No More Learning

' 'And how was that? ' 'Oh, I mean the issue of his attempts to
evade human observation; when he had exhausted all shapes of animals
and plants and elements, finding no metamorphosis left him, he had to
be Proteus again. '

'You have more shifts than ever Proteus had,' he said, 'to get off
hearing my poem. '

'Oh, do not say that,' said I; 'off goes my burden of care, and I am
at your service. Perhaps when you have got over your own pains of
child-birth you will show more feeling for my delicate state. '

He liked the offer, we settled down on a convenient stone step, and
I listened to some excellent poetry. In the middle of reading he was
seized with an idea, did up his tablets, and said: 'You shall have your
hearer's fee, as well deserved as an Athenian's after a day in court or
assembly. Thank me, please. ' 'I do, before I know what for. But what
may it be? ' 'It was in the Macedonian royal archives that I came across
the book; I was delighted with it at the time, and took considerable
trouble to secure it; it has just come into my head that I have it
at home. It contains, among details of Antipater's management of the
household, facts about Demosthenes that I think you will find worth
your best attention. ' 'You shall have payment on the spot,' I said,
'in the shape of an audience for the rest of your verses; and moreover
I shall not part with you till your promise is fulfilled. You have
given me a luscious Homer birthday dinner; and it seems you are to be
at the charges of the Demosthenes one too. '

He read to the end, we stayed long enough for me to give the poem its
meed of praise, and then adjourned to his house, where after some
search the book was found. I took it away with me, and on further
acquaintance was so much impressed by it that I shall do no editing,
but read it you _totidem verbis_. Asclepius is not less honoured if his
worshippers, in default of original compositions, have the hymns of
Isodemus or Sophocles performed before him; there is a failure nowadays
in the supply of new plays for Dionysus; but those who produce the
works of old masters at the proper season have the credit all the same
of honouring the God.

This book, then (the part of the state records that concerns us is the
conversation I shall give you)--the book informs us that Archias's
name was announced to Antipater. In case any of my younger hearers
should not know the fact already, this Archias had been charged with
the arrest of all exiles. In particular, he was to get Demosthenes from
Calauria into Antipater's presence, but rather by persuasion than by
force. Antipater was excited about it, hoping that Demosthenes might
arrive any day. So, hearing that Archias was come from Calauria, he
gave orders for his instant admittance.

When he entered--but you shall have the conversation as it stands.

_Archias. Antipater_

_Ar. _ Is it well with you, Antipater?

_Ant. _ It is well, if you have brought Demosthenes.

_Ar. _ I have brought him as I might. I have the urn that holds his
remains.

_Ant. _ Ha? my hopes are dashed. What avail ashes and urns, if I have
not Demosthenes?

_Ar. _ The soul, O King, may not be prisoned in a man's own despite.

_Ant. _ Why took you him not alive?

_Ar. _ We took him.

_Ant. _ And he has died on the way?

_Ar. _ He died where he was, in Calauria.

_Ant. _ Your neglect is to blame; you took not due care of him.

_Ar. _ Nay, it lies not at our door.

_Ant. _ What mean you? These are riddles, Archias; you took him alive,
and you have him not?

_Ar. _ Was it not your charge that we should use no force at first? Yet
indeed we should have fared no better if we had; we did intend it.

_Ant. _ You did not well, even in the intention; it may be your violence
killed him.

_Ar. _ No, we killed him not; but if we could not persuade him, there
was nothing for it but force. But, O King, how had you been the better
off, if he had come alive? you could have done no more than kill him.

_Ant. _ Peace, Archias! methinks you comprehend neither the nature of
Demosthenes, nor my mind. You think there is no more in the finding of
Demosthenes than in the hunting down such scoundrels as Himeraeus or
Aristonicus or Eucrates; these are like swollen torrents--mean fellows
in themselves, to whom a passing storm gives brief importance; they
make a brave show while the disturbance lasts; but they are as sure to
vanish soon as the wind to fall at evening. The recreant Hyperides is
another--a selfish demagogue, who took no shame to curry favour with
the mob by libelling Demosthenes, and make himself its instrument for
ends that his dupes soon wished they had never attained; for the libels
had not long borne their fruit before the libelled was reinstated
with more honour than Alcibiades himself. But what recked Hyperides?
he scrupled not to use against what had once been dearest to him the
tongue that he deserved, even by that iniquity, to lose.

