, or other ill usage, we-
had dyd away ; we had all been at church, by this time* without occasional conformity. We had been content, and thankful too, to be permitted to live peaceably, without
grasping after power.
But as soon as we were warmed with the rays of royal
favour, and found that we were eitherfeard or lov'dfo'
much, as to be entrusted with a flare of the government y
we immediately got new spirits, and power was again in our view. From that time forth we set our engines on. work to renew the republican principles ; and to blacken, and asperse all of the church interest that were in the mi
nistry, with no obscure reflections upon the fupream au thority. In all which I was employ'd as trumpeter-gene ral, and have taken true pains, because it requires more
lungs than brains.
bince that time, the church has not had such a hit at
us as now. As I faid before, if they know how to make use of it. They may now do what they will. They may
setde the whole ministry in their own hands ; and be rid of our din for ever. For we are never troublesome, but when we have a shareoi the power ; and then we contend for the whole. This we always have done; and ever
will do.
But, alas ! we now cannot so much as sind fault, if
the whole ministry were put into their hands, who have
so well, and
managed
had X
such glorious successes
3
! so* victories
So
The REHEARSAL.
victories charm the people. And the more now, consi dering what rarities they were in the last reign, when we had the administration, and when none of our armies. were commanded by an English, far less a church-man. .
But, on the other side, country-man, if they are afraid of us, and dare not take this advantage they have got against us ; but continue us still in those posts of honour and power that we have : Then what can conquer us, or fave
them ? who are ne'er the nearer for their Victories ; and must be rac'«Vwith their'sirst illsuccess. Which they know . we have both skill and courage to improve. And use not to flip an advantage. We play with cenerous game sters ! who take not what they win ; but must pay what they lose;
C. Thou hast made it out, master. All's our own t we can never lose at this rate, or ever be discourag'd. We live in hope, and the-church. in sear, let them get what victories they will.
Bat since we are thus securely settled, better than by
a£i ofparliament, I would have a little hanging-work, to' clear up this sad day. Thou know'st I'm all for fighting
or har. ging stories. This is the day we keep for the burn ing of London. Was no body hang'd for't since ?
I know not. But there were some
C. What! before it was done ?
O. Yes, five months before.
C. How cou'd that be ?
O. Why, the conspiracy was detected, both for kill
ing the king, and the burning of London, the Aprilbefbrc (he city was burnt, in the year 1 666. Eight of the con
O. before.
hang'd
for't
were taken and try'd at the Old Baily, and hang'd for't. And proclamations were issued out after others of them who fled. The trial of those eight who sufl'er'd was printed. Wherein the evidence was full and
clear against them. And that the 3d of September follow ing was the day appointed by their juncto for the burning And these confpi: faid, that tho' they
Were taken, the design would go on, and London sliould
spirators
The REHEARSAL.
3*' be burnt that fame day ; for it could not be alter'd, be
cause they had cast a scheme for it. And it was burn'd the fame day. For the sire began on the 2d of Septem- tember, about n or 1 2 at night, that it might be well lighted in the morning.
C. I must see that trial. I'll warrant these were
some of the high-Jlying tantivy church-men. They ought all to be hang'd. We shall ne'er be quiet for 'em. Nor then neither.
O. I hear that trial will be re-printed. In the mean time, you may see something of it in the London Ga zettes of Apr. 26 and 30, 1666, Num. 47, 48, 49.
C. Thou hast set me a gog. \ shall not sleep 'till I read these Gazettes. And thou shalt publish them in thy
Observators. We'll turn it upon the bigh-church. Now. we have the dogs in a string.
from &at. Sept. zd, to ^af. Sept. 9, 1 704. N° 6.
Mare of the Fire of London. The Aclors in it. And the Endfor •which it was defigned.
Com. Ty O X take thee for an Obstrvater. If thou serves me facb another trick, my oaken-towel shall
come to thy share.
Ob. How now, country-man, thou'rt grown very resty, of late.
C. Thou sent'st me full speed last Saturday to look for 3 London Gazettes, Numb. 47, 48, 49. In full expec tation to sind that it was the High-church men who> burnt London, or else such a relation of as to give us room to turn upon them. Whereby we hadfunk them for ever. But on my conscience, man, was the True- blue-whigs, the very club who did and, •was me, were bang'd for't.
O. did to try thy zeal, and thy wit. Thy zeal* to see any. thing cou'dy^a^ thee from the good-old
eause^
C 4
if I it
it
'
it ;
it
it,
32-
The REHEAR SAL.
And thy wit, -to see "if thou can'st not yet find,
cause.
way to turn it upon the high-church ?
C. As to my zeal, I'd rather 100 London* were
burnt, than that the cause should miscarry.
wit, I afk thy pardon, the devil can't turn this upon tht church, Mr. Bays.
