No More Learning

Earnshaw was not to be civilized with a wish, and my
young lady was no philosopher, and no paragon of patience; but both their
minds tending to the same point--one loving and desiring to esteem, and
the other loving and desiring to be esteemed--they contrived in the end
to reach it.

You see, Mr. Lockwood, it was easy enough to win Mrs. Heathcliff's heart.
But now, I'm glad you did not try. The crown of all my wishes will be
the union of those two. I shall envy no one on their wedding day: there
won't be a happier woman than myself in England!




CHAPTER XXXIII


On the morrow of that Monday, Earnshaw being still unable to follow his
ordinary employments, and therefore remaining about the house, I speedily
found it would be impracticable to retain my charge beside me, as
heretofore. She got downstairs before me, and out into the garden, where
she had seen her cousin performing some easy work; and when I went to bid
them come to breakfast, I saw she had persuaded him to clear a large
space of ground from currant and gooseberry bushes, and they were busy
planning together an importation of plants from the Grange.

I was terrified at the devastation which had been accomplished in a brief
half-hour; the black-currant trees were the apple of Joseph's eye, and
she had just fixed her choice of a flower-bed in the midst of them.

'There! That will be all shown to the master,' I exclaimed, 'the minute
it is discovered. And what excuse have you to offer for taking such
liberties with the garden? We shall have a fine explosion on the head of
it: see if we don't! Mr. Hareton, I wonder you should have no more wit
than to go and make that mess at her bidding! '

'I'd forgotten they were Joseph's,' answered Earnshaw, rather puzzled;
'but I'll tell him I did it. '

We always ate our meals with Mr. Heathcliff. I held the mistress's post
in making tea and carving; so I was indispensable at table. Catherine
usually sat by me, but to-day she stole nearer to Hareton; and I
presently saw she would have no more discretion in her friendship than
she had in her hostility.

'Now, mind you don't talk with and notice your cousin too much,' were my
whispered instructions as we entered the room. 'It will certainly annoy
Mr. Heathcliff, and he'll be mad at you both. '

'I'm not going to,' she answered.

The minute after, she had sidled to him, and was sticking primroses in
his plate of porridge.

He dared not speak to her there: he dared hardly look; and yet she went
on teasing, till he was twice on the point of being provoked to laugh. I
frowned, and then she glanced towards the master: whose mind was occupied
on other subjects than his company, as his countenance evinced; and she
grew serious for an instant, scrutinizing him with deep gravity.
Afterwards she turned, and recommenced her nonsense; at last, Hareton
uttered a smothered laugh. Mr. Heathcliff started; his eye rapidly
surveyed our faces, Catherine met it with her accustomed look of
nervousness and yet defiance, which he abhorred.

'It is well you are out of my reach,' he exclaimed. 'What fiend
possesses you to stare back at me, continually, with those infernal eyes?
Down with them! and don't remind me of your existence again. I thought I
had cured you of laughing. '

'It was me,' muttered Hareton.

'What do you say? ' demanded the master.

Hareton looked at his plate, and did not repeat the confession. Mr.
Heathcliff looked at him a bit, and then silently resumed his breakfast
and his interrupted musing. We had nearly finished, and the two young
people prudently shifted wider asunder, so I anticipated no further
disturbance during that sitting: when Joseph appeared at the door,
revealing by his quivering lip and furious eyes that the outrage
committed on his precious shrubs was detected. He must have seen Cathy
and her cousin about the spot before he examined it, for while his jaws
worked like those of a cow chewing its cud, and rendered his speech
difficult to understand, he began:--

'I mun hev' my wage, and I mun goa! I _hed_ aimed to dee wheare I'd
sarved fur sixty year; and I thowt I'd lug my books up into t' garret,
and all my bits o' stuff, and they sud hev' t' kitchen to theirseln; for
t' sake o' quietness. It wur hard to gie up my awn hearthstun, but I
thowt I _could_ do that! But nah, shoo's taan my garden fro' me, and by
th' heart, maister, I cannot stand it! Yah may bend to th' yoak an ye
will--I noan used to 't, and an old man doesn't sooin get used to new
barthens. I'd rayther arn my bite an' my sup wi' a hammer in th' road! '

