No More Learning

368.
The Talent for Friendship. —Two types
are distinguished amongst people who have a
special faculty for friendship. The one is ever on
the ascent, and for every phase of his development
he finds a friend exactly suited to him. The series
of friends which he thus acquires is seldom a con-
sistent one, and is sometimes at variance and in
contradiction, entirely in accordance with the fact
that the later phases of his development neutralise
or prejudice the earlier phases. Such a man may
jestingly be called a ladder. The other type is
represented by him who exercises an attractive in-
fluence on very different charactersand endowments,
so that he wins a whole circle of friends; these,
however, are thereby brought voluntarily into



## p. 287 (#409) ############################################

MAN IN SOCIETY. 287
friendly relations with one another in spite of all
differences. Such a man may be called ^circle, for
this homogeneousness of such different tempera-
ments and natures must somehow be typified in
him. Furthermore, the faculty for having good
friends is greater in many people than the faculty
for being a good friend.
369.
Tactics in Conversation. —After a conver-
sation with a person one is best pleased with him
when one has had an opportunity of exhibiting
one's intelligence and amiability in all its glory.
Shrewd people who wish to impress a person favour-
ably make use of this circumstance, they provide
him with the best opportunities for making a good
joke, and so on in conversation. An amusing
conversation might be imagined between two
very shrewd persons, each wishing to impress the
other favourably, and therefore each throwing to
the other the finest chances in conversation, which
neither of them accepted, so that the conversation
on the whole might turn out spiritless and unat-
tractive because each assigned to the other the
opportunity of being witty and charming.
370.
Discharge of Indignation. — The man
who meets with a failure attributes this failure
rather to the ill-will of another than to fate.


## p. 288 (#410) ############################################

288 HUMAN, ALL-TOO-HUMAN.

His irritated feelings are alleviated by think-
ing that a person and not a thing is the cause
of his failure; for he can revenge himself on
persons, but is obliged to swallow down the injuries
of fate. Therefore when anything has miscarried
with a prince, those about him are accustomed to
point out some individual as the ostensible cause,
who is sacrificed in the interests of all the courtiers;
for otherwise the prince's indignation would, vent
itself on them all, as he can take no revenge on
the Goddess of Destiny herself.
371-
Assuming the Colours of the Environ-
ment. —Why are likes and dislikes so contagious
that we can hardly live near a very sensitive person
without being filled, like a hogshead, with his fors
and againsts? In the first place, complete forbear-
ance of judgment is very difficult, and sometimes
absolutely intolerable to our vanity; it has the
same appearance as poverty of thought and
sentiment, or as timidity and unmanliness; and so
we are, at least, driven on to take a side, perhaps
contrary to our environment, if this attitude gives
greater pleasure to our pride. As a rule, however,—
and this is the second point,—we are not conscious
of the transition from indifference to liking or
disliking, but we gradually accustom ourselves to
the sentiments of our environment, and because
sympathetic agreement and acquiescence are so
agreeable, we soon wear all the signs and party-
colours of our surroundings.


## p. 289 (#411) ############################################

MAN IN SOCIETY. 289
372.
IRONY. —Irony is only permissible as a peda-
gogic expedient, on the part of a teacher when
dealing with his pupils; its purpose is to humble
and to shame, but in the wholesome way that
causes good resolutions to spring up and teaches
people to show honour and gratitude, as they would
to a doctor, to him who has so treated them. The
ironical man pretends to be ignorant, and does it
so well that the pupils conversing with him are
deceived, and in their firm belief in their own
superior knowledge they grow bold and expose all
their weak points; they lose their cautiousness and
reveal themselves as they are,—until all of a sudden
the light which they have held up to the teacher's
face casts its rays back very humiliatingly upon
themselves. Where such a relation, as that between
teacher and pupil, does not exist, irony is a rudeness
and a vulgar conceit. All ironical writers count on
the silly species of human beings, who like to feel
themselves superior to all others in common with
the author himself, whom they look upon as the
mouthpiece of their arrogance. Moreover, the habit
of irony, like that of sarcasm, spoils the character;
it gradually fosters the quality of a malicious
superiority; one finally grows like a snappy dog,
that has learnt to laugh as well as to bite.
373-
Arrogance. —There is nothing one should so
guard against as the growth of the weed called


