No More Learning

See, Toxaris, what a Greek friend can do! You were so hard just now
upon our rhetorical vanity, that I forbear to give you the
admirable pleadings of Demetrius in court: not one word did he say
in his own behalf; all was for Antiphilus; he wept and implored,
and sought to take all the guilt upon himself; till at last the
confession of Syrus under torture cleared them both. These loyal
friends whose stories I have related were the first that occurred
to my memory; where I have given five instances, I might have given
fifty. And now I am silent: it is your turn to speak. I need not
tell you to make the most of your Scythians, and bring them out
triumphant if you can: you will do that for your own sake, if you
set any value on that right hand of yours. Quit you, then, like a
man. You would look foolish if, after your truly professional
panegyric of Orestes and Pylades, your art were to fail you in your
country's need.

_Tox_. I honour you for your disinterested encouragement:
apparently you are under no uneasiness as to the loss of your
tongue, in the event of my winning. Well, I will begin: and you
will get no flowery language from me; it is not our Scythian way,
especially when the deeds we handle dwarf description. Be prepared
for something very different from the subjects of your own eulogy:
here will be no marryings of ugly and dowerless women, no five-
hundred-pound-portionings of friends' daughters, nor even
surrenderings of one's person to gaolers, with the certain prospect
of a speedy release. These are very cheap manifestations; the
lofty, the heroic, is altogether wanting. I have to speak of blood
and war and death for friendship's sake; you will learn that all
you have related is child's-play, when compared with the deeds of
the Scythians. After all, it is natural enough: what should you do
but admire these trifles? Living in the midst of peace, you have no
scope for the exhibition of an exalted friendship, just as in a
calm we cannot tell a good pilot from a bad; we must wait till a
storm comes; then we know. We, on the contrary, live in a state of
perpetual warfare, now invading, now receding, now contending for
pasturage or booty. There is the true sphere of friendship; and
there is the reason that its ties among us are drawn so close;
friendship we hold to be the one invincible, irresistible weapon.

But before I begin, I should like to describe to you our manner of
making friends. Friendships are not formed with us, as with you,
over the wine-cups, nor are they determined by considerations of
age or neighbourhood. We wait till we see a brave man, capable of
valiant deeds, and to him we all turn our attention. Friendship
with us is like courtship with you: rather than fail of our object,
and undergo the disgrace of a rejection, we are content to urge our
suit patiently, and to give our constant attendance. At length a
friend is accepted, and the engagement is concluded with our most
solemn oath: 'to live together and if need be to die for one
another. ' That vow is faithfully kept: once let the friends draw
blood from their fingers into a cup, dip the points of their swords
therein, and drink of that draught together, and from that moment
nothing can part them. Such a treaty of friendship may include
three persons, but no more: a man of many friends we consider to be
no better than a woman who is at the service of every lover; we
feel no further security in a friendship that is divided between so
many objects.

I will commence with the recent story of Dandamis. In our conflict
with the Sauromatae, Dandamis's friend Amizoces had been taken
captive,--oh, but first I must take the Scythian oath, as we agreed
at the start. I swear by Wind and Scimetar that I will speak
nothing but truth of the Scythian friendships.

_Mne_. You need not have troubled to swear, as far as I am
concerned. However, you showed judgement in not swearing by a God.

_Tox_. What can you mean? Wind and Scimetar not Gods? Are you
now to learn that life and death are the highest considerations
among mankind? When we swear by Wind and Scimetar, we do so because
Wind is the cause of life and Scimetar of death.

_Mne_. On that principle, you get a good many other Gods
besides Scimetar, and as good as he: there is Arrow, and Spear, and
Hemlock, and Halter, and so on. Death is a God who assumes many
shapes; numberless are the roads that lead into his presence.

_Tox_. Now you are just trying to spoil my story with these
quibbling objections. I gave _you_ a fair hearing.

_Mne_. You are quite right, Toxaris; it shall not occur again,
be easy on that score. I'll be so quiet, you would never know I was
here at all.