'Now, now, idiot! ' interrupted Heathcliff, 'cut it short! What's your
grievance? I'll interfere in no quarrels between you and Nelly. She may
thrust you into the coal-hole for anything I care. '

'It's noan Nelly! ' answered Joseph. 'I sudn't shift for Nelly--nasty ill
nowt as shoo is. Thank God! _shoo_ cannot stale t' sowl o' nob'dy! Shoo
wer niver soa handsome, but what a body mud look at her 'bout winking.
It's yon flaysome, graceless quean, that's witched our lad, wi' her bold
een and her forrard ways--till--Nay! it fair brusts my heart! He's
forgotten all I've done for him, and made on him, and goan and riven up a
whole row o' t' grandest currant-trees i' t' garden! ' and here he
lamented outright; unmanned by a sense of his bitter injuries, and
Earnshaw's ingratitude and dangerous condition.

'Is the fool drunk? ' asked Mr. Heathcliff. 'Hareton, is it you he's
finding fault with? '

'I've pulled up two or three bushes,' replied the young man; 'but I'm
going to set 'em again. '

'And why have you pulled them up? ' said the master.

Catherine wisely put in her tongue.

'We wanted to plant some flowers there,' she cried. 'I'm the only person
to blame, for I wished him to do it. '

'And who the devil gave _you_ leave to touch a stick about the place? '
demanded her father-in-law, much surprised. 'And who ordered _you_ to
obey her? ' he added, turning to Hareton.

The latter was speechless; his cousin replied--'You shouldn't grudge a
few yards of earth for me to ornament, when you have taken all my land! '

'Your land, insolent slut! You never had any,' said Heathcliff.

'And my money,' she continued; returning his angry glare, and meantime
biting a piece of crust, the remnant of her breakfast.

'Silence! ' he exclaimed. 'Get done, and begone! '

'And Hareton's land, and his money,' pursued the reckless thing. 'Hareton
and I are friends now; and I shall tell him all about you! '

The master seemed confounded a moment: he grew pale, and rose up, eyeing
her all the while, with an expression of mortal hate.

'If you strike me, Hareton will strike you,' she said; 'so you may as
well sit down. '

'If Hareton does not turn you out of the room, I'll strike him to hell,'
thundered Heathcliff. 'Damnable witch! dare you pretend to rouse him
against me? Off with her! Do you hear? Fling her into the kitchen!
I'll kill her, Ellen Dean, if you let her come into my sight again! '

Hareton tried, under his breath, to persuade her to go.

'Drag her away! ' he cried, savagely. 'Are you staying to talk? ' And he
approached to execute his own command.

'He'll not obey you, wicked man, any more,' said Catherine; 'and he'll
soon detest you as much as I do. '

'Wisht! wisht! ' muttered the young man, reproachfully; 'I will not hear
you speak so to him. Have done. '

'But you won't let him strike me? ' she cried.

'Come, then,' he whispered earnestly.

It was too late: Heathcliff had caught hold of her.

'Now, _you_ go! ' he said to Earnshaw. 'Accursed witch! this time she has
provoked me when I could not bear it; and I'll make her repent it for
ever! '

He had his hand in her hair; Hareton attempted to release her locks,
entreating him not to hurt her that once. Heathcliff's black eyes
flashed; he seemed ready to tear Catherine in pieces, and I was just
worked up to risk coming to the rescue, when of a sudden his fingers
relaxed; he shifted his grasp from her head to her arm, and gazed
intently in her face. Then he drew his hand over his eyes, stood a
moment to collect himself apparently, and turning anew to Catherine,
said, with assumed calmness--'You must learn to avoid putting me in a
passion, or I shall really murder you some time! Go with Mrs. Dean, and
keep with her; and confine your insolence to her ears. As to Hareton
Earnshaw, if I see him listen to you, I'll send him seeking his bread
where he can get it! Your love will make him an outcast and a beggar.
Nelly, take her; and leave me, all of you! Leave me! '

