No More Learning

Don't say anything; but stay
with me. I dread sleeping: my dreams appal me. '

'A sound sleep would do you good, ma'am,' I answered: 'and I hope this
suffering will prevent your trying starving again. '

'Oh, if I were but in my own bed in the old house! ' she went on bitterly,
wringing her hands. 'And that wind sounding in the firs by the lattice.
Do let me feel it--it comes straight down the moor--do let me have one
breath! ' To pacify her I held the casement ajar a few seconds. A cold
blast rushed through; I closed it, and returned to my post. She lay
still now, her face bathed in tears. Exhaustion of body had entirely
subdued her spirit: our fiery Catherine was no better than a wailing
child.

'How long is it since I shut myself in here? ' she asked, suddenly
reviving.

'It was Monday evening,' I replied, 'and this is Thursday night, or
rather Friday morning, at present. '

'What! of the same week? ' she exclaimed. 'Only that brief time? '

'Long enough to live on nothing but cold water and ill-temper,' observed
I.

'Well, it seems a weary number of hours,' she muttered doubtfully: 'it
must be more. I remember being in the parlour after they had quarrelled,
and Edgar being cruelly provoking, and me running into this room
desperate. As soon as ever I had barred the door, utter blackness
overwhelmed me, and I fell on the floor. I couldn't explain to Edgar how
certain I felt of having a fit, or going raging mad, if he persisted in
teasing me! I had no command of tongue, or brain, and he did not guess
my agony, perhaps: it barely left me sense to try to escape from him and
his voice. Before I recovered sufficiently to see and hear, it began to
be dawn, and, Nelly, I'll tell you what I thought, and what has kept
recurring and recurring till I feared for my reason. I thought as I lay
there, with my head against that table leg, and my eyes dimly discerning
the grey square of the window, that I was enclosed in the oak-panelled
bed at home; and my heart ached with some great grief which, just
waking, I could not recollect. I pondered, and worried myself to
discover what it could be, and, most strangely, the whole last seven
years of my life grew a blank! I did not recall that they had been at
all. I was a child; my father was just buried, and my misery arose from
the separation that Hindley had ordered between me and Heathcliff. I was
laid alone, for the first time; and, rousing from a dismal doze after a
night of weeping, I lifted my hand to push the panels aside: it struck
the table-top! I swept it along the carpet, and then memory burst in: my
late anguish was swallowed in a paroxysm of despair. I cannot say why I
felt so wildly wretched: it must have been temporary derangement; for
there is scarcely cause. But, supposing at twelve years old I had been
wrenched from the Heights, and every early association, and my all in
all, as Heathcliff was at that time, and been converted at a stroke into
Mrs. Linton, the lady of Thrushcross Grange, and the wife of a stranger:
an exile, and outcast, thenceforth, from what had been my world. You may
fancy a glimpse of the abyss where I grovelled! Shake your head as you
will, Nelly, you have helped to unsettle me! You should have spoken to
Edgar, indeed you should, and compelled him to leave me quiet! Oh, I'm
burning! I wish I were out of doors! I wish I were a girl again, half
savage and hardy, and free; and laughing at injuries, not maddening
under them! Why am I so changed? why does my blood rush into a hell of
tumult at a few words? I'm sure I should be myself were I once among the
heather on those hills. Open the window again wide: fasten it open!
Quick, why don't you move? '

'Because I won't give you your death of cold,' I answered.

'You won't give me a chance of life, you mean,' she said, sullenly.
'However, I'm not helpless yet; I'll open it myself. '

And sliding from the bed before I could hinder her, she crossed the room,
walking very uncertainly, threw it back, and bent out, careless of the
frosty air that cut about her shoulders as keen as a knife. I entreated,
and finally attempted to force her to retire. But I soon found her
delirious strength much surpassed mine (she was delirious, I became
convinced by her subsequent actions and ravings). There was no moon, and
everything beneath lay in misty darkness: not a light gleamed from any
house, far or near all had been extinguished long ago: and those at
Wuthering Heights were never visible--still she asserted she caught their
shining.