_Ar. _ How? was Demosthenes not our enemy of enemies?

_Ant. _ Not in the eyes of one who cares for an honourable nature, and
loves a sincere consistent character. The noble is noble, though it be
in an enemy; and virtue has no country. Am I meaner than Xerxes? he
could admire Bulis and Sperchis the Spartans, and release them when
they were in his power. No man that ever lived do I admire more than
Demosthenes; twice I was in his company at Athens (in hurried times, it
is true), and I have heard much from others, and there is his work to
judge by. And what moves me is not his skill in speech. You might well
suppose so; Python was nothing, matched with him, and the Attic orators
but babes in comparison with his finish and intensity, the music of
his words, the clearness of his thoughts, his chains of proof, his
cumulative blows. We found our mistake when we listened to Python and
his promises; we had gathered the Greeks to Athens to see the Athenians
confuted; it was Demosthenes who confuted _us. _ But no words of mine
can describe the power of his eloquence.

Yet to that I give but a secondary place, as a tool the man used. It
was the man himself I marvelled at, his spirit and his wisdom, and
the steadiness of soul that steered a straight course through all the
tempests of fortune with never a craven impulse. And Philip was of
my mind about him; when a speech of his before the Athenian assembly
against Philip was reported, Parmenio was angry, and made some bitter
jest upon him. But Philip said: _Ah, Parmenio, he has a right to say
what he pleases; he is the only popular orator in all Greece whose name
is missing in my secret service accounts, though I would far rather
have put myself in his hands than in those of clerks and third-rate
actors. All the tribe of them are down for gold, timber, rents, cattle,
land, in Boeotia if not in Macedonia[21]; but the walls of Byzantium
are not more proof against the battering-ram than Demosthenes against
gold_.

_This is the way I look at it, Parmenio. An Athenian who speaking in
Athens prefers me to his country shall have of my money, but not of
my friendship; as for one who hates me for his country's sake, I will
assault him as I would a citadel, a wall, a dock, a trench, but I have
only admiration for his virtue, and congratulations for the State that
possesses him. The other kind I should like to crush as soon as they
have served my purpose; but him I would sooner have here with us than
the Illyrian and Triballian horse and all my mercenaries; arguments
that carry conviction, weight of intellect, I do not put below force of
arms. _

That was to Parmenio; and he said much the same to me. At the time of
the Athenian expedition under Diopithes, I was very anxious, but Philip
laughed at me heartily, and said: _Are you afraid of these town-bred
generals and their men? Their fleet, their Piraeus, their docks, I snap
my fingers at them. What is to be looked for from people whose worship
is of Dionysus, whose life is in feasting and dancing? If Demosthenes,
and not a man besides, had been subtracted from Athens, we should have
had it with less trouble than Thebes or Thessaly; deceit and force,
energy and corruption, would soon have done the thing. But he is ever
awake; he misses no occasion; he makes move for move and counters every
stroke. Not a trick of ours, not an attempt begun or only thought of,
but he has intelligence of it; in a word he is the obstacle that stands
between us and the swift attainment of our ends. It was little fault of
his that we took Amphipolis, that we won Olynthus, Phocis, Thermopylae,
that we are masters of the Hellespont. _

_He rouses his reluctant countrymen out of their opiate sleep, applies
to their indolence the knife and cautery of frank statement, and little
he cares whether they like it or not. He transfers the revenues from
state theatre to state armament, re-creates with his navy bill a fleet
disorganized to the verge of extinction, restores patriotism to the
place from which it had long been ousted by the passion for legal fees,
uplifts the eyes of a degenerate race to the deeds of their fathers and
emulation of Marathon and Salamis, and fits them for Hellenic leagues
and combinations. You cannot escape his vigilance, he is not to be
wheedled, you can no more buy him than the Persian King could buy the
great Aristides. _