_Tox_. Four days after Dandamis and Amizoces had shared the
cup of blood, the Sauromatae invaded our territory with 10,000
horse, their infantry being estimated at three times that number.
The invasion was unexpected, and we were completely routed; many of
our warriors were slain, and the rest taken captive, with the
exception of a few who managed to swim across to the opposite bank
of the river, on which half our host was encamped, with a part of
the waggons. The reason of this arrangement I do not know; but our
leaders had seen good to divide our camp between the two banks of
the Tanais. The enemy at once set to work to secure their booty and
collect the captives; they plundered the camp, and took possession
of the waggons, most of them with their occupants; and we had the
mortification of seeing our wives and concubines mishandled before
our very eyes. Amizoces was among the prisoners, and while he was
being dragged along he called upon his friend by name, to witness
his captivity and to remember the cup of blood. Dandamis heard him,
and without a moment's delay plunged into the river in the sight of
all, and swam across to the enemy. The Sauromatae rushed upon him,
and were about to transfix him with their raised javelins, when he
raised the cry of Zirin. The man who pronounces that word is safe
from their weapons: it indicates that he is the bearer of ransom,
and he is received accordingly. Being conducted into the presence
of their chief, he demanded the liberation of Amizoces, and was
told in reply, that his friend would only be released upon payment
of a high ransom. 'All that was once mine,' said Dandamis, 'has
become your booty: but if one who is stripped of all can have
anything yet left to give, it is at your disposal. Name your terms:
take me, if you will, in his place, and use me as seems best to
you. ' 'To detain the person of one who comes with the Zirin on his
lips is out of the question: but you may take back your friend on
paying me a part of your possessions. ' 'What will you have? ' asked
Dandamis. 'Your eyes,' was the reply. Dandamis submitted: his eyes
were plucked out, and the Sauromatae had their ransom. He returned
leaning on his friend, and they swam across together, and reached
us in safety.

There was comfort for all of us in this act of Dandamis. Our
defeat, it seemed, was no defeat, after all: our most precious
possessions had escaped the hands of our enemies; loyal friendship,
noble resolution, these were still our own. On the Sauromatae it
had the contrary effect: they did not at all like the idea of
engaging with such determined adversaries on equal terms; gaining
an advantage of them by means of a surprise was quite another
matter. The end of it was, that when night came on they left behind
the greater part of the herds, burnt the waggons, and beat a hasty
retreat. As for Amizoces, he could not endure to see, when Dandamis
was blind: he blinded himself, and the two now sit at home,
supported in all honour at the public expense.

Can you match that, friend? I think not, though I should give you
ten new chances on the top of your five; ay, and release you from
your oath, too, for that matter, leaving you free to exaggerate as
much as you choose. Besides, I have given you just the bare facts.
Now, if _you_ had been telling Dandamis's story, what embroidery we
should have had! The supplications of Dandamis, the blinding
process, his remarks on the occasion, the circumstances of his
return, the effusive greetings of the Scythians, and all the _ad
captandum_ artifices that you Greeks understand so well.

And now let me introduce you to another friend, not inferior to
Dandamis,--a cousin of Amizoces, Belitta by name. Belitta was once
hunting with his friend Basthes, when the latter was torn from his
horse by a lion. Already the brute had fallen upon him, and was
clutching him by the throat and beginning to tear him to pieces,
when Belitta, leaping to earth, rushed upon him from behind, and
attempted to drag him off, and to turn his rage upon himself,
thrusting his hands into the brute's mouth, and doing his best to
extricate Basthes from those teeth. He succeeded at last: the lion,
abandoning his half dead prey, turned upon Belitta, grappled with
him, and slew him; but not before Belitta had plunged a scimetar
into his breast. Thus all three died together; and we buried them,
the two friends in one grave, the lion in another close by.

