No More Learning

I don't think I treated you very
well in the old days. I used to make you angry. "

"Very angry, you did. "

"I'm sorry for it, then. Come and see me when you can and as often as
you can. God knows, there isn't a soul in the world to take that trouble
except you and Mr. Beeton. "

"A lot of trouble he's taking and she too. " This with a toss of the
head.

"They've let you do anyhow and they haven't done anything for you. I've
only to look and see that much. I'll come, and I'll be glad to come, but
you must go and be shaved, and you must get some other clothes--those
ones aren't fit to be seen. "

"I have heaps somewhere," he said helplessly.

"I know you have. Tell Mr. Beeton to give you a new suit and I'll brush
it and keep it clean. You may be as blind as a barn-door, Mr. Heldar,
but it doesn't excuse you looking like a sweep. "

"Do I look like a sweep, then? "

"Oh, I'm sorry for you. I'm that sorry for you! " she cried impulsively,
and took Dick's hands. Mechanically, he lowered his head as if to
kiss--she was the only woman who had taken pity on him, and he was not
too proud for a little pity now. She stood up to go.

"Nothing 'o that kind till you look more like a gentleman. It's quite
easy when you get shaved, and some clothes. "

He could hear her drawing on her gloves and rose to say good-bye. She
passed behind him, kissed him audaciously on the back of the neck, and
ran away as swiftly as on the day when she had destroyed the Melancolia.

"To think of me kissing Mr. Heldar," she said to herself, "after all
he's done to me and all! Well, I'm sorry for him, and if he was shaved
he wouldn't be so bad to look at, but. . . Oh them Beetons, how
shameful they've treated him! I know Beeton's wearing his shirt on his
back today just as well as if I'd aired it. Tomorrow, I'll see. . . I
wonder if he has much of his own. It might be worth more than the bar--I
wouldn't have to do any work--and just as respectable as if no one
knew. "

Dick was not grateful to Bessie for her parting gift. He was acutely
conscious of it in the nape of his neck throughout the night, but it
seemed, among very many other things, to enforce the wisdom of getting
shaved.

He was shaved accordingly in the morning, and felt the better for it. A
fresh suit of clothes, white linen, and the knowledge that some one in
the world said that she took an interest in his personal appearance made
him carry himself almost upright; for the brain was relieved for a while
from thinking of Maisie, who, under other circumstances, might have
given that kiss and a million others.

"Let us consider," said he, after lunch. "The girl can't care, and it's
a toss-up whether she comes again or not, but if money can buy her to
look after me she shall be bought. Nobody else in the world would take
the trouble, and I can make it worth her while. She's a child of the
gutter holding brevet rank as a barmaid; so she shall have everything
she wants if she'll only come and talk and look after me. " He rubbed his
newly shorn chin and began to perplex himself with the thought of her
not coming. "I suppose I did look rather a sweep," he went on. "I had
no reason to look otherwise. I knew things dropped on my clothes, but
it didn't matter. It would be cruel if she didn't come. She must. Maisie
came once, and that was enough for her. She was quite right. She had
something to work for. This creature has only beer-handles to pull,
unless she has deluded some young man into keeping company with her.
Fancy being cheated for the sake of a counter-jumper! We're falling
pretty low. "

Something cried aloud within him:--This will hurt more than anything
that has gone before. It will recall and remind and suggest and
tantalise, and in the end drive you mad.

"I know it, I know it! " Dick cried, clenching his hands despairingly;
"but, good heavens! is a poor blind beggar never to get anything out of
his life except three meals a day and a greasy waistcoat? I wish she'd
come. "

Early in the afternoon time she came, because there was no young man in
her life just then, and she thought of material advantages which would
allow her to be idle for the rest of her days.

"I shouldn't have known you," she said approvingly. "You look as you
used to look--a gentleman that was proud of himself. "

"Don't you think I deserve another kiss, then? " said Dick, flushing a
little.

"Maybe--but you won't get it yet. Sit down and let's see what I can do
for you. I'm certain sure Mr. Beeton cheats you, now that you can't go
through the housekeeping books every month. Isn't that true? "

"You'd better come and housekeep for me then, Bessie. "

"Couldn't do it in these chambers--you know that as well as I do. "

"I know, but we might go somewhere else, if you thought it worth your
while. "

"I'd try to look after you, anyhow; but I shouldn't care to have to work
for both of us. " This was tentative.