## p. 290 (#412) ############################################



290
HUMAN, ALL-TOO-HUMAN.
arrogance, which spoils all one's good harvest; for
there is arrogance in cordiality, in showing honour,
in kindly familiarity, in caressing, in friendly
counsel, in acknowledgment of faults, in sympathy
for others,—and all these fine things arouse aversion
when the weed in question grows up among them.
The arrogant man—that is to say, he who desires
to appear more than he is or passes for—always
miscalculates. It is true that he obtains a momen-
tary success, inasmuch as those with whom he is
arrogant generally give him the amount of honour
that he demands, owing to fear or for the sake of
convenience; but they take a bad revenge for it,
inasmuch as they subtract from the value which
they hitherto attached to him just as much as he
demands above that amount. There is nothing for
which men ask to be paid dearer than for humilia-
tion. The arrogant man can make his really great
merit so suspicious and small in the eyes of others
that they tread on it with dusty feet. If at all,
we should only allow ourselves a proud manner
where we are quite sure of not being misunder-
stood and considered as arrogant; as, for
instance, with friends and wives. For in social
intercourse there is no greater folly than to acquire
a reputation for arrogance; it is still worse than
not having learnt to deceive politely.
374-
Tete-A-Tete—Private conversation is the
perfect conversation, because everything the one
person says receives its particular colouring, its


## p. 291 (#413) ############################################

MAN IN SOCIETY. 291
tone, and its accompanying gestures out of strict
consideration for the other person engaged in the
conversation, it therefore corresponds to what takes
place in intercourse by letter, viz. , that one and
the same person exhibits ten kinds of psychical
expression, according as he writes now to this
individual and now to that one. In duologue there
is only a single refraction of thought; the person
conversed with produces it, as the mirror in whom
we want to behold our thoughts anew in their
finest form. But how is it when there are two or
three, or even more persons conversing with one?
Conversation then necessarily loses something of
its individualising subtlety, different considerations
thwart and neutralise each other; the style which
pleases one does not suit the taste of another.
In intercourse with several individuals a person is
therefore to withdraw within himself and represent
facts as they are; but he has also to remove from
the subjects the pulsating ether of humanity
which makes conversation one of the pleasantest
things in the world. Listen only to the tone
in which those who mingle with whole groups of
men are in the habit of speaking; it is as if
the fundamental base of all speech were, "It is
myself \ I say this, so make what you will of it! "
That is the reason why clever ladies usually leave
a singular, painful, and forbidding impression on
those who have met them in society; it is the
talking to many people, before many people, that
robs them of all intellectual amiability and shows
only their conscious dependence on themselves,
their tactics, and their intention of gaining a


## p. 292 (#414) ############################################

_;*»? g! fj;0. "
292
HUMAN, ALL-TOO-HUMAN.
public victory in full light; whilst in a private
conversation the same ladies become womanly
again, and recover their intellectual grace and
charm.
375-
Posthumous Fame. —There is sense in hoping
for recognition in a distant future only when we
take it for granted that mankind will remain
essentially unchanged, and that whatever is great
is not for one age only but will be looked upon
as great for all time. But this is an error. In
all their sentiments and judgments concerning
what is good and beautiful mankind have greatly
changed; it is mere fantasy to imagine one's self
to be a mile ahead, and that the whole of mankind
is coming our way. Besides, a scholar who is
misjudged may at present reckon with certainty
that his discovery will be made by others, and
that, at best, it will be allowed to him later on by
some historian that he also already knew this or
that but was not in a position to secure the recog-
nition of his knowledge. Not to be recognised
is always interpreted by posterity as lack of power.
In short, one should not so readily speak in favour
of haughty solitude. There are, however, ex-
ceptional cases; but it is chiefly our faults, weak-
ness, and follies that hinder the recognition of our
great qualities.
376.
Of Friends. —Just consider with thyself how
different are the feelings, how divided are the