'Look! ' she cried eagerly, 'that's my room with the candle in it, and the
trees swaying before it; and the other candle is in Joseph's garret.
Joseph sits up late, doesn't he? He's waiting till I come home that he
may lock the gate. Well, he'll wait a while yet. It's a rough journey,
and a sad heart to travel it; and we must pass by Gimmerton Kirk to go
that journey! We've braved its ghosts often together, and dared each
other to stand among the graves and ask them to come. But, Heathcliff,
if I dare you now, will you venture? If you do, I'll keep you. I'll not
lie there by myself: they may bury me twelve feet deep, and throw the
church down over me, but I won't rest till you are with me. I never
will! '

She paused, and resumed with a strange smile. 'He's considering--he'd
rather I'd come to him! Find a way, then! not through that kirkyard. You
are slow! Be content, you always followed me! '

Perceiving it vain to argue against her insanity, I was planning how I
could reach something to wrap about her, without quitting my hold of
herself (for I could not trust her alone by the gaping lattice), when, to
my consternation, I heard the rattle of the door-handle, and Mr. Linton
entered. He had only then come from the library; and, in passing through
the lobby, had noticed our talking and been attracted by curiosity, or
fear, to examine what it signified, at that late hour.

'Oh, sir! ' I cried, checking the exclamation risen to his lips at the
sight which met him, and the bleak atmosphere of the chamber. 'My poor
mistress is ill, and she quite masters me: I cannot manage her at all;
pray, come and persuade her to go to bed. Forget your anger, for she's
hard to guide any way but her own. '

'Catherine ill? ' he said, hastening to us. 'Shut the window, Ellen!
Catherine! why--'

He was silent. The haggardness of Mrs. Linton's appearance smote him
speechless, and he could only glance from her to me in horrified
astonishment.

'She's been fretting here,' I continued, 'and eating scarcely anything,
and never complaining: she would admit none of us till this evening, and
so we couldn't inform you of her state, as we were not aware of it
ourselves; but it is nothing. '

I felt I uttered my explanations awkwardly; the master frowned. 'It is
nothing, is it, Ellen Dean? ' he said sternly. 'You shall account more
clearly for keeping me ignorant of this! ' And he took his wife in his
arms, and looked at her with anguish.

At first she gave him no glance of recognition: he was invisible to her
abstracted gaze. The delirium was not fixed, however; having weaned her
eyes from contemplating the outer darkness, by degrees she centred her
attention on him, and discovered who it was that held her.

'Ah! you are come, are you, Edgar Linton? ' she said, with angry
animation. 'You are one of those things that are ever found when least
wanted, and when you are wanted, never! I suppose we shall have plenty
of lamentations now--I see we shall--but they can't keep me from my
narrow home out yonder: my resting-place, where I'm bound before spring
is over! There it is: not among the Lintons, mind, under the
chapel-roof, but in the open air, with a head-stone; and you may please
yourself whether you go to them or come to me! '

'Catherine, what have you done? ' commenced the master. 'Am I nothing to
you any more? Do you love that wretch Heath--'

'Hush! ' cried Mrs. Linton. 'Hush, this moment! You mention that name
and I end the matter instantly by a spring from the window! What you
touch at present you may have; but my soul will be on that hill-top
before you lay hands on me again. I don't want you, Edgar: I'm past
wanting you. Return to your books. I'm glad you possess a consolation,
for all you had in me is gone. '

'Her mind wanders, sir,' I interposed. 'She has been talking nonsense
the whole evening; but let her have quiet, and proper attendance, and
she'll rally. Hereafter, we must be cautious how we vex her. '

'I desire no further advice from you,' answered Mr. Linton. 'You knew
your mistress's nature, and you encouraged me to harass her. And not to
give me one hint of how she has been these three days! It was heartless!
Months of sickness could not cause such a change! '