_This is the direction your fears should take, Antipater; never mind
all the war-ships and all the fleets. What Themistocles and Pericles
were to the Athens of old, that is Demosthenes to Athens to-day, as
shrewd as Themistocles, as high of soul as Pericles. He it was that
gained them the control of Euboea and Megara, the Hellespont and
Boeotia. It is well indeed that they give the command to such as Chares
or Diopithes or Proxenus, and keep Demosthenes to the platform at home.
If they had given into his hands their arms and ships and troops, their
strategy and their money, I doubt he would have put me on my mettle to
keep Macedonia; even now that he has no weapon but his decrees, he is
with us at every turn, his hand is upon us; the ways and means are of
his finding, the force of his gathering; it is he that sends armadas
afar, he that joins power to power, he that meets our every change of
plan. _

This was his tone about Demosthenes on many other occasions too; he
put it down as one of his debts to fortune that armies were never led
by the man whose mere words were so many battering-rams and catapults
worked from Athens to the shattering and confounding of his plans. As
to Chaeronea, even the victory made no difference; he continued to
impress upon us how precarious a position this one man had contrived
for us. _Things went unexpectedly well; their generals were cowards
and their troops undisciplined, and the caprice of fortune, which has
so often served us well, brought us out victorious; but he had reduced
me to hazarding my kingdom and my life on that single throw; he had
brought the most powerful cities into line, he had united Greece,
he had forced Athens and Thebes and all Boeotia, Corinth, Euboea,
Megara--the might of Greece, in short--to play the game out to its end,
and had arrested me before I reached Attic soil. _

He never ceased to speak thus about Demosthenes. If any one told him
the Athenian democracy was a formidable rival, 'Demosthenes,' he would
say, 'is my only rival; Athens without him is no better than Aenianes
or Thessalians. ' Whenever Philip sent embassies to the various states,
if Athens had sent any one else to argue against his men, he always
gained his point with ease; but when it was Demosthenes, he would tell
us the embassy had come to naught: there was not much setting up of
trophies over speeches of Demosthenes.

Such was Philip's opinion. Now I am no Philip at the best, and do you
suppose, Archias, that if I could have got a man like Demosthenes, I
should have found nothing better to do with him than sending him like
an ox to the slaughter? or should I have made him my right-hand man
in the management of Greece and of the empire? I was instinctively
attracted long ago by his public record--an attraction heightened
by the witness of Aristotle. He constantly assured both Alexander
and myself that among all the vast number of his pupils he had found
none comparable to Demosthenes in natural genius and persevering
self-development, none whose intellect was at once so weighty and so
agile, none who spoke his opinions so freely or maintained them so
courageously.

_But you_ (said Aristotle) _confuse him with an Eubulus, a Phrynon_, _a
Philocrates, and think to convert with gifts a man who has actually
lavished his inheritance half on needy Athenians and half on Athens;
you vainly imagine that you can intimidate one who has long ago
resolved to set his life upon his country's doubtful fortunes; if
he arraigns your proceedings, you try denunciation; why, the nearer
terrors of the Assembly find him unmoved. You do not realize that the
mainspring of his policy is patriotism, and that the only personal
advantage he expects from it is the improvement of his own nature. _

All this it was, Archias, that made me long to have him with me, to
hear from his own lips what he thought about the state of things, and
be able at any time of need, abandoning the flatterers who infest us,
to hear the plain words of an independent mind and profit by sincere
advice. And I might fairly have drawn _his_ attention to the ungrateful
nature of those Athenians for whom he had risked all when he might have
had firmer and less unconscionable friends.

_Ar. _ O King, your other ends you might have gained, but that you would
have told him to no purpose; his love of Athens was a madness beyond
cure.

_Ant. _ It was so indeed; 'twere vain to deny it. But how died he?

_Ar. _ O King, there is further wonder in store for you. We who have
had the scene before our eyes are as startled and as unbelieving
yet as when we saw it. He must long ago have determined how to die;
his preparation shows it. He was seated within the temple, and our
arguments of the days before had been spent on him in vain.

_Ant. _ Ay? and what were they?

_Ar. _ Long and kindly I urged him, with promises on your part, not that
I looked to see them kept (for I knew not then, and took you to be
wroth with him), but in hopes they might prevail.

_Ant. _ And what hearing did he give them? Keep nothing back; I would I
were there now, hearing him with my own ears; failing which, do you
hide nothing from me. 'Tis worth much to learn the bearing of a true
man in the last moments of his life, whether he gave way and played the
coward, or kept his course unfaltering even to the end.