## p. 293 (#415) ############################################

MAN IN SOCIETY. 293
opinions of even the nearest acquaintances; how
even the same opinions in thy friend's mind have
quite a different aspect and strength from what
they have in thine own; and how manifold are
the occasions which arise for misunderstanding
and hostile severance. After all this thou wilt
say to thyself, " How insecure is the ground upon
which all our alliances and friendships rest, how
liable to cold downpours and bad weather, how
lonely is every creature! " When a person recog-
nises this fact, and, in addition, that all opinions
and the nature and strength of them in his fellow-
men are just as necessary and irresponsible as
their actions; when his eye learns to see this
internal necessity of opinions, owing to the indis-
soluble interweaving of character, occupation, talent,
and environment,—he will perhaps get rid of the
bitterness and sharpness of the feeling with which
the sage exclaimed," Friends, there are no friends! "
Much rather will he make the confession to him-
self :—Yes, there are friends, but they were drawn
towards thee by error and deception concerning
thy character; and they must have learnt to be
silent in order to remain thy friends; for such
human relationships almost always rest on the
fact that some few things are never said, are
never, indeed, alluded to; but if these pebbles are set
rolling friendship follows afterwards and is broken.
Are there any who would not be mortally injured
if they were to learn what their most intimate
friends really knew about them? By getting a
knowledge of ourselves, and by looking upon our
nature as a changing sphere of opinions and moods,


## p. 294 (#416) ############################################

294
HUMAN, ALL-TOO-HUMAN.
and thereby learning to despise ourselves a little,
we recover once more our equilibrium with the
rest of mankind. It is true that we have good
reason to despise each of our acquaintances, even
the greatest of them; but just as good reason to
turn this feeling against ourselves. And so we
will bear with each other, since we bear with our-
selves; and perhaps there will come to each a
happier hour, when he will exclaim:
"Friends, there are really no friends ! " thus cried
th' expiring old sophist;
"Foes, there is really no foe! "—thus shout I,
the incarnate fool.
>


## p. 294 (#417) ############################################

3:
SEVENTH DIVISION.
WIFE AND CHILD.
377-
The Perfect Woman. —The perfect woman is
a higher type of humanity than the perfect man,
and also something much rarer. The natural
history of animals furnishes grounds in support of
this theory.
378.
FRIENbsHlP AND Marriage. —The best friend
will probably get the best wife, because a good
marriage is based on talent for friendship.
379-
The Survival of the Parents. —The un-
dissolved dissonances in the relation of the
character and sentiments of the parents survive
in the nature of the child and make up the
history of its inner sufferings.
380.
Inherited from the Mother. —Every one 1
bears within him an image of woman, inherited
from his mother: it determines his attitude to-


## p. 294 (#418) ############################################

294 HUMAN, ALL-TOO-HUMAN.
and thereby learning to despise ourselves a little,
we recover once more our equilibrium with the
rest of mankind. It is true that we have good
reason to despise each of our acquaintances, even
the greatest of them; but just as good reason to
turn this feeling against ourselves. And so we
will bear with each other, since we bear with our-
selves; and perhaps there will come to each a
happier hour, when he will exclaim:
"Friends, there are really no friends ! " thus cried
th' expiring old sophist;
"Foes, there is really no foe! "—thus shout I,
the incarnate fool.



## p. 294 (#419) ############################################

SEVENTH DIVISION.
WIFE AND CHILD.
377-
The Perfect Woman. —The perfect woman is
a higher type of humanity than the perfect man,
and also something much rarer. The natural
history of animals furnishes grounds in support of
this theory.
378.
FRlENbsHlP AND Marriage. —The best friend |
will probably get the best wife, because a good
marriage is based on talent for friendship.
379-
The Survival of the Parents. —The un-
dissolved dissonances in the relation of the
character and sentiments of the parents survive
in the nature of the child and make up the
history of its inner sufferings.
380.
Inherited from the Mother. —Every one ]
bears within him an image of woman, inherited
from his mother: it determines his attitude to-


## p. 294 (#420) ############################################

294 HUMAN, ALL-TOO-HUMAN.
and thereby learning to despise ourselves a little,
we recover once more our equilibrium with the
rest of mankind. It is true that we have good
reason to despise each of our acquaintances, even
the greatest of them; but just as good reason to
turn this feeling against ourselves. And so we
will bear with each other, since we bear with our-
selves; and perhaps there will come to each a
happier hour, when he will exclaim:
"Friends, there are really no friends ! " thus cried
th' expiring old sophist;
"Foes, there is really no foe! "—thus shout I,
the incarnate fool.



