_ But I'll make a great many
thousand
jump out presently.
Erasmus
_ I do pray, but rather mentally than vocally.
From the Things the
Priest reads I take occasion of Prayer.
_Er. _ Explain that a little more, I don't well take in what you mean.
_Ga. _ I'll tell you; suppose this Epistle was read, _Purge out the old
Leaven, that ye may be a new Lump, as ye are unleavened_. On occasion of
these Words I thus address myself to Christ, "I wish I were the
unleavened Bread, pure from all Leaven of Malice; but do thou, O Lord
Jesus, who alone art pure, and free from all Malice, grant that I may
every Day more and more purge out the old Leaven. " Again, if the Gospel
chance to be read concerning the Sower sowing his Seed, I thus pray with
my self, "Happy is he that deserves to be that good Ground, and I pray
that of barren Ground, he of his great Goodness would make me good
Ground, without whose Blessing nothing at all is good. " These for
Example Sake, for it would be tedious to mention every Thing. But if I
happen to meet with a dumb Priest, (such as there are many in _Germany_)
or that I can't get near the Altar, I commonly get a little Book that
has the Gospel of that Day and Epistle, and this I either say out aloud,
or run it over with my Eye.
_Er. _ I understand; but with what Contemplations chiefly dost thou pass
away the Time?
_Ga. _ I give Thanks to Jesus Christ for his unspeakable Love, in
condescending to redeem Mankind by his Death; I pray that he would not
suffer his most holy Blood to be shed in vain for me, but that with his
Body he would always feed my Soul, and that with his Blood he would
quicken my Spirit, that growing by little and little in the Increase of
Graces, I may be made a fit Member of his mystical Body, which is the
Church; nor may ever fall from that holy Covenant that he made with his
elect Disciples at the last Supper, when he distributed the Bread, and
gave the Cup; and through these, with all who are engraffed into his
Society by Baptism. And if I find my Thoughts to wander, I read some
Psalms, or some pious Matter, that may keep my Mind from wandring.
_Er. _ Have you any particular Psalms for this Purpose?
_Ga. _ I have; but I have not so tyed myself up to them, but that I can
omit them, if any Meditation comes into my Mind that is more refreshing,
than the Recitation of those Psalms.
_Er. _ What do you do as to Fasting?
_Ga. _ I have nothing to do with Fasting, for so _Jerome_ has taught me;
that Health is not to be impair'd by fasting, until the Body is arrived
at its full Strength. I am not quite 17 Years old; but yet if I find
Occasion, I dine and sup sparingly, that I may be more lively for
Spiritual Exercises on holy Days.
_Er. _ Since I have begun, I will go through with my Enquiries. How do
you find yourself affected towards Sermons?
_Ga. _ Very well, I go to them as devoutly as if I was a going to a holy
Assembly; and yet I pick and chuse whom to hear, for there are some, one
had better not hear than hear; and if such an one happens to preach, or
if it happen that no Body preaches, I pass this Time in reading the
Scriptures, I read the Gospel or Epistle with _Chrysostom's_ or
_Jerome's_ Interpretation, or any other pious and learned Interpreter
that I meet with.
_Er. _ But Word of Mouth is more affecting.
_Ga. _ I confess it is. I had rather hear if I can but meet with a
tolerable Preacher; but I don't seem to be wholly destitute of a Sermon
if I hear _Chrysostom_ or _Jerome_ speaking by their Writings.
_Er. _ I am of your Mind; but how do you stand affected as to
Confession?
_Ga. _ Very well; for I confess daily.
_Er. _ Every Day?
_Ga. _ Yes.
_Er. _ Then you ought to keep a Priest to yourself.
_Ga. _ But I confess to him who only truly remits Sins, to whom all the
Power is given.
_Er. _ To whom?
_Ga. _ To Christ.
_Er. _ And do you think that's sufficient?
_Ga. _ It would be enough for me, if it were enough for the Rulers of the
Church, and receiv'd Custom.
_Er. _ Who do you call the Rulers of the Church?
_Ga. _ The Popes, Bishops and Apostles.
_Er. _ And do you put Christ into this Number?
_Ga. _ He is without Controversy the chief Head of e'm all.
_Er. _ And was he the Author of this Confession in use?
_Ga. _ He is indeed the Author of all good; but whether he appointed
Confession as it is now us'd in the Church, I leave to be disputed by
Divines. The Authority of my Betters is enough for me that am but a Lad
and a private Person. This is certainly the principal Confession; nor is
it an easy Matter to confess to Christ; no Body confesses to him, but he
that is angry with his Sin. If I have committed any great Offence, I lay
it open, and bewail it to him, and implore his Mercy; I cry out, weep
and lament, nor do I give over before I feel the Love of Sin throughly
purged from the Bottom of my Heart, and some Tranquility and
Chearfulness of Mind follow upon it, which is an Argument of the Sin
being pardoned. And when the Time requires to go to the holy Communion
of the Body and Blood of Christ; then I make Confession to a Priest too,
but in few Words, and nothing but what I am well satisfy'd are Faults,
or such that carry in them a very great Suspicion that they are such;
neither do I always take it to be a capital or enormous Crime, every
Thing that is done contrary to human Constitutions, unless a wicked
Contemptuousness shall go along with it: Nay, I scarce believe any Crime
to be Capital, that has not Malice join'd with it, that is, a perverse
Will.
