No More Learning

This city honours Heracles exceedingly,
And sacrifices to him in all the demes,
And at these sacred rites it never admits
The common men, or parasites, or beggars;
But out of all the citizens it picks
Twelve men of all the noblest families,
All men of property and character;
And then some rich men, imitating Heracles,
Select some parasites, not choosing those
Who are the wittiest men, but who know best
How to conciliate men's hearts with flattery;
So that if any one should eat a radish,
Or stinking shad, they'd take their oaths at once
That he had eaten lilies, roses, violets;
And that if any odious smell should rise,
They'd ask where you did get such fine incense.
So that because these men behave so basely,
That which was used to be accounted honourable,
Is now accounted base.

[37. ] G And Axionicus, in his Chalcidian, says -
When first I wished to play the parasite
With that Philoxenus, while youth did still
Raise down upon my cheeks, I learnt to bear
Hard blows from knuckles, and cups and dishes,
And bones, so great that oftentimes I was
[240] All over wounds; but still it paid me well,
For still the pleasure did exceed the pain.
And even in some sort I did esteem
The whole affair desirable for me.
Is a man quarrelsome, and eager too
To fight with me? I turn myself to him;
And all the blame which he docs heap upon me,
I own to be deserved; and am not hurt.
Does any wicked man call himself good?
I praise that man, and earn his gratitude.
Today if I should eat some boiled fish
I do not mind eating the rest tomorrow.
Such is my nature and my principle.

But Antidotus, in his play which is entitled Protochorus, introduces a man resembling those who in the Museium of Claudius still practise their sophistries; whom it is not even creditable to remember; and he represents him speaking thus-
Stand each one in your place, and listen to me,
Before I write my name, and take my cloak.
If any question should arise today
About those men who live as parasites,
I have at all times much esteemed their art,
And from my childhood have inclined to learn it.

[38. ] G And among the parasites these men are commemorated by name: Tithymallus, who is mentioned by Alexis in his Milesian Woman, and in his Odysseus the Weaver. And in his Olynthians he says -
This is your poor man, O my darling woman;
This is the only class, as men do say,
Who can put death to flight. Accordingly
This Tithymallus does immortal live.

And Dromon in his Psaltria says-
(A) I was above all things ashamed when I
Found that I was again to have a supper
For which I was to give no contribution.
(B) A shameful thing, indeed. Still you may see
Our Tithymallus on his way, more red
Than saffron or vermilion; and he blushes,
As you may guess, because he nothing pays.

And Timocles, in his Centaur, or Dexamenus, says -
Calling him Tithymallus, parasite.

And in his Caunians he says-
(A) Will any other thing appear? Be quick,
For Tithymallus has returned to life,
Who was quite dead, now that he well has boiled
Eight obols' worth of lupin seed.
(B) For he
Could not persist in starving himself, but only
In drinking wine at other men's expense.

And in his Letters he says -
Alas me, how I am in love! ye gods!
Not Tithymallus did so long to eat,
Nor Cormus ever to steal another's cloak,
Nor Neilus to eat cakes, nor Corydus
To exercise his teeth at other's cost.

And Antiphanes says in his Etruscan -
A. For he will not assist his friends for nothing.
B. You say that Tithymallus will be rich,
For as I understand you, he will get
Sufficient pay, and a collection suitable
From those within whose doors he freely sups.

[39. ] G [241] # Corydus ['Lark'] also was one of the most notorious parasites. And he is mentioned by Timocles, in his The Man who Rejoices at Misfortunes of others, thus -
To see a well-stocked market is a treat
To a rich man, but torture to a poor one.
Accordingly once Corydus, when he
Had got no invitation for the day,
Went to buy something to take home with him.
And who can cease to laugh at what befell him ? -
The man had only four-pence in his purse;
Gazing on tunnies, eels, crabs, rays, anchovies,
He bit his lips till the blood came in vain;
Then going round, "How much is this? " said he-
Then frightened at the price, he bought red herrings.

And Alexis, in Demetrius, or Philetaerus, says -
I fear to look at Corydus in the face,
Seeming so glad to dine with any one;
But I will not deny it; he's the same,
And never yet refused an invitation.

And in his Nurse he says -
This Corydus who has so often practised
His jokes and witticisms, wishes now
To be Blepaeus, and he's not far wrong,
For mighty are the riches of Blepaeus.

And Cratinus the younger in his Titans says -
Beware of Corydus the wary brass-founder;
Unless you make your mind up long before
To leave him nothing. And I warn you now
Never to eat your fish with such a man
As Corydus; for he's a powerful hand,
Brazen, unwearied, strong as fire itself.