For my third instance, I shall give you the friendship of Macentes,
Lonchates, and Arsacomas. This Arsacomas had been on a visit to
Leucanor, king of Bosphorus, in connexion with the tribute annually
paid to us by that country, which tribute was then three months
overdue; and while there he had fallen in love with Mazaea, the
king's daughter. Mazaea was an extremely fine woman, and Arsacomas,
seeing her at the king's table, had been much smitten with her
charms. The question of the tribute was at length settled,
Arsacomas had his answer, and the king was now entertaining him
prior to his departure. It is the custom for suitors in that
country to make their proposals at table, stating at the same time
their qualifications. Now in the present case there were a number
of suitors--kings and sons of kings, among whom were Tigrapates the
prince of the Lazi and Adyrmachus the chief of the Machlyans. What
each suitor has to do is, first to declare his intentions, and
quietly take his seat at table with the rest; then, when dinner is
over, he calls for a goblet, pours libation upon the table, and
makes his proposal for the lady's hand, saying whatever he can for
himself in the way of birth, wealth, and dominion. Many suitors,
then, had already preferred their request in due form, enumerating
their realms and possessions, when at last Arsacomas called for a
cup. He did not make a libation, because it is not the Scythian
custom to do so; we should consider it an insult to Heaven to pour
away good wine: instead, he drank it all off at one draught, and
then addressed the king. 'Sire,' he said, 'give _me_ your
daughter Mazaea to wife: if wealth and possessions count for
anything, I am a fitter husband for her than these. ' Leucanor was
surprised: he knew that Arsacomas was but a poor commoner among the
Scythians. 'What herds, what waggons have you, Arsacomas? ' he
asked; 'these are the wealth of your people. ' 'Waggons and herds I
have none,' was Arsacomas's reply: 'but I have two excellent
friends, whose like you will not find in all Scythia. ' His answer
only excited ridicule; it was attributed to drunkenness, and no
further notice was taken of him. Adyrmachus was preferred to the
other suitors, and was to take his bride away the next morning to
his Maeotian home. Arsacomas on his return informed his friends of
the slight that had been put upon him by the king, and of the
ridicule to which he had been subjected on account of his supposed
poverty. 'And yet,' he added, 'I told him of my wealth: told him
that I had the friendship of Lonchates and Macentes, a more
precious and more lasting possession than his kingdom of Bosphorus.
But he made light of it; he jeered at us; and gave his daughter to
Adyrmachus the Machlyan, because he had ten golden cups, and eighty
waggons of four seats, and a number of sheep and oxen. It seems
that herds and lumbering waggons and superfluous beakers are to
count for more than brave men. My friends, I am doubly wounded: I
love Mazaea, and I cannot forget the humiliation which I have
suffered before so many witnesses, and in which you are both
equally involved. Ever since we were united in friendship, are we
not one flesh? are not our joys and our sorrows the same? If this
be so, each of us has his share in this disgrace. ' 'Not only so,'
rejoined Lonchates; 'each of us labours under the whole ignominy of
the affront. ' 'And what is to be our course? ' asked Macentes. 'We
will divide the work,' replied the other. 'I for my part undertake
to present Arsacomas with the head of Leucanor: you must bring him
his bride. ' 'I agree. And you, Arsacomas, can stay at home; and as
we are likely to want an army before we have done, you must be
getting together horses and arms, and raise what men you can, A man
like you will have no difficulty in getting plenty of people to
join him, and there are all our relations; besides, you can sit on
the ox-hide. ' This being settled, Lonchates set off just as he was
for the Bosphorus, and Macentes for Machlyene, each on horseback;
while Arsacomas remained behind, consulting with his acquaintance,
raising forces from among the relations of the three, and, finally,
taking his seat on the ox-hide.

Our custom of the hide is as follows. When a man has been injured
by another, and desires vengeance, but feels that he is no match
for his opponent, he sacrifices an ox, cuts up the flesh and cooks
it, and spreads out the hide upon the ground. On this hide he takes
his seat, holding his hands behind him, so as to suggest that his
arms are tied in that position, this being the natural attitude of
a suppliant among us. Meanwhile, the flesh of the ox has been laid
out; and the man's relations and any others who feel so disposed
come up and take a portion thereof, and, setting their right foot
on the hide, promise whatever assistance is in their power: one
will engage to furnish and maintain five horsemen, another ten, a
third some larger number; while others, according to their ability,
promise heavy or light-armed infantry, and the poorest, who have
nothing else to give, offer their own personal services. The number
of persons assembled on the hide is sometimes very considerable;
nor could any troops be more reliable or more invincible than those
which are collected in this manner, being as they are under a vow;
for the act of stepping on to the hide constitutes an oath. By this
means, then, Arsacomas raised something like 5,000 cavalry and
20,000 heavy and light armed.