I began to defend myself, thinking it too bad to be blamed for another's
wicked waywardness. 'I knew Mrs. Linton's nature to be headstrong and
domineering,' cried I: 'but I didn't know that you wished to foster her
fierce temper! I didn't know that, to humour her, I should wink at Mr.
Heathcliff. I performed the duty of a faithful servant in telling you,
and I have got a faithful servant's wages! Well, it will teach me to be
careful next time. Next time you may gather intelligence for yourself! '

'The next time you bring a tale to me you shall quit my service, Ellen
Dean,' he replied.

'You'd rather hear nothing about it, I suppose, then, Mr. Linton? ' said
I. 'Heathcliff has your permission to come a-courting to Miss, and to
drop in at every opportunity your absence offers, on purpose to poison
the mistress against you? '

Confused as Catherine was, her wits were alert at applying our
conversation.

'Ah! Nelly has played traitor,' she exclaimed, passionately. 'Nelly is
my hidden enemy. You witch! So you do seek elf-bolts to hurt us! Let
me go, and I'll make her rue! I'll make her howl a recantation! '

A maniac's fury kindled under her brows; she struggled desperately to
disengage herself from Linton's arms. I felt no inclination to tarry the
event; and, resolving to seek medical aid on my own responsibility, I
quitted the chamber.

In passing the garden to reach the road, at a place where a bridle hook
is driven into the wall, I saw something white moved irregularly,
evidently by another agent than the wind. Notwithstanding my hurry, I
stayed to examine it, lest ever after I should have the conviction
impressed on my imagination that it was a creature of the other world. My
surprise and perplexity were great on discovering, by touch more than
vision, Miss Isabella's springer, Fanny, suspended by a handkerchief, and
nearly at its last gasp. I quickly released the animal, and lifted it
into the garden. I had seen it follow its mistress up-stairs when she
went to bed; and wondered much how it could have got out there, and what
mischievous person had treated it so. While untying the knot round the
hook, it seemed to me that I repeatedly caught the beat of horses' feet
galloping at some distance; but there were such a number of things to
occupy my reflections that I hardly gave the circumstance a thought:
though it was a strange sound, in that place, at two o'clock in the
morning.

Mr. Kenneth was fortunately just issuing from his house to see a patient
in the village as I came up the street; and my account of Catherine
Linton's malady induced him to accompany me back immediately. He was a
plain rough man; and he made no scruple to speak his doubts of her
surviving this second attack; unless she were more submissive to his
directions than she had shown herself before.

'Nelly Dean,' said he, 'I can't help fancying there's an extra cause for
this. What has there been to do at the Grange? We've odd reports up
here. A stout, hearty lass like Catherine does not fall ill for a
trifle; and that sort of people should not either. It's hard work
bringing them through fevers, and such things. How did it begin? '

'The master will inform you,' I answered; 'but you are acquainted with
the Earnshaws' violent dispositions, and Mrs. Linton caps them all. I
may say this; it commenced in a quarrel. She was struck during a tempest
of passion with a kind of fit. That's her account, at least: for she
flew off in the height of it, and locked herself up. Afterwards, she
refused to eat, and now she alternately raves and remains in a half
dream; knowing those about her, but having her mind filled with all sorts
of strange ideas and illusions. '

'Mr. Linton will be sorry? ' observed Kenneth, interrogatively.

'Sorry? he'll break his heart should anything happen! ' I replied. 'Don't
alarm him more than necessary. '

'Well, I told him to beware,' said my companion; 'and he must bide the
consequences of neglecting my warning! Hasn't he been intimate with Mr.
Heathcliff lately? '

'Heathcliff frequently visits at the Grange,' answered I, 'though more on
the strength of the mistress having known him when a boy, than because
the master likes his company. At present he's discharged from the
trouble of calling; owing to some presumptuous aspirations after Miss
Linton which he manifested. I hardly think he'll be taken in again. '

'And does Miss Linton turn a cold shoulder on him? ' was the doctor's next
question.