O. No. No one devil has so muchirave impudence. But Legion has. And has done it.
C. How? Prithee.
O. Why, we have turn'd it upon the Court; and
thou know'st, that's all one with the Church, for they
always keep together ; and the one supports the other. C. That's true. We always sind it so; And there
fore when we down with one, we must dawn with both; But how the devil can'st thou turn it- upon the court? have we any proofs ?
But for my
O. I shall never do good with thee. Thou'rt still . talking of proofs. How oft have I told thee, that we have no need of proofs ? Thou souce-crown, what i» it
that Proofs do prove? . '
C. Why the Truth. What shou'd they prove?
O. Then they detect lies, don't they ?
C. O,* now my understanding begins to- open — Be
sides, what wou'd become ofjealoufies, and fears, and surmises, and innuendoes, ifproofs were requir'd? We shou'd be quite disarm'd, and not have one stone to throw, if proofs come in play.
Therefore go on, my
dear bully.
O. We fay then, that these were honest men who were
hang'd for the sire of London; because they were all of vs. And consequently, that it was a court and fham-
plot, to cast so terrible an odium upon vs.
C. Then the court were the witches, who told of the sire of London, four months before it came to pass. And
nam'd the very day on which it was done !
O. 'Tis easie for managers to be prophets. > C. But they don't use to blab at this rate, and tell
their own designs before-hand.
O. What is that to me ? let them look to that!
C But
The REHEARSAL:
33 C. Æut these poor men. who suffer'd for did con
fess it.
O. They were rogues for that. But no doubt they
Were britid to brib'd the court, as sure as
C. What! briVd to be hangdl
O. Ay, ay, for the good of their wives and chit- -
dren.
C. Some of them were my neighbours. And we faw
. Rone of their wives or children the better for't.
O. They were oblig'd by the court not to make
Jhe•-tu ofit.
C. Does this pass among our people
O. As clear as Lightning for I'll tell thee, country-'
man, we have us'd them so to believing, that they are -
now got beyond any common probability; they care not for it, has no relish upon their palate, which has beerr
so long seasood with haut-govsts. And lie that wou'd choak others, go's down with them as glib as chicken- hroth. And the greater the lie the surer 'the truth of
They examine not what told them, but from whom comes* We cannot invent any thing they will not
believe. Nor the churchmen prove any thing by ten thousand- demonstrations, and facts as clear as tha fun, which they will believe. And the more they prove, you must believe the less. La ye," countryman, be sure
there's some trick in'r, when they come to proving.
C. " I'll ^varrant ye, master, they shall ne'er catch me
believing ot not believing, but as serves the cause.
O. Without this qualisication, no body can serve it^
Therefore, countryman, we go on, and still keep up the cry of the sire of London. No longer ago than last
week, we publiih'd book intitul'd, 'The Protestant Je- ' suiteUnmast/d, where, 43. we bring in the Lauditci
gun
and High-flyers, (with Englishisz. es, and Romish hearts) as concern'd in the popisk-plot: And add, might men
tion the fire London and that these taken on that Recount, were generally favour and dismiss without-
. being brought to Trial. This, with the inscription which • . oar dear Sir Patience Ward put upon the monument, in
'
d
of
a.
it,
p. ;
is
by
/ 'd,
a
?
'
it
it
it •
a
!
!
it, a
34
The REHEARSAL.
his mayoralty, in the time of the popish-plot ; and re- new'd in the mayoralty of our Right trusty Sir Thomas Pilkington, in the last reign, when we were trump, is a full and absolute proof.
C. Enough! enough! we have enough! it is' as plain as a pike-staff. It was the Laudites and High-church that £«r«/ London. And those who suffer'd for it were martyrs. And shall be put in red-letters, in Our next year's calendar of Partridge's Almanack, where w- colourd saints are inlisted, the martyrs of Legion.
O. When thou'rt in a coffee-house or so, fay; Did not the Dissenters and Whigs in London sufser as much by the jSw , in their proportion, as other ? And who can
think they wou'd . 'be so , mad as to bum their own
bouses ?
C. May. not the fame be faid of the church -men, and
the very papists, who suffer' d too in their proportion t 0-\ Thou'rt a very troublesome sellow. Never waa Bays so tormented. Thou spoil'st all my //d/i-. I'll talk
H9? more with thee, ifthou be asking questions.
But what proportion had the Papishes in London to us ?
There I have thee 'again.
C. But the church-men had a greater proportion, than
both of us put together. Therefore this will clear them more than us. Besides, a man's all is his all. And though it be less than another man's, yet it is as much to him. Wou'd a man set fire to his own house to bum his neighbours, tho' it were a higger house than his?