Meanwhile, Lonchates arrived unknown in Bosphorus, and presented
himself co the king, who was occupied at the moment in affairs of
state. 'I come,' he said, 'on public business from Scythia: but I
have also a private communication of high import to make to your
Majesty. ' The king bade him proceed. 'As to my public errand, it is
the old story: we protest against your herdsmen's crossing the
Rocks and encroaching on the plains. And with reference to the
robbers of whom you complain, I am instructed to say that our
government is not responsible for their incursions, which are the
work of private individuals, actuated merely by the love of booty;
accordingly, you are at liberty to punish as many of them as you
can secure, And now for my own news. You will shortly be invaded by
a large host under Arsacomas the son of Mariantas, who was lately
at your court as an ambassador. I suppose the cause of his
resentment is your refusing him your daughter's hand. He has now
been on the ox-hide for seven days, and has got together a
considerable force. ' 'I had heard,' exclaimed Leucanor, 'that an
army was being raised on the hide: but who was raising it, and what
was its destination, I had no idea. ' 'You know now,' said
Lonchates. 'Arsacomas is a personal enemy of mine: the superior
esteem in which I am held, and the preference shown for me by our
elders, are things which he cannot forgive. Now promise me your
other daughter Barcetis: apart from my present services, I shall be
no discreditable son-in-law: promise me this, and in no long time I
will return bringing you the head of Arsacomas. ' 'I promise,' cried
the king, in great perturbation; for he realized the provocation he
had given to Arsacomas, and had a wholesome respect for the
Scythians at all times. 'Swear,' insisted Lonchates, 'that you will
not go back from your promise. ' The king was already raising up his
hand to Heaven, when the other interrupted him. 'Wait! ' he
exclaimed; 'not here! these people must not know what is the
subject of our oath. Let us go into the temple of Ares yonder, and
swear with closed doors, where none may hear. If Arsacomas should
get wind of this, I am likely to be offered up as a preliminary
sacrifice; he has a good number of men already. ' 'To the temple,
then, let us go,' said the king; and he ordered the guards to
remain aloof, and forbade any one to approach the temple unless
summoned by him. As soon as they were inside, and the guards had
withdrawn, Lonchates drew his sword, and putting his left hand on
the king's mouth to prevent his crying out, plunged it into his
breast; then, cutting off his head, he went out from the temple
carrying it under his cloak; affecting all the time to be speaking
to the king, and promising that he would not be long, as if the
king had sent him on some errand. He thus succeeded in reaching the
place where he had left his horse tethered, leapt on to his back,
and rode off into Scythia. There was no pursuit: the people of
Bosphorus took some time to discover what had happened; and then
they were occupied with disputes as to the succession. Thus
Lonchates fulfilled his promise, and handed the head of Leucanor to
Arsacomas.

The news of this reached Macentes while he was on his way to
Machlyene, and on his arrival there he was the first to announce
the king's death. 'You, Adyrmachus,' he added, 'are his son-in-law,
and are now summoned to the throne. Ride on in advance, and
establish your claim while all is still unsettled. Your bride can
follow with the waggons; the presence of Leucanor's daughter will
be of assistance to you in securing the support of the Bosphorans.
I myself am an Alanian, and am related to this lady by the mother's
side: Leucanor's wife, Mastira, was of my family. I now come to you
from Mastira's brothers in Alania: they would have you make the
best of your way to Bosphorus at once, or you will find your crown
on the head of Eubiotus, Leucanor's bastard brother, who is a
friend to Scythia, and detested by the Alanians. ' In language and
dress, Macentes resembled an Alanian; for in these respects there
is no difference between Scythians and Alanians, except that the
Alanians do not wear such long hair as we do. Macentes had
completed the resemblance by cropping his hair to the right
shortness, and was thus enabled to pass for a kinsman of Mastira
and Mazaea. 'And now, Adyrmachus,' he concluded, 'I am ready to go
with you to Bosphorus; or, if you prefer it, I will escort your
bride. ' 'If you will do the latter,' replied Adyrmachus, 'I shall
be particularly obliged, since you are Mazaea's kinsman. If you go
with us, it is but one horseman more; whereas no one could be such
a suitable escort for my wife. ' And so it was settled: Adyrmachus
rode off, and left Mazaea, who was still a maid, in the care of
Macentes. During the day, Macentes accompanied Mazaea in the
waggon: but at nightfall he placed her on horseback (he had taken
care that there should be a horseman in attendance), and, mounting
behind her, abandoned his former course along the Maeotian Lake,
and struck off into the interior, keeping the Mitraean Mountains on
his right. He allowed Mazaea some time for rest, and completed the
whole journey from Machlyene to Scythia on the third day; his horse
stood still for a few moments after arrival, and then dropped down
dead. 'Behold,' said Macentes, presenting Mazaea to Arsacomas,
'behold your promised bride. ' Arsacomas, amazed at so unexpected a
sight, was beginning to express his gratitude: but Macentes bade
him hold his peace. 'You speak,' he exclaimed, 'as if you and I
were different persons, when you thank me for what I have done. It
is as if my left hand should say to my right: Thank you for tending
my wound; thank you for your generous sympathy with my pain. That
would be no more absurd than for us--who have long been united, and
have become (so far as such a thing may be) one flesh--to make such
ado because one part of us has done its duty by the whole; the limb
is but serving its own interest in promoting the welfare of the
body. ' And that was how Macentes received his friend's thanks.

