Was not
therefore
to be
seen going out or coming in.
seen going out or coming in.
Samuel Beckett
WI'S contillLw on their res!
)('ctiye \\~a:s till tIll': can go no fnrth("r and together CO!
lle to resl.
Supine no\\ \Oll [('sunl<' \our fable whne tIl<' act of h ing cut it short.
50
Sl
. .
.
And persist till the conVI'E,e operation cuts it short
again. So in the clark wm huddled and now supine: Oll
toil in vain. j\ nd just as froll! the fornwr position to the
lattt'r tIl<' shift grows easil'r in time and ! llO[(' alacrious
L
so from the latter to the former the [('v("rse is lnw. Till from til<' occasional rdid it \\"as supineness ! Wl'OIll<'S habitual and finalh tht' rule. You nuw on \Ollr ! >ack in
the dark shall not rise to : our arse again to clasp: U lll'
legs in \our arms and how down lour hl'ad till it can o. .
lJ()W~
down no furtht'r. But with face llpturned for goud
labour in vain at \ our fable. Till finalh \OU ! Lear how
\\~ords arc comina to an end. With (-'ven inane \\unl ~.
a little nearer to the last. And hOi\ the faIlle tou. TIl<' fable of one with IOU in til<' dark. The falde of OlH'
;. . . ,
~
~
::. .
:::
. ~ oj
~
:::
;::
·f.
,/ m ;::
;:i
;. . . ,
~
From where she lies she sees Venus rise. On. From
where she lies when the skies are clear she sees Venus
rise followed by the sun. Then she rails at the sourC("
/
of all life. On. At evening when the skies are clear she
savours its star's revenge. At the other window. Rigid
upright on her old chair she watches for the radiant
one. Her old deal spindlebacked kitchen chair. It
emerges from out the last ra~sand sinking ever bright
er is engulfed in its turn. On. She sits on erect and G
rigid in the deepening gloom. Such helplessness to
move she cannot help. Heading on foot for a particular
point often she freezes on the wa~-. Unable till long
after to move on not kn(H\ing \vhither or for what pur
pose. DO\m on her knees especiall~ she fiuds it hard
not to remain so forever. Hand resting on hand on
L
some convenient support. Such as the foot of her bed. And on them her head. There then she sits as though
turned to stone face to the night. Save for the white of ,_
her hair and faintly bluish white of face and hands all
. ')'1
,
is black. For an e~-e having no need of light to see. All this in the present as had she the misfortune to be still of this world.
The cabin. Its situation. Careful. On. At the inexis tent centre of a formless place. Rather more circular than otherwise finally. Flat to be sure. To cross it in a straight line takes her from five to ten minutes. Depending on her speed and radius taken. Hen' she who loves to-here she who now can only straY never straYs. Stones increasingl~-abound. Ever scankr even
the rankest weed. Meagre pastures hem it round on which it slowly gains. With none to gainsay. To have
•LL•
gainsaid. As if doomed to spread. How come a cabin in such a place? How came? Careful. Bt'fon~ reph'ing that in th(~ far past at the tinw of its building there was clover growing to its ver~- walls. Imp]:'ing furthermore that it the culprit. And from it as from an evil core that the what is the wrong word the evil spread. And none to urge-none to haw urged its demolition. As if doomed to (>ndure. Question answered. Chalkstones of striking effect in the light of tht' moon. Let it be in
opposition when the skies are clear. Quick then still under the spell of Venus quick to the other window to see the other marvel rise. How whiter and whiter as it climbs it whitens more and more the stones. Rigid with face and hands against the pane she stands and marvels long.
The two zones form a roughl}- circular wholl'. As though outlined bv a trembling hand. Diameter. Care-
L•L
ful. Say one furlong. On an average. Be\'ond the un-
L
known. Mercifullv. The feeling at times of heing below
,LL
sea level. Especiall~-at night when the skies are clear.
Invisible nearby sea. Inaudible. The entire surface
under grass. Once clear of the zone of stones. Sa\T
L
\\'here it has receded from the chalky soil. Innumerable white scabs all shapes and sizes. Of strikimr effect in
t"'
the light of the moon. In the way of animals ovines L.
onh. After long hesitation. Thev are white and make do with little. Whence suddenh' come no knowing nor whither as suddenl~-gone. Unshepherded the~ stra~ as they list. Flowers? Careful. Alone the odd crocus still at lambing time. And lllan? Shut of at last'? Alas no.