O. Am I bound to answer all thy silly questions? But the km/ of the papishes and high-flyers is such, that they would '. destroy themselves, to destroy others : any thing for old mother church. ,
C. And have. not we steal as well as, they? Wou'd not we do as much for our puss, as they for their church? . And have we not done it ? For de-throning and murder ing of kings, and silling nations with blood and destruc
tion ; we'll compare (for our time, and in our proportion) with Mahomet himself, or any popish and high-flier of '«m all.
3>id'nft
The REHEARSAL:
35
Did'nsl thou recommend zeal to me, as the chief en gine to curry on the cause ; and which wou'd prevail all the lew and reason on the church's side, and run
down? Such an implicit and blind zeal, as nei ther to believe, hear, nor y«, but as I'm iiV/ And now woud'st thou take from us, and give it to them ? to our enemies, to the church ? Then they wou'd soon
be high-church indeed ! and our legion sent into the herd of swine ! we shou'd not stand an hour before them, if
they had zeal I
O. I did not mean, that all the papishes and high-fliers
had that to destroy themselves, to hurt others, to '
Burn the city, tho' their own houses must perish with the
rest : but only,- that the chief managers and conspirators
had that zeal. For example, country-man, suppose thee and I had now such a defign in our heads, and thought
the destruction of London so necessary to our saa/J, as that the loss of particular persons of our own side ought to
be dispens'd with, for a much greater mischief to out enemies : Do'st think we wou'd go and tell all these par ticular persons of it ? No, I'll warrant thee, some of them wou'd have a mind to fave their own houses. And our plot wpu'd soon take ain We cou'd repair our
friends losses afterwards, if we gain'd our point. And they must run a hazard as well as we. Is it not the fame case in a battle ? we must expect to lose friends. And must put some upon desperate posts' t
Now, countryman, let thee and { talk coolly. Why shbu'd it be thought strange, that we who set three na- t:yis in a flame, shdu'd scruple the bursting of one to-ix-n, for the carrying on of. the fame cause? we who sought aid of the French king agaiftst king Charles I. why Jhou'd we not join with the States of Holland against king Charles If. ' Especially considering, that there was open war then betwixt them, at that time when London was burnt. And he was our enemy, having cheated us at his restoration, to which some of Us contributed, in
what manner, and for what ends thou know'st '•,>- He
burnt oar covenant by the hands of the' common " C6 - mem
26
The REHEARS AL. '
man : and set up ipiscopacy (which that and we abjur'd) openly and above-board. We had been engag'd in se-
veral plots against him, from the day of his restoration- to that time. For which he hang'd some of us, and o-- thers fled to Holland, where they were at the time of this - war, and took service with the States. All which was fairly a declaration of war against him. And therefore,
was no treachery in us. These acted in concert with'
the council of our great ones that fat in London, from
twhom ijfud all orders ; which council receiv'd their dircifltorz- from another in Holland who sat with the States, as it. was fully prov'd at the trial of our aforefaid martyrs,.
and is express'd in these very words, the. London Ga
zette of April 30, 1666.
C. But tho' the design was both 'just and honest, as-
well in us, as in the States, being the time of •war Yet- in us, will look very barbarous to be in plot to- hum the whole city London, almost exhausted by the.
plague the year, before,- the effects of which lay heavy- upon the nation, upon London more especially, as well as- the war,,. That one would thmk there needed no new calamities to . be added to these shew us to be divested'' of s\\'iowels towards our own native country.
O. No, country-man, as have vindicated the justice .
of our undertaking, se will engage to shew, that this was the most merciful method we cou'd have taken. For,
look ye, country-man, we had succeeded in our enter~ prize of iilling the King, and the Lord General, of seiz
ing the Tcwer, and the King's guards, as was design'd,; . which you will see in the forefaid Gazette, the conster
nation had been so great, and no body to have headed the church party and the whole town in sire about their ears, at. the fame time; that we might, without any oppofition or blood-Jhed have seized the government.
And then have strong party here, back'd with our al lies in Holland, then in war with England; what cou'd
have withstood us Then had our puss been set upi and establis/od, all at once. And had not this been with
insinitely less and destruction W the nation, than
it
a ? ;
if
of
II
!
It
it
a
:
in.
Tie REHEARSAL:
37 «ost us to set her up against King Charles I. who wou'd
not suffer us to Ao it quietly ; ana so was the cause of all
the blood and deflation that sollow'd ! And if our defign-, so well laid, had taken effect in the other parts of it, ar well as in that of burning the city, the nation had been freed from all those plots and conspiracies with which we nave vex'd it ever since, and ever must, 'till we get in to the faddle again. We had then extirpated the whole race of the Stuarts, as we resolvd at. the Rye-house, if that. had succeeded. And as. we still resolve, and are not
afraid to publish this (ame. year in prints in Faction Display 'd, Part second, wherein we
slpplaud the jusl and more approiid defign,
Of quite exploding that
Line.