_Ar. _ Ah, in him was no bending to the storm; how far from it! With a
smiling allusion to my former life, he told me I was not actor enough
to make your lies convincing.

_Ant. _ Ha? he left life for want of belief in my promises?

_Ar. _ Not so; hear to the end, and you will see his distrust was not
all for you. Since you bid me speak, O King, he told me there was no
oath that could bind a Macedonian; it was nothing strange that they
should use against Demosthenes the weapon that had won them Amphipolis,
and Olynthus, and Oropus. And much more of the like; I had writers
there, that his words might be preserved for you. _Archias_ (he said),
_the prospect of death or torture would be enough to keep me out of
Antipater's presence. And if you tell me true, I must be on my guard
against the worse danger of receiving life itself as a present at his
hands, and deserting, to serve Macedonia, that post which I have sworn
to hold for Greece. _

_Life were a thing to be desired, Archias, were it purchased for me by
the power of Piraeus (a war-ship, my gift, has floated there), by the
wall and trench of which I bore the cost, by the tribe Pandionis whose
festival charges I took upon me, by the spirit of Solon and Draco, by
unmuzzled statesmen and a free people, by martial levies and naval
organization, by the virtues and the victories of our fathers, by the
affection of fellow citizens who have crowned me many a time, and by
the might of a Greece whose guardian I have never ceased to be. Or
again, if life is to be owed to compassion, though it be mean enough,
yet compassion I might endure among the kindred of the captives I have
ransomed, the fathers whose daughters I have helped to portion, and the
men whose debts I have joined in paying. _

_But if the island empire and the sea may not save me, I ask my safety
from the Posidon at whose altar and under whose sanctuary I stand.
And if Posidon's power avails not to keep his temple inviolate, if he
scorns not to surrender Demosthenes to Archias, then welcome death; I
will not transfer my worship to Antipater. I might have had Macedonia
more at my devotion than Athens, might be now a partaker in your
fortunes, if I would have ranged myself with Callimedon, and Pytheas,
and Demades. When things were far gone, I might yet have made a shift,
if I had not had respect to the daughters of Erechtheus and to Codrus.
Fortune might desert, I would not follow her; for death is a haven of
safety, which he who reaches will do no baseness more. Archias, I will
not be at this late day a stain upon the name of Athens; I will not
make choice of slavery; be my winding-sheet the white one of liberty. _

_Sir actor, let me recall to you a fine passage from one of your
tragedies_[22]:

_But even at the point of death
She forethought took to fall in seemly wise_.

_She was but a girl; and shall Demosthenes choose an unseemly life
before a seemly death, and forget what Xenocrates and Plato have said
of immortality? _ And then he was stirred to some bitter speech upon men
puffed up by fortune. What remains to tell? At last, as I now besought
and now threatened, mingling the stern and mild, 'Had I been Archias,'
he said, 'I had yielded; but seeing that I am Demosthenes, your pardon,
good sir, if my nature recoils from baseness. '

Then I was minded to hale him off by force. Which when he observed,
I saw him smile and glance at the God. _Archias_ (he said) _believes
that there is no might, no refuge for the human soul, but arms and
war-ships, walls and camps. He scorns that equipment of mine which
is proof against Illyrians and Triballi and Macedonians, surer than
that wooden wall_[23] _of old, which the God averred none should
prevail against. Secure in this I ever took a fearless course; fearless
I braved the might of Macedonia; little I cared for Euctemon or
Aristogiton, for Pytheas and Callimedon, for Philip in the old days,
for Archias to-day. _

And then, _Lay no hand upon me. Be it not mine to bring outrage upon
the temple; I will but greet the God, and follow of my free will. _ And
for me, I put reliance upon this, and when he lifted his hand to his
mouth, I thought it was but to do obeisance.

_Ant. _ And it was indeed--?

_Ar. _ We put his servant to the question later, and learned from her
that he had long had poison by him, to give him liberty by parting soul
from body. He had not yet passed the holy threshold, when he fixed his
eye on me and said: 'Take _this_ to Antipater; Demosthenes you shall
not take, no, by ----' And methought he would have added, by the men
that fell at Marathon.

And with that farewell he parted. So ends, O King, the siege of
Demosthenes.