But that Corydus used to cut jokes, and was fond of being laughed at for them, the same Alexis tells us in his Poets -
I have a great desire to raise a laugh,
And to say witty things, and gain a fame
Second alone to that of Corydus.

And Lynceus the Samian repeats several of his sayings, and asserts that his proper name was Eucrates. And he writes thus concerning him- "Eucrates, who was called Corydus, when he was once feasting with some one whose house was in a very shabby condition, said, 'A man who sups here ought to hold up the house with his left hand like the Caryatides. ' "

[40. ] G But Philoxenus, who was surnamed Pternocopis ['Ham-cleaver'], when it happened to be mentioned that thrushes were very dear, and that too while Corydus was present, who was said formerly to have prostituted himself - "I," said he, "can recollect when a lark [? ? ? ? ? ? ? ] only cost an obol. " (And Philoxenus too was a parasite, as Axionicus has stated in his Chalcidian. But the statement has already been quoted [ 239'f ]. ) Menander too mentions him in his Cecryphalus, calling him Pternocopis only. And Machon the comic writer mentions him. - But Machon was either a Corinthian or Sicyonian by birth, living, however, in my own city of Alexandria; and he was the tutor of Aristophanes the grammarian, as far as comedy went. And he died in Alexandria, and an inscription to the following effect is placed upon his tomb -
Bring, O light dust, the conqueror's ivy wreath
To Machon, who shall live beyond the tomb,
Machon the comic poet; for you hold
[242] No dirty drone, but you embrace at last
A worthy relic of antique renown.
These words from the old bard himself might flow,
City of Cecrops; even by the Nile
Is found at times a plant to all the Muses dear.

And surely this is equivalent to a statement that he was an Alexandrian by birth. However that may be, Machon mentions Corydus in these terms-
A messmate once asked Eucrates (Corydus)
On what terms he and Ptolemy did stand,
I'm sure, said he, I cannot tell myself:
For he makes me drink like any doctor;
But never gives me solid food to eat.

And Lynceus, in the second book of his treatise on Menander, says the men who got a reputation for saying witty things were Eucleides the son of Smicrinus, and Philoxenus called Pternocopis. And of them Eucleides did at times say clever remarks not unworthy of being written down and recollected; but in all other matters he was cold and disagreeable. But Philoxenus did not particularly excel in short curt sayings, but still whatever he said, whether, in the way of gossip, or of a bitter attack on any of his companions, or of relation of occurrences, was full of pleasant and witty conversation. And yet it happened that Eucleides was not very popular, but that Philoxenus was loved and respected by every one.

[41. ] G But Alexis, in his Trophonius, mentions a certain Moschion, a parasite, calling him "a messmate of every one," and saying -
Then comes Moschion,
Who bears the name of messmate in the world.

And in his Pancratiast, Alexis, giving a regular catalogue of the dinner hunters, says -
(A) First then there was Callimedon the crab;
Then Cobion, and Corydus, and Cyrebion,
Scombrus and Semidalis.
(B) Heracles!
This is a list of dishes, not of guests.

But Epicrates was nicknamed Cyrebion ['Pod'], and he was the son-in-law of Aeschines the orator, as Demosthenes tells us in the oration about the False Embassy. And Anaxandrides, in his Odysseus, mentions such epithets as these, which the Athenians used to affix to people out of joke; saying -
For you are always mocking one another;
I know it well. And if a man be handsome
You call him Holy Marriage . . . .
If a man be a perfect dwarf, a manikin,
You call him Drop. Is any one a dandy?
He is called Fop; you know an instance.
Does a man walk about all fat and heavy,
Like Democles? you call him Gravy Soup.
Does any one love dirt? his name is Dust.
Does any one bedaub his friends with flattery?
They call him Dinghy. Does one lack a supper ?
He is the Fasting mullet; and if
One casts one's eye upon a handsome youth,
They dub one the Smoke of Theagenes.
Does one in joke convey a lamb away?
They call one Atreus: or a ram? then Phrixus:
Or if you take a fleece, they name you Jason.

[42. ] G And [Matron] mentions Chaerephon the parasite in the passage before this. [243] But Menander mentions him likewise in the Head-dress: and in his Anger he says -
The man does not differ the least from Chaerephon,
Whoever he may be. He once was asked to supper
At four o'clock, and so he early rose,
And measuring the shadow on the dial
By the moon's light, he started off and came
To eat his supper at the break of day.

And in his Drunkenness he says -
That witty fellow Chaerephon delayed me,
Saying that he should make a marriage feast
The twenty-second of the month, that then
He might dine with his friends on the fourth,
For that the goddess's affairs were prospering.