Which if we had done at thefire of London, there had1
detested
been no revolution in 1688, nor any wars succeeding upon that, which has cost the nation so much //Wand
All this had been fav'd. And wou'd not the sre os London have been cheap bargain for all this
struction of the church; who would never set fire on
their own temples. The papists had no foreign power ready to have fav'd their small numbers in England from an univerfal massacre, the least umbrage of this had appear against them. If the like had appear against them, as was provd upon our martyrs, and consess'd by them, we had been upon the bones of every one of them in the nation. The sword ofjustice sh'ou'd have had no trouble with them. And no papist after that, wou'd ever have been permitted, our laws, to live in Eng land. Therefore since all the probability and proof lies
against us, think we had best leave off charging o-- thers with and e'en suppose was done by chance.
O. Chance/ how can that be When was detected, • prov'J, and confess'd four months before, and the very
day nam'd on which was done.
C. Then we have rais'd a devil I'm afraid will pass
«ur sitill to lay. Of which at another opportunity. . ,
treasure.
C. It plain that no other interest but ours cou'd be serv'd the burning of London. was to the de
From
. "
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it
it
if a
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by is
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by
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,
38
The
REHEARSAL;
From &flt. Sept. 9, to &at. Sept. 16, 1704. N°
The Observator's treatment of two great- Persons. And bis
Of tie Thanksgiving Day. Cathedral Service. arraigning of the Government.
OÆ. TT THERE wast thou, country -man,
on Thursday ?
YV
Coun. What ? the Thanksgiving-Day ?
O. Ay, ay, the Scw-day ! Did'st thou see it ?
sennight, the 7th of this instant
Twas ' a. sad day for us, to see the queen and the court ride so
triumphantly to Poults (our old stable) for a church vic tory. We had no such superstitious doings in the last reign. Our glorious K. William never set his foot with
in that cathedral as they call it. He had a chapel of his own. Why such respect to cathedrals ! 'tis a popish invention. Old picked beard us'd to ride after this man ner, to this fame Pouts, to give thanks on solemn occa sions, as for the birth of his son Pius, &c And why to
Pouss ? because, forsooth, there is the bishop his cathe dral or throne: And they come thither to pay their ho mage to him, as the head and centre of unity in his own
And therefore his throne is set highest above them all. Even above my Lord Mayor. Is not all this •
rank popery ?
C. Rank! rank! master. Therefore in our reforma-
tion we turn'd 'em all out of that fame Pouss, their bi
shops and king, and aU together. And gave it to our horses. It made a brave large stable for our red-coat-
saints. And we hope to see it so again. We de/Pd their high-places for 'em, their house of Baal, and made
it a draught-house, O that we cou'd fay, even unto this day !
Who minds answers. 'Tis the weakest side that answers. They are the desendants. And it is the attacking party carries it, ten to one.
That martyr and bead of the church in forty-one-time* whom we made a calves- head of, was full ofhis answer ing. And what did we return to his fine well-pennd declarations and messaces, full of reason, law, and all that ? the more of that we found in we answer 'd
with more insolent and bold resolve. And we carry it. For that shew'd we had power. And the lels reason that power gives, the greater. You may as well preach in battle, or make speech to great
reason, who contend
may recruit sooner than we can do. How then, master O. Ne'er trouble thy head. They know better how
to get victory over us, than how to make use of when they have got it. They will begin to court and flatter us again, to shew their moderation! and still con tinue to employ us in places of power to please us. This was the method used by King Charles all along. Who often had in his power to have crusht us to no thing, and ended what he called our rebellion. This gave us still new strength, and we gained by his advan tages over us, as well as by ours over him. For this shewed us to be the considerable party that must be gra tisied and of whom the government was afraid. This magnisied us in the eyes of the people, till we got them all over to us at last.
They had greater victory over us than all they have gained this summer, when we lost our immortal King William, and her present Majesty ascended the throne,
with an heart entirely English, and who promised to main
gun, as seek to convince those
for power.
£ But when the power
on their side too As by these late mictories, more over us, than over the French; who, am afraid,
they have evidently gained
C 2
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by
it is
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The HEHEARSAL;
,maintain the church of England, as by law established? and to promote those who were constantly zealous for her, . with a •very just regard. We were then under their feet. We were known in the streets. None of us having the ,heart to look above his toes. They needed noLhave/rW
upon the poor worms. We were gasping our last. Even
do'st not remember, then tacked about, to fave our bacon, and laid load upon king Wit- Hum and his ministry, particularly the foreigners, which
J. myself, country-man,
was the language we thought would please. What a
bloody character did I give of the E. of A— le in my
Observators of Dec. z6. and 30, 1702. telling of what vast sums of English money were given him to build his house in Gelderland, which I equall'd almost to Versailles. Then I sell upon the other Dutch favourite the E. of /* nd, and faid, that Jie was not willing to let any body plunder the king / And from what
wonder d what became all the money was raised? And in contempt of these Dutch-men, I faid in mine of Januarys. 1702. That this is but scandalum magnal-um equofum battavorum. And
was given them and others,
of
befides himself.