_Er. _ I commend you, that you are so religious, and yet not
superstitious: Here I think the old Proverb takes place: _Nec omnia, nec
passim, nec quibuslibet_, That a Person should neither speak all, nor
every where, nor to all Persons.
_Ga. _ I chuse me a Priest, that I can trust with the Secrets of my
Heart.
_Er. _ That's wisely done: For there are a great many, as is found by
Experience, do blab out what in Confessions is discovered to them. And
there are some vile impudent Fellows that enquire of the Person
confessing, those Things, that it were better if they were conceal'd;
and there are some unlearned and foolish Fellows, who for the Sake of
filthy Gain, lend their Ear, but apply not their Mind, who can't
distinguish between a Fault and a good Deed, nor can neither teach,
comfort nor advise. These Things I have heard from many, and in Part
have experienced my self.
_Ga. _ And I too much; therefore I chuse me one that is learn'd, grave,
of approv'd Integrity, and one that keeps his Tongue within his Teeth.
_Er. _ Truly you are happy that can make a Judgment of Things so early.
_Ga. _ But above all, I take Care of doing any Thing that I can't safely
trust a Priest with.
_Er. _ That's the best Thing in the World, if you can but do so.
_Ga. _ Indeed it is hard to us of ourselves, but by the Help of Christ it
is easy; the greatest Matter is, that there be a Will to it. I often
renew my Resolution, especially upon Sundays: And besides that, I
endeavour as much as I can to keep out of evil Company, and associate
myself with good Company, by whose Conversation I may be better'd.
_Er. _ Indeed you manage yourself rightly: For _evil Conversations
corrupt good Manners_.
_Ga. _ I shun Idleness as the Plague.
_Er. _ You are very right, for Idleness is the Root of all Evil; but as
the World goes now, he must live by himself that would keep out of bad
Company.
_Ga. _ What you say is very true, for as the _Greek_ wise Men said the
bad are the greatest Number. But I chuse the best out of a few, and
sometimes a good Companion makes his Companion better. I avoid those
Diversions that incite to Naughtiness, and use those that are innocent.
I behave myself courteous to all; but familiarly with none but those
that are good. If I happen at any Time to fall into bad Company, I
either correct them by a soft Admonition, or wink at and bear with them,
if I can do them no good; but I be sure to get out of their Company as
soon as I can.
_Er. _ Had you never an itching Mind to become a Monk?
_Ga. _ Never; but I have been often solicited to it by some, that call
you into a Monastery, as into a Port from a Shipwreck.
_Er. _ Say you so? Were they in Hopes of a Prey?
_Ga. _ They set upon both me and my Parents with a great many crafty
Persuasions; but I have taken a Resolution not to give my Mind either to
Matrimony or Priesthood, nor to be a Monk, nor to any Kind of Life out
of which I can't extricate myself, before I know myself very well.
_Er. _ When will that be?
_Ga. _ Perhaps never. But before the 28th Year of ones Age, nothing
should be resolved on.
_Er. _ Why so?
_Ga. _ Because I hear every where, so many Priests, Monks and married Men
lamenting that they hurried themselves rashly into Servitude.
_Er. _ You are very cautious not to be catch'd.
_Ga. _ In the mean Time I take a special Care of three Things.
_Er. _ What are they?
_Ga. _ First of all to make a good Progress in Morality, and if I can't
do that, I am resolv'd to maintain an unspotted Innocence and good
Name; and last of all I furnish myself with Languages and Sciences that
will be of Use in any Kind of Life.
_Er. _ But do you neglect the Poets?
_Ga. _ Not wholly, but I read generally the chastest of them, and if I
meet with any Thing that is not modest, I pass that by, as _Ulysses_
passed by the _Sirens_, stopping his Ears.
_Er. _ To what Kind of Study do you chiefly addict your self? To Physic,
the Common or Civil Law, or to Divinity? For Languages, the Sciences and
Philosophy are all conducive to any Profession whatsoever.
_Ga. _ I have not yet thoroughly betaken myself to any one particularly,
but I take a Taste of all, that I be not wholly ignorant of any; and the
rather, that having tasted of all I may the better chuse that I am
fittest for. Medicine is a certain Portion in whatsoever Land a Man is;
the Law is the Way to Preferment: But I like Divinity the best, saving
that the Manners of some of the Professors of it, and the bitter
Contentions that are among them, displease me.
_Er. _ He won't be very apt to fall that goes so warily along. Many in
these Days are frighted from Divinity, because they are afraid they
should not be found in the Catholick Faith, because they see no
Principle of Religion, but what is called in Question.