Dick laughed.

"Do you remember where I used to keep my bank-book? " said he. "Torp took
it to be balanced just before he went away. Look and see. "

"It was generally under the tobacco-jar. Ah! "

"Well? "

"Oh! Four thousand two hundred and ten pounds nine shillings and a
penny! Oh my! "

"You can have the penny. That's not bad for one year's work. Is that and
a hundred and twenty pounds a year good enough? "

The idleness and the pretty clothes were almost within her reach now,
but she must, by being housewifely, show that she deserved them.

"Yes; but you'd have to move, and if we took an inventory, I think we'd
find that Mr. Beeton has been prigging little things out of the rooms
here and there. They don't look as full as they used. "

"Never mind, we'll let him have them. The only thing I'm particularly
anxious to take away is that picture I used you for--when you used to
swear at me. We'll pull out of this place, Bess, and get away as far as
ever we can. "

"Oh yes," she said uneasily.

"I don't know where I can go to get away from myself, but I'll try,
and you shall have all the pretty frocks that you care for. You'll like
that. Give me that kiss now, Bess. Ye gods! it's good to put one's arm
round a woman's waist again. "

Then came the fulfilment of the prophecy within the brain. If his arm
were thus round Maisie's waist and a kiss had just been given and
taken between them,--why then. . . He pressed the girl more closely to
himself because the pain whipped him. She was wondering how to explain
a little accident to the Melancolia. At any rate, if this man really
desired the solace of her company--and certainly he would relapse into
his original slough if she withdrew it--he would not be more than just a
little vexed.

It would be delightful at least to see what would happen, and by
her teachings it was good for a man to stand in certain awe of his
companion.

She laughed nervously, and slipped out of his reach.

"I shouldn't worrit about that picture if I was you," she began, in the
hope of turning his attention.

"It's at the back of all my canvases somewhere. Find it, Bess; you know
it as well as I do. "

"I know--but--"

"But what? You've wit enough to manage the sale of it to a dealer.
Women haggle much better than men. It might be a matter of eight or nine
hundred pounds to--to us. I simply didn't like to think about it for
a long time. It was mixed up with my life so. --But we'll cover up
our tracks and get rid of everything, eh? Make a fresh start from the
beginning, Bess. "

Then she began to repent very much indeed, because she knew the value of
money. Still, it was probable that the blind man was overestimating the
value of his work. Gentlemen, she knew, were absurdly particular about
their things. She giggled as a nervous housemaid giggles when she tries
to explain the breakage of a pipe.

"I'm very sorry, but you remember I was--I was angry with you before Mr.
Torpenhow went away? "

"You were very angry, child; and on my word I think you had some right
to be. "

"Then I--but aren't you sure Mr. Torpenhow didn't tell you? "

"Tell me what? Good gracious, what are you making such a fuss about when
you might just as well be giving me another kiss? "

He was beginning to learn, not for the first time in his experience,
that kissing is a cumulative poison. The more you get of it, the more
you want.

Bessie gave the kiss promptly, whispering, as she did so, "I was so
angry I rubbed out that picture with the turpentine. You aren't angry,
are you? "

"What? Say that again. " The man's hand had closed on her wrist.

"I rubbed it out with turps and the knife," faltered Bessie. "I thought
you'd only have to do it over again. You did do it over again, didn't
you? Oh, let go of my wrist; you're hurting me. "

"Isn't there anything left of the thing? "

"N'nothing that looks like anything. I'm sorry--I didn't know you'd take
on about it; I only meant to do it in fun. You aren't going to hit me? "

"Hit you! No! Let's think. "

He did not relax his hold upon her wrist but stood staring at the
carpet.