coming to more private affairs, I could I
tell many
that would the world; andif of
don't
things surprize publish
all (fay I) ,tis not tospare the Iking. And I tell that I had all this from a friend that attended the late king 12 years
together, here and beyond sea, a person os such judgment that nothing escap'd Mm. And I conclude, toshew mj countrymen, how much they have been misted and deluded by men who liv'd at discretion on the publick in the late reign, and gained a popular applause to justify them in their pira cies on the nation s treasure. But that my meaning might be more plainly understood, and to curry favour in time,
To
I prosess 'd in my Observator of Dec. 26. 1 702.
the fate of those worthy members expos'd to publick scandal by execrable wretches in a black list ; and of that god
parliament against which the lecionites drew up their forces. And in my next Observator of Dec. 30. 1 blackin king William ; and call the peace of Refwick, which he
. made, shameful to the English nation. And fay of him,
shart
THe REHEARSAL:
29 he TJVtZS astranger to our country, and knew not the merits
and sufferings of our natives. This was to shew the hap piness of a prince that was English born. Then I add, the neglect of us proceeded from the vertue of the English tri- Umuirate, and other great faints- of little value. And that
We were betray'd and impoverish d in the late reign.
To this condition, country-man, wer« we then reduc'd ! •
to call our best friends execrable wretches; and our
made us- court the very black-list tantivy-men and high-flyers, as worthy members. Nay, we renounc'd-
fears
legion our Goo. Because we thought he could no long er protect us. And had we been but left to our selves a- little longer, without any force, or other ill usage, we-
had dyd away ; we had all been at church, by this time* without occasional conformity. We had been content, and thankful too, to be permitted to live peaceably, without
grasping after power.
But as soon as we were warmed with the rays of royal
favour, and found that we were eitherfeard or lov'dfo'
much, as to be entrusted with a flare of the government y
we immediately got new spirits, and power was again in our view. From that time forth we set our engines on. work to renew the republican principles ; and to blacken, and asperse all of the church interest that were in the mi
nistry, with no obscure reflections upon the fupream au thority. In all which I was employ'd as trumpeter-gene ral, and have taken true pains, because it requires more
lungs than brains.
bince that time, the church has not had such a hit at
us as now. As I faid before, if they know how to make use of it. They may now do what they will. They may
setde the whole ministry in their own hands ; and be rid of our din for ever. For we are never troublesome, but when we have a shareoi the power ; and then we contend for the whole. This we always have done; and ever
will do.
But, alas ! we now cannot so much as sind fault, if
the whole ministry were put into their hands, who have
so well, and
managed
had X
such glorious successes
3
! so* victories
So
The REHEARSAL.
victories charm the people. And the more now, consi dering what rarities they were in the last reign, when we had the administration, and when none of our armies. were commanded by an English, far less a church-man. .
But, on the other side, country-man, if they are afraid of us, and dare not take this advantage they have got against us ; but continue us still in those posts of honour and power that we have : Then what can conquer us, or fave
them ? who are ne'er the nearer for their Victories ; and must be rac'«Vwith their'sirst illsuccess. Which they know . we have both skill and courage to improve. And use not to flip an advantage. We play with cenerous game sters ! who take not what they win ; but must pay what they lose;
C. Thou hast made it out, master. All's our own t we can never lose at this rate, or ever be discourag'd. We live in hope, and the-church. in sear, let them get what victories they will.
Bat since we are thus securely settled, better than by
a£i ofparliament, I would have a little hanging-work, to' clear up this sad day. Thou know'st I'm all for fighting
or har. ging stories. This is the day we keep for the burn ing of London. Was no body hang'd for't since ?
I know not. But there were some
C. What! before it was done ?
O. Yes, five months before.
C. How cou'd that be ?
O. Why, the conspiracy was detected, both for kill
ing the king, and the burning of London, the Aprilbefbrc (he city was burnt, in the year 1 666. Eight of the con
O. before.
hang'd
for't
were taken and try'd at the Old Baily, and hang'd for't. And proclamations were issued out after others of them who fled. The trial of those eight who sufl'er'd was printed. Wherein the evidence was full and
clear against them. And that the 3d of September follow ing was the day appointed by their juncto for the burning And these confpi: faid, that tho' they
Were taken, the design would go on, and London sliould
spirators
The REHEARSAL.