And he mentions him also in his Man-woman, or the Cretan. But Timocles in his Letters mentions him especially as having attached himself as a parasite to Demotion, who was an intemperate man -
But Demotion was one who spared for nothing,
Thinking his money never could run dry,
But dinners gave to all who liked to come.
And Chaerephon, that wretchedest of men,
Treated his house as though it were his own.
And yet is not this a most shameful thing,
To take a branded slave for a parasite?
For he's a perfect clown, and not in want.

And Antiphanes says in his Scythian -
Let us go now to sup, just as we are.
Bearing our torches and our garlands with us;
It was thus that Chaerephon, when supperless,
Used to manoeuvre for an invitation.

And Timotheus says in his Puppy -
Let us start off to go to dinner now,
'Tis one of seven couches as he told me;
Though Chaerephon perhaps may add himself.

[43. ] G And Apollodorus the Carystian, in his Priestess, says -
They say that Chaerephon all uninvited
Came to the wedding feast of Ophelas,
Thrusting himself in in unheard-of fashion.
For carrying a basket and a garland
When it was dark, he said that he had come
By order of the bride, bringing some birds,
And on this pretext he did get his supper.

And in his Murdered Woman he says -
I Ares invoke, and mighty Victory,
To favour this my expedition.
I also call on Chaerephon - but then
He's sure to come, even if I call him not.

And Machon the comic writer says-
Once Chaerephon a lengthened journey took
Out of the city to a wedding feast,
And on his way met Diphilus the poet,
Who greeted him- "Take my advice, O Chaerephon,
And fasten four stout nails to your two cheeks;
Lest, while you shake your head in your long journey,
You should put both your jaws quite out of joint.

And in another place he says -
Chaerephon once was purchasing some meat,
And when the butcher was by chance, he says,
Cutting him out a joint with too much bone,
He said, O butcher, don't weigh me that bone.
Says he, The meat is sweet, indeed men say
[244] The meat is always sweetest near the bone.
But Chaerephon replied, it may be sweet,
But still it weighs much heavier than I like.

And Callimachus attributes to Chaerephon a certain treatise, in the list which he gives, entitled, A Catalogue of all sorts of Things. And he writes thus:- "Those who have written about feasts:- Chaerephon in his Cyrebion;" and then he quotes the first sentence- "Since you have often written to me;" and says that the work consisted of three hundred and seventy-five lines. And that Cyrebion was a parasite has been already mentioned.

[44. ] G # Machon also mentions Archephon the parasite, and says -
There was a parasite named Archephon,
Who, having sailed from Attica to Egypt,
Was asked by Ptolemy the king to supper.
Then many kinds of fish which cling to rocks
Were served up, genuine crabs, and dainty limpets;
And last of all appeared a large round dish
With three boiled tench of mighty size, at which
The guests all marvelled; and this Archephon
Ate of the char, and mackerel, and mullets,
Till he could eat no longer; when he never
Had tasted anything before more tender
Than sprats and minnows from the Phalerum;
But from the tench he carefully abstained.
And this did seem a most amazing thing,
So that the king inquired of Alcenor,
Whether the man had overlooked the tench.
The hunchback said; No, quite the contrary,
He was the first to see them, Ptolemy,
But still he will not touch them, for this fish
Is one he holds in awe; and he's afraid
And thinks it quite against his country's rules
That he, while bringing nothing to the feast,
Should dare to eat a fish which has a vote.

[45. ] G And Alexis in his Wine-Bibber introduces Stratius the parasite as grumbling at the man who gives him his dinner, and speaking thus -
I'd better be a parasite of Pegasus,
Or the sons of Boreas, or whoever else
Is faster still, than thus to Demeas
Eteobutades, the son of Laches,
For he is not content to walk, but flies.

And a little afterwards he says -
(A) Oh Stratius, dost thou love me?
(B) Aye, I do
More than my father, for he does not feed me;
But you do give the best of dinners daily.
(A) And do you pray the gods that I may live?
(B) No doubt I do; for how should I myself
Live if misfortune happened unto you?

And Axionicus the comic poet, in his Etruscan, mentions Gryllion the parasite in these words -
They cannot now make the excuse of wine,
As Gryllion was always used to do.

