No More Learning

LYSISTRATA. To exterminate the Boeotians to a man!

CALONICE. But surely you would spare the eels. [392]

LYSISTRATA. For Athens' sake I will never threaten so fell a doom; trust
me for that. However, if the Boeotian and Peloponnesian women join us,
Greece is saved.

CALONICE. But how should women perform so wise and glorious an
achievement, we women who dwell in the retirement of the household, clad
in diaphanous garments of yellow silk and long flowing gowns, decked out
with flowers and shod with dainty little slippers?

LYSISTRATA. Nay, but those are the very sheet-anchors of our
salvation--those yellow tunics, those scents and slippers, those
cosmetics and transparent robes.

CALONICE. How so, pray?

LYSISTRATA. There is not a man will wield a lance against another . . .

CALONICE. Quick, I will get me a yellow tunic from the dyer's.

LYSISTRATA. . . . or want a shield.

CALONICE. I'll run and put on a flowing gown.

LYSISTRATA. . . . or draw a sword.

CALONICE. I'll haste and buy a pair of slippers this instant.

LYSISTRATA. Now tell me, would not the women have done best to come?

CALONICE. Why, they should have _flown_ here!

LYSISTRATA. Ah! my dear, you'll see that like true Athenians, they will
do everything too late[393]. . . . Why, there's not a woman come from the
shoreward parts, not one from Salamis. [394]

CALONICE. But I know for certain they embarked at daybreak.

LYSISTRATA. And the dames from Acharnae! [395] why, I thought they would
have been the very first to arrive.

CALONICE. Theagenes wife[396] at any rate is sure to come; she has
actually been to consult Hecate. . . . But look! here are some arrivals--and
there are more behind. Ah! ha! now what countrywomen may they be?

LYSISTRATA. They are from Anagyra. [397]

CALONICE. Yes! upon my word, 'tis a levy _en masse_ of all the female
population of Anagyra!

MYRRHINE. Are we late, Lysistrata? Tell us, pray; what, not a word?

LYSISTRATA. I cannot say much for you, Myrrhine! you have not bestirred
yourself overmuch for an affair of such urgency.

MYRRHINE I could not find my girdle in the dark. However, if the matter
is so pressing, here we are; so speak.

LYSISTRATA. No, but let us wait a moment more, till the women of Boeotia
arrive and those from the Peloponnese.

MYRRHINE Yes, that is best. . . . Ah! here comes Lampito.

LYSISTRATA. Good day, Lampito, dear friend from Lacedaemon. How well and
handsome you look! what a rosy complexion! and how strong you seem; why,
you could strangle a bull surely!

LAMPITO. Yes, indeed, I really think I could. 'Tis because I do
gymnastics and practise the kick dance. [398]

LYSISTRATA. And what superb bosoms!

LAMPITO. La! you are feeling me as if I were a beast for sacrifice.

LYSISTRATA. And this young woman, what countrywoman is she?

LAMPITO. She is a noble lady from Boeotia.

LYSISTRATA. Ah! my pretty Boeotian friend, you are as blooming as a
garden.

CALONICE. Yes, on my word! and the garden is so prettily weeded too! [399]

LYSISTRATA. And who is this?

LAMPITO. 'Tis an honest woman, by my faith! she comes from Corinth.

LYSISTRATA. Oh! honest, no doubt then--as honesty goes at Corinth. [400]

LAMPITO. But who has called together this council of women, pray?

LYSISTRATA. I have.

LAMPITO. Well then, tell us what you want of us.

LYSISTRATA. With pleasure, my dear.

MYRRHINE. What is the most important business you wish to inform us
about?

LYSISTRATA. I will tell you. But first answer me one question.

MYRRHINE. What is that?

LYSISTRATA. Don't you feel sad and sorry because the fathers of your
children are far away from you with the army? For I'll undertake, there
is not one of you whose husband is not abroad at this moment.

CALONICE. Mine has been the last five months in Thrace--looking after
Eucrates. [401]

LYSISTRATA. 'Tis seven long months since mine left me for Pylos. [402]

LAMPITO. As for mine, if he ever does return from service, he's no sooner
back than he takes down his shield again and flies back to the wars.