I led my young lady out: she was too glad of her escape to resist; the
other followed, and Mr. Heathcliff had the room to himself till dinner. I
had counselled Catherine to dine up-stairs; but, as soon as he perceived
her vacant seat, he sent me to call her. He spoke to none of us, ate
very little, and went out directly afterwards, intimating that he should
not return before evening.

The two new friends established themselves in the house during his
absence; where I heard Hareton sternly check his cousin, on her offering
a revelation of her father-in-law's conduct to his father. He said he
wouldn't suffer a word to be uttered in his disparagement: if he were the
devil, it didn't signify; he would stand by him; and he'd rather she
would abuse himself, as she used to, than begin on Mr. Heathcliff.
Catherine was waxing cross at this; but he found means to make her hold
her tongue, by asking how she would like _him_ to speak ill of her
father? Then she comprehended that Earnshaw took the master's reputation
home to himself; and was attached by ties stronger than reason could
break--chains, forged by habit, which it would be cruel to attempt to
loosen. She showed a good heart, thenceforth, in avoiding both
complaints and expressions of antipathy concerning Heathcliff; and
confessed to me her sorrow that she had endeavoured to raise a bad spirit
between him and Hareton: indeed, I don't believe she has ever breathed a
syllable, in the latter's hearing, against her oppressor since.

When this slight disagreement was over, they were friends again, and as
busy as possible in their several occupations of pupil and teacher. I
came in to sit with them, after I had done my work; and I felt so soothed
and comforted to watch them, that I did not notice how time got on. You
know, they both appeared in a measure my children: I had long been proud
of one; and now, I was sure, the other would be a source of equal
satisfaction. His honest, warm, and intelligent nature shook off rapidly
the clouds of ignorance and degradation in which it had been bred; and
Catherine's sincere commendations acted as a spur to his industry. His
brightening mind brightened his features, and added spirit and nobility
to their aspect: I could hardly fancy it the same individual I had beheld
on the day I discovered my little lady at Wuthering Heights, after her
expedition to the Crags. While I admired and they laboured, dusk drew
on, and with it returned the master. He came upon us quite unexpectedly,
entering by the front way, and had a full view of the whole three, ere we
could raise our heads to glance at him. Well, I reflected, there was
never a pleasanter, or more harmless sight; and it will be a burning
shame to scold them. The red fire-light glowed on their two bonny heads,
and revealed their faces animated with the eager interest of children;
for, though he was twenty-three and she eighteen, each had so much of
novelty to feel and learn, that neither experienced nor evinced the
sentiments of sober disenchanted maturity.

They lifted their eyes together, to encounter Mr. Heathcliff: perhaps you
have never remarked that their eyes are precisely similar, and they are
those of Catherine Earnshaw. The present Catherine has no other likeness
to her, except a breadth of forehead, and a certain arch of the nostril
that makes her appear rather haughty, whether she will or not. With
Hareton the resemblance is carried farther: it is singular at all times,
_then_ it was particularly striking; because his senses were alert, and
his mental faculties wakened to unwonted activity. I suppose this
resemblance disarmed Mr. Heathcliff: he walked to the hearth in evident
agitation; but it quickly subsided as he looked at the young man: or, I
should say, altered its character; for it was there yet. He took the
book from his hand, and glanced at the open page, then returned it
without any observation; merely signing Catherine away: her companion
lingered very little behind her, and I was about to depart also, but he
bid me sit still.