'I'm not in her confidence,' returned I, reluctant to continue the
subject.

'No, she's a sly one,' he remarked, shaking his head. 'She keeps her own
counsel! But she's a real little fool. I have it from good authority
that last night (and a pretty night it was! ) she and Heathcliff were
walking in the plantation at the back of your house above two hours; and
he pressed her not to go in again, but just mount his horse and away with
him! My informant said she could only put him off by pledging her word
of honour to be prepared on their first meeting after that: when it was
to be he didn't hear; but you urge Mr. Linton to look sharp! '

This news filled me with fresh fears; I outstripped Kenneth, and ran most
of the way back. The little dog was yelping in the garden yet. I spared
a minute to open the gate for it, but instead of going to the house door,
it coursed up and down snuffing the grass, and would have escaped to the
road, had I not seized it and conveyed it in with me. On ascending to
Isabella's room, my suspicions were confirmed: it was empty. Had I been
a few hours sooner Mrs. Linton's illness might have arrested her rash
step. But what could be done now? There was a bare possibility of
overtaking them if pursued instantly. _I_ could not pursue them,
however; and I dared not rouse the family, and fill the place with
confusion; still less unfold the business to my master, absorbed as he
was in his present calamity, and having no heart to spare for a second
grief! I saw nothing for it but to hold my tongue, and suffer matters to
take their course; and Kenneth being arrived, I went with a badly
composed countenance to announce him. Catherine lay in a troubled sleep:
her husband had succeeded in soothing the excess of frenzy; he now hung
over her pillow, watching every shade and every change of her painfully
expressive features.

The doctor, on examining the case for himself, spoke hopefully to him of
its having a favourable termination, if we could only preserve around her
perfect and constant tranquillity. To me, he signified the threatening
danger was not so much death, as permanent alienation of intellect.

I did not close my eyes that night, nor did Mr. Linton: indeed, we never
went to bed; and the servants were all up long before the usual hour,
moving through the house with stealthy tread, and exchanging whispers as
they encountered each other in their vocations.
Every one was active but
Miss Isabella; and they began to remark how sound she slept: her brother,
too, asked if she had risen, and seemed impatient for her presence, and
hurt that she showed so little anxiety for her sister-in-law. I trembled
lest he should send me to call her; but I was spared the pain of being
the first proclaimant of her flight. One of the maids, a thoughtless
girl, who had been on an early errand to Gimmerton, came panting
up-stairs, open-mouthed, and dashed into the chamber, crying: 'Oh, dear,
dear! What mun we have next? Master, master, our young lady--'

'Hold your noise! ' cried, I hastily, enraged at her clamorous manner.

'Speak lower, Mary--What is the matter? ' said Mr. Linton. 'What ails
your young lady? '

'She's gone, she's gone! Yon' Heathcliff's run off wi' her! ' gasped the
girl.

'That is not true! ' exclaimed Linton, rising in agitation. 'It cannot
be: how has the idea entered your head? Ellen Dean, go and seek her. It
is incredible: it cannot be. '

As he spoke he took the servant to the door, and then repeated his demand
to know her reasons for such an assertion.

'Why, I met on the road a lad that fetches milk here,' she stammered,
'and he asked whether we weren't in trouble at the Grange. I thought he
meant for missis's sickness, so I answered, yes. Then says he, "There's
somebody gone after 'em, I guess? " I stared. He saw I knew nought about
it, and he told how a gentleman and lady had stopped to have a horse's
shoe fastened at a blacksmith's shop, two miles out of Gimmerton, not
very long after midnight! and how the blacksmith's lass had got up to spy
who they were: she knew them both directly. And she noticed the
man--Heathcliff it was, she felt certain: nob'dy could mistake him,
besides--put a sovereign in her father's hand for payment. The lady had
a cloak about her face; but having desired a sup of water, while she
drank it fell back, and she saw her very plain. Heathcliff held both
bridles as they rode on, and they set their faces from the village, and
went as fast as the rough roads would let them. The lass said nothing to
her father, but she told it all over Gimmerton this morning. '

I ran and peeped, for form's sake, into Isabella's room; confirming, when
I returned, the servant's statement. Mr. Linton had resumed his seat by
the bed; on my re-entrance, he raised his eyes, read the meaning of my
blank aspect, and dropped them without giving an order, or uttering a
word.