And Aristodemus, in the second book of his Memoranda of Laughable Things, gives the following list of parasites:- Sostratus the parasite of Antiochus the king, Evagoras the Hunchback, parasite of Demetrius Poliorcetes, and Phormion parasite of Seleucus. [245] And Lynceus the Samian, in his Apophthegms, says- "Silanus the Athenian, when Gryllion the parasite of Menander the satrap was passing by in a superb robe, and accompanied by a great number of attendants, being asked who he was, said, 'He is a jaw worthy of Menander. ' But Chaerephon the parasite, coming once to a wedding feast without being invited, and sitting down the last of all, when the gynaeconomi had counted those who were invited, and desired him to depart as having made the number of guests to exceed the legitimate number of thirty, said, 'Count us over again, and begin with me. ' "

[46. ] G And that it was a custom for the officers called gynaeconomi to superintend the banquets, and to examine into the number of those who had been invited, and see whether it was in accordance with the law, we may learn from Timocles in his Litigious Man, where he says-
Open the doors at once, that we may be
More in the light when the gynaeconomus
Enters and begins to count the guests,
As he is bound to do by this new law,
A marvellous statute. It were better far
That he should ask who are without a dinner.

And Menander says in his Head-dress -
Knowing that by some new law lately passed,
The cooks who minister at marriage feasts
Have given in their names and are enrolled
In the books of the gynaeconomi,
So that they may the number learn of those
Who are invited, lest a man should feast
More than the legal number.

And Philochorus, in the seventh book of his history of the Affairs of Attica [ Fr_65 ], says- The gynaeconomi used, in conjunction with the judges of the Areopagus, to examine the parties in private houses, and at marriage feasts, and at all other festivals and sacrifices.

[47. ] G # And Lynceus records the following sayings of Corydus:- "Once when a courtesan whose name was Gnome ['resolution'] was supping with Corydus, the wine ran short, on which he desired every one to contribute two obols; and said that Gnome should contribute whatever the people thought fit. And once when Polyctor the harp-player was eating lentil porridge, and had got a stone between his teeth, 'O you unhappy man! ' said Corydus, 'even a lentil strikes you. ' "

And perhaps he is the same person whom Machon mentions; for he says-
It seems that once a wretched harp-player,
Being about to build himself a house,
Begged of a friend to lend him a few stones;
And many more will I repay, he said,
When I've displayed my art to all the people.

And once, when somebody said to Corydus that he sometimes kissed the neck, and the breasts, and even the navel (? ? ? ? ? ? ? ) of his wife, "That is very wrong," said he; "for even Heracles went from Omphale to Hebe. " And when Phyromachus dipped a piece of bread into some lentil porridge, and upset the dish, he said that it was right that he should be fined, because he did not know how to eat properly, though he professed to. And once, at Ptolemy's table, when a rich meat dish was carried round to the guests, but was finished before it came to him- "O Ptolemy," said he, "am I drunk, or am I right in thinking that these dishes are carried round? " And when Chaerephon the parasite said that he was unable to stand much wine, he rejoined, "No, nor stand what [water] is put into the wine either. " And once, when at some entertainment Chaerephon rose up from supper quite naked- "O Chaerephon," said he, "you are just like a bottle, so that we can see how nearly full you are. " And when Demosthenes received that goblet from Harpalus - [246] "This man," said he, "who calls other men hard drinkers, has himself swallowed a large cup. " And, as he was in the habit of bringing dirty loaves to supper, once, when somebody else brought some which were blacker still, he said, "that he had not brought loaves, but the shades of loaves. "

[48. ] G And Philoxenus the parasite, who was surnamed Pternocopis, once was dining with Python, and olives (? ? ? ? ? ) were put on the table, and after a little while a dish of fish was brought; and he, striking the dish, said- He drove them with a lash [? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ' ? ? ? ? ? ]. And once, at supper, when the man who had invited him had set loaves of black bread before him, he said, "Do not give me too many, lest you should darken the room. " And Pausimachus said of a certain parasite who was maintained by an old woman, "That the man who lived with the old woman fared in exactly the contrary manner to the old woman herself; for that he was always large. " And he is the man of whom Machon writes in this manner:
They say that Moschion the water drinker
Once, when he was with friends in the Lyceium,
Seeing a parasite who was used to live
Upon a rich old woman, said to him,
"My friend, your fate is truly marvellous:
For your old dame does give you a big belly. "

And the same man, hearing of a parasite who was maintained by an old woman, and who lived in habits of daily intimacy with her, said -
Nothing is strange henceforth, she beings forth nothing,
But the man daily doth become big-bellied.

# And Ptolemaeus, the son of Agesarchus, a native of Megalopolis, in the second book of his history of Philopator, says that men to dine with the king were collected from every city, and that they were called jesters.