'It is a poor conclusion, is it not? ' he observed, having brooded awhile
on the scene he had just witnessed: 'an absurd termination to my violent
exertions? I get levers and mattocks to demolish the two houses, and
train myself to be capable of working like Hercules, and when everything
is ready and in my power, I find the will to lift a slate off either roof
has vanished! My old enemies have not beaten me; now would be the
precise time to revenge myself on their representatives: I could do it;
and none could hinder me. But where is the use? I don't care for
striking: I can't take the trouble to raise my hand! That sounds as if I
had been labouring the whole time only to exhibit a fine trait of
magnanimity. It is far from being the case: I have lost the faculty of
enjoying their destruction, and I am too idle to destroy for nothing.

'Nelly, there is a strange change approaching; I'm in its shadow at
present. I take so little interest in my daily life that I hardly
remember to eat and drink. Those two who have left the room are the only
objects which retain a distinct material appearance to me; and that
appearance causes me pain, amounting to agony. About _her_ I won't
speak; and I don't desire to think; but I earnestly wish she were
invisible: her presence invokes only maddening sensations. _He_ moves me
differently: and yet if I could do it without seeming insane, I'd never
see him again! You'll perhaps think me rather inclined to become so,' he
added, making an effort to smile, 'if I try to describe the thousand
forms of past associations and ideas he awakens or embodies. But you'll
not talk of what I tell you; and my mind is so eternally secluded in
itself, it is tempting at last to turn it out to another.

'Five minutes ago Hareton seemed a personification of my youth, not a
human being; I felt to him in such a variety of ways, that it would have
been impossible to have accosted him rationally. In the first place, his
startling likeness to Catherine connected him fearfully with her. That,
however, which you may suppose the most potent to arrest my imagination,
is actually the least: for what is not connected with her to me? and what
does not recall her? I cannot look down to this floor, but her features
are shaped in the flags! In every cloud, in every tree--filling the air
at night, and caught by glimpses in every object by day--I am surrounded
with her image! The most ordinary faces of men and women--my own
features--mock me with a resemblance. The entire world is a dreadful
collection of memoranda that she did exist, and that I have lost her!
Well, Hareton's aspect was the ghost of my immortal love; of my wild
endeavours to hold my right; my degradation, my pride, my happiness, and
my anguish--

'But it is frenzy to repeat these thoughts to you: only it will let you
know why, with a reluctance to be always alone, his society is no
benefit; rather an aggravation of the constant torment I suffer: and it
partly contributes to render me regardless how he and his cousin go on
together. I can give them no attention any more. '

'But what do you mean by a _change_, Mr. Heathcliff? ' I said, alarmed at
his manner: though he was neither in danger of losing his senses, nor
dying, according to my judgment: he was quite strong and healthy; and, as
to his reason, from childhood he had a delight in dwelling on dark
things, and entertaining odd fancies. He might have had a monomania on
the subject of his departed idol; but on every other point his wits were
as sound as mine.

'I shall not know that till it comes,' he said; 'I'm only half conscious
of it now. '

'You have no feeling of illness, have you? ' I asked.

'No, Nelly, I have not,' he answered.

'Then you are not afraid of death? ' I pursued.

'Afraid? No! ' he replied. 'I have neither a fear, nor a presentiment,
nor a hope of death. Why should I? With my hard constitution and
temperate mode of living, and unperilous occupations, I ought to, and
probably _shall_, remain above ground till there is scarcely a black hair
on my head. And yet I cannot continue in this condition! I have to
remind myself to breathe--almost to remind my heart to beat! And it is
like bending back a stiff spring: it is by compulsion that I do the
slightest act not prompted by one thought; and by compulsion that I
notice anything alive or dead, which is not associated with one universal
idea. I have a single wish, and my whole being and faculties are
yearning to attain it. They have yearned towards it so long, and so
unwaveringly, that I'm convinced it will be reached--and soon--because it
has devoured my existence: I am swallowed up in the anticipation of its
fulfilment. My confessions have not relieved me; but they may account
for some otherwise unaccountable phases of humour which I show. O God!
It is a long fight; I wish it were over! '

He began to pace the room, muttering terrible things to himself, till I
was inclined to believe, as he said Joseph did, that conscience had
turned his heart to an earthly hell. I wondered greatly how it would
end.
Though he seldom before had revealed this state of mind, even by
looks, it was his habitual mood, I had no doubt: he asserted it himself;
but not a soul, from his general bearing, would have conjectured the
fact. You did not when you saw him, Mr. Lockwood: and at the period of
which I speak, he was just the same as then; only fonder of continued
solitude, and perhaps still more laconic in company.