3*' be burnt that fame day ; for it could not be alter'd, be
cause they had cast a scheme for it. And it was burn'd the fame day. For the sire began on the 2d of Septem- tember, about n or 1 2 at night, that it might be well lighted in the morning.
C. I must see that trial. I'll warrant these were
some of the high-Jlying tantivy church-men. They ought all to be hang'd. We shall ne'er be quiet for 'em. Nor then neither.
O. I hear that trial will be re-printed. In the mean time, you may see something of it in the London Ga zettes of Apr. 26 and 30, 1666, Num. 47, 48, 49.
C. Thou hast set me a gog. \ shall not sleep 'till I read these Gazettes. And thou shalt publish them in thy
Observators. We'll turn it upon the bigh-church. Now. we have the dogs in a string.
from &at. Sept. zd, to ^af. Sept. 9, 1 704. N° 6.
Mare of the Fire of London. The Aclors in it. And the Endfor •which it was defigned.
Com. Ty O X take thee for an Obstrvater. If thou serves me facb another trick, my oaken-towel shall
come to thy share.
Ob. How now, country-man, thou'rt grown very resty, of late.
C. Thou sent'st me full speed last Saturday to look for 3 London Gazettes, Numb. 47, 48, 49. In full expec tation to sind that it was the High-church men who> burnt London, or else such a relation of as to give us room to turn upon them. Whereby we hadfunk them for ever. But on my conscience, man, was the True- blue-whigs, the very club who did and, •was me, were bang'd for't.
O. did to try thy zeal, and thy wit. Thy zeal* to see any. thing cou'dy^a^ thee from the good-old
eause^
C 4
if I it
it
'
it ;
it
it,
32-
The REHEAR SAL.
And thy wit, -to see "if thou can'st not yet find,
cause.
way to turn it upon the high-church ?
C. As to my zeal, I'd rather 100 London* were
burnt, than that the cause should miscarry.
wit, I afk thy pardon, the devil can't turn this upon tht church, Mr. Bays.
O. No. No one devil has so muchirave impudence. But Legion has. And has done it.
C. How? Prithee.
O. Why, we have turn'd it upon the Court; and
thou know'st, that's all one with the Church, for they
always keep together ; and the one supports the other. C. That's true. We always sind it so; And there
fore when we down with one, we must dawn with both; But how the devil can'st thou turn it- upon the court? have we any proofs ?
But for my
O. I shall never do good with thee. Thou'rt still . talking of proofs. How oft have I told thee, that we have no need of proofs ? Thou souce-crown, what i» it
that Proofs do prove? . '
C. Why the Truth. What shou'd they prove?
O. Then they detect lies, don't they ?
C. O,* now my understanding begins to- open — Be
sides, what wou'd become ofjealoufies, and fears, and surmises, and innuendoes, ifproofs were requir'd? We shou'd be quite disarm'd, and not have one stone to throw, if proofs come in play.
Therefore go on, my
dear bully.
O. We fay then, that these were honest men who were
hang'd for the sire of London; because they were all of vs. And consequently, that it was a court and fham-
plot, to cast so terrible an odium upon vs.
C. Then the court were the witches, who told of the sire of London, four months before it came to pass. And
nam'd the very day on which it was done !
O. 'Tis easie for managers to be prophets. > C. But they don't use to blab at this rate, and tell
their own designs before-hand.
O. What is that to me ? let them look to that!
C But
The REHEARSAL:
33 C. Æut these poor men. who suffer'd for did con
fess it.
O. They were rogues for that. But no doubt they
Were britid to brib'd the court, as sure as
C. What! briVd to be hangdl
O. Ay, ay, for the good of their wives and chit- -
dren.
C. Some of them were my neighbours. And we faw
. Rone of their wives or children the better for't.
O. They were oblig'd by the court not to make
Jhe•-tu ofit.
C. Does this pass among our people
O. As clear as Lightning for I'll tell thee, country-'
man, we have us'd them so to believing, that they are -
now got beyond any common probability; they care not for it, has no relish upon their palate, which has beerr
so long seasood with haut-govsts. And lie that wou'd choak others, go's down with them as glib as chicken- hroth. And the greater the lie the surer 'the truth of
They examine not what told them, but from whom comes* We cannot invent any thing they will not
believe. Nor the churchmen prove any thing by ten thousand- demonstrations, and facts as clear as tha fun, which they will believe. And the more they prove, you must believe the less. La ye," countryman, be sure
there's some trick in'r, when they come to proving.
C. " I'll ^varrant ye, master, they shall ne'er catch me
believing ot not believing, but as serves the cause.