Adyrmachus, on hearing of the trick that had been played upon him,
did not pursue his journey to Bosphorus; indeed, Eubiotus was
already on the throne, having been summoned thither from his home
in Sarmatia. He therefore returned to his own country, collected a
large army, and marched across the mountains into Scythia. He was
presently followed by Eubiotus himself, at the head of a
miscellaneous army of Greeks, together with 20,000 each of his
Alanian and Sarmatian allies. The two joined forces, and the result
was an army of 90,000 men, one third of whom were mounted bowmen.
We Scythians (I say _we_, because I myself took part in this
enterprise, and was maintaining a hundred horse on the hide)--we
Scythians then, numbering in all not much less than 30,000 men,
including cavalry, awaited their onset, under the command of
Arsacomas. As soon as we saw them approaching, we too advanced,
sending on our cavalry ahead. After a long and obstinate
engagement, our lines were broken, and we began to give ground; and
finally our whole army was cut clean in two. One half had not
suffered a decisive defeat; with these it was rather a retreat than
a flight, nor did the Alanians venture to follow up their advantage
for any distance. But the other and smaller division was completely
surrounded by the Alanians and Machlyans, and was being shot down
on every side by the copious discharge of arrows and javelins; the
position became intolerable, and most of our men were beginning to
throw down their arms. In this latter division were Lonchates and
Macentes. They had borne the brunt of the attack, and both were
wounded: Lonchates had a spear-thrust in his thigh, and Macentes,
besides a cut on the head from an axe, had had his shoulder damaged
by a pike. Arsacomas, seeing their condition (he was with us in the
other division), could not endure the thought of turning his back
on his friends: plunging the spurs into his horse, and raising a
shout, he rode through the midst of the enemy, with his scimetar
raised on high. The Machlyans were unable to withstand the fury of
his onset; their ranks divided, and made way for him to pass.
Having rescued his friends from their danger, he rallied the rest
of the troops; and charging upon Adyrmachus brought down the
scimetar on his neck, and cleft him in two as far as the waist.
Adyrmachus once slain, the whole of the Machlyans and Alanians soon
scattered, and the Greeks followed their example. Thus did we turn
defeat into victory; and had not night come to interrupt us, we
should have pursued the fugitives for a considerable distance,
slaying as we went. The next day came messengers from the enemy
suing for reconciliation, the Bosphorans undertaking to double
their tribute, and the Machlyans to leave hostages; whilst the
Alanians promised to expiate their guilt by reducing the Sindians
to submission, that tribe having been for some time in revolt
against us. These terms we accepted, at the instance of Arsacomas
and Lonchates, who conducted the negotiations and concluded the
peace.

Such, Mnesippus, are the deeds that Scythians will do for
friendship's sake.

_Mne_. Truly deeds of high emprise; quite a legendary look
about them. With Wind's and Scimetar's good leave, I think a man
might be excused for doubting their truth.

_Tox_. Now, honestly, Mnesippus, does not that doubt look a
little like envy? However, doubt if you will: that shall not deter
me from relating other Scythian exploits of the same kind which
have happened within my experience.

_Mne_. Brevity, friend, is all I ask. Your story is apt to run
away with you. Up hill and down dale you go, through Scythia and
Machlyene, off again to Bosphorus, then back to Scythia, till my
taciturnity is exhausted.