_Ga. _ I believe firmly what I read in the holy Scriptures, and the
Creed, called the Apostles, and I don't trouble my Head any farther: I
leave the rest to be disputed and defined by the Clergy, if they please;
and if any Thing is in common Use with Christians that is not repugnant
to the holy Scriptures, I observe it for this Reason, that I may not
offend other People.
_Er. _ What _Thales_ taught you that Philosophy?
_Ga. _ When I was a Boy and very young, I happen'd to live in the House
with that honestest of Men, _John Colet_, do you know him?
_Er. _ Know him, ay, as well as I do you.
_Ga. _ He instructed me when I was young in these Precepts.
_Er. _ You won't envy me, I hope, if I endeavour to imitate you?
_Ga. _ Nay, by that Means you will be much dearer to me. For you know,
Familiarity and good Will, are closer ty'd by Similitude of Manners.
_Er. _ True, but not among Candidates for the same Office, when they are
both sick of the same Disease.
_Ga. _ No, nor between two Sweet-hearts of the same Mistress, when they
are both sick of the same Love.
_Er. _ But without jesting, I'll try to imitate that Course of Life.
_Ga. _ I wish you as good Success as may be.
_Er. _ It may be I shall overtake thee.
_Ga. _ I wish you might get before me; but in the mean Time I won't stay
for you; but I will every Day endeavour to out-go myself, and do you
endeavour to out-go me if you can.
_The ART OF HUNTING. _
The ARGUMENT.
_This Colloquy presents you with the Art of Hunting;
Fishing, of bringing Earth-Worms out of the Ground, of
sticking Frogs. _
PAUL, THOMAS, VINCENT, LAWRENCE, BARTHOLUS.
_Pa. Every one to his Mind. _ I love Hunting.
_Th. _ And so do I too, but where are the Dogs? The hunting Poles? And
the hunting Nets?
_Pa. _ Farewell Boars, Bears, Bucks, and Foxes, we'll lay Snares for
Rabbets.
_Vi. _ But I'll set Gins for Locusts and Crickets.
_La. _ But I'll catch Frogs.
_Ba. _ I'll hunt Butterflies.
_La. _ 'Tis difficult to follow flying Creatures.
_Ba. _ It is difficult, but 'tis fine Sport; unless you think it finer
Sport to hunt after Earth-Worms, Snails or Cockles, because they have no
Wings.
_La. _ Indeed I had rather go a Fishing; I have a neat Hook.
_Ba. _ But where will you get Baits?
_La. _ There are Earth-Worms enough every where to be had.
_Ba. _ So there is, if they would but creep out of the Ground to you.
_La.
_ But I'll make a great many thousand jump out presently.
_Ba. _ How? By Witch-Craft?
_La. _ You shall see the Art. Fill this Bucket with Water, break these
green Peels of Walnuts to Pieces and put into it: Wet the Ground with
the Water. Now mind a little, do you see them coming out?
_Ba. _ I see a Miracle. I believe the armed Men started out of the Earth
after this Manner from the Serpents Teeth that were sown: But a great
many Fish are of too fine and delicate a Palate to be catch'd by such a
vulgar Bait.
_La. _ I know a certain Sort of an Insect that I us'd to catch such with.
_Ba. _ See if you can impose upon the Fishes so, I'll make work with the
Frogs.
_La. _ How, with a Net?
_Ba. _ No, with a Bow.
_La. _ That's a new Way of Fishing!
_Ba. _ But 'tis a pleasant one; you'll say so, when you see it.
_Vi. _ What if we two should play at holding up our Fingers?
_Ba. _ That's an idle, clownish Play indeed, fitter for them that are
sitting in a Chimney Corner, than those that are ranging in the Field.
_Vi. _ What if we should play at Cob-Nut?
_Pa. _ Let us let Nuts alone for little Chits, we are great Boys.
_Vi. _ And yet we are but Boys for all that.
_Pa. _ But they that are fit to play at Cob-Nut, are fit to ride upon a
Hobby-Horse.
_Vi. _ Well then, do you say what we shall play at; and I'll play at what
you will.
_Pa. _ And I'll be conformable.
_SCHOLASTIC STUDIES. _
The ARGUMENT.
_This Colloquy treats of scholastic Studies, and School
Plays, I. The Boys going into the School. The striking of
a Clock. A whipping Master. Of saying a Lesson. Fear
hurts the Memory. 2. Of Writing, the Paper sinks. Of
making a Pen. Of a hard Nip. A soft Nip. Of writing
quick, well. _
SYLVIUS, JOHN.
_Sy. _ What makes you run so, _John? _
_Jo. _ What makes a Hare run before the Dogs, as they use to say?
_Sy. _ What Proverb is this?
_Jo. _ Because unless I am there in Time, before the Bill is called over,
I am sure to be whipp'd.
_Sy. _ You need not be afraid of that, it is but a little past five: Look
upon the Clock, the Hand is not come to the half Hour Point yet.