O. Without this qualisication, no body can serve it^
Therefore, countryman, we go on, and still keep up the cry of the sire of London. No longer ago than last
week, we publiih'd book intitul'd, 'The Protestant Je- ' suiteUnmast/d, where, 43. we bring in the Lauditci
gun
and High-flyers, (with Englishisz. es, and Romish hearts) as concern'd in the popisk-plot: And add, might men
tion the fire London and that these taken on that Recount, were generally favour and dismiss without-
. being brought to Trial. This, with the inscription which • . oar dear Sir Patience Ward put upon the monument, in
'
d
of
a.
it,
p. ;
is
by
/ 'd,
a
?
'
it
it
it •
a
!
!
it, a
34
The REHEARSAL.
his mayoralty, in the time of the popish-plot ; and re- new'd in the mayoralty of our Right trusty Sir Thomas Pilkington, in the last reign, when we were trump, is a full and absolute proof.
C. Enough! enough! we have enough! it is' as plain as a pike-staff. It was the Laudites and High-church that £«r«/ London. And those who suffer'd for it were martyrs. And shall be put in red-letters, in Our next year's calendar of Partridge's Almanack, where w- colourd saints are inlisted, the martyrs of Legion.
O. When thou'rt in a coffee-house or so, fay; Did not the Dissenters and Whigs in London sufser as much by the jSw , in their proportion, as other ? And who can
think they wou'd . 'be so , mad as to bum their own
bouses ?
C. May. not the fame be faid of the church -men, and
the very papists, who suffer' d too in their proportion t 0-\ Thou'rt a very troublesome sellow. Never waa Bays so tormented. Thou spoil'st all my //d/i-. I'll talk
H9? more with thee, ifthou be asking questions.
But what proportion had the Papishes in London to us ?
There I have thee 'again.
C. But the church-men had a greater proportion, than
both of us put together. Therefore this will clear them more than us. Besides, a man's all is his all. And though it be less than another man's, yet it is as much to him. Wou'd a man set fire to his own house to bum his neighbours, tho' it were a higger house than his?
O. Am I bound to answer all thy silly questions? But the km/ of the papishes and high-flyers is such, that they would '. destroy themselves, to destroy others : any thing for old mother church. ,
C. And have. not we steal as well as, they? Wou'd not we do as much for our puss, as they for their church? . And have we not done it ? For de-throning and murder ing of kings, and silling nations with blood and destruc
tion ; we'll compare (for our time, and in our proportion) with Mahomet himself, or any popish and high-flier of '«m all.
3>id'nft
The REHEARSAL:
35
Did'nsl thou recommend zeal to me, as the chief en gine to curry on the cause ; and which wou'd prevail all the lew and reason on the church's side, and run
down? Such an implicit and blind zeal, as nei ther to believe, hear, nor y«, but as I'm iiV/ And now woud'st thou take from us, and give it to them ? to our enemies, to the church ? Then they wou'd soon
be high-church indeed ! and our legion sent into the herd of swine ! we shou'd not stand an hour before them, if
they had zeal I
O. I did not mean, that all the papishes and high-fliers
had that to destroy themselves, to hurt others, to '
Burn the city, tho' their own houses must perish with the
rest : but only,- that the chief managers and conspirators
had that zeal. For example, country-man, suppose thee and I had now such a defign in our heads, and thought
the destruction of London so necessary to our saa/J, as that the loss of particular persons of our own side ought to
be dispens'd with, for a much greater mischief to out enemies : Do'st think we wou'd go and tell all these par ticular persons of it ? No, I'll warrant thee, some of them wou'd have a mind to fave their own houses. And our plot wpu'd soon take ain We cou'd repair our
friends losses afterwards, if we gain'd our point. And they must run a hazard as well as we. Is it not the fame case in a battle ? we must expect to lose friends. And must put some upon desperate posts' t
Now, countryman, let thee and { talk coolly. Why shbu'd it be thought strange, that we who set three na- t:yis in a flame, shdu'd scruple the bursting of one to-ix-n, for the carrying on of. the fame cause? we who sought aid of the French king agaiftst king Charles I. why Jhou'd we not join with the States of Holland against king Charles If. ' Especially considering, that there was open war then betwixt them, at that time when London was burnt. And he was our enemy, having cheated us at his restoration, to which some of Us contributed, in
what manner, and for what ends thou know'st '•,>- He
burnt oar covenant by the hands of the' common " C6 - mem
26
The REHEARS AL. '
man : and set up ipiscopacy (which that and we abjur'd) openly and above-board. We had been engag'd in se-
veral plots against him, from the day of his restoration- to that time. For which he hang'd some of us, and o-- thers fled to Holland, where they were at the time of this - war, and took service with the States. All which was fairly a declaration of war against him. And therefore,
was no treachery in us. These acted in concert with'
the council of our great ones that fat in London, from
twhom ijfud all orders ; which council receiv'd their dircifltorz- from another in Holland who sat with the States, as it. was fully prov'd at the trial of our aforefaid martyrs,.
and is express'd in these very words, the. London Ga
zette of April 30, 1666.