'Are we to try any measures for overtaking and bringing her back,' I
inquired. 'How should we do? '

'She went of her own accord,' answered the master; 'she had a right to go
if she pleased. Trouble me no more about her. Hereafter she is only my
sister in name: not because I disown her, but because she has disowned
me. '

And that was all he said on the subject: he did not make single inquiry
further, or mention her in any way, except directing me to send what
property she had in the house to her fresh home, wherever it was, when I
knew it.




CHAPTER XIII


For two months the fugitives remained absent; in those two months, Mrs.
Linton encountered and conquered the worst shock of what was denominated
a brain fever. No mother could have nursed an only child more devotedly
than Edgar tended her. Day and night he was watching, and patiently
enduring all the annoyances that irritable nerves and a shaken reason
could inflict; and, though Kenneth remarked that what he saved from the
grave would only recompense his care by forming the source of constant
future anxiety--in fact, that his health and strength were being
sacrificed to preserve a mere ruin of humanity--he knew no limits in
gratitude and joy when Catherine's life was declared out of danger; and
hour after hour he would sit beside her, tracing the gradual return to
bodily health, and flattering his too sanguine hopes with the illusion
that her mind would settle back to its right balance also, and she would
soon be entirely her former self.

The first time she left her chamber was at the commencement of the
following March. Mr. Linton had put on her pillow, in the morning, a
handful of golden crocuses; her eye, long stranger to any gleam of
pleasure, caught them in waking, and shone delighted as she gathered them
eagerly together.

'These are the earliest flowers at the Heights,' she exclaimed. 'They
remind me of soft thaw winds, and warm sunshine, and nearly melted snow.
Edgar, is there not a south wind, and is not the snow almost gone? '

'The snow is quite gone down here, darling,' replied her husband; 'and I
only see two white spots on the whole range of moors: the sky is blue,
and the larks are singing, and the becks and brooks are all brim full.
Catherine, last spring at this time, I was longing to have you under this
roof; now, I wish you were a mile or two up those hills: the air blows so
sweetly, I feel that it would cure you. '

'I shall never be there but once more,' said the invalid; 'and then
you'll leave me, and I shall remain for ever. Next spring you'll long
again to have me under this roof, and you'll look back and think you were
happy to-day. '

Linton lavished on her the kindest caresses, and tried to cheer her by
the fondest words; but, vaguely regarding the flowers, she let the tears
collect on her lashes and stream down her cheeks unheeding. We knew she
was really better, and, therefore, decided that long confinement to a
single place produced much of this despondency, and it might be partially
removed by a change of scene. The master told me to light a fire in the
many-weeks' deserted parlour, and to set an easy-chair in the sunshine by
the window; and then he brought her down, and she sat a long while
enjoying the genial heat, and, as we expected, revived by the objects
round her: which, though familiar, were free from the dreary associations
investing her hated sick chamber. By evening she seemed greatly
exhausted; yet no arguments could persuade her to return to that
apartment, and I had to arrange the parlour sofa for her bed, till
another room could be prepared. To obviate the fatigue of mounting and
descending the stairs, we fitted up this, where you lie at present--on
the same floor with the parlour; and she was soon strong enough to move
from one to the other, leaning on Edgar's arm. Ah, I thought myself, she
might recover, so waited on as she was. And there was double cause to
desire it, for on her existence depended that of another: we cherished
the hope that in a little while Mr. Linton's heart would be gladdened,
and his lands secured from a stranger's gripe, by the birth of an heir.