LYSISTRATA. And not so much as the shadow of a lover! Since the day the
Milesians betrayed us, I have never once seen an eight-inch-long
_godemiche_ even, to be a leathern consolation to us poor widows. . . . Now
tell me, if I have discovered a means of ending the war, will you all
second me?

MYRRHINE. Yes verily, by all the goddesses, I swear I will, though I have
to put my gown in pawn, and drink the money the same day. [403]

CALONICE. And so will I, though I must be split in two like a flat-fish,
and have half myself removed.

LAMPITO. And I too; why, to secure Peace, I would climb to the top of
Mount Taygetus. [404]

LYSISTRATA. Then I will out with it at last, my mighty secret! Oh! sister
women, if we would compel our husbands to make peace, we must refrain. . . .

MYRRHINE. Refrain from what? tell us, tell us!

LYSISTRATA. But will you do it?

MYRRHINE. We will, we will, though we should die of it.

LYSISTRATA. We must refrain from the male organ altogether. . . . Nay, why
do you turn your backs on me? Where are you going? So, you bite your
lips, and shake your heads, eh? Why these pale, sad looks? why these
tears? Come, will you do it--yes or no? Do you hesitate?

MYRRHINE. No, I will not do it; let the War go on.

LYSISTRATA. And you, my pretty flat-fish, who declared just now they
might split you in two?

CALONICE. Anything, anything but that! Bid me go through the fire, if you
will; but to rob us of the sweetest thing in all the world, my dear, dear
Lysistrata!

LYSISTRATA. And you?

MYRRHINE. Yes, I agree with the others; I too would sooner go through the
fire.

LYSISTRATA. Oh, wanton, vicious sex! the poets have done well to make
tragedies upon us; we are good for nothing then but love and
lewdness! [405] But you, my dear, you from hardy Sparta, if _you_ join me,
all may yet be well; help me, second me, I conjure you.

LAMPITO. 'Tis a hard thing, by the two goddesses[406] it is! for a woman
to sleep alone without ever a standing weapon in her bed. But there,
Peace must come first.

LYSISTRATA. Oh, my dear, my dearest, best friend, you are the only one
deserving the name of woman!

CALONICE. But if--which the gods forbid--we do refrain altogether from
what you say, should we get peace any sooner?

LYSISTRATA. Of course we should, by the goddesses twain! We need only sit
indoors with painted cheeks, and meet our mates lightly clad in
transparent gowns of Amorgos[407] silk, and with our "mottes" nicely
plucked smooth; then their tools will stand like mad and they will be
wild to lie with us.
That will be the time to refuse, and they will
hasten to make peace, I am convinced of that!

LAMPITO. Yes, just as Menelaus, when he saw Helen's naked bosom, threw
away his sword, they say.

CALONICE. But, poor devils, suppose our husbands go away and leave us.

LYSISTRATA. Then, as Pherecrates says, we must "flay a skinned dog,"[408]
that's all.

CALONICE. Bah! these proverbs are all idle talk. . . . But if our husbands
drag us by main force into the bedchamber?

LYSISTRATA. Hold on to the door posts.

CALONICE. But if they beat us?

LYSISTRATA. Then yield to their wishes, but with a bad grace; there is no
pleasure for them, when they do it by force. Besides, there are a
thousand ways of tormenting them. Never fear, they'll soon tire of the
game; there's no satisfaction for a man, unless the woman shares it.

CALONICE. Very well, if you _will_ have it so, we agree.

LAMPITO. For ourselves, no doubt we shall persuade our husbands to
conclude a fair and honest peace; but there is the Athenian populace, how
are we to cure these folk of their warlike frenzy?

LYSISTRATA. Have no fear; we undertake to make our own people hear
reason.

LAMPITO. Nay, impossible, so long as they have their trusty ships and the
vast treasures stored in the temple of Athene.

LYSISTRATA. Ah! but we have seen to that; this very day the Acropolis
will be in our hands. That is the task assigned to the older women; while
we are here in council, they are going, under pretence of offering
sacrifice, to seize the citadel.

LAMPITO. Well said indeed! so everything is going for the best.