_Tox_. I am schooled. Brevity you shall have; I will not run
you off your ears this time. My next story shall be of a service
rendered to myself, by my friend Sisinnes. Induced by the desire
for Greek culture, I had left my home and was on my way to Athens.
The ship put in at Amastris, which comes in the natural route from
Scythia, being on the shore of the Euxine, not far from Carambis.
Sisinnes, who had been my friend from childhood, bore me company on
this voyage. We had transferred all our belongings from the ship to
an inn near the harbour; and whilst we were busy in the market,
suspecting nothing wrong, some thieves had forced the door of our
room and carried off everything, not leaving us even enough to go
on with for that day. Well, when we got back and found what had
happened, we thought it was no use trying to get legal redress from
our landlord, or from the neighbours; there were too many of them;
and if we _had_ told our story,--how we had been robbed of
four hundred darics and our clothes and rugs and everything, most
people would only have thought we were making a fuss about a
trifle. So we had to think what was to be done: here we were,
absolutely destitute, in a foreign country. For my part, I thought
I might as well put a sword through my ribs there and then, and
have done with it, rather than endure the humiliation that might be
forced upon us by hunger and thirst.
Sisinnes took a more cheerful
view, and implored me to do nothing of the kind: 'I shall think of
something,' he said, 'and we may do well yet. ' For the moment, he
made enough to get us some food by carrying up timber from the
harbour. The next morning, he took a walk in the market, where it
seems he saw a company of fine likely young fellows, who as it
turned out were hired as gladiators, and were to perform two days
after. He found out all about them, and then came back to me.
'Toxaris,' he exclaimed, 'consider your poverty at an end! In two
days' time, I will make a rich man of you. ' We got through those
two days somehow, and then came the show, in which we took our
places as spectators, Sisinnes bidding me prepare myself for all
the novel delights of a Greek amphitheatre. The first thing we saw
on sitting down was a number of wild beasts: some of them were
being assailed by javelins, others hunted by dogs, and others again
were let loose upon certain men who were tied hand and foot, and
whom we supposed to be criminals. The gladiators next made their
appearance. The herald led forward a strapping young fellow, and
announced that any one who was prepared to stand up against him
might step into the arena and take his reward, which would be 400
pounds. Sisinnes rose from his seat, jumped down into the ring,
expressed his willingness to fight, and demanded arms. He received
the money, and brought it to me. 'If I win,' he said, 'we will go
off together, and are amply provided for: if I fall, you will bury
me and return to Scythia. ' I was much moved.

He now received his arms, and put them on; with the exception,
however, of the helmet, for he fought bareheaded. He was the first
to be wounded, his adversary's curved sword drawing a stream of
blood from his groin. I was half dead with fear. However, Sisinnes
was biding his time: the other now assailed him with more
confidence, and Sisinnes made a lunge at his breast, and drove the
sword clean through, so that his adversary fell lifeless at his
feet. He himself, exhausted by the loss of blood, sank down upon
the corpse, and life almost deserted him; but I ran to his
assistance, raised him up, and spoke words of comfort. The victory
was won, and he was free to depart; I therefore picked him up and
carried him home. My efforts were at last successful: he rallied,
and is living in Scythia to this day, having married my sister. He
is still lame, however, from his wound. Observe: this did not take
place in Machlyene, nor yet in Alania; there is no lack of
witnesses to the truth of the story this time; many an Amastrian
here in Athens would remember the fight of Sisinnes.

One more story, that of Abauchas, and I have done. Abauchas once
arrived in the capital of the Borysthenians, with his wife, of whom
he was extremely fond, and two children; one, a boy, was still at
the breast, the other was a girl of seven. With him also was his
friend Gyndanes, who was still suffering from the effects of a
wound he had received on the journey: they had been attacked by
some robbers, and Gyndanes in resisting them had been stabbed in
the thigh, and was still unable to stand on account of the pain.
One night they were all asleep in the upper story, when a
tremendous fire broke out; the whole building was wrapped in
flames, and every means of exit blocked. Abauchas started up, and
leaving his sobbing children, and shaking off his wife, who clung
to him and implored him to save her, he caught up his friend in his
arms, and just managed to force his way down without being utterly
consumed by the flames. His wife followed, carrying the boy, and
bade the girl come after her; but, scorched almost to a cinder, she
was compelled to drop the child from her arms, and barely succeeded
in leaping through the flames; the little girl too only just
escaped with her life. Abauchas was afterwards reproached with
having abandoned his own wife and children to rescue Gyndanes. 'I
can beget other children easily enough,' said he: 'nor was it
certain how these would turn out: but it would be long before I got
such another friend as Gyndanes; of his affection I have been
abundantly satisfied by experience. '

There, Mnesippus, you have _my_ little selection. The next
thing is to settle whether my hand or your tongue is to be
amputated. Who is umpire?

_Mne_. Umpire we have none; we forgot that. I tell you what:
we have wasted our arrows this time, but some other day we will
appoint an arbitrator, and submit other friendships to his
judgement; and then off shall come your hand, or out shall come my
tongue, as the case may be. Perhaps, though, this is rather a
primitive way of doing things. As you seem to think a great deal of
friendship, and as I consider it to be the highest blessing of
humanity, what is there to prevent our vowing eternal friendship on
the spot? We shall both have the satisfaction of winning then, and
shall get a substantial prize into the bargain: two right hands
each instead of one, two tongues, four eyes, four feet;--everything
in duplicate. The union of two friends--or three, let us say--is
like Geryon in the pictures: a six-handed, three-headed individual;
my private opinion is, that there was not one Geryon, but three
Geryons, all acting in concert, as friends should.