I should mention that Isabella sent to her brother, some six weeks from
her departure, a short note, announcing her marriage with Heathcliff. It
appeared dry and cold; but at the bottom was dotted in with pencil an
obscure apology, and an entreaty for kind remembrance and reconciliation,
if her proceeding had offended him: asserting that she could not help it
then, and being done, she had now no power to repeal it. Linton did not
reply to this, I believe; and, in a fortnight more, I got a long letter,
which I considered odd, coming from the pen of a bride just out of the
honeymoon. I'll read it: for I keep it yet. Any relic of the dead is
precious, if they were valued living.

* * * * *

DEAR ELLEN, it begins,--I came last night to Wuthering Heights, and
heard, for the first time, that Catherine has been, and is yet, very ill.
I must not write to her, I suppose, and my brother is either too angry or
too distressed to answer what I sent him. Still, I must write to
somebody, and the only choice left me is you.

Inform Edgar that I'd give the world to see his face again--that my heart
returned to Thrushcross Grange in twenty-four hours after I left it, and
is there at this moment, full of warm feelings for him, and Catherine! _I
can't follow it though_--(these words are underlined)--they need not
expect me, and they may draw what conclusions they please; taking care,
however, to lay nothing at the door of my weak will or deficient
affection.

The remainder of the letter is for yourself alone. I want to ask you two
questions: the first is,--How did you contrive to preserve the common
sympathies of human nature when you resided here? I cannot recognise any
sentiment which those around share with me.

The second question I have great interest in; it is this--Is Mr.
Heathcliff a man? If so, is he mad? And if not, is he a devil? I
sha'n't tell my reasons for making this inquiry; but I beseech you to
explain, if you can, what I have married: that is, when you call to see
me; and you must call, Ellen, very soon. Don't write, but come, and
bring me something from Edgar.

Now, you shall hear how I have been received in my new home, as I am led
to imagine the Heights will be. It is to amuse myself that I dwell on
such subjects as the lack of external comforts: they never occupy my
thoughts, except at the moment when I miss them. I should laugh and
dance for joy, if I found their absence was the total of my miseries, and
the rest was an unnatural dream!

The sun set behind the Grange as we turned on to the moors; by that, I
judged it to be six o'clock; and my companion halted half an hour, to
inspect the park, and the gardens, and, probably, the place itself, as
well as he could; so it was dark when we dismounted in the paved yard of
the farm-house, and your old fellow-servant, Joseph, issued out to
receive us by the light of a dip candle. He did it with a courtesy that
redounded to his credit. His first act was to elevate his torch to a
level with my face, squint malignantly, project his under-lip, and turn
away. Then he took the two horses, and led them into the stables;
reappearing for the purpose of locking the outer gate, as if we lived in
an ancient castle.

Heathcliff stayed to speak to him, and I entered the kitchen--a dingy,
untidy hole; I daresay you would not know it, it is so changed since it
was in your charge. By the fire stood a ruffianly child, strong in limb
and dirty in garb, with a look of Catherine in his eyes and about his
mouth.

'This is Edgar's legal nephew,' I reflected--'mine in a manner; I must
shake hands, and--yes--I must kiss him. It is right to establish a good
understanding at the beginning. '

I approached, and, attempting to take his chubby fist, said--'How do you
do, my dear? '

He replied in a jargon I did not comprehend.

'Shall you and I be friends, Hareton? ' was my next essay at conversation.

An oath, and a threat to set Throttler on me if I did not 'frame off'
rewarded my perseverance.

'Hey, Throttler, lad! ' whispered the little wretch, rousing a half-bred
bull-dog from its lair in a corner. 'Now, wilt thou be ganging? ' he
asked authoritatively.