CHAPTER XXXIV


For some days after that evening Mr. Heathcliff shunned meeting us at
meals; yet he would not consent formally to exclude Hareton and Cathy. He
had an aversion to yielding so completely to his feelings, choosing
rather to absent himself; and eating once in twenty-four hours seemed
sufficient sustenance for him.

One night, after the family were in bed, I heard him go downstairs, and
out at the front door. I did not hear him re-enter, and in the morning I
found he was still away. We were in April then: the weather was sweet
and warm, the grass as green as showers and sun could make it, and the
two dwarf apple-trees near the southern wall in full bloom. After
breakfast, Catherine insisted on my bringing a chair and sitting with my
work under the fir-trees at the end of the house; and she beguiled
Hareton, who had perfectly recovered from his accident, to dig and
arrange her little garden, which was shifted to that corner by the
influence of Joseph's complaints. I was comfortably revelling in the
spring fragrance around, and the beautiful soft blue overhead, when my
young lady, who had run down near the gate to procure some primrose roots
for a border, returned only half laden, and informed us that Mr.
Heathcliff was coming in. 'And he spoke to me,' she added, with a
perplexed countenance.

'What did he say? ' asked Hareton.

'He told me to begone as fast as I could,' she answered. 'But he looked
so different from his usual look that I stopped a moment to stare at
him. '

'How? ' he inquired.

'Why, almost bright and cheerful. No, _almost_ nothing--_very much_
excited, and wild, and glad! ' she replied.

'Night-walking amuses him, then,' I remarked, affecting a careless
manner: in reality as surprised as she was, and anxious to ascertain the
truth of her statement; for to see the master looking glad would not be
an every-day spectacle. I framed an excuse to go in. Heathcliff stood
at the open door; he was pale, and he trembled: yet, certainly, he had a
strange joyful glitter in his eyes, that altered the aspect of his whole
face.

'Will you have some breakfast? ' I said. 'You must be hungry, rambling
about all night! ' I wanted to discover where he had been, but I did not
like to ask directly.

'No, I'm not hungry,' he answered, averting his head, and speaking rather
contemptuously, as if he guessed I was trying to divine the occasion of
his good humour.

I felt perplexed: I didn't know whether it were not a proper opportunity
to offer a bit of admonition.

'I don't think it right to wander out of doors,' I observed, 'instead of
being in bed: it is not wise, at any rate this moist season. I daresay
you'll catch a bad cold or a fever: you have something the matter with
you now! '

'Nothing but what I can bear,' he replied; 'and with the greatest
pleasure, provided you'll leave me alone: get in, and don't annoy me. '

I obeyed: and, in passing, I noticed he breathed as fast as a cat.

'Yes! ' I reflected to myself, 'we shall have a fit of illness. I cannot
conceive what he has been doing. '

That noon he sat down to dinner with us, and received a heaped-up plate
from my hands, as if he intended to make amends for previous fasting.

'I've neither cold nor fever, Nelly,' he remarked, in allusion to my
morning's speech; 'and I'm ready to do justice to the food you give me. '

He took his knife and fork, and was going to commence eating, when the
inclination appeared to become suddenly extinct. He laid them on the
table, looked eagerly towards the window, then rose and went out. We saw
him walking to and fro in the garden while we concluded our meal, and
Earnshaw said he'd go and ask why he would not dine: he thought we had
grieved him some way.

'Well, is he coming? ' cried Catherine, when her cousin returned.