## p. 295 (#421) ############################################

SEVENTH DIVISION.
WIFE AND CHILD.
377-
The Perfect Woman. —The perfect woman is
a higher type of humanity than the perfect man,
and also something much rarer. The natural
history of animals furnishes grounds in support of
this theory.
378.
FRIENDSHIP AND MARRIAGE. —The best friend
will probably get the best wife, because a good
marriage is based on talent for friendship.
379-
The Survival of the Parents. —The un-
dissolved dissonances in the relation of the
character and sentiments of the parents survive
in the nature of the child and make up the
history of its inner sufferings.
380.
Inherited from the Mother. —Every one 1 -
bears within him an image of woman, inherited
from his mother: it determines his attitude to-


## p. 296 (#422) ############################################


296
HUMAN, ALL-TOO-HUMAN.
wards women as a whole, whether to honour,
despise, or remain generally indifferent to them.
38i.
Correcting Nature. —Whoever has not got
a good father should procure one.
382.
Fathers and Sons. —Fathers have much to
do to make amends for having sons.
383-
The Error of Gentlewomen. — Gentle-
women think that a thing does not really exist
when it is not possible to talk of it in society.
384.
A Male Disease. —The surest remedy for the
male disease of self-contempt is to be loved by
\a sensible woman.
385-
A Species of Jealousy. —Mothers are readily
jealous of the friends of sons who are particularly
1 successful. As a rule a mother loves herself in
her son more than the son.
-!
386.
Rational Irrationality. —In the maturity
of life and intelligence the feeling comes over a
man that his father did wrong in begetting him.
\


## p. 297 (#423) ############################################

WIFE AND CHILD. 297
387-
Maternal Excellence. — Some mothers
need happy and honoured children, some need
unhappy ones,-—otherwise they cannot exhibit
their maternal excellence.
388.
Different Sighs. —Some husbands have
sighed over the elopement of their wives, the
greater number, however, have sighed because
nobody would elope with theirs.
389.
Love MATCHES. —Marriages which are con-
tracted for love (so-called love-matches) have error
for their father and need (necessity) for their mother.
390.
Women's Friendships. —Women can enter
into friendship with a man perfectly well; but
in order to maintain it the aid of a little physical
antipathy is perhaps required.
391-
Ennui. —Many people, especially women, never
feel ennui because they have never learnt to work
properly.
392.
An Element of Love. —In all feminine love
something of maternal love also comes to light.


## p. 298 (#424) ############################################


298
HUMAN, ALL-TOO HUMAN.
393-
Unity of Place and Drama. —If married
couples did not live together, happy marriages
would be more frequent.
394-
The Usual Consequences of Marriage. —
All intercourse which does not elevate a person,
debases him, and vice versa; hence men usually
sink a little when they marry, while women are
somewhat elevated. Over-intellectual men require
marriage in proportion as they are opposed to it
as to a repugnant medicine.
395-
Learning to Command. —Children oi unpre-
tentious families must be taught to command, just
as much as other children must be taught to obey.
396.
Wanting to be in Love. —Betrothed couples
who have been matched by convenience often
exert themselves to fall in love, to avoid the
reproach of cold, calculating expediency. In the
same manner those who become converts to
Christianity for their advantage exert themselves
to become genuinely pious; because the religious
cast of countenance then becomes easier to them.
397-
No Standing Still in Love. —A musician
who loves the slow tempo will play the same pieces
"S.


## p. 299 (#425) ############################################

WIFE AND CHILD. 299
ever more slowly. There is thus no standing
still in any love.
398.
Modesty. —Women's modesty usually increases
with their beauty. *
399-
Marriage on a Good Basis.
—A marriage
in which each wishes to realise an individual aim
by means of the other will stand well; for instance,
when the woman wishes to become famous through
the man and the man beloved through the woman.
( 400.
Proteus-Nature. — Through love women
actually become what they appear to be in the
imagination of their lovers.
401.
To Love and to Possess. —As a rule women
love a distinguished man to the extent that they
wish to possess him exclusively. They would
gladly keep him under lock and key, if their
vanity did not forbid, but vanity demands that
he should also appear distinguished before others.
402.
The Test of a Good Marriage. —The good-
ness of a marriage is proved by the fact that it
can stand an "exception. "
* The opposite of this aphorism also holds good. —J. M. K.