_Jo. _ Ay, but I can scarce trust to Clocks, they go wrong sometimes.
_Sy. _ But trust me then, I heard the Clock strike.
_Jo. _ What did that strike?
_Sy. _ Five.
_Jo. _ But there is something else that I am more afraid of than that, I
must say by Heart a good long Lesson for Yesterday, and I am afraid I
can't say it.
_Sy. _ I am in the same Case with you; for I myself have hardly got mine
as it should be.
_Jo. _ And you know the Master's Severity. Every Fault is a Capital one
with him: He has no more Mercy of our Breeches, than if they were made
of a Bull's Hide.
_Sy. _ But he won't be in the School.
_Jo. _ Who has he appointed in his Place?
_Sy. Cornelius. _
_Jo. _ That squint-ey'd Fellow! Wo to our Back-Sides, he's a greater
Whip-Master than _Busby_ himself.
_Sy. _ You say very true, and for that Reason I have often wish'd he had
a Palsy in his Arm.
_Jo. _ It is not pious to wish ill to ones Master: it is our Business
rather to take Care not to fall under the Tyrant's Hands.
_Sy. _ Let us say one to another, one repeating and the other looking in
the Book.
_Jo. _ That's well thought on.
_Sy. _ Come, be of good Heart; for Fear spoils the Memory.
_Jo. _ I could easily lay aside Fear, if I were out of Danger; but who
can be at Ease in his Mind, that is in so much Danger.
_Sy. _ I confess so; but we are not in Danger of our Heads, but of our
Tails.
* * * * *
2. _Of Writing. _
CORNELIUS, ANDREW.
_Co. _ You write finely, but your Paper sinks. Your Paper is damp, and
the Ink sinks through it.
_An. _ Pray make me a Pen of this.
_Co. _ I have not a Pen-knife.
_An. _ Here is one for you.
_Co. _ Out on't, how blunt it is!
_An. _ Take the Hoan.
_Co. _ Do you love to write with a hard-nip'd Pen, or a soft?
_An. _ Make it fit for your own Hand.
_Co. _ I use to write with a soft Nip.
_An. _ Pray write me out the Alphabet.
_Co. _ Greek or Latin?
_An. _ Write me the Latin first; I'll try to imitate it.
_Co. _ Give me some Paper then.
_An. _ Take some.
_Co. _ But my Ink is too thin, by often pouring in of Water.
_An. _ But my Cotton is quite dry.
_Co. _ Squeeze it, or else piss in it.
_An. _ I had rather get some Body to give me some.
_Co. _ It is better to have of one's own, than to borrow.
_An. _ What's a Scholar without Pen and Ink?
_Co. _ The same that a Soldier is without Shield or Sword.
_An. _ I wish my Fingers were so nimble, I can't write as fast as another
speaks.
_Co. _ Let it be your first chief Care to write well, and your next to
write quick: No more Haste than good Speed.
_An. _ Very well; say to the Master when he dictates, no more Haste than
good Speed.
* * * * *
_A Form of giving Thanks.
PETER, CHRISTIAN. _
_Pe. _ You have oblig'd me, in that you have written to me sometimes. I
thank you for writing to me often. I love you, that you have not thought
much to send me now and then a Letter. I give you Thanks that you have
visited me with frequent Letters. I thank you for loading of me with
Packets of Letters. I thank you heartily that you have now and then
provoked me with Letters. You have oblig'd me very much that you have
honour'd me with your Letters. I am much beholden to you for your most
obliging Letters to me. I take it as a great Favour, that you have not
thought much to write to me.
_The Answer. _
_Ch. _ Indeed I ought to beg Pardon for my Presumption, who dar'd presume
to trouble a Man of so much Business, and so much Learning with my
unlearned Letters. I acknowledge your usual Humanity, who have taken my
Boldness in good Part. I was afraid my Letters had given you some
Offence, that you sent me no Answer. There is no Reason that you should
thank me, it is more than enough for me, if you have taken my Industry
in good Part.
* * * * *
_A Form of asking after News. _
_Pe. _ Is there no News come from our Country? Have you had any News from
our Countrymen? What News? Do you bring any News? Is there any News come
to Town? Is there any News abroad from our Country?
_The Answer. _
_Ch. _ There is much News; but nothing of Truth. News enough indeed; but
nothing certain. A great deal of News; but nothing to be depended upon.
Not a little News; but not much Truth. There is no News come. I have had
no News at all. Something of News; but nothing certain. There are a
great many Reports come to Town; but they are all doubtful. There is a
great deal of Talk; but nothing true, nothing certain. If Lies please, I
have brought you a whole Cart-Load of them. I bring you whole Bushels of
Tales. I bring you as many Lies as a good Ship will carry.
_Pe. _ Then unlade yourself as fast as you can, for fear you should sink,
being so over-freighted.
_Ch. _ I have nothing but what's the Chat of Barbers Shops, Coaches and
Boats.