Love for my life urged a compliance; I stepped over the threshold to wait
till the others should enter. Mr. Heathcliff was nowhere visible; and
Joseph, whom I followed to the stables, and requested to accompany me in,
after staring and muttering to himself, screwed up his nose and
replied--'Mim! mim! mim! Did iver Christian body hear aught like it?
Mincing un' munching! How can I tell whet ye say? '

'I say, I wish you to come with me into the house! ' I cried, thinking him
deaf, yet highly disgusted at his rudeness.

'None o' me! I getten summut else to do,' he answered, and continued his
work; moving his lantern jaws meanwhile, and surveying my dress and
countenance (the former a great deal too fine, but the latter, I'm sure,
as sad as he could desire) with sovereign contempt.

I walked round the yard, and through a wicket, to another door, at which
I took the liberty of knocking, in hopes some more civil servant might
show himself. After a short suspense, it was opened by a tall, gaunt
man, without neckerchief, and otherwise extremely slovenly; his features
were lost in masses of shaggy hair that hung on his shoulders; and _his_
eyes, too, were like a ghostly Catherine's with all their beauty
annihilated.

'What's your business here? ' he demanded, grimly. 'Who are you? '

'My name was Isabella Linton,' I replied. 'You've seen me before, sir.
I'm lately married to Mr. Heathcliff, and he has brought me here--I
suppose, by your permission. '

'Is he come back, then? ' asked the hermit, glaring like a hungry wolf.

'Yes--we came just now,' I said; 'but he left me by the kitchen door; and
when I would have gone in, your little boy played sentinel over the
place, and frightened me off by the help of a bull-dog. '

'It's well the hellish villain has kept his word! ' growled my future
host, searching the darkness beyond me in expectation of discovering
Heathcliff; and then he indulged in a soliloquy of execrations, and
threats of what he would have done had the 'fiend' deceived him.

I repented having tried this second entrance, and was almost inclined to
slip away before he finished cursing, but ere I could execute that
intention, he ordered me in, and shut and re-fastened the door. There
was a great fire, and that was all the light in the huge apartment, whose
floor had grown a uniform grey; and the once brilliant pewter-dishes,
which used to attract my gaze when I was a girl, partook of a similar
obscurity, created by tarnish and dust. I inquired whether I might call
the maid, and be conducted to a bedroom! Mr. Earnshaw vouchsafed no
answer. He walked up and down, with his hands in his pockets, apparently
quite forgetting my presence; and his abstraction was evidently so deep,
and his whole aspect so misanthropical, that I shrank from disturbing him
again.

You'll not be surprised, Ellen, at my feeling particularly cheerless,
seated in worse than solitude on that inhospitable hearth, and
remembering that four miles distant lay my delightful home, containing
the only people I loved on earth; and there might as well be the
Atlantic to part us, instead of those four miles: I could not overpass
them! I questioned with myself--where must I turn for comfort? and--mind
you don't tell Edgar, or Catherine--above every sorrow beside, this rose
pre-eminent: despair at finding nobody who could or would be my ally
against Heathcliff! I had sought shelter at Wuthering Heights, almost
gladly, because I was secured by that arrangement from living alone with
him; but he knew the people we were coming amongst, and he did not fear
their intermeddling.

I sat and thought a doleful time: the clock struck eight, and nine, and
still my companion paced to and fro, his head bent on his breast, and
perfectly silent, unless a groan or a bitter ejaculation forced itself
out at intervals. I listened to detect a woman's voice in the house, and
filled the interim with wild regrets and dismal anticipations, which, at
last, spoke audibly in irrepressible sighing and weeping. I was not
aware how openly I grieved, till Earnshaw halted opposite, in his
measured walk, and gave me a stare of newly-awakened surprise. Taking
advantage of his recovered attention, I exclaimed--'I'm tired with my
journey, and I want to go to bed! Where is the maid-servant? Direct me
to her, as she won't come to me! '

'We have none,' he answered; 'you must wait on yourself! '

'Where must I sleep, then? ' I sobbed; I was beyond regarding
self-respect, weighed down by fatigue and wretchedness.