## p. 300 (#426) ############################################

300
HUMAN, ALL-TOO-HUMAN.
403.
Bringing Anyone Round to Anything. —
One may make any person so weak and weary by
disquietude, anxiety, and excess of work or thought
that he no longer resists anything that appears
complicated, but gives way to it,—diplomatists
and women know this.
404.
Propriety and Honesty. —Those girls who
mean to trust exclusively to their youthful charms
for their provision in life, and whose cunning is
further prompted by worldly mothers, have just
the same aims as courtesans, only they are wiser
and less honest.
405.
MASKS. —There are women who, wherever one
examines them, have no inside, but are mere
masks. A man is to be pitied who has connec-
tion with such almost spectre-like and necessarily
unsatisfactory creatures, but it is precisely such
women who know how to excite a man's desire
most strongly; he seeks for their soul, and seeks
evermore.
406.
Marriage as a Long Talk. —In entering
on a marriage one should ask one's self the
question, "Do you think you will pass your
time well with this woman till your old age? "
All else in marriage is transitory; talk, however,
occupies most of the time of the association.
>


## p. 301 (#427) ############################################

WIFE AND CHILD. 301
407.
Girlish Dreams. —Inexperienced girls flatter
themselves with the notion that it is in their
power to make a man happy; later on they learn
that it is equivalent to underrating a man to
suppose that he needs only a girl to make him
happy. Women's vanity requires a man to be
something more than merely a happy husband.
408.
The Dying-out of Faust and Marguerite.
—According to the very intelligent remark of a
scholar, the educated men of modern Germany
resemble somewhat a mixture of Mephistopheles
and Wagner, but are not at all like Faust, whom
our grandfathers (in their youth at least) felt
agitating within them. To them, therefore,—to
continue the remark,—Marguerites are not suited,
for two reasons. And because the latter are no
longer desired they seem to be dying out.
409.
Classical Education for Girls. —For
goodness' sake let us not give our classical educa-
tion to girls! An education which, out of in-
genious, inquisitive, ardent youths, so frequently
makes—copies of their teacher!
410.
Without Rivals. —Women readily perceive
in a man whether his soul has already been taken


## p. 302 (#428) ############################################

302 HUMAN, ALL-TOO-HUMAN.

possession of; they wish to be loved without
rivals, and find fault with the objects of his am-
bition, his political tasks, his sciences and arts, if he
have a passion for such things. Unless he be
distinguished thereby,—then, in the case of a love-
relationship between them, women look at the
same time for an increase of their own distinction;
under such circumstances, they favour the lover.
411.
The Feminine Intellect. —The intellect of
women manifests itself as perfect mastery, presence
of mind, and utilisation of all advantages. They
transmit it as a fundamental quality to their
children, and the father adds thereto the darker
background of the will. His influence determines
as it were the rhythm and harmony with which the
new life is to be performed; but its melody is
derived from the mother. For those who know
how to put a thing properly: women have in-
telligence, men have character and passion. This
does not contradict the fact that men actually
achieve so much more with their intelligence:
they have deeper and more powerful impulses;
and it is these which carry their understanding
(in itself something passive) to such an extent.
Women are often silently surprised at the great
respect men pay to their character. When, there-
fore, in the choice of a partner men seek specially
for a being of deep and strong character, and
women for a being of intelligence, brilliancy, and
presence of mind, it is plain that at bottom men


## p. 303 (#429) ############################################

WIFE AND CHILD. 303
seek for the ideal man, and women for the ideal
woman, — consequently not for the complement
but for the completion of their own excellence.
412.
Hesiod's Opinion Confirmed. —It is a sign
of women's wisdom that they have almost always
known how to get themselves supported, like
drones in a bee-hive. Let us just consider what
this meant originally, and why men do not de-
pend upon women for their support. Of a truth
it is because masculine vanity and reverence are
greater than feminine wisdom; for women have
known how to secure for themselves by their sub-
ordination the greatest advantage, in fact, the
upper hand. Even the care of children may
originally have been used by the wisdom of women
as an excuse for withdrawing themselves as much
as possible from work. And at present they still
understand when they are really active (as house-
keepers, for instance) how to make a bewildering
fuss about it, so that the merit of their activity is
usually ten times over-estimated by men.
413-
Lovers as Short-sighted People. —A pair
of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to
cure a person in love; and whoever has had suffi-
cient imagination to represent a face or form
twenty years older, has probably gone through
life not much disturbed.