_Ant. _ Archias, that was Demosthenes. Hail to that unconquerable soul!
how lofty the spirit, how republican the care, that would never be
parted from their warrant of freedom! Enough; the man has gone his way,
to live the life they tell of in the Isles of the heroic Blest, or to
walk the paths that, if tales be true, the heaven-bound spirits tread;
he shall attend, surely, on none but that Zeus who is named of Freedom.
For his body, we will send it to Athens, a nobler offering to that land
than the men that died at Marathon.

H.

FOOTNOTES:

[18] Homer, _Il. _ xii. 243. 'One omen is best--to fight for our own
country. '

[19] See _Demosthenes_ in Notes.

[20] Speeches in the law courts had a time limit appointed, which was
measured by the water-clock or clepsydra, generally called simply 'the
water', 'my water,' 'his water,' &c.

[21] To get a meaning, I translate as though the Greek, instead of #ou
Boiôtias oud' entha ti mê# were #ho men Boiôtias, ho d' entha#.

[22] Euripides, _Hecuba_. See _Polyxena_ in Notes.

[23] Oracle in Herodotus vii. 141: 'A bulwark of wood at the last Zeus
grants to the Trito-born goddess | Sole to remain unwasted. ' _G. C.
Macaulay.
_ Variously interpreted of the thorn hedge of the Acropolis,
and of the Athenian fleet.




THE GODS IN COUNCIL


_Zeus. Hermes. Momus_

_Zeus. _ Now, gentlemen, enough of that muttering and whispering in
corners. You complain that our banquets are thrown open to a number
of undesirable persons. Very well: the Assembly has been convened
for the purpose of dealing with this very point, and every one is at
liberty to declare his sentiments openly, and bring what allegations he
will. --Hermes, make formal proclamation to that effect.

_Her. _ All duly qualified divinities are hereby invited to address the
Assembly on the subject of foreigners and immigrants.

_Mo. _ Have I your permission to speak, sir?

_Zeus. _ It is not needed; you have heard the proclamation.

_Mo. _ I desire, then, to protest against the insufferable vanity of
some among us who, not content with their own promotion to godhead,
would introduce their dependants and underlings here as our equals.
Sir, I shall express myself on this subject with that blunt sincerity
which is inseparable from my character. I am known to the world as one
whose unfettered tongue cannot refrain from speech in the presence of
wrong-doing; as one who probes matters to the bottom, and says what
he thinks, without concealment, without fear, and without scruple. My
frankness is burdensome to the generality of Gods, who mistake it for
censoriousness; I have been termed by such the Accuser General. But I
shall none the less avail myself of the freedom accorded to me by the
proclamation--and by your permission, sir--to speak my mind without
reserve. --There are, I repeat it, many persons who, despite their mixed
origin, have been admitted to our feasts and councils upon terms of
equality; and who, not satisfied with this, have brought hither their
servants and satellites, and enrolled them among the Gods; and these
menials now share in our rations and sacrifices without ever so much as
paying the customary tax.

_Zeus. _ These are riddles. Say what you mean in so many words, and let
us have the names. Generalities of this kind can only give ground for
random conjecture; they might apply to any one. You are a friend to
sincerity: speak on, then, without hesitation.

_Mo. _ This is really most gratifying. Such encouragement is precisely
what I should have expected of a king of your exalted spirit; I will
mention the name. I refer, in fact, to Dionysus. Although the mother of
this truly estimable demi-god was not only a mortal, but a barbarian,
and his maternal grandfather a tradesman in Phoenicia, one Cadmus, it
was thought necessary to confer immortality upon him. With his own
conduct since that time, I am not concerned; I shall have nothing
to say on the subject of his snood, his inebriety, or his manner of
walking. You may all see him for yourselves: an effeminate, half-witted
creature, reeking of strong liquor from the early hours of the day.
But we are indebted to him for the presence of a whole tribe of his
followers, whom he has introduced into our midst under the title
of Gods. Such are Pan, Silenus, and the Satyrs; coarse persons, of
frisky tendencies and eccentric appearance, drawn chiefly from the
goat-herd class. The first-mentioned of these, besides being horned,
has the hind-quarters of a goat, and his enormous beard is not unlike
that of the same animal. Silenus is an old man with a bald head and
a snub nose, who is generally to be seen riding on a donkey; he is
of Lydian extraction. The Satyrs are Phrygians; they too are bald,
and have pointed ears, and sprouting horns, like those of young kids.
When I add that every one of these persons is provided with a tail,
you will realize the extent of our obligation to Dionysus. And with
these theological curiosities before their eyes, we wonder why it is
that men think lightly of the Gods! I might have added that Dionysus
has also brought us a couple of ladies: Ariadne is one, his mistress,
whose crown is now set among the host of stars; the other is farmer
Icarius's daughter. And the cream of the jest is still to come: the
dog, Erigone's dog, must be translated too; the poor child would never
be happy in Heaven without the sweet little pet! What can we call this
but a drunken freak?