_Han't you received any Letters. The Form_.
_Pe.
Priest reads I take occasion of Prayer.
_Er. _ Explain that a little more, I don't well take in what you mean.
_Ga. _ I'll tell you; suppose this Epistle was read, _Purge out the old
Leaven, that ye may be a new Lump, as ye are unleavened_. On occasion of
these Words I thus address myself to Christ, "I wish I were the
unleavened Bread, pure from all Leaven of Malice; but do thou, O Lord
Jesus, who alone art pure, and free from all Malice, grant that I may
every Day more and more purge out the old Leaven. " Again, if the Gospel
chance to be read concerning the Sower sowing his Seed, I thus pray with
my self, "Happy is he that deserves to be that good Ground, and I pray
that of barren Ground, he of his great Goodness would make me good
Ground, without whose Blessing nothing at all is good. " These for
Example Sake, for it would be tedious to mention every Thing. But if I
happen to meet with a dumb Priest, (such as there are many in _Germany_)
or that I can't get near the Altar, I commonly get a little Book that
has the Gospel of that Day and Epistle, and this I either say out aloud,
or run it over with my Eye.
_Er. _ I understand; but with what Contemplations chiefly dost thou pass
away the Time?
_Ga. _ I give Thanks to Jesus Christ for his unspeakable Love, in
condescending to redeem Mankind by his Death; I pray that he would not
suffer his most holy Blood to be shed in vain for me, but that with his
Body he would always feed my Soul, and that with his Blood he would
quicken my Spirit, that growing by little and little in the Increase of
Graces, I may be made a fit Member of his mystical Body, which is the
Church; nor may ever fall from that holy Covenant that he made with his
elect Disciples at the last Supper, when he distributed the Bread, and
gave the Cup; and through these, with all who are engraffed into his
Society by Baptism. And if I find my Thoughts to wander, I read some
Psalms, or some pious Matter, that may keep my Mind from wandring.
_Er. _ Have you any particular Psalms for this Purpose?
_Ga. _ I have; but I have not so tyed myself up to them, but that I can
omit them, if any Meditation comes into my Mind that is more refreshing,
than the Recitation of those Psalms.
_Er. _ What do you do as to Fasting?
_Ga. _ I have nothing to do with Fasting, for so _Jerome_ has taught me;
that Health is not to be impair'd by fasting, until the Body is arrived
at its full Strength. I am not quite 17 Years old; but yet if I find
Occasion, I dine and sup sparingly, that I may be more lively for
Spiritual Exercises on holy Days.
_Er. _ Since I have begun, I will go through with my Enquiries. How do
you find yourself affected towards Sermons?
_Ga. _ Very well, I go to them as devoutly as if I was a going to a holy
Assembly; and yet I pick and chuse whom to hear, for there are some, one
had better not hear than hear; and if such an one happens to preach, or
if it happen that no Body preaches, I pass this Time in reading the
Scriptures, I read the Gospel or Epistle with _Chrysostom's_ or
_Jerome's_ Interpretation, or any other pious and learned Interpreter
that I meet with.
_Er. _ But Word of Mouth is more affecting.
_Ga. _ I confess it is. I had rather hear if I can but meet with a
tolerable Preacher; but I don't seem to be wholly destitute of a Sermon
if I hear _Chrysostom_ or _Jerome_ speaking by their Writings.
_Er. _ I am of your Mind; but how do you stand affected as to
Confession?
_Ga. _ Very well; for I confess daily.
_Er. _ Every Day?
_Ga. _ Yes.
_Er. _ Then you ought to keep a Priest to yourself.
_Ga. _ But I confess to him who only truly remits Sins, to whom all the
Power is given.
_Er. _ To whom?
_Ga. _ To Christ.
_Er. _ And do you think that's sufficient?
_Ga. _ It would be enough for me, if it were enough for the Rulers of the
Church, and receiv'd Custom.
_Er. _ Who do you call the Rulers of the Church?
_Ga. _ The Popes, Bishops and Apostles.
_Er. _ And do you put Christ into this Number?
_Ga. _ He is without Controversy the chief Head of e'm all.
_Er. _ And was he the Author of this Confession in use?
_Ga. _ He is indeed the Author of all good; but whether he appointed
Confession as it is now us'd in the Church, I leave to be disputed by
Divines. The Authority of my Betters is enough for me that am but a Lad
and a private Person. This is certainly the principal Confession; nor is
it an easy Matter to confess to Christ; no Body confesses to him, but he
that is angry with his Sin. If I have committed any great Offence, I lay
it open, and bewail it to him, and implore his Mercy; I cry out, weep
and lament, nor do I give over before I feel the Love of Sin throughly
purged from the Bottom of my Heart, and some Tranquility and
Chearfulness of Mind follow upon it, which is an Argument of the Sin
being pardoned. And when the Time requires to go to the holy Communion
of the Body and Blood of Christ; then I make Confession to a Priest too,
but in few Words, and nothing but what I am well satisfy'd are Faults,
or such that carry in them a very great Suspicion that they are such;
neither do I always take it to be a capital or enormous Crime, every
Thing that is done contrary to human Constitutions, unless a wicked
Contemptuousness shall go along with it: Nay, I scarce believe any Crime
to be Capital, that has not Malice join'd with it, that is, a perverse
Will.