## p. 304 (#430) ############################################


304 HUMAN, ALL-TOO-HUMAN.
414.
Women in Hatred. —In a state of hatred
women are more dangerous than men; for one
thing, because they are hampered by no regard
for fairness when their hostile feelings have been
aroused; but let their hatred develop unchecked
to its utmost consequences; then also, because
they are expert in finding sore spots (which every
man and every party possess), and pouncing upon
them: for which purpose their dagger-pointed in-
telligence is of good service (whilst men, hesitat-
ing at the sight of wounds, are often generously
and conciliatorily inclined).
415.
Love. —The love idolatry which women practise
is fundamentally and originally an intelligent de-
vice, inasmuch as they increase their power by all
the idealisings of love and exhibit themselves as so
much the more desirable in the eyes of men. But
by being accustomed for centuries to this exagger-
ated appreciation of love, it has come to pass that
they have been caught in their own net and have
forgotten the origin of the device. They them-
selves are now still more deceived than the men,
and on that account also suffer more from the dis-
illusionment which, almost necessarily, enters into
the life of every woman—so far, at any rate, as she
has sufficient imagination and intelligence to be
able to be deceived and undeceived.


## p. 305 (#431) ############################################

WIFE AND CHILD. 305
416.
The Emancipation of Women. —Can women
be at all just, when they are so accustomed to love
and to be immediately biased for or against?
For that reason they are also less interested in
things and more in individuals: but when they are
interested in things they immediately become their
partisans, and thereby spoil their pure, innocent
effect. Thus there arises a danger, by no means
small, in entrusting politics and certain portions of
science to them (history, for instance). For what
is rarer than a woman who really knows what
science is? Indeed the best of them cherish in
their breasts a secret scorn for science, as if they
were somehow superior to it. Perhaps all this
can be changed in time; but meanwhile it is so.
417.
The Inspiration in Women's Judgments.
—The sudden decisions, for or against, which
women are in the habit of making, the flashing
illumination of personal relations caused by their
spasmodic inclinations and aversions,—in short, the
proofs of feminine injustice have been invested
with a lustre by men who are in love, as if all
women had inspirations of wisdom, even without
the Delphic cauldron and the laurel wreaths; and
their utterances are interpreted and duly set forth
as Sibylline oracles for long afterwards. When
one considers, however, that for every person and
for every cause something can be said in favour
vol. 1. U


## p. 306 (#432) ############################################

306 HUMAN, ALL-TOO-HUMAN.
of it but equally also something against it, that
things are not only two-sided, but also three and
four-sided, it is almost difficult to be entirely at
fault in such sudden decisions; indeed, it might be
said that the nature of things has been so arranged
that women should always carry their point. *
418.
BEING LOVED. —As one of every two persons
in love is usually the one who loves, the other
the one who is loved, the belief has arisen that
in every love-affair there is a constant amount
of love; and that the more of it the one person
monopolises the less is left for the other. Ex-
ceptionally it happens that the vanity of each of the
parties persuades him or her that it is he or she
who must be loved; so that both of them wish to
be loved: from which cause many half funny, half
absurd scenes take place, especially in married life.
419.
Contradictions in Feminine Minds. —
Owing to the fact that women are so much more
personal than objective, there are tendencies
included in the range of their ideas which are
logically in contradiction to one another; they
are accustomed in turn to become enthusiastically
fond just of the representatives of these tendencies
* It may be remarked that Nietzsche changed his view
on this subject later on, and ascribed more importance to
woman's intuition. Cf. also Disraeli's reference to the
"High Priestesses of predestination. "—J. M. K.


## p. 307 (#433) ############################################

WIFE AND CHILD. 307
and accept their systems in the lump; but in
such wise that a dead place originates wherever
a new personality afterwards gets the ascendancy.
It may happen that the whole philosophy in the
mind of an old lady consists of nothing but such
dead places.
420.
Who Suffers the More ? —After a personal
dissension and quarrel between a woman and a
man the latter party suffers chiefly from the idea
of having wounded the other, whilst the former
suffers chiefly from the idea of not having wounded
the other sufficiently; so she subsequently en-
deavours by tears, sobs, and discomposed mien,
* to make his heart heavier.
421.
An Opportunity for Feminine Magnan-
► , IMITY. — If we could disregard the claims of
custom in our thinking we might consider whether
nature and reason do not suggest several marriages
"\ for men, one after another: perhaps that, at the
age of twenty-two, he should first marry an older
girl who is mentally and morally his superior, and
* can be his leader through all the dangers of the
twenties (ambition, hatred, self-contempt, and
passions of all kinds). This woman's affection
'would subsequently change entirely into maternal
love, and she would not only submit to it but
would encourage the man in the most salutary
* manner, if in his thirties he contracted an alliance
with quite a young girl whose education he