So much for Dionysus. I now proceed--

_Zeus. _ Now, Momus, I see what you are coming to: but you will kindly
leave Asclepius and Heracles alone. Asclepius is a physician, and
restores the sick; he is

More worth than many men.

And Heracles is my own son, and purchased his immortality with many
toils. So not one word against either of them.

_Mo. _ Very well, sir; as you wish, though I had something to say on
that subject, too. You will excuse my remarking, at any rate, that
they have something of a scorched appearance still. With reference to
yourself, sir, a good deal might be said, if I could feel at liberty----

_Zeus. _ Oh, as regards myself, you are,--perfectly at liberty. What,
then, I am an interloper too, am I?

_Mo. _ Worse than that, according to what they say in Crete: your
tomb is there on view. Not that _I_ believe them, any more than I
believe that Aegium story, about your being a changeling. But there
is one thing that I think ought to be made clear. You yourself,
sir, have set us the example in loose conduct of this kind; it is
you we have to thank--you and your terrestrial gallantries and your
transformations--for the present mixed state of society. We are quite
uneasy about it. You will be caught, some day, and sacrificed as a
bull; or some goldsmith will try his hand upon our gold-transmuted
sire, and we shall have nothing to show for it but a bracelet, a
necklace or a pair of earrings. The long and short of it is, that
Heaven is simply _swarming_ with these demi-gods of yours; there is
no other word for it. It tickles a man considerably when he suddenly
finds Heracles promoted to deity, and Eurystheus, his taskmaster,
dead and buried, his tomb within easy distance of his slave's temple;
or again when he observes in Thebes that Dionysus is a God, but that
God's cousins, Pentheus, Actaeon, and Learchus, only mortals, and poor
devils at that. You see, sir, ever since you gave the entrée to people
of this sort, and turned your attention to the daughters of Earth, all
the rest have followed suit; and the scandalous part of it is, that
the Goddesses are just as bad as the Gods. Of the cases of Anchises,
Tithonus, Endymion, Iasion, and others, I need say nothing; they are
familiar to every one, and it would be tedious to expatiate further.

_Zeus. _ Now I will have no reflections on Ganymede's antecedents; I
shall be very angry with you, if you hurt the boy's feelings.

_Mo. _ Ah; and out of consideration for him I suppose I must also
abstain from any reference to the eagle, which is now a God like the
rest of us, perches upon the royal sceptre, and may be expected at
any moment to build his nest upon the head of Majesty? --Well, you
must allow me Attis, Corybas, and Sabazius: by what contrivance, now,
did _they_ get here? and that Mede there, Mithras, with the candys
and tiara? why, the fellow cannot speak Greek; if you pledge him,
he does not know what you mean. The consequence is, that Scythians
and Goths, observing their success, snap their fingers at us, and
distribute divinity and immortality right and left; that was how
the slave Zamolxis's name slipped into our register. However, let
that pass. But I should just like to ask that Egyptian there--the
dog-faced gentleman in the linen suit[24]--who _he_ is, and whether he
proposes to establish his divinity by barking? And will the piebald
bull yonder[25], from Memphis, explain what use _he_ has for a temple,
an oracle, or a priest? As for the ibises and monkeys and goats and
worse absurdities that are bundled in upon us, goodness knows how, from
Egypt, I am ashamed to speak of them; nor do I understand how you,
gentlemen, can endure to see such creatures enjoying a prestige equal
to or greater than your own. --And you yourself, sir, must surely find
ram's horns a great inconvenience?