'Nay,' he answered; 'but he's not angry: he seemed rarely pleased indeed;
only I made him impatient by speaking to him twice; and then he bid me be
off to you: he wondered how I could want the company of anybody else. '

I set his plate to keep warm on the fender; and after an hour or two he
re-entered, when the room was clear, in no degree calmer: the same
unnatural--it was unnatural--appearance of joy under his black brows; the
same bloodless hue, and his teeth visible, now and then, in a kind of
smile; his frame shivering, not as one shivers with chill or weakness,
but as a tight-stretched cord vibrates--a strong thrilling, rather than
trembling.

I will ask what is the matter, I thought; or who should? And I
exclaimed--'Have you heard any good news, Mr. Heathcliff? You look
uncommonly animated. '

'Where should good news come from to me? ' he said. 'I'm animated with
hunger; and, seemingly, I must not eat. '

'Your dinner is here,' I returned; 'why won't you get it? '

'I don't want it now,' he muttered, hastily: 'I'll wait till supper. And,
Nelly, once for all, let me beg you to warn Hareton and the other away
from me. I wish to be troubled by nobody: I wish to have this place to
myself. '

'Is there some new reason for this banishment? ' I inquired. 'Tell me why
you are so queer, Mr. Heathcliff? Where were you last night? I'm not
putting the question through idle curiosity, but--'

'You are putting the question through very idle curiosity,' he
interrupted, with a laugh. 'Yet I'll answer it. Last night I was on the
threshold of hell. To-day, I am within sight of my heaven. I have my
eyes on it: hardly three feet to sever me! And now you'd better go!
You'll neither see nor hear anything to frighten you, if you refrain from
prying. '

Having swept the hearth and wiped the table, I departed; more perplexed
than ever.

He did not quit the house again that afternoon, and no one intruded on
his solitude; till, at eight o'clock, I deemed it proper, though
unsummoned, to carry a candle and his supper to him. He was leaning
against the ledge of an open lattice, but not looking out: his face was
turned to the interior gloom. The fire had smouldered to ashes; the room
was filled with the damp, mild air of the cloudy evening; and so still,
that not only the murmur of the beck down Gimmerton was distinguishable,
but its ripples and its gurgling over the pebbles, or through the large
stones which it could not cover. I uttered an ejaculation of discontent
at seeing the dismal grate, and commenced shutting the casements, one
after another, till I came to his.

'Must I close this? ' I asked, in order to rouse him; for he would not
stir.

The light flashed on his features as I spoke. Oh, Mr. Lockwood, I cannot
express what a terrible start I got by the momentary view! Those deep
black eyes! That smile, and ghastly paleness! It appeared to me, not
Mr. Heathcliff, but a goblin; and, in my terror, I let the candle bend
towards the wall, and it left me in darkness.

'Yes, close it,' he replied, in his familiar voice. 'There, that is pure
awkwardness! Why did you hold the candle horizontally? Be quick, and
bring another. '

I hurried out in a foolish state of dread, and said to Joseph--'The
master wishes you to take him a light and rekindle the fire. ' For I
dared not go in myself again just then.

Joseph rattled some fire into the shovel, and went: but he brought it
back immediately, with the supper-tray in his other hand, explaining that
Mr. Heathcliff was going to bed, and he wanted nothing to eat till
morning. We heard him mount the stairs directly; he did not proceed to
his ordinary chamber, but turned into that with the panelled bed: its
window, as I mentioned before, is wide enough for anybody to get through;
and it struck me that he plotted another midnight excursion, of which he
had rather we had no suspicion.

'Is he a ghoul or a vampire? ' I mused. I had read of such hideous
incarnate demons. And then I set myself to reflect how I had tended him
in infancy, and watched him grow to youth, and followed him almost
through his whole course; and what absurd nonsense it was to yield to
that sense of horror. 'But where did he come from, the little dark
thing, harboured by a good man to his bane? ' muttered Superstition, as I
dozed into unconsciousness. And I began, half dreaming, to weary myself
with imagining some fit parentage for him; and, repeating my waking
meditations, I tracked his existence over again, with grim variations; at
last, picturing his death and funeral: of which, all I can remember is,
being exceedingly vexed at having the task of dictating an inscription
for his monument, and consulting the sexton about it; and, as he had no
surname, and we could not tell his age, we were obliged to content
ourselves with the single word, 'Heathcliff. ' That came true: we were.
If you enter the kirkyard, you'll read, on his headstone, only that, and
the date of his death.