## p. 308 (#434) ############################################

308 HUMAN, ALL-TOO-HUMAN.
i
himself should take in hand. Marriage is a
necessary institution for the twenties; a useful,
but not necessary, institution for the thirties; for
later life it is often harmful, and promotes the
mental deterioration of the man.
422.
The Tragedy of Childhood. —Perhaps it
not infrequently happens that noble men with lofty
aims have to fight their hardest battle in child-
hood; by having perchance to carry out their
principles in opposition to a base-minded father
addicted to feigning and falsehood, or living, like
Lord Byron, in constant warfare with a childish
and passionate mother. He who has had such
an experience will never be able to forget all his
life who has been his greatest and most dangerous
enemy.
423-
Parental Folly. —The grossest mistakes in
judging a man are made by his parents,—this is
a fact, but how is it to be explained? Have the
parents too much experience of the child and
cannot any longer arrange this experience into a
unity? It has been noticed that it is only in
the earlier period of their sojourn in foreign
countries that travellers rightly grasp the general
distinguishing features of a people; the better
they come to know it, they are the less able to
see what is typical and distinguishing in a people.
As soon as they grow short-sighted their eyes
cease to be long-sighted. Do parents, therefore,


## p. 309 (#435) ############################################

WIFE AND CHILD. 309
judge their children falsely because they have
never stood far enough away from them? The
following is quite another explanation: people
are no longer accustomed to reflect on what is
close at hand and surrounds them, but just accept
it. Perhaps the usual thoughtlessness of parents
is the reason why they judge so wrongly when
once they are compelled to judge their children.
424.
The Future of Marriage. —The noble
and liberal-minded women who take as their
mission the education and elevation of the female
sex, should not overlook one point of view:
Marriage regarded in its highest aspect, as the
spiritual friendship of two persons of opposite \ -
~sexes, and accordingly such as is hoped for in '~~,-*c
future, contracted for the purpose of producing
and educating a new generation,—such marriage,
which only makes use of the sensual, so to speak,
as a rare and occasional means to a higher
purpose, will, it is to be feared, probably need a
natural auxiliary, namely, concubinage. For if,
on the grounds of his health, the wife is also
to serve for the sole satisfaction of the man's
sexual needs, a wrong perspective, opposed to the
aims indicated, will have most influence in the
choice of a wife. The aims referred to: the
production of descendants, will be accidental, and
their successful education highly improbable. A
good wife, who has to be friend, helper, child-bearer,
mother, family-head and manager, and has even


## p. 310 (#436) ############################################

3IO HUMAN, ALL-TOO-HUMAN.
perhaps to conduct her own business and affairs
separately from those of the husband, cannot at
the same time be a concubine; it would, in general,
be asking too much of her. In the future, there-
fore, a state of things might take place the
opposite of what existed at Athens in the time
of Pericles; the men, whose wives were then little
more to them than concubines, turned besides to
the Aspasias, because they longed for the charms
of a companionship gratifying both to head and
heart, such as the grace and intellectual suppleness
of women could alone provide. All human in-
stitutions, just like marriage, allow only a moderate
amount of practical idealising, failing which coarse
remedies immediately become necessary.
425.
The "Storm and Stress" Period of
Women. —In the three or four civilised countries
of Europe, it is possible, by several centuries of
education, to make out of women anything we
like,—even men, not in a sexual sense, of course,
but in every other. Under such influences they
will acquire all the masculine virtues and forces,
at the same time, of course, they must also have
taken all the masculine weaknesses and vices into
the bargain: so much, as has been said, we can
command. But how shall we endure the inter-
mediate state thereby induced, which may even
last two or three centuries, during which feminine
follies and injustices, woman's original birthday
endowment, will still maintain the ascendancy