Then he shook his head as a young steer shakes it when the lash of the
stock-whip cross his nose warns him back to the path on to the shambles
that he would escape. For weeks he had forced himself not to think of
the Melancolia, because she was a part of his dead life. With Bessie's
return and certain new prospects that had developed themselves, the
Melancolia--lovelier in his imagination than she had ever been on
canvas--reappeared. By her aid he might have procured more money
wherewith to amuse Bess and to forget Maisie, as well as another
taste of an almost forgotten success. Now, thanks to a vicious little
housemaid's folly, there was nothing to look for--not even the hope that
he might some day take an abiding interest in the housemaid. Worst of
all, he had been made to appear ridiculous in Maisie's eyes. A woman
will forgive the man who has ruined her life's work so long as he gives
her love; a man may forgive those who ruin the love of his life, but he
will never forgive the destruction of his work.

"Tck--tck--tck," said Dick between his teeth, and then laughed softly.
"It's an omen, Bessie, and--a good many things considered, it serves me
right for doing what I have done. By Jove! that accounts for Maisie's
running away. She must have thought me perfectly mad--small blame to
her! The whole picture ruined, isn't it so? What made you do it? "

"Because I was that angry. I'm not angry now--I'm awful sorry. "

"I wonder. --It doesn't matter, anyhow. I'm to blame for making the
mistake. "

"What mistake? "

"Something you wouldn't understand, dear. Great heavens! to think that
a little piece of dirt like you could throw me out of stride! " Dick was
talking to himself as Bessie tried to shake off his grip on her wrist.

"I ain't a piece of dirt, and you shouldn't call me so! I did it 'cause
I hated you, and I'm only sorry now 'cause you're 'cause you're----"

"Exactly--because I'm blind. There's noting like tact in little things. "

Bessie began to sob. She did not like being shackled against her will;
she was afraid of the blind face and the look upon it, and was sorry too
that her great revenge had only made Dick laugh.

"Don't cry," he said, and took her into his arms. "You only did what you
thought right. "

"I--I ain't a little piece of dirt, and if you say that I'll never come
to you again. "

"You don't know what you've done to me. I'm not angry--indeed, I'm not.
Be quiet for a minute. "

Bessie remained in his arms shrinking. Dick's first thought was
connected with Maisie, and it hurt him as white-hot iron hurts an open
sore.

Not for nothing is a man permitted to ally himself to the wrong woman.

The first pang--the first sense of things lost is but the prelude to
the play, for the very just Providence who delights in causing pain has
decreed that the agony shall return, and that in the midst of keenest
pleasure.

They know this pain equally who have forsaken or been forsaken by
the love of their life, and in their new wives' arms are compelled to
realise it.

It is better to remain alone and suffer only the misery of being alone,
so long as it is possible to find distraction in daily work. When that
resource goes the man is to be pitied and left alone.
These things and some others Dick considered while he was holding Bessie
to his heart.

"Though you mayn't know it," he said, raising his head, "the Lord is a
just and a terrible God, Bess; with a very strong sense of humour. It
serves me right--how it serves me right! Torp could understand it if
he were here; he must have suffered something at your hands, child, but
only for a minute or so. I saved him. Set that to my credit, some one. "

"Let me go," said Bess, her face darkening. "Let me go. "

"All in good time. Did you ever attend Sunday school? "

"Never. Let me go, I tell you; you're making fun of me. "

"Indeed, I'm not. I'm making fun of myself. . . . Thus. 'He saved
others, himself he cannot save. ' It isn't exactly a school-board text. "
He released her wrist, but since he was between her and the door, she
could not escape. "What an enormous amount of mischief one little woman
can do! "

"I'm sorry; I'm awful sorry about the picture. "

"I'm not. I'm grateful to you for spoiling it. . . . What were we
talking about before you mentioned the thing? "

"About getting away--and money. Me and you going away. "

"Of course. We will get away--that is to say, I will. "

"And me? "

"You shall have fifty whole pounds for spoiling a picture. "

"Then you won't----? "

"I'm afraid not, dear. Think of fifty pounds for pretty things all to
yourself. "

"You said you couldn't do anything without me. "

"That was true a little while ago. I'm better now, thank you. Get me my
hat. "

"S'pose I don't? "

"Beeton will, and you'll lose fifty pounds. That's all. Get it. "

Bessie cursed under her breath. She had pitied the man sincerely, had
kissed him with almost equal sincerity, for he was not unhandsome; it
pleased her to be in a way and for a time his protector, and above all
there were four thousand pounds to be handled by some one. Now through
a slip of the tongue and a little feminine desire to give a little,
not too much, pain she had lost the money, the blessed idleness and the
pretty things, the companionship, and the chance of looking outwardly as
respectable as a real lady.