C. But tho' the design was both 'just and honest, as-
well in us, as in the States, being the time of •war Yet- in us, will look very barbarous to be in plot to- hum the whole city London, almost exhausted by the.
plague the year, before,- the effects of which lay heavy- upon the nation, upon London more especially, as well as- the war,,. That one would thmk there needed no new calamities to . be added to these shew us to be divested'' of s\\'iowels towards our own native country.
O. No, country-man, as have vindicated the justice .
of our undertaking, se will engage to shew, that this was the most merciful method we cou'd have taken. For,
look ye, country-man, we had succeeded in our enter~ prize of iilling the King, and the Lord General, of seiz
ing the Tcwer, and the King's guards, as was design'd,; . which you will see in the forefaid Gazette, the conster
nation had been so great, and no body to have headed the church party and the whole town in sire about their ears, at. the fame time; that we might, without any oppofition or blood-Jhed have seized the government.
And then have strong party here, back'd with our al lies in Holland, then in war with England; what cou'd
have withstood us Then had our puss been set upi and establis/od, all at once. And had not this been with
insinitely less and destruction W the nation, than
it
a ? ;
if
of
II
!
It
it
a
:
in.
Tie REHEARSAL:
37 «ost us to set her up against King Charles I. who wou'd
not suffer us to Ao it quietly ; ana so was the cause of all
the blood and deflation that sollow'd ! And if our defign-, so well laid, had taken effect in the other parts of it, ar well as in that of burning the city, the nation had been freed from all those plots and conspiracies with which we nave vex'd it ever since, and ever must, 'till we get in to the faddle again. We had then extirpated the whole race of the Stuarts, as we resolvd at. the Rye-house, if that. had succeeded. And as. we still resolve, and are not
afraid to publish this (ame. year in prints in Faction Display 'd, Part second, wherein we
slpplaud the jusl and more approiid defign,
Of quite exploding that
Line.
Which if we had done at thefire of London, there had1
detested
been no revolution in 1688, nor any wars succeeding upon that, which has cost the nation so much //Wand
All this had been fav'd. And wou'd not the sre os London have been cheap bargain for all this
struction of the church; who would never set fire on
their own temples. The papists had no foreign power ready to have fav'd their small numbers in England from an univerfal massacre, the least umbrage of this had appear against them. If the like had appear against them, as was provd upon our martyrs, and consess'd by them, we had been upon the bones of every one of them in the nation. The sword ofjustice sh'ou'd have had no trouble with them. And no papist after that, wou'd ever have been permitted, our laws, to live in Eng land. Therefore since all the probability and proof lies
against us, think we had best leave off charging o-- thers with and e'en suppose was done by chance.
O. Chance/ how can that be When was detected, • prov'J, and confess'd four months before, and the very
day nam'd on which was done.
C. Then we have rais'd a devil I'm afraid will pass
«ur sitill to lay. Of which at another opportunity. . ,
treasure.
C. It plain that no other interest but ours cou'd be serv'd the burning of London. was to the de
From
. "
*
it
it
if a
?
W, I ,
'd
by is
it
It 'd
by
?
it,
,
38
The
REHEARSAL;
From &flt. Sept. 9, to &at. Sept. 16, 1704. N°
The Observator's treatment of two great- Persons. And bis
Of tie Thanksgiving Day. Cathedral Service. arraigning of the Government.
OÆ. TT THERE wast thou, country -man,
on Thursday ?
YV
Coun. What ? the Thanksgiving-Day ?
O. Ay, ay, the Scw-day ! Did'st thou see it ?
sennight, the 7th of this instant
Twas ' a. sad day for us, to see the queen and the court ride so
triumphantly to Poults (our old stable) for a church vic tory. We had no such superstitious doings in the last reign. Our glorious K. William never set his foot with
in that cathedral as they call it. He had a chapel of his own. Why such respect to cathedrals ! 'tis a popish invention. Old picked beard us'd to ride after this man ner, to this fame Pouts, to give thanks on solemn occa sions, as for the birth of his son Pius, &c And why to
Pouss ? because, forsooth, there is the bishop his cathe dral or throne: And they come thither to pay their ho mage to him, as the head and centre of unity in his own
And therefore his throne is set highest above them all. Even above my Lord Mayor. Is not all this •
rank popery ?
C. Rank! rank! master. Therefore in our reforma-
tion we turn'd 'em all out of that fame Pouss, their bi
shops and king, and aU together. And gave it to our horses. It made a brave large stable for our red-coat-
saints. And we hope to see it so again. We de/Pd their high-places for 'em, their house of Baal, and made
it a draught-house, O that we cou'd fay, even unto this day !