## p. 311 (#437) ############################################

WIFE AND CHILD. 311
over all that has been otherwise gained and
acquired? This will be the time when indigna-
tion will be the peculiar masculine passion;
indignation, because all arts and sciences have
been overflowed and choked by an unprecedented
dilettanteism, philosophy talked to death by brain-
bewildering chatter, politics more fantastic and
partisan than ever, and society in complete dis-
organisation, because the conservatrices of ancient
customs have become ridiculous to themselves,
and have endeavoured in every way to place
themselves outside the pale of custom. If indeed
women had their greatest power in custom, where
will they have to look in order to reacquire a
similar plenitude of power after having renounced
custom?
426.
Free-Spirit and Marriage. — Will free-
thinkers live with women? In general, I think
that, like the prophesying birds of old, like the
truth-thinkers and truth-speakers of the present,
they must prefer to fly alone.
427.
The Happiness of Marriage. —Everything
to which we are accustomed draws an ever-
tightening cobweb-net around us; and presently
we notice that the threads have become cords,
and that we ourselves sit in the middle like
a spider that has here got itself caught and
must feed on its own blood. Hence the free
spirit hates all rules and customs, all that is


## p. 312 (#438) ############################################

312 HUMAN, ALL-TOO-HUMAN.
"
permanent and definitive, hence he painfully
tears asunder again and again the net around
him, though in consequence thereof he will suffer
from numerous wounds, slight and severe; for he
must break off every thread from himself, from
his body and soul. He must learn to love where
he has hitherto hated, and vice versa. Indeed, it
must not be a thing impossible for him to sow
dragon's teeth in the same field in which he
formerly scattered the abundance of his bounty.
From this it can be inferred whether he is suited
for the happiness of marriage.
428.
Too Intimate. — When we live on too
intimate terms with a person it is as if we were
again and again handling a good engraving with
our fingers; the time comes when we have soiled
and damaged paper in our hands, and nothing
more. A man's soul also gets worn out by
constant handling; at least, it eventually appears
so to us—never again do we see its original design
and beauty. We always lose through too familiar
association with women and friends; and some-
times we lose the pearl of our life thereby.
429.
^ The Golden Cradle. —The free spirit will
always feel relieved when he has finally resolved
to shake off the motherly care and guardianship
with which women' surround him. What harm
will a rough wind, from which he has been so


## p. 313 (#439) ############################################

WIFE AND CHILD. 313
anxiously protected, do him? Of what consequence
is a genuine disadvantage, loss, misfortune, sick-
ness, illness, fault, or folly more or less in his life,
compared with the bondage of the golden cradle,
the peacock's-feather fan, and the oppressive feel-
ing that he must, in addition, be grateful because
he is waited on and spoiled like a baby? Hence
it is that the milk which is offered him by the
motherly disposition of the women about him can
so readily turn into gall.
430.
A Voluntary Victim. —There is nothing
by which able women can so alleviate the lives of
their husbands, should these be great and famous,
as by becoming, so to speak, the receptacle for the
general disfavour and occasional ill-humour of the
rest of mankind. Contemporaries are usually ac-
customed to overlook many mistakes, follies, and
even flagrant injustices in their great men if only
they can find some one to maltreat and kill, as a
proper victim for the relief of their feelings. A
wife not infrequently has the ambition to present
herself for this sacrifice, and then the husband
may indeed feel satisfied,—he being enough of an
egoist to have such a voluntary storm, rain, and
lightning-conductor beside him.
431-
Agreeable Adversaries. —The natural in-
clination of women towards quiet, regular, happily


## p. 314 (#440) ############################################

314 HUMAN, ALL-TOO-HUMAN.
tuned existences and intercourse, the oil-like and
calming effect of their influence upon the sea of
life, operates unconsciously against the heroic
inner impulse of the free spirit. Without know-
ing it, women act as if they were taking away the
stones from the path of the wandering mineral-
ogist in order that he might not strike his foot
against them—when he has gone out for the
very purpose of striking against them.
432.
The Discord of Two Concords. —Woman
wants to serve, and finds her happiness therein;
the free spirit does not want to be served, and
therein finds his happiness.
433-
XANTIPPE. —Socrates found a wife such as he
required,—but he would not have sought her had
he known her sufficiently well; even the heroism
of his free spirit would not have gone so far. As
a matter of fact, Xantippe forced him more and
more into his peculiar profession, inasmuch as she
made house and home doleful and dismal to him;
she taught him to live in the streets and wher-
ever gossiping and idling went on, and thereby
made him the greatest Athenian street-dia-
lectician, who had, at last, to compare himself
to a gad-fly which a god had set on the neck of
the beautiful horse Athens to prevent it from
resting.