SH
S0
L.
For will she not be surprised one da:- to find him gone? Surprised no she is be:-ond surprise. How man:-? A figure come what may. Tll-elve. 'ATherewith to furnish the horizon's narrOlI round. She raises her eyes and sees 0l1e. Turns away and sees another. So on. Ahl-ays afar. Still or recE'ding. She neyer once sml- one come toward her. Or she forgets. She foruets. Are tht'v
C' t" always the same? Do the\- see her? Enough.
A moor would haH' better met the case. "Vere there a case better to meet. ThfTe had to lw lambs. Riuhth
t" .
or wrongl:-. A moor would have allowed of them. Lambs for their \I-hitcness. And for Otlli'! ' reasons as yet obscure. Another reason. And so that there may be none. At lambing timt'. That from one moment to
the nt',,"t she l11a:- raise her ews to [mel them gone. A
moor would have allowed of tlli'm. In am- case too late.
AmI what lambs. X0 trace of frolic. White splotches
in the grass. Aloof from the unheeding ewes. Still.
Then a moment straYing. Then still again. To think
•,L
there is still life in this age. GentlY gently.
L•~•
She is drawn to a certain spot. At times. There stands a stone. It it is draws lwr. Rounded rectangular block three times as high as wide. Four. Her stature now. Her lowly stature. When it draws she must to it. She cannot see it from her door. Blindfold she could fmd her way. With herself she has no more converse. Never had much. Now none. As had she the misfor tune to be still of this world. But when the stone draws then to her feet the prayer, Take her. Especially at
night when the skies are clear. With moon or without.
They take her and halt her before it. There she too as
if of stone. But black. Sometimes in the light of the
L
moon. Most! y of the stars alone. Docs she envy it?
)
To the imaginary stranger the dwelling appears deserted. Under constant watch it betrays no sign of life. The eye glued to one or the other window has nothing but black drapes for its pains. Motionless against the door he listens long. No sound. Knocks. No answer. Watches all night in vain for the least glim mer. Returns at last to his own and avows, Noone.
60
61
She shows herself onh- to her own. But she has no own. Yes yes she has one. And who has her.
There was a time when she did not appear in the
zone of stones. A long time.
Was not therefore to be
seen going out or coming in. When she appeared onl:
in the pastures. Was not therefore to be seen leaving
them. Save as though by enchantment. But little by
little she began to appear. In the zone of stones. First
darkly. Then more and more plain. Till in detail she
could be seen crossing the threshold both wa:-s and
closing the door behind her. Then a time when within G
her walls she did not appear. A long time. But little b: little she began to appear. Within her walls. Darkly. Time truth to tell still current. Though she within them no more. This long time.
Yes within her walls so far at the window onlY. At one or the other window. Rapt before the sky. And onl;- half seen so far a pallet and a ghostl:- chair. III half seen. And how in her faint comings and goings she suddenly stops dead. And how hard set to rise up
from off her knees. But there too little by little she begins to appear more plain. Within her walls. As well as other objects. Such as under her pillow-such as deep in some recess this still shadow:- album. Perhaps in time be by her when she takes it on her knees. See the old fingers fumble through the pages. And what scenes the;- can possibl:- be that draw the head down lower still and hold it in thrall. In the meantime who knows no more than withered flowers. No more!
But quick seize her where she is best to be seized. In the pastures far from shelter. She crosses the zone of stones and is there. Clearer and clearer as she goes. Quick seeing she goes out less and less. And so to sa: only in winter. Winter in her winter haunts she wan ders. Far from shelter. Head bowed she makes her slow wavering way across the snow. It is evening. Yet again.