_Tox_. Done with you, then.

_Mne_. And, Toxaris,--we will dispense with the blood-and-
scimetar ceremony. Our present conversation, and the similarity of
our aims, are a much better security than that sanguinary cup of
yours. Friendship, as I take it, should be voluntary, not
compulsory.

_Tox_. Well said. From this day, I am your friend, you mine; I
your guest here in Greece, you mine if ever you come to Scythia.

_Mne_. Scythia! I would go further than Scythia, to meet with
such friends as Toxaris's narratives have shown him to be.




ZEUS CROSS-EXAMINED

_Cyniscus_. _Zeus_


_Cyn_. Zeus: I am not going to trouble you with requests for a
fortune or a throne; you get prayers enough of that sort from other
people, and from your habit of convenient deafness I gather that
you experience a difficulty in answering them. But there is one
thing I should like, which would cost you no trouble to grant.

_Zeus_. Well, Cyniscus? You shall not be disappointed, if your
expectations are as reasonable as you say.

_Cyn_. I want to ask you a plain question.

_Zeus_. Such a modest petition is soon granted; ask what you
will.

_Cyn_. Well then: you know your Homer and Hesiod, of course?
Is it all true that they sing of Destiny and the Fates--that
whatever they spin for a man at his birth must inevitably come
about?

_Zeus_. Unquestionably. Nothing is independent of their
control. From their spindle hangs the life of all created things;
whose end is predetermined even from the moment of their birth; and
that law knows no change.

_Cyn_. Then when Homer says, for instance, in another place,

Lest unto Hell thou go, _outstripping Fate_,

he is talking nonsense, of course?

_Zeus_. Absolute nonsense. Such a thing is impossible: the law
of the Fates, the thread of Destiny, is over all. No; so long as
the poets are under the inspiration of the Muses, they speak truth:
but once let those Goddesses leave them to their own devices, and
they make blunders and contradict themselves. Nor can we blame
them: they are but men; how should they know truth, when the
divinity whose mouthpieces they were is departed from them?

_Cyn_. That point is settled, then. But there is another thing
I want to know. There are three Fates, are there not,--Clotho,
Lachesis, and Atropus?

_Zeus_. Quite so.

_Cyn_. But one also hears a great deal about Destiny and
Fortune. Who are they, and what is the extent of their power? Is it
equal to that of the Fates? or greater perhaps? People are always
talking about the insuperable might of Fortune and Destiny.

_Zeus_. It is not proper, Cyniscus, that you should know all.
But what made you ask me about the Fates?

_Cyn_. Ah, you must tell me one thing more first. Do the Fates
also control you Gods? Do _you_ depend from their thread?

_Zeus_. We do. Why do you smile?

_Cyn_. I was thinking of that bit in Homer, where he makes you
address the Gods in council, and threaten to suspend all the world
from a golden cord. You said, you know, that you would let the cord
down from Heaven, and all the Gods together, if they liked, might
take hold of it and try to pull you down, and they would never do
it: whereas you, if you had a mind to it, could easily pull them up,

And Earth and Sea withal.

I listened to that passage with shuddering reverence; I was much
impressed with the idea of your strength. Yet now I understand that
you and your cord and your threats all depend from a mere cobweb.
It seems to me Clotho should be the one to boast: she has you
dangling from her distaff, like a sprat at the end of a fishing-
line.

_Zeus_. I do not catch the drift of your questions.

_Cyn_. Come, I will speak my mind; and in the name of Destiny
and the Fates take not my candour amiss. If the case stands thus,
if the Fates are mistresses of all, and their decisions
unalterable, then why do men sacrifice to _you_, and bring
hecatombs, and pray for good at _your_ hands? If our prayers
can neither save us from evil nor procure us any boon from Heaven,
I fail to see what we get for our trouble.

_Zeus_. These are nice questions! I see how it is,--you have
been with the sophists; accursed race! who would deny us all
concern in human affairs. Yes, these are just the points they
raise, impiously seeking to pervert mankind from the way of
sacrifice and prayer: it is all thrown away, forsooth! the Gods
take no thought for mankind; they have no power on the earth. --Ah
well; they will be sorry for it some day.