'Joseph will show you Heathcliff's chamber,' said he; 'open that
door--he's in there. '

I was going to obey, but he suddenly arrested me, and added in the
strangest tone--'Be so good as to turn your lock, and draw your
bolt--don't omit it! '

'Well! ' I said. 'But why, Mr. Earnshaw? ' I did not relish the notion of
deliberately fastening myself in with Heathcliff.

'Look here! ' he replied, pulling from his waistcoat a
curiously-constructed pistol, having a double-edged spring knife attached
to the barrel. 'That's a great tempter to a desperate man, is it not? I
cannot resist going up with this every night, and trying his door. If
once I find it open he's done for; I do it invariably, even though the
minute before I have been recalling a hundred reasons that should make me
refrain: it is some devil that urges me to thwart my own schemes by
killing him. You fight against that devil for love as long as you may;
when the time comes, not all the angels in heaven shall save him! '

I surveyed the weapon inquisitively. A hideous notion struck me: how
powerful I should be possessing such an instrument! I took it from his
hand, and touched the blade. He looked astonished at the expression my
face assumed during a brief second: it was not horror, it was
covetousness. He snatched the pistol back, jealously; shut the knife,
and returned it to its concealment.

'I don't care if you tell him,' said he. 'Put him on his guard, and
watch for him. You know the terms we are on, I see: his danger does not
shock you. '

'What has Heathcliff done to you? ' I asked. 'In what has he wronged you,
to warrant this appalling hatred? Wouldn't it be wiser to bid him quit
the house? '

'No! ' thundered Earnshaw; 'should he offer to leave me, he's a dead man:
persuade him to attempt it, and you are a murderess! Am I to lose _all_,
without a chance of retrieval? Is Hareton to be a beggar? Oh,
damnation! I _will_ have it back; and I'll have _his_ gold too; and then
his blood; and hell shall have his soul! It will be ten times blacker
with that guest than ever it was before! '

You've acquainted me, Ellen, with your old master's habits. He is
clearly on the verge of madness: he was so last night at least. I
shuddered to be near him, and thought on the servant's ill-bred
moroseness as comparatively agreeable. He now recommenced his moody
walk, and I raised the latch, and escaped into the kitchen. Joseph was
bending over the fire, peering into a large pan that swung above it; and
a wooden bowl of oatmeal stood on the settle close by. The contents of
the pan began to boil, and he turned to plunge his hand into the bowl; I
conjectured that this preparation was probably for our supper, and, being
hungry, I resolved it should be eatable; so, crying out sharply, '_I'll_
make the porridge! ' I removed the vessel out of his reach, and proceeded
to take off my hat and riding-habit. 'Mr. Earnshaw,' I continued,
'directs me to wait on myself: I will. I'm not going to act the lady
among you, for fear I should starve. '

'Gooid Lord! ' he muttered, sitting down, and stroking his ribbed
stockings from the knee to the ankle. 'If there's to be fresh
ortherings--just when I getten used to two maisters, if I mun hev' a
_mistress_ set o'er my heead, it's like time to be flitting. I niver
_did_ think to see t' day that I mud lave th' owld place--but I doubt
it's nigh at hand! '

This lamentation drew no notice from me: I went briskly to work, sighing
to remember a period when it would have been all merry fun; but compelled
speedily to drive off the remembrance. It racked me to recall past
happiness and the greater peril there was of conjuring up its apparition,
the quicker the thible ran round, and the faster the handfuls of meal
fell into the water. Joseph beheld my style of cookery with growing
indignation.

'Thear! ' he ejaculated. 'Hareton, thou willn't sup thy porridge
to-neeght; they'll be naught but lumps as big as my neive. Thear, agean!
I'd fling in bowl un' all, if I wer ye! There, pale t' guilp off, un'
then ye'll hae done wi' 't. Bang, bang. It's a mercy t' bothom isn't
deaved out!