On the snow her long shadow keeps her company. The others are there. All about. The twelve. Afar. Still or receding. She raises her eyes and sees one. Turns away and sees another. Again she stops dead. Now the moment or never. But something forbids. Just time
62
63
The face must \\ait. Jlist time hefort, tIw l>\{; ea,. ;t down. \Vhere nothin~ to IJ(' s('en ill tIl(' ~razin~ ra\,. ; Intt ,. ;nO\\. :\m] hO\\~ all aJ)(jut litt]l' IJY litt}l' l1I'r footprint,. ; all' e('faced.
\\ hat i,. ; it defend,. ; h('f? E\Tn from her O\\n. ;\Yl'l'ts tl1l' intent ~azl" Incriminate,. ; tht, dearly won. ForlJids lh\~inin~ Iwr. \V hat hut lift' endin~. Hers. The Otlll'l"S. But ";0 otIwrwi,. ;t'. She nt'eds nothin~. Nothin~ utter
thc otl1l'r. H(m need in the eml? But
to JJ('£in to £Iilll}l,. ;e a frin£l' of }dack
\~('il.
wait for her to reappear. In order to resume. Resume the-what is the word? What the wrong word?
Riveted to some detail of the desert the eve fills with /
tears. Imagination at wit's end spreads its sad wings. Gone she hears one night the sea as if afar. Plucks up her long skirt to make better haste and discovers her boots and stockings to the calf. Tears. Last example the flagstone before her door that b:r- dint b:r- dint her little weight has grooved. Tears.
Before left for the stockings the boots have time to be ill buttoned. Weeping over as weeping will see now the buttonhook larger than life. Of tarnished silver pisciform it hangs b;~ its hook from a nail. It trembles faintly without cease. As if here without cease the earth faintl;' quaked. The oval handle is wrought to a sem blance of scales. The shank a little bent leads up to the hook the e:~e so far still dr:~. A lifetime of hooking has lessened its curvature. To the point at certain moments
of its seeming unfit for service. Child's pla:~ with a pliers to restore it. 'Was there once a time she did?
",
ahlt'.
hO\\? Ho\\ ]w(,d in the ('nd?
\\~I1l'rt'a,. ;
Times ,dwn she is gone. Lon£ lapses of time. At LL
crocus time it \\~oull] JJ(' makin? : for tll(' distant tomlJ.
To havt' that on the imagination! On top of the rest.
! 3eal'ing 1)\ the stem or round her arm the cross or
\\TPath. But she can be gone at any time. From one
L•
moment of the war to the next suddenly no longer there. ~o longer anywhere to he seen. Nor bv the eve
c. • ••
of flesh nor }l: the other. Then as suddenl:~there again. Long after. So on. Am other would renounce. Avow, No one. No one more. Any other than this other. In
64
6. 5
Careful. Once once in a way. Till she could no more. No more bring the jaws together. Oh not for weakness. Since when it hangs useless from the nail. Trembling imperceptibly without cease. Silver shimmers some evenings when the skies are clear. Close-up then. In which in defiance of reason the nail prevails. Long this image till suddenl:- it blurs.
She is there. Again. Let the e:-e from its vigil be
distracted a moment. At break or close of day. Dis
tracted by the sk:-. B:- something in the sk:-. So that
when it resumes the curtain ma\- be no longer closed.
•L.
Opened by her to let her see the sk:-. But even without that she is there. Without the curtain's being opened. Suddenly open. A flash. The suddenness of all! She still without stopping. On her wa:- without starting. Gone without going. Back without returning. Sud denl:' it is evening. Or dawn. The e:-e rivets the bare window. Nothing in the sk:- will distract it from it more. While she from within looks her fill. Pfft oc
culted. Nothing having stirred.
Alread: all confusion. Things and imaginings. . \s of
alwa:s. Confusion amounting to nothing. Despite pre
cautions. If onl:' she could be pure figment. Unalloyed.
This old so dying woman. So dead. In the madhouse of
,L.
the skull and nowhere else. Where no more precau tions to be taken. No precautions possible. Cooped up there with the rest. Hovel and stones. The lot. And the e:'e. How simple all then. If onh- all could be pure fig ment. Neither be nor been nor by am shift to he. Gently gently. On. Careful.
,,0 "
Here to the rescue two lights. Two small skYlights.
G •L.
Set in the high-pitched roof on either side. Each shed
ding dim light. No ceiling therefore. Necessarilv.