"Now fill me a pipe. Tobacco doesn't taste, but it doesn't matter, and
I'll think things out. What's the day of the week, Bess? "

"Tuesday. "

"Then Thursday's mail-day. What a fool--what a blind fool I have been!
Twenty-two pounds covers my passage home again. Allow ten for additional
expenses. We must put up at Madam Binat's for old time's sake.
Thirty-two pounds altogether. Add a hundred for the cost of the last
trip--Gad, won't Torp stare to see me! --a hundred and thirty-two leaves
seventy-eight for baksheesh--I shall need it--and to play with. What
are you crying for, Bess? It wasn't your fault, child; it was mine
altogether. Oh, you funny little opossum, mop your eyes and take me out!
I want the pass-book and the check-book. Stop a minute. Four thousand
pounds at four per cent--that's safe interest--means a hundred and sixty
pounds a year; one hundred and twenty pounds a year--also safe--is two
eighty, and two hundred and eighty pounds added to three hundred a year
means gilded luxury for a single woman. Bess, we'll go to the bank. "

Richer by two hundred and ten pounds stored in his money-belt, Dick
caused Bessie, now thoroughly bewildered, to hurry from the bank to the
P. and O. offices, where he explained things tersely.

"Port Said, single first; cabin as close to the baggage-hatch as
possible. What ship's going? "

"The Colgong," said the clerk.

"She's a wet little hooker. Is it Tilbury and a tender, or Galleons and
the docks? "

"Galleons. Twelve-forty, Thursday. "

"Thanks. Change, please. I can't see very well--will you count it into
my hand? "

"If they all took their passages like that instead of talking about
their trunks, life would be worth something," said the clerk to his
neighbour, who was trying to explain to a harassed mother of many that
condensed milk is just as good for babes at sea as daily dairy. Being
nineteen and unmarried, he spoke with conviction.

"We are now," quoth Dick, as they returned to the studio, patting the
place where his money-belt covered ticket and money, "beyond the reach
of man, or devil, or woman--which is much more important. I've had three
little affairs to carry through before Thursday, but I needn't ask you
to help, Bess. Come here on Thursday morning at nine. We'll breakfast,
and you shall take me down to Galleons Station. "

"What are you going to do? "

"Going away, of course. What should I stay for? "

"But you can't look after yourself? "

"I can do anything. I didn't realise it before, but I can. I've done a
great deal already. Resolution shall be treated to one kiss if Bessie
doesn't object. " Strangely enough, Bessie objected and Dick laughed.
"I suppose you're right. Well, come at nine the day after tomorrow and
you'll get your money. "

"Shall I sure? "

"I don't bilk, and you won't know whether I do or not unless you come.
Oh, but it's long and long to wait! Good-bye, Bessie,--send Beeton here
as you go out. "

The housekeeper came.

"What are all the fittings of my rooms worth? " said Dick, imperiously.

"'Tisn't for me to say, sir. Some things is very pretty and some is wore
out dreadful. "

"I'm insured for two hundred and seventy. "

"Insurance policies is no criterion, though I don't say----"

"Oh, damn your longwindedness! You've made your pickings out of me and
the other tenants. Why, you talked of retiring and buying a public-house
the other day. Give a straight answer to a straight question. "

"Fifty," said Mr. Beeton, without a moment's hesitation.

"Double it; or I'll break up half my sticks and burn the rest. "

He felt his way to a bookstand that supported a pile of sketch-books,
and wrenched out one of the mahogany pillars.

"That's sinful, sir," said the housekeeper, alarmed.