Dawn restored me to common sense. I rose, and went into the garden, as
soon as I could see, to ascertain if there were any footmarks under his
window. There were none. 'He has stayed at home,' I thought, 'and he'll
be all right to-day. ' I prepared breakfast for the household, as was my
usual custom, but told Hareton and Catherine to get theirs ere the master
came down, for he lay late. They preferred taking it out of doors, under
the trees, and I set a little table to accommodate them.

On my re-entrance, I found Mr. Heathcliff below. He and Joseph were
conversing about some farming business; he gave clear, minute directions
concerning the matter discussed, but he spoke rapidly, and turned his
head continually aside, and had the same excited expression, even more
exaggerated. When Joseph quitted the room he took his seat in the place
he generally chose, and I put a basin of coffee before him. He drew it
nearer, and then rested his arms on the table, and looked at the opposite
wall, as I supposed, surveying one particular portion, up and down, with
glittering, restless eyes, and with such eager interest that he stopped
breathing during half a minute together.

'Come now,' I exclaimed, pushing some bread against his hand, 'eat and
drink that, while it is hot: it has been waiting near an hour. '

He didn't notice me, and yet he smiled. I'd rather have seen him gnash
his teeth than smile so.

'Mr. Heathcliff! master! ' I cried, 'don't, for God's sake, stare as if
you saw an unearthly vision. '

'Don't, for God's sake, shout so loud,' he replied. 'Turn round, and
tell me, are we by ourselves? '

'Of course,' was my answer; 'of course we are. '

Still, I involuntarily obeyed him, as if I was not quite sure. With a
sweep of his hand he cleared a vacant space in front among the breakfast
things, and leant forward to gaze more at his ease.

Now, I perceived he was not looking at the wall; for when I regarded him
alone, it seemed exactly that he gazed at something within two yards'
distance. And whatever it was, it communicated, apparently, both
pleasure and pain in exquisite extremes: at least the anguished, yet
raptured, expression of his countenance suggested that idea. The fancied
object was not fixed, either: his eyes pursued it with unwearied
diligence, and, even in speaking to me, were never weaned away. I vainly
reminded him of his protracted abstinence from food: if he stirred to
touch anything in compliance with my entreaties, if he stretched his hand
out to get a piece of bread, his fingers clenched before they reached it,
and remained on the table, forgetful of their aim.

I sat, a model of patience, trying to attract his absorbed attention from
its engrossing speculation; till he grew irritable, and got up, asking
why I would not allow him to have his own time in taking his meals? and
saying that on the next occasion I needn't wait: I might set the things
down and go. Having uttered these words he left the house, slowly
sauntered down the garden path, and disappeared through the gate.

The hours crept anxiously by: another evening came. I did not retire to
rest till late, and when I did, I could not sleep. He returned after
midnight, and, instead of going to bed, shut himself into the room
beneath. I listened, and tossed about, and, finally, dressed and
descended. It was too irksome to lie there, harassing my brain with a
hundred idle misgivings.

I distinguished Mr. Heathcliff's step, restlessly measuring the floor,
and he frequently broke the silence by a deep inspiration, resembling a
groan. He muttered detached words also; the only one I could catch was
the name of Catherine, coupled with some wild term of endearment or
suffering; and spoken as one would speak to a person present; low and
earnest, and wrung from the depth of his soul. I had not courage to walk
straight into the apartment; but I desired to divert him from his
reverie, and therefore fell foul of the kitchen fire, stirred it, and
began to scrape the cinders. It drew him forth sooner than I expected.
He opened the door immediately, and said--'Nelly, come here--is it
morning? Come in with your light. '

'It is striking four,' I answered. 'You want a candle to take up-stairs:
you might have lit one at this fire. '

'No, I don't wish to go up-stairs,' he said. 'Come in, and kindle _me_ a
fire, and do anything there is to do about the room. '

'I must blow the coals red first, before I can carry any,' I replied,
getting a chair and the bellows.