Otherwise with the curtains closed she would be in
the dark. Day and night in the dark. And what of it?
,L.
She is done with raising her e\-es. Nearly done. But
L.
50
Sl
. .
.
And persist till the conVI'E,e operation cuts it short
again. So in the clark wm huddled and now supine: Oll
toil in vain. j\ nd just as froll! the fornwr position to the
lattt'r tIl<' shift grows easil'r in time and ! llO[(' alacrious
L
so from the latter to the former the [('v("rse is lnw. Till from til<' occasional rdid it \\"as supineness ! Wl'OIll<'S habitual and finalh tht' rule. You nuw on \Ollr ! >ack in
the dark shall not rise to : our arse again to clasp: U lll'
legs in \our arms and how down lour hl'ad till it can o. .
lJ()W~
down no furtht'r. But with face llpturned for goud
labour in vain at \ our fable. Till finalh \OU ! Lear how
\\~ords arc comina to an end. With (-'ven inane \\unl ~.
a little nearer to the last. And hOi\ the faIlle tou. TIl<' fable of one with IOU in til<' dark. The falde of OlH'
;. . . ,
~
~
::. .
:::
. ~ oj
~
:::
;::
·f.
,/ m ;::
;:i
;. . . ,
~
From where she lies she sees Venus rise. On. From
where she lies when the skies are clear she sees Venus
rise followed by the sun. Then she rails at the sourC("
/
of all life. On. At evening when the skies are clear she
savours its star's revenge. At the other window. Rigid
upright on her old chair she watches for the radiant
one. Her old deal spindlebacked kitchen chair. It
emerges from out the last ra~sand sinking ever bright
er is engulfed in its turn. On. She sits on erect and G
rigid in the deepening gloom. Such helplessness to
move she cannot help. Heading on foot for a particular
point often she freezes on the wa~-. Unable till long
after to move on not kn(H\ing \vhither or for what pur
pose. DO\m on her knees especiall~ she fiuds it hard
not to remain so forever. Hand resting on hand on
L
some convenient support. Such as the foot of her bed. And on them her head. There then she sits as though
turned to stone face to the night. Save for the white of ,_
her hair and faintly bluish white of face and hands all
. ')'1
,
is black. For an e~-e having no need of light to see. All this in the present as had she the misfortune to be still of this world.
The cabin. Its situation. Careful. On. At the inexis tent centre of a formless place. Rather more circular than otherwise finally. Flat to be sure. To cross it in a straight line takes her from five to ten minutes. Depending on her speed and radius taken. Hen' she who loves to-here she who now can only straY never straYs. Stones increasingl~-abound. Ever scankr even
the rankest weed. Meagre pastures hem it round on which it slowly gains. With none to gainsay. To have
•LL•
gainsaid. As if doomed to spread. How come a cabin in such a place? How came? Careful. Bt'fon~ reph'ing that in th(~ far past at the tinw of its building there was clover growing to its ver~- walls. Imp]:'ing furthermore that it the culprit. And from it as from an evil core that the what is the wrong word the evil spread. And none to urge-none to haw urged its demolition. As if doomed to (>ndure. Question answered. Chalkstones of striking effect in the light of tht' moon. Let it be in
opposition when the skies are clear. Quick then still under the spell of Venus quick to the other window to see the other marvel rise. How whiter and whiter as it climbs it whitens more and more the stones. Rigid with face and hands against the pane she stands and marvels long.
The two zones form a roughl}- circular wholl'. As though outlined bv a trembling hand. Diameter. Care-
L•L
ful. Say one furlong. On an average. Be\'ond the un-
L
known. Mercifullv. The feeling at times of heing below
,LL
sea level. Especiall~-at night when the skies are clear.
Invisible nearby sea. Inaudible. The entire surface
under grass. Once clear of the zone of stones. Sa\T
L
\\'here it has receded from the chalky soil. Innumerable white scabs all shapes and sizes. Of strikimr effect in
t"'
the light of the moon. In the way of animals ovines L.
onh. After long hesitation. Thev are white and make do with little. Whence suddenh' come no knowing nor whither as suddenl~-gone. Unshepherded the~ stra~ as they list. Flowers? Careful. Alone the odd crocus still at lambing time. And lllan? Shut of at last'? Alas no.