[49. ] G And Poseidonius of Apameia, in the twenty-third book of his histories, says [ Fr_17 ], "The Celts, even when they make war, take about with them companions to dine with them, whom they call parasites. And these men celebrate their praises before large companies assembled together, and also to private individuals who are willing to listen to them; they have also a description of people called Bards, who make them music; and these are poets, who recite their praises with songs. " And in his thirty-fourth book, the same writer speaks of a man whose name was Apollonius, as having been the parasite of Antiochus surnamed Grypus, king of Syria. # And Aristodemus relates that Bithys, the parasite of king Lysimachus, once, when Lysimachus threw a wooden figure of a scorpion on his cloak, leaped up in a great fright; but presently, when he perceived the truth, he said, "I, too, will frighten you, O king! - give me a talent. " For Lysimachus was very stingy. And Agatharchides of Cnidus, in the twenty-second book of his history of Europe, says that Anthemocritus the pancratiast was the parasite of Aristomachus, the tyrant of the Argives.

[50. ] G And Timocles has spoken in general terms of parasites in his Boxer, when he calls them episitioi, in these words -
You will find here some of the parasites
Who eat at other men's tables till they burst,
That you might say they give themselves to athletes
To act as punching bags.

And Pherecrates, in his Old Women, says -
(A) Bet you, my friend Smicythion, will not
Get your food quicker.
(B) Who, I pray, is this?
(A) I bring this greedy stranger everywhere
As if he were my hired slave or soldier.

For these men are properly called episitioi who do any service for their keep. [247] Plato says, in the fourth book of his treatise on the Republic [ 420'a ], "And the episitioi do these things, who do not, as others do, receive any wages in addition to their food. " And Aristophanes says, in his Storks -
For if you prosecute one wicked man,
Twelve episitioi will come against you,
And so defeat you by their evidence.

And Eubulus says, in his Daedalus -
He wishes to remain an episitios
Among them, and will never ask for wages.

[51.
] G And Diphilus, in his Synoris (and Synoris is the name of a courtesan) mentioning Euripides (and Euripides is the name given to a particular throw on the dice), and punning on the name of the poet, says this at the same time about parasites :-
(A) You have escaped well from such a throw.
(B) You are right witty.
(A) Well, lay down your drachma.
(B) That has been done: how shall I throw Euripides?
(A) Euripides will never save a woman.
See you not how he hates them in his tragedies?
But he has always fancied parasites,
And thus he speaks, you'll easily find the place:
"For every rich man who does not feed
At least three men who give no contribution,
Exile deserves and everlasting ruin. "
(B) Where is that passage?
(A) What is that to you?
'Tis not the play, but the intent that signifies.

And in the amended edition of the same play, speaking of a parasite in a passion, he says -
Is then the parasite angry? is he furious?
Not he: he only smears with gall the table.
And weans himself like any child from milk.

And immediately afterwards he adds-
(A) Then you may eat, O parasite.
(B) Just see
How he disparages that useful skill.
(A) Well, know you not that all men rank a parasite
Below a harp-player!

And in the play, which is entitled The Parasite, he says -
A surly man should never be a parasite.

[52. ] G And Menander, in his Passion, speaking of a friend who had refused an invitation to a marriage feast, says -
This to be a real friend: not one
Who asks, What time is dinner? as the rest do.
And, Why should we not all at once sit down?
And fishes for another invitation
To-morrow and next day, and then again
Asks if there's not a funeral feast to follow.

And Alexis in his Orestes, Nicostratus in his Plutus, Menander in his Drunkenness, and in his Lawgiver, speak in the same way; and Philonides, in his Buskins, says -
I being abstinent cannot endure
Such things as these.

But there are many other kindred nouns to the noun ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? : there is ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? , which has already been mentioned; and ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? , and ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? , and ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ; and besides these, there is ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? and ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? : and Anaxandrides uses the word ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? in his Huntsmen -
A son who feeds at home (? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ) is a great comfort.

And a man is called ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? who serves the city, not for hire, but gratis. Antiphanes, in his Scythian, says-
The ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? quickly doth become
A regular attendant at the assembly.

And Menander says, in his Ring -
We found a bridegroom willing to keep house (? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? )
At his own charge, for no dowry seeking.

And in his Harp-player he says -
You do not get your hearers there for nothing (? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ).

Crates uses the word ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? in his Deeds of Daring, saying -
He feeds his messmate (? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ) while he shivers thus
In Megabyzus' house, and he will have
Food for his wages.

[248] And he also uses the word in a peculiar sense in his Women dining together, where he says -
It is a well-bred custom not to assemble
A crowd of women, or to feast a multitude;
But to make a domestic (? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ) wedding feast.

And the word ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? is used by Alexis, in his Woman sitting up all Night, or the Weavers -
You will be but a walking bread-devourer (? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? )

And Menander calls a man who is useless, and who lives to no purpose, ? ? ?