_Cyn_. Now, by Clotho's own spindle, my questions are free
from all sophistic taint. How it has come about, I know not; but
one word has brought up another, and the end of it is--there is no
use in sacrifice. Let us begin again. I will put you a few more
questions; answer me frankly, but think before you speak, this
time.

_Zeus_. Well; if you have the time to waste on such
tomfoolery.

_Cyn_. Everything proceeds from the Fates, you say?

_Zeus_. Yes.

_Cyn_. And is it in your power to unspin what they have spun?

_Zeus_. It is not.

_Cyn_. Shall I proceed, or is the inference clear?

_Zeus_. Oh, clear enough. But you seem to think that people
sacrifice to us from ulterior motives; that they are driving a
bargain with us, _buying_ blessings, as it were: not at all;
it is a disinterested testimony to our superior merit.

_Cyn_. There you are, then. As you say, sacrifice answers no
useful purpose; it is just our good-natured way of acknowledging
your superiority. And mind you, if we had a sophist here, he would
want to know all about that superiority. You are our fellow slaves,
he would say; if the Fates are our mistresses, they are also yours.
Your immortality will not serve you; that only makes things worse.
We mortals, after all, are liberated by death: but for you there is
no end to the evil; that long thread of yours means eternal
servitude.

_Zeus_. But this eternity is an eternity of happiness; the
life of Gods is one round of blessings.

_Cyn_. Not all Gods' lives. Even in Heaven there are distinctions,
not to say mismanagement. _You_ are happy, of course: you are king,
and you can haul up earth and sea as it were a bucket from the
well. But look at Hephaestus: a cripple; a common blacksmith. Look
at Prometheus: _he_ gets nailed up on Caucasus. And I need not
remind you that your own father lies fettered in Tartarus at this
hour. It seems, too, that Gods are liable to fall in love; and to
receive wounds; nay, they may even have to take service with mortal
men; witness your brother Posidon, and Apollo, servants to Laomedon
and to Admetus. I see no great happiness in all this; some of you I
dare say have a very pleasant time of it, but not so others. I
might have added, that you are subject to robbery like the rest of
us; your temples get plundered, and the richest of you becomes a
pauper in the twinkling of an eye. To more than one of you it has
even happened to be melted down, if he was a gold or a silver God.
All destiny, of course.

_Zeus_. Take care, Cyniscus: you are going too far. You will
repent of this one day.

_Cyn_. Spare your threats: you know that nothing can happen to
me, except what Fate has settled first. I notice, for instance,
that even temple-robbers do not always get punished; most of them,
indeed, slip through your hands. Not destined to be caught, I
suppose.

_Zeus_. I knew it! you are one of those who would abolish
Providence.

_Cyn_. You seem to be very much afraid of these gentlemen, for
some reason. Not one word can I say, but you must think I picked it
up from them. Oblige me by answering another question; I could
desire no better authority than yours. What is this Providence? Is
she a Fate too? or some greater, a mistress of the Fates?

_Zeus_. I have already told you that there are things which it
is not proper for you to know. You said you were only going to ask
me one question, instead of which you go on quibbling without end.
I see what it is you are at: you want to make out that we Gods take
no thought for human affairs.

_Cyn_. It is nothing to do with me: it was you who said just
now that the Fates ordained everything. Have you thought better of
it? Are you going to retract what you said? Are the Gods going to
push Destiny aside and make a bid for government?

_Zeus_. Not at all; but the Fates work _through us_.

_Cyn_. I see: you are their servants, their underlings. But
that comes to the same thing: it is still they who design; you are
only their tools, their instruments.

_Zeus_. How do you make that out?

_Cyn_. I suppose it is pretty much the same as with a carpenter's
adze and drill: they do assist him in his work, but no one would
describe them as the workmen; we do not say that a ship has been
turned out by such and such an adze, or by such and such a drill;
we name the shipwright. In the same way, Destiny and the Fates are
the universal shipwrights, and you are their drills and adzes; and
it seems to me that instead of paying their respects and their
sacrifices to you, men ought to sacrifice to Destiny, and implore
_her_ favours; though even that would not meet the case, because I
take it that things are settled once and for all, and that the
Fates themselves are not at liberty to chop and change. If some one
gave the spindle a turn in the wrong direction, and undid all
Clotho's work, Atropus would have something to say on the subject.

_Zeus_. So! You would deprive even the Fates of honour? You
seem determined to reduce all to one level.