_Er. _ I commend you, that you are so religious, and yet not
superstitious: Here I think the old Proverb takes place: _Nec omnia, nec
passim, nec quibuslibet_, That a Person should neither speak all, nor
every where, nor to all Persons.
_Ga. _ I chuse me a Priest, that I can trust with the Secrets of my
Heart.
_Er. _ That's wisely done: For there are a great many, as is found by
Experience, do blab out what in Confessions is discovered to them. And
there are some vile impudent Fellows that enquire of the Person
confessing, those Things, that it were better if they were conceal'd;
and there are some unlearned and foolish Fellows, who for the Sake of
filthy Gain, lend their Ear, but apply not their Mind, who can't
distinguish between a Fault and a good Deed, nor can neither teach,
comfort nor advise. These Things I have heard from many, and in Part
have experienced my self.
_Ga. _ And I too much; therefore I chuse me one that is learn'd, grave,
of approv'd Integrity, and one that keeps his Tongue within his Teeth.
_Er. _ Truly you are happy that can make a Judgment of Things so early.
_Ga. _ But above all, I take Care of doing any Thing that I can't safely
trust a Priest with.
_Er. _ That's the best Thing in the World, if you can but do so.
_Ga. _ Indeed it is hard to us of ourselves, but by the Help of Christ it
is easy; the greatest Matter is, that there be a Will to it. I often
renew my Resolution, especially upon Sundays: And besides that, I
endeavour as much as I can to keep out of evil Company, and associate
myself with good Company, by whose Conversation I may be better'd.
_Er. _ Indeed you manage yourself rightly: For _evil Conversations
corrupt good Manners_.
_Ga. _ I shun Idleness as the Plague.
_Er. _ You are very right, for Idleness is the Root of all Evil; but as
the World goes now, he must live by himself that would keep out of bad
Company.
_Ga. _ What you say is very true, for as the _Greek_ wise Men said the
bad are the greatest Number. But I chuse the best out of a few, and
sometimes a good Companion makes his Companion better. I avoid those
Diversions that incite to Naughtiness, and use those that are innocent.
I behave myself courteous to all; but familiarly with none but those
that are good. If I happen at any Time to fall into bad Company, I
either correct them by a soft Admonition, or wink at and bear with them,
if I can do them no good; but I be sure to get out of their Company as
soon as I can.
_Er. _ Had you never an itching Mind to become a Monk?
_Ga. _ Never; but I have been often solicited to it by some, that call
you into a Monastery, as into a Port from a Shipwreck.
_Er. _ Say you so? Were they in Hopes of a Prey?
_Ga. _ They set upon both me and my Parents with a great many crafty
Persuasions; but I have taken a Resolution not to give my Mind either to
Matrimony or Priesthood, nor to be a Monk, nor to any Kind of Life out
of which I can't extricate myself, before I know myself very well.
_Er. _ When will that be?
_Ga. _ Perhaps never. But before the 28th Year of ones Age, nothing
should be resolved on.
_Er. _ Why so?
_Ga. _ Because I hear every where, so many Priests, Monks and married Men
lamenting that they hurried themselves rashly into Servitude.
_Er. _ You are very cautious not to be catch'd.
_Ga. _ In the mean Time I take a special Care of three Things.
_Er. _ What are they?
_Ga. _ First of all to make a good Progress in Morality, and if I can't
do that, I am resolv'd to maintain an unspotted Innocence and good
Name; and last of all I furnish myself with Languages and Sciences that
will be of Use in any Kind of Life.
_Er. _ But do you neglect the Poets?
_Ga. _ Not wholly, but I read generally the chastest of them, and if I
meet with any Thing that is not modest, I pass that by, as _Ulysses_
passed by the _Sirens_, stopping his Ears.
_Er. _ To what Kind of Study do you chiefly addict your self? To Physic,
the Common or Civil Law, or to Divinity? For Languages, the Sciences and
Philosophy are all conducive to any Profession whatsoever.
_Ga. _ I have not yet thoroughly betaken myself to any one particularly,
but I take a Taste of all, that I be not wholly ignorant of any; and the
rather, that having tasted of all I may the better chuse that I am
fittest for. Medicine is a certain Portion in whatsoever Land a Man is;
the Law is the Way to Preferment: But I like Divinity the best, saving
that the Manners of some of the Professors of it, and the bitter
Contentions that are among them, displease me.
_Er. _ He won't be very apt to fall that goes so warily along. Many in
these Days are frighted from Divinity, because they are afraid they
should not be found in the Catholick Faith, because they see no
Principle of Religion, but what is called in Question.