SH
S0
L.
For will she not be surprised one da:- to find him gone? Surprised no she is be:-ond surprise. How man:-? A figure come what may. Tll-elve. 'ATherewith to furnish the horizon's narrOlI round. She raises her eyes and sees 0l1e. Turns away and sees another. So on. Ahl-ays afar. Still or recE'ding. She neyer once sml- one come toward her. Or she forgets. She foruets. Are tht'v
C' t" always the same? Do the\- see her? Enough.
A moor would haH' better met the case. "Vere there a case better to meet. ThfTe had to lw lambs. Riuhth
t" .
or wrongl:-. A moor would have allowed of them. Lambs for their \I-hitcness. And for Otlli'! ' reasons as yet obscure. Another reason. And so that there may be none. At lambing timt'. That from one moment to
the nt',,"t she l11a:- raise her ews to [mel them gone. A
moor would have allowed of tlli'm. In am- case too late.
AmI what lambs. X0 trace of frolic. White splotches
in the grass. Aloof from the unheeding ewes. Still.
Then a moment straYing. Then still again. To think
•,L
there is still life in this age. GentlY gently.
L•~•
She is drawn to a certain spot. At times. There stands a stone. It it is draws lwr. Rounded rectangular block three times as high as wide. Four. Her stature now. Her lowly stature. When it draws she must to it. She cannot see it from her door. Blindfold she could fmd her way. With herself she has no more converse. Never had much. Now none. As had she the misfor tune to be still of this world. But when the stone draws then to her feet the prayer, Take her. Especially at
night when the skies are clear. With moon or without.
They take her and halt her before it. There she too as
if of stone. But black. Sometimes in the light of the
L
moon. Most! y of the stars alone. Docs she envy it?
)
To the imaginary stranger the dwelling appears deserted. Under constant watch it betrays no sign of life. The eye glued to one or the other window has nothing but black drapes for its pains. Motionless against the door he listens long. No sound. Knocks. No answer. Watches all night in vain for the least glim mer. Returns at last to his own and avows, Noone.
60
61
She shows herself onh- to her own. But she has no own. Yes yes she has one. And who has her.
There was a time when she did not appear in the
zone of stones. A long time.
Was not therefore to be
seen going out or coming in. When she appeared onl:
in the pastures. Was not therefore to be seen leaving
them. Save as though by enchantment. But little by
little she began to appear. In the zone of stones. First
darkly. Then more and more plain. Till in detail she
could be seen crossing the threshold both wa:-s and
closing the door behind her. Then a time when within G
her walls she did not appear. A long time. But little b: little she began to appear. Within her walls. Darkly. Time truth to tell still current. Though she within them no more. This long time.
Yes within her walls so far at the window onlY. At one or the other window. Rapt before the sky. And onl;- half seen so far a pallet and a ghostl:- chair. III half seen. And how in her faint comings and goings she suddenly stops dead. And how hard set to rise up
from off her knees. But there too little by little she begins to appear more plain. Within her walls. As well as other objects. Such as under her pillow-such as deep in some recess this still shadow:- album. Perhaps in time be by her when she takes it on her knees. See the old fingers fumble through the pages. And what scenes the;- can possibl:- be that draw the head down lower still and hold it in thrall. In the meantime who knows no more than withered flowers. No more!
But quick seize her where she is best to be seized. In the pastures far from shelter. She crosses the zone of stones and is there. Clearer and clearer as she goes. Quick seeing she goes out less and less. And so to sa: only in winter. Winter in her winter haunts she wan ders. Far from shelter. Head bowed she makes her slow wavering way across the snow. It is evening. Yet again.
On the snow her long shadow keeps her company. The others are there. All about. The twelve. Afar. Still or receding. She raises her eyes and sees one. Turns away and sees another. Again she stops dead. Now the moment or never. But something forbids. Just time
62
63
The face must \\ait. Jlist time hefort, tIw l>\{; ea,. ;t down. \Vhere nothin~ to IJ(' s('en ill tIl(' ~razin~ ra\,. ; Intt ,. ;nO\\. :\m] hO\\~ all aJ)(jut litt]l' IJY litt}l' l1I'r footprint,. ; all' e('faced.