"It's my own. One hundred or----"

"One hundred it is. It'll cost me three and six to get that there
pilaster mended. "

"I thought so. What an out and out swindler you must have been to spring
that price at once! "

"I hope I've done nothing to dissatisfy any of the tenants, least of all
you, sir. "

"Never mind that. Get me the money tomorrow, and see that all my clothes
are packed in the little brown bullock-trunk. I'm going. "

"But the quarter's notice? "

"I'll pay forfeit. Look after the packing and leave me alone. "

Mr. Beeton discussed this new departure with his wife, who decided that
Bessie was at the bottom of it all. Her husband took a more charitable
view.

"It's very sudden--but then he was always sudden in his ways. Listen to
him now! "

There was a sound of chanting from Dick's room.

"We'll never come back any more, boys, We'll never come back no more;
We'll go to the deuce on any excuse, And never come back no more! Oh say
we're afloat or ashore, boys, Oh say we're afloat or ashore; But we'll
never come back any more, boys, We'll never come back no more! "

"Mr. Beeton! Mr. Beeton! Where the deuce is my pistol? "

"Quick, he's going to shoot himself 'avin' gone mad! " said Mrs. Beeton.

Mr. Beeton addressed Dick soothingly, but it was some time before the
latter, threshing up and down his bedroom, could realise the intention
of the promises to 'find everything tomorrow, sir. '

"Oh, you copper-nosed old fool--you impotent Academician! " he shouted
at last. "Do you suppose I want to shoot myself? Take the pistol in your
silly shaking hand then. If you touch it, it will go off, because it's
loaded. It's among my campaign-kit somewhere--in the parcel at the
bottom of the trunk. "

Long ago Dick had carefully possessed himself of a forty-pound weight
field-equipment constructed by the knowledge of his own experience. It
was this put-away treasure that he was trying to find and rehandle. Mr.
Beeton whipped the revolver out of its place on the top of the package,
and Dick drove his hand among the khaki coat and breeches, the blue
cloth leg-bands, and the heavy flannel shirts doubled over a pair of
swan-neck spurs. Under these and the water-bottle lay a sketch-book and
a pigskin case of stationery.

"These we don't want; you can have them, Mr. Beeton. Everything else
I'll keep. Pack 'em on the top right-hand side of my trunk. When you've
done that come into the studio with your wife. I want you both. Wait a
minute; get me a pen and a sheet of notepaper. "

It is not an easy thing to write when you cannot see, and Dick had
particular reasons for wishing that his work should be clear. So he
began, following his right hand with his left: "The badness of this
writing is because I am blind and cannot see my pen. " H'mph! --even a
lawyer can't mistake that. It must be signed, I suppose, but it
needn't be witnessed. Now an inch lower--why did I never learn to use
a type-writer? --"This is the last will and testament of me, Richard
Heldar. I am in sound bodily and mental health, and there is no previous
will to revoke. "--That's all right. Damn the pen! Whereabouts on the
paper was I? --" "I leave everything that I possess in the world, including
four thousand pounds, and two thousand seven hundred and twenty eight
pounds held for me--oh, I can't get this straight. " He tore off half
the sheet and began again with the caution about the handwriting.
Then: "I leave all the money I possess in the world to"--here followed
Maisie's name, and the names of the two banks that held the money.

"It mayn't be quite regular, but no one has a shadow of a right to
dispute it, and I've given Maisie's address. Come in, Mr. Beeton.
This is my signature; I want you and your wife to witness it. Thanks.
Tomorrow you must take me to the landlord and I'll pay forfeit for
leaving without notice, and I'll lodge this paper with him in case
anything happens while I'm away. Now we're going to light up the studio
stove. Stay with me, and give me my papers as I want 'em. "

No one knows until he has tried how fine a blaze a year's accumulation
of bills, letters, and dockets can make. Dick stuffed into the stove
every document in the studio--saving only three unopened letters;
destroyed sketch-books, rough note-books, new and half-finished canvases
alike.

"What a lot of rubbish a tenant gets about him if he stays long enough
in one place, to be sure," said Mr. Beeton, at last.

"He does. Is there anything more left? " Dick felt round the walls.

"Not a thing, and the stove's nigh red-hot. "

"Excellent, and you've lost about a thousand pounds' worth of sketches.
Ho! ho! Quite a thousand pounds' worth, if I can remember what I used to
be. "

"Yes, sir," politely. Mr.