LYSISTRATA. Come, quick, Lampito, and let us bind ourselves by an
inviolable oath.

LAMPITO. Recite the terms; we will swear to them.

LYSISTRATA. With pleasure. Where is our Usheress? [409] Now, what are you
staring at, pray? Lay this shield on the earth before us, its hollow
upwards, and someone bring me the victim's inwards.

CALONICE. Lysistrata, say, what oath are we to swear?

LYSISTRATA. What oath? Why, in Aeschylus, they sacrifice a sheep, and
swear over a buckler;[410] we will do the same.

CALONICE. No, Lysistrata, one cannot swear peace over a buckler, surely.

LYSISTRATA. What other oath do you prefer?

CALONICE. Let's take a white horse, and sacrifice it, and swear on its
entrails.

LYSISTRATA. But where get a white horse from?

CALONICE. Well, what oath shall we take then?

LYSISTRATA. Listen to me. Let's set a great black bowl on the ground;
let's sacrifice a skin of Thasian[411] wine into it, and take oath not to
add one single drop of water.

LAMPITO. Ah! that's an oath pleases me more than I can say.

LYSISTRATA. Let them bring me a bowl and a skin of wine.

CALONICE. Ah! my dears, what a noble big bowl! what a delight 'twill be
to empty it!

LYSISTRATA. Set the bowl down on the ground, and lay your hands on the
victim. . . . Almighty goddess, Persuasion, and thou, bowl, boon comrade of
joy and merriment, receive this our sacrifice, and be propitious to us
poor women!

CALONICE. Oh! the fine red blood! how well it flows!

LAMPITO. And what a delicious savour, by the goddesses twain!

LYSISTRATA. Now, my dears, let me swear first, if you please.

CALONICE. No, by the goddess of love, let us decide that by lot.

LYSISTRATA. Come then, Lampito, and all of you, put your hands to the
bowl; and do you, Calonice, repeat in the name of all the solemn terms I
am going to recite. Then you must all swear, and pledge yourselves by the
same promises. --"_I will have naught to do whether with lover or
husband. . . . _"

CALONICE. _I will have naught to do whether with lover or husband. . . . _

LYSISTRATA. _Albeit he come to me with stiff and standing tool. . . . _

CALONICE. _Albeit he come to me with stiff and standing tool. . . . _ Oh!
Lysistrata, I cannot bear it!

LYSISTRATA. _I will live at home in perfect chastity. . . . _

CALONICE. _I will live at home in perfect chastity. . . . _

LYSISTRATA. _Beautifully dressed and wearing a saffron-coloured gown. . . . _

CALONICE. _Beautifully dressed and wearing a saffron-coloured gown. . . . _

LYSISTRATA. _To the end I may inspire my husband with the most ardent
longings. _

CALONICE. _To the end I may inspire my husband with the most ardent
longings. _

LYSISTRATA. _Never will I give myself voluntarily. . . . _

CALONICE. _Never will I give myself voluntarily. . . . _

LYSISTRATA. _And if he has me by force. . . . _

CALONICE. _And if he has me by force. . . . _

LYSISTRATA. _I will be cold as ice, and never stir a limb. . . . _

CALONICE. _I will be cold as ice, and never stir a limb. . . . _

LYSISTRATA. _I will not lift my legs in air. . . . _

CALONICE. _I will not lift my legs in air. . . . _

LYSISTRATA. _Nor will I crouch with bottom upraised, like carven lions on
a knife-handle_.

CALONICE. _Nor will I crouch with bottom upraised, like carven lions on a
knife-handle_.

LYSISTRATA. _An if I keep my oath, may I be suffered to drink of this
wine. _

CALONICE. _An if I keep my oath, may I be suffered to drink of this
wine_.

LYSISTRATA. _But if I break it, let my bowl be filled with water_.

CALONICE. _But if I break it, let my bowl be filled with water_.

LYSISTRATA. Will ye all take this oath?

MYRRHINE. Yes, yes!

LYSISTRATA. Then lo! I immolate the victim. (_She drinks. _)

CALONICE. Enough, enough, my dear; now let us all drink in turn to cement
our friendship.

LAMPITO. Hark!