_Ga. _ I believe firmly what I read in the holy Scriptures, and the
Creed, called the Apostles, and I don't trouble my Head any farther: I
leave the rest to be disputed and defined by the Clergy, if they please;
and if any Thing is in common Use with Christians that is not repugnant
to the holy Scriptures, I observe it for this Reason, that I may not
offend other People.
_Er. _ What _Thales_ taught you that Philosophy?
_Ga. _ When I was a Boy and very young, I happen'd to live in the House
with that honestest of Men, _John Colet_, do you know him?
_Er. _ Know him, ay, as well as I do you.
_Ga. _ He instructed me when I was young in these Precepts.
_Er. _ You won't envy me, I hope, if I endeavour to imitate you?
_Ga. _ Nay, by that Means you will be much dearer to me. For you know,
Familiarity and good Will, are closer ty'd by Similitude of Manners.
_Er. _ True, but not among Candidates for the same Office, when they are
both sick of the same Disease.
_Ga. _ No, nor between two Sweet-hearts of the same Mistress, when they
are both sick of the same Love.
_Er. _ But without jesting, I'll try to imitate that Course of Life.
_Ga. _ I wish you as good Success as may be.
_Er. _ It may be I shall overtake thee.
_Ga. _ I wish you might get before me; but in the mean Time I won't stay
for you; but I will every Day endeavour to out-go myself, and do you
endeavour to out-go me if you can.
_The ART OF HUNTING. _
The ARGUMENT.
_This Colloquy presents you with the Art of Hunting;
Fishing, of bringing Earth-Worms out of the Ground, of
sticking Frogs. _
PAUL, THOMAS, VINCENT, LAWRENCE, BARTHOLUS.
_Pa. Every one to his Mind. _ I love Hunting.
_Th. _ And so do I too, but where are the Dogs? The hunting Poles? And
the hunting Nets?
_Pa. _ Farewell Boars, Bears, Bucks, and Foxes, we'll lay Snares for
Rabbets.
_Vi. _ But I'll set Gins for Locusts and Crickets.
_La. _ But I'll catch Frogs.
_Ba. _ I'll hunt Butterflies.
_La. _ 'Tis difficult to follow flying Creatures.
_Ba. _ It is difficult, but 'tis fine Sport; unless you think it finer
Sport to hunt after Earth-Worms, Snails or Cockles, because they have no
Wings.
_La. _ Indeed I had rather go a Fishing; I have a neat Hook.
_Ba. _ But where will you get Baits?
_La. _ There are Earth-Worms enough every where to be had.
_Ba. _ So there is, if they would but creep out of the Ground to you.
_La.
_ But I'll make a great many thousand jump out presently.
_Ba. _ How? By Witch-Craft?
_La. _ You shall see the Art. Fill this Bucket with Water, break these
green Peels of Walnuts to Pieces and put into it: Wet the Ground with
the Water. Now mind a little, do you see them coming out?
_Ba. _ I see a Miracle. I believe the armed Men started out of the Earth
after this Manner from the Serpents Teeth that were sown: But a great
many Fish are of too fine and delicate a Palate to be catch'd by such a
vulgar Bait.
_La. _ I know a certain Sort of an Insect that I us'd to catch such with.
_Ba. _ See if you can impose upon the Fishes so, I'll make work with the
Frogs.
_La. _ How, with a Net?
_Ba. _ No, with a Bow.
_La. _ That's a new Way of Fishing!
_Ba. _ But 'tis a pleasant one; you'll say so, when you see it.
_Vi. _ What if we two should play at holding up our Fingers?
_Ba. _ That's an idle, clownish Play indeed, fitter for them that are
sitting in a Chimney Corner, than those that are ranging in the Field.
_Vi. _ What if we should play at Cob-Nut?
_Pa. _ Let us let Nuts alone for little Chits, we are great Boys.
_Vi. _ And yet we are but Boys for all that.
_Pa. _ But they that are fit to play at Cob-Nut, are fit to ride upon a
Hobby-Horse.
_Vi. _ Well then, do you say what we shall play at; and I'll play at what
you will.
_Pa. _ And I'll be conformable.
_SCHOLASTIC STUDIES. _
The ARGUMENT.
_This Colloquy treats of scholastic Studies, and School
Plays, I. The Boys going into the School. The striking of
a Clock. A whipping Master. Of saying a Lesson. Fear
hurts the Memory. 2. Of Writing, the Paper sinks. Of
making a Pen. Of a hard Nip. A soft Nip. Of writing
quick, well. _
SYLVIUS, JOHN.
_Sy. _ What makes you run so, _John? _
_Jo. _ What makes a Hare run before the Dogs, as they use to say?
_Sy. _ What Proverb is this?
_Jo. _ Because unless I am there in Time, before the Bill is called over,
I am sure to be whipp'd.
_Sy. _ You need not be afraid of that, it is but a little past five: Look
upon the Clock, the Hand is not come to the half Hour Point yet.