_Zeus. _ Certainly, it is disgraceful the way these Egyptians go on.
At the same time, Momus, there is an occult significance in most of
these things; and it ill becomes you, who are not of the initiated, to
ridicule them.

_Mo. _ Oh, come now: a God is one thing, and a person with a dog's head
is another; I need no initiation to tell me that.

_Zeus. _ Well, that will do for the Egyptians; time must be taken for
the consideration of their case. Proceed to others.

_Mo. _ Trophonius and Amphilochus come next. The thought of the latter,
in particular, causes my blood to boil: the father[26] is a matricide
and an outcast, and the son, if you please, sets up for a prophet in
Cilicia, and retails information--usually incorrect--to a believing
public at the rate of twopence an oracle. That is how Apollo here has
fallen into disrepute: it needs but a quack (and quacks are plentiful),
a sprinkling of oil, and a garland or two, and an oracle may be had in
these days wherever there is an altar or a stone pillar. Fever patients
may now be cured either at Olympia by the statue of Polydamas the
athlete, or in Thasos by that of Theagenes. Hector receives sacrifice
at Troy: Protesilaus just across the water on Chersonese. Ever since
the number of Gods has thus multiplied, perjury and temple-robbery have
been on the increase. In short, men do not care two straws about us;
nor can I blame them.

That is all I have to say on the subject of bastards and new
importations. But I have also observed with considerable amusement
the introduction of various strange names, denoting persons who
neither have nor could conceivably have any existence among us. Show
me this Virtue of whom we hear so much; show me Nature, and Destiny,
and Fortune, if they are anything more than unsubstantial names, the
vain imaginings of some philosopher's empty head. Yet these flimsy
personifications have so far gained upon the weak intelligences of
mankind, that not a man will now sacrifice to us, knowing that though
he should present us with a myriad of hecatombs, Fortune will none
the less work out that destiny which has been appointed for each man
from the beginning. I should take it kindly of you, sir, if you would
tell me whether you _have_ ever seen Virtue or Fortune or Destiny
anywhere? I know that you must have heard of them often enough, from
the philosophers, unless your ears are deaf enough to be proof against
their bawlings.

Much more might be said: but I forbear. I perceive that the public
indignation has already risen to hissing point; especially in those
quarters in which my plain truths have told home.

In conclusion, sir, I have drawn up a bill dealing with this subject;
which, with your permission, I shall now read.

_Zeus. _ Very well; some of your points are reasonable enough. We must
put a check on these abuses, or they will get worse.

_Mo. _ On the seventh day of the month in the prytany of Zeus and the
presidency of Posidon Apollo in the chair the following Bill introduced
by Sleep was read by Momus son of Night before a true and lawful
meeting of the Assembly whom Fortune direct.

Whereas _numerous persons both Greeks and barbarians being in no way
entitled to the franchise have by means unknown procured their names
to be enrolled on our register filling the Heavens with false Gods
troubling our banquets with a tumultuous rout of miscellaneous polyglot
humanity and causing a deficiency in the supplies of ambrosia and
nectar whereby the price of the latter commodity owing to increased
consumption has risen to four pounds the half-pint_:

And whereas _the said persons have presumptuously forced themselves
into the places of genuine and old-established deities and in
contravention of law and custom have further claimed precedence of the
same deities upon the Earth_:

It has seemed good to the Senate and People _that an Assembly be
convened upon Olympus at or about the time of the winter solstice for
the purpose of electing a Commission of Inquiry the Commissioners to
be duly-qualified Gods seven in number of whom three to be appointed
from the most ancient Senate of Cronus and the remaining four from
the twelve Gods of whom Zeus to be one and the said Commissioners
shall before taking their seats swear by Styx according to the
established form and Hermes shall summon by proclamation all such as
claim admission to the Assembly to appear and bring with them sworn
witnesses together with documentary proofs of their origin and all
such persons shall successively appear before the Commissioners and
the Commissioners after examination of their claims shall either
declare them to be Gods or dismiss them to their own tombs and family
vaults and if the Commissioners subsequently discover in Heaven any
person so disqualified from entering such person shall be thrown into
Tartarus and further each God shall follow his own profession and no
other and it shall not be lawful either for Athene to heal the sick
or for Asclepius to deliver oracles or for Apollo to practise three
professions at once but only one either prophecy or music or medicine
according as he shall select and instructions shall be issued to
philosophers forbidding them either to invent meaningless names or to
talk nonsense about matters of which they know nothing and if a temple
and sacrificial honours have already been accorded to any disqualified
person his statue shall be thrown down and that of Zeus or Hera or
Athene or other God substituted in its place and his city shall provide
him with a tomb and set up a pillar in lieu of his altar and against
any person refusing to appear before the Commissioners in accordance
with the proclamation judgement shall be given by default. _