He roamed to and fro, meantime, in a state approaching distraction; his
heavy sighs succeeding each other so thick as to leave no space for
common breathing between.

'When day breaks I'll send for Green,' he said; 'I wish to make some
legal inquiries of him while I can bestow a thought on those matters, and
while I can act calmly. I have not written my will yet; and how to leave
my property I cannot determine. I wish I could annihilate it from the
face of the earth. '

'I would not talk so, Mr. Heathcliff,' I interposed. 'Let your will be a
while: you'll be spared to repent of your many injustices yet! I never
expected that your nerves would be disordered: they are, at present,
marvellously so, however; and almost entirely through your own fault.
The way you've passed these three last days might knock up a Titan. Do
take some food, and some repose. You need only look at yourself in a
glass to see how you require both. Your cheeks are hollow, and your eyes
blood-shot, like a person starving with hunger and going blind with loss
of sleep. '

'It is not my fault that I cannot eat or rest,' he replied. 'I assure
you it is through no settled designs. I'll do both, as soon as I
possibly can. But you might as well bid a man struggling in the water
rest within arms' length of the shore! I must reach it first, and then
I'll rest. Well, never mind Mr. Green: as to repenting of my injustices,
I've done no injustice, and I repent of nothing. I'm too happy; and yet
I'm not happy enough. My soul's bliss kills my body, but does not
satisfy itself. '

'Happy, master? ' I cried. 'Strange happiness! If you would hear me
without being angry, I might offer some advice that would make you
happier. '

'What is that? ' he asked. 'Give it. '

'You are aware, Mr. Heathcliff,' I said, 'that from the time you were
thirteen years old you have lived a selfish, unchristian life; and
probably hardly had a Bible in your hands during all that period. You
must have forgotten the contents of the book, and you may not have space
to search it now. Could it be hurtful to send for some one--some
minister of any denomination, it does not matter which--to explain it,
and show you how very far you have erred from its precepts; and how unfit
you will be for its heaven, unless a change takes place before you die? '

'I'm rather obliged than angry, Nelly,' he said, 'for you remind me of
the manner in which I desire to be buried. It is to be carried to the
churchyard in the evening. You and Hareton may, if you please, accompany
me: and mind, particularly, to notice that the sexton obeys my directions
concerning the two coffins! No minister need come; nor need anything be
said over me. --I tell you I have nearly attained _my_ heaven; and that of
others is altogether unvalued and uncoveted by me. '

'And supposing you persevered in your obstinate fast, and died by that
means, and they refused to bury you in the precincts of the kirk? ' I
said, shocked at his godless indifference. 'How would you like it? '

'They won't do that,' he replied: 'if they did, you must have me removed
secretly; and if you neglect it you shall prove, practically, that the
dead are not annihilated! '

As soon as he heard the other members of the family stirring he retired
to his den, and I breathed freer. But in the afternoon, while Joseph and
Hareton were at their work, he came into the kitchen again, and, with a
wild look, bid me come and sit in the house: he wanted somebody with him.
I declined; telling him plainly that his strange talk and manner
frightened me, and I had neither the nerve nor the will to be his
companion alone.

'I believe you think me a fiend,' he said, with his dismal laugh:
'something too horrible to live under a decent roof. ' Then turning to
Catherine, who was there, and who drew behind me at his approach, he
added, half sneeringly,--'Will _you_ come, chuck? I'll not hurt you. No!
to you I've made myself worse than the devil. Well, there is _one_ who
won't shrink from my company! By God! she's relentless.