_Jo. _ Ay, but I can scarce trust to Clocks, they go wrong sometimes.
_Sy. _ But trust me then, I heard the Clock strike.
_Jo. _ What did that strike?
_Sy. _ Five.
_Jo. _ But there is something else that I am more afraid of than that, I
must say by Heart a good long Lesson for Yesterday, and I am afraid I
can't say it.
_Sy. _ I am in the same Case with you; for I myself have hardly got mine
as it should be.
_Jo. _ And you know the Master's Severity. Every Fault is a Capital one
with him: He has no more Mercy of our Breeches, than if they were made
of a Bull's Hide.
_Sy. _ But he won't be in the School.
_Jo. _ Who has he appointed in his Place?
_Sy. Cornelius. _
_Jo. _ That squint-ey'd Fellow! Wo to our Back-Sides, he's a greater
Whip-Master than _Busby_ himself.
_Sy. _ You say very true, and for that Reason I have often wish'd he had
a Palsy in his Arm.
_Jo. _ It is not pious to wish ill to ones Master: it is our Business
rather to take Care not to fall under the Tyrant's Hands.
_Sy. _ Let us say one to another, one repeating and the other looking in
the Book.
_Jo. _ That's well thought on.
_Sy. _ Come, be of good Heart; for Fear spoils the Memory.
_Jo. _ I could easily lay aside Fear, if I were out of Danger; but who
can be at Ease in his Mind, that is in so much Danger.
_Sy. _ I confess so; but we are not in Danger of our Heads, but of our
Tails.
* * * * *
2. _Of Writing. _
CORNELIUS, ANDREW.
_Co. _ You write finely, but your Paper sinks. Your Paper is damp, and
the Ink sinks through it.
_An. _ Pray make me a Pen of this.
_Co. _ I have not a Pen-knife.
_An. _ Here is one for you.
_Co. _ Out on't, how blunt it is!
_An. _ Take the Hoan.
_Co. _ Do you love to write with a hard-nip'd Pen, or a soft?
_An. _ Make it fit for your own Hand.
_Co. _ I use to write with a soft Nip.
_An. _ Pray write me out the Alphabet.
_Co. _ Greek or Latin?
_An. _ Write me the Latin first; I'll try to imitate it.
_Co. _ Give me some Paper then.
_An. _ Take some.
_Co. _ But my Ink is too thin, by often pouring in of Water.
_An. _ But my Cotton is quite dry.
_Co. _ Squeeze it, or else piss in it.
_An. _ I had rather get some Body to give me some.
_Co. _ It is better to have of one's own, than to borrow.
_An. _ What's a Scholar without Pen and Ink?
_Co. _ The same that a Soldier is without Shield or Sword.
_An. _ I wish my Fingers were so nimble, I can't write as fast as another
speaks.
_Co. _ Let it be your first chief Care to write well, and your next to
write quick: No more Haste than good Speed.
_An. _ Very well; say to the Master when he dictates, no more Haste than
good Speed.
* * * * *
_A Form of giving Thanks.
PETER, CHRISTIAN. _
_Pe. _ You have oblig'd me, in that you have written to me sometimes. I
thank you for writing to me often. I love you, that you have not thought
much to send me now and then a Letter. I give you Thanks that you have
visited me with frequent Letters. I thank you for loading of me with
Packets of Letters. I thank you heartily that you have now and then
provoked me with Letters. You have oblig'd me very much that you have
honour'd me with your Letters. I am much beholden to you for your most
obliging Letters to me. I take it as a great Favour, that you have not
thought much to write to me.
_The Answer. _
_Ch. _ Indeed I ought to beg Pardon for my Presumption, who dar'd presume
to trouble a Man of so much Business, and so much Learning with my
unlearned Letters. I acknowledge your usual Humanity, who have taken my
Boldness in good Part. I was afraid my Letters had given you some
Offence, that you sent me no Answer. There is no Reason that you should
thank me, it is more than enough for me, if you have taken my Industry
in good Part.
* * * * *
_A Form of asking after News. _
_Pe. _ Is there no News come from our Country? Have you had any News from
our Countrymen? What News? Do you bring any News? Is there any News come
to Town? Is there any News abroad from our Country?
_The Answer. _
_Ch. _ There is much News; but nothing of Truth. News enough indeed; but
nothing certain. A great deal of News; but nothing to be depended upon.
Not a little News; but not much Truth. There is no News come. I have had
no News at all. Something of News; but nothing certain. There are a
great many Reports come to Town; but they are all doubtful. There is a
great deal of Talk; but nothing true, nothing certain. If Lies please, I
have brought you a whole Cart-Load of them. I bring you whole Bushels of
Tales. I bring you as many Lies as a good Ship will carry.
_Pe. _ Then unlade yourself as fast as you can, for fear you should sink,
being so over-freighted.
_Ch. _ I have nothing but what's the Chat of Barbers Shops, Coaches and
Boats.
_Han't you received any Letters. The Form_.
_Pe.