That, gentlemen, is the Bill.

_Zeus. _ And a very equitable one it is, Momus. All in favour of
this Bill hold up their hands! Or no: our opponents are sure to
be in a majority. You may all go away now, and when Hermes makes
the proclamation, every one must come, bringing with him complete
particulars and proofs, with his father's and mother's names, his tribe
and clan, and the reason and circumstances of his deification. And any
of you who fail to produce your proofs will find it is no use having
great temples on the Earth, or passing _there_ for Gods; that will not
help you with the Commissioners.

F.

FOOTNOTES:

[24] Anubis.

[25] Apis.

[26] Amphiaraus, the father of Amphilochus, neither slew his own
mother, Hypermnestra, nor procured her death. He did, however, procure
the death of his wife, Eriphyle, at the hand of her son Alcmaeon; and
in this remote sense was a matricide. It must be confessed that a great
deal of the peculiar guilt of matricide evaporates in the process of
explanation. The reader may prefer to suppose simply that Lucian has
made a slip.




THE CYNIC


_Lycinus. A Cynic_

_Ly. _ Give an account of yourself, my man. You wear a beard and let
your hair grow; you eschew shirts; you exhibit your skin; your feet
are bare; you choose a wandering, outcast, beastly life; unlike other
people, you make your own body the object of your severities; you go
from place to place sleeping on the hard ground where chance finds you,
with the result that your old cloak, neither light nor soft nor gay to
begin with, has a plentiful load of filth to carry about with it. Why
_is_ it all?

_Cy. _ It meets my needs. It was easy to come by, and it gives its owner
no trouble. It is the cloak for me.

Pray tell me, do you not call extravagance a vice?

_Ly. _ Oh, yes.

_Cy. _ And economy a virtue?

_Ly. _ Yes, again.

_Cy. _ Then, if you find me living economically, and others
extravagantly, why blame me instead of them?

_Ly. _ I do not call your life more economical than other people's; I
call it more destitute--destitution and want, that is what it is; you
are no better than the poor who beg their daily bread.

_Cy. _ That brings us to the questions, What is want, and what is
sufficiency? Shall we try to find the answers?

_Ly. _ If you like, yes.

_Cy. _ A man's sufficiency is that which meets his necessities; will
that do?

_Ly. _ I pass that.

_Cy. _ And want occurs when the supply falls short of necessity--does
not meet the need?

_Ly. _ Yes.

_Cy. _ Very well, then, I am not in want; nothing of mine fails to
satisfy my need.

_Ly. _ How do you make that out?

_Cy. _ Well, consider the purpose of anything we require; the purpose of
a house is protection?

_Ly. _ Yes.

_Cy. _ Clothing--what is that for? protection too, I think.

_Ly. _ Yes.

_Cy. _ But now, pray, what is the purpose of the protection, in turn?
the better condition of the protected, I presume.

_Ly. _ I agree.

_Cy. _ Then do you think my feet are in worse condition than yours?

_Ly. _ I cannot say.

_Cy. _ Oh, yes; look at it this way; what have feet to do?

_Ly. _ Walk.

_Cy. _ And do you think my feet walk worse than yours, or than the
average man's?

_Ly. _ Oh, not that, I dare say.

_Cy. _ Then they are not in worse condition, if they do their work as
well.

_Ly. _ That may be so.

_Cy. _ So it appears that, as far as feet go, I am in no worse condition
than other people.

_Ly. _ No, I do not think you are.

_Cy. _ Well, the rest of my body, then? If it is in worse condition, it
must be weaker, strength being the virtue of the body. Is mine weaker?

_Ly. _ Not that I see.