\\ hat i,. ; it defend,. ; h('f? E\Tn from her O\\n. ;\Yl'l'ts tl1l' intent ~azl" Incriminate,. ; tht, dearly won. ForlJids lh\~inin~ Iwr. \V hat hut lift' endin~. Hers. The Otlll'l"S. But ";0 otIwrwi,. ;t'. She nt'eds nothin~. Nothin~ utter
thc otl1l'r. H(m need in the eml? But
to JJ('£in to £Iilll}l,. ;e a frin£l' of }dack
\~('il.
wait for her to reappear. In order to resume. Resume the-what is the word? What the wrong word?
Riveted to some detail of the desert the eve fills with /
tears. Imagination at wit's end spreads its sad wings. Gone she hears one night the sea as if afar. Plucks up her long skirt to make better haste and discovers her boots and stockings to the calf. Tears. Last example the flagstone before her door that b:r- dint b:r- dint her little weight has grooved. Tears.
Before left for the stockings the boots have time to be ill buttoned. Weeping over as weeping will see now the buttonhook larger than life. Of tarnished silver pisciform it hangs b;~ its hook from a nail. It trembles faintly without cease. As if here without cease the earth faintl;' quaked. The oval handle is wrought to a sem blance of scales. The shank a little bent leads up to the hook the e:~e so far still dr:~. A lifetime of hooking has lessened its curvature. To the point at certain moments
of its seeming unfit for service. Child's pla:~ with a pliers to restore it. 'Was there once a time she did?
",
ahlt'.
hO\\? Ho\\ ]w(,d in the ('nd?
\\~I1l'rt'a,. ;
Times ,dwn she is gone. Lon£ lapses of time. At LL
crocus time it \\~oull] JJ(' makin? : for tll(' distant tomlJ.
To havt' that on the imagination! On top of the rest.
! 3eal'ing 1)\ the stem or round her arm the cross or
\\TPath. But she can be gone at any time. From one
L•
moment of the war to the next suddenly no longer there. ~o longer anywhere to he seen. Nor bv the eve
c. • ••
of flesh nor }l: the other. Then as suddenl:~there again. Long after. So on. Am other would renounce. Avow, No one. No one more. Any other than this other. In
64
6. 5
Careful. Once once in a way. Till she could no more. No more bring the jaws together. Oh not for weakness. Since when it hangs useless from the nail. Trembling imperceptibly without cease. Silver shimmers some evenings when the skies are clear. Close-up then. In which in defiance of reason the nail prevails. Long this image till suddenl:- it blurs.
She is there. Again. Let the e:-e from its vigil be
distracted a moment. At break or close of day. Dis
tracted by the sk:-. B:- something in the sk:-. So that
when it resumes the curtain ma\- be no longer closed.
•L.
Opened by her to let her see the sk:-. But even without that she is there. Without the curtain's being opened. Suddenly open. A flash. The suddenness of all! She still without stopping. On her wa:- without starting. Gone without going. Back without returning. Sud denl:' it is evening. Or dawn. The e:-e rivets the bare window. Nothing in the sk:- will distract it from it more. While she from within looks her fill. Pfft oc
culted. Nothing having stirred.
Alread: all confusion. Things and imaginings. . \s of
alwa:s. Confusion amounting to nothing. Despite pre
cautions. If onl:' she could be pure figment. Unalloyed.
This old so dying woman. So dead. In the madhouse of
,L.
the skull and nowhere else. Where no more precau tions to be taken. No precautions possible. Cooped up there with the rest. Hovel and stones. The lot. And the e:'e. How simple all then. If onh- all could be pure fig ment. Neither be nor been nor by am shift to he. Gently gently. On. Careful.
,,0 "
Here to the rescue two lights. Two small skYlights.
G •L.
Set in the high-pitched roof on either side. Each shed
ding dim light. No ceiling therefore. Necessarilv.
Otherwise with the curtains closed she would be in
the dark. Day and night in the dark. And what of it?
,L.
She is done with raising her e\-es. Nearly done. But
L.
