How can one say he was
fortunate
at first?
Aristophanes
Which one?
AESCHYLUS. The Seven Chiefs before Thebes. Every man who had once seen it
longed to be marching to battle.
DIONYSUS. And you did very wrongly; through you the Thebans have become
more warlike; for this misdeed you deserve to be well beaten.
AESCHYLUS. You too might have trained yourself, but you were not willing.
Then, by producing 'The Persae,' I have taught you to conquer all your
enemies; 'twas my greatest work.
DIONYSUS. Aye, I shook with joy at the announcement of the death of
Darius; and the Chorus immediately clapped their hands and shouted,
"Triumph! "[486]
AESCHYLUS. Those are the subjects that poets should use. Note how useful,
even from remotest times, the poets of noble thought have been! Orpheus
taught us the mystic rites and the horrid nature of murder; Musaeus, the
healing of ailments and the oracles; Hesiod, the tilling of the soil and
the times for delving and harvest. And does not divine Homer owe his
immortal glory to his noble teachings? Is it not he who taught the
warlike virtues, the art of fighting and of carrying arms?
DIONYSUS. At all events he has not taught it to Pantacles,[487] the most
awkward of all men; t'other day, when he was directing a procession,
'twas only after he had put on his helmet that he thought of fixing in
the crest.
AESCHYLUS. But he has taught a crowd of brave warriors, such as
Lamachus,[488] the hero of Athens. 'Tis from Homer that I borrowed the
Patrocli and the lion-hearted Teucers,[489] whom I revived to the
citizens, to incite them to show themselves worthy of these illustrious
examples when the trumpets sounded. But I showed them neither
Sthenoboea[490] nor shameless Phaedra; and I don't remember ever having
placed an amorous woman on the stage.
EURIPIDES. No, no, you have never known Aphrodite.
AESCHYLUS. And I am proud of it. Whereas with you and those like you, she
appears everywhere and in every shape; so that even you yourself were
ruined and undone by her. [491]
DIONYSUS. That's true; the crimes you imputed to the wives of others, you
suffered from in turn.
EURIPIDES. But, cursed man, what harm have my Sthenoboeas done to Athens?
AESCHYLUS. You are the cause of honest wives of honest citizens drinking
hemlock, so greatly have your Bellerophons made them blush. [492]
EURIPIDES. Why, did I invent the story of Phaedra?
AESCHYLUS. No, the story is true enough; but the poet should hide what is
vile and not produce nor represent it on the stage. The schoolmaster
teaches little children and the poet men of riper age. We must only
display what is good.
EURIPIDES. And when you talk to us of towering mountains--Lycabettus and
of the frowning Parnes[493]--is that teaching us what is good? Why not
use human language?
AESCHYLUS. Why, miserable man, the expression must always rise to the
height of great maxims and of noble thoughts. Thus as the garment of the
demi-gods is more magnificent, so also is their language more sublime. I
ennobled the stage, while you have degraded it.
EURIPIDES. And how so, pray?
AESCHYLUS. Firstly you have dressed the kings in rags,[494] so that they
might inspire pity.
EURIPIDES. Where's the harm?
AESCHYLUS. You are the cause why no rich man will now equip the galleys,
they dress themselves in tatters, groan and say they are poor.
DIONYSUS. Aye, by Demeter! and he wears a tunic of fine wool underneath;
and when he has deceived us with his lies, he may be seen turning up on
the fish-market. [495]
AESCHYLUS. Moreover, you have taught boasting and quibbling; the
wrestling schools are deserted and the young fellows have submitted their
arses to outrage,[496] in order that they might learn to reel off idle
chatter, and the sailors have dared to bandy words with their
officers. [497] In my day they only knew how to ask for their
ship's-biscuit and to shout "Yo ho! heave ho! "
DIONYSUS. . . . and to let wind under the nose of the rower below them, to
befoul their mate with filth and to steal when they went ashore. Nowadays
they argue instead of rowing and the ship can travel as slow as she
likes.
AESCHYLUS. Of what crimes is he not the author? Has he not shown us
procurers, women who get delivered in the temples, have traffic with
their brothers,[498] and say that life is not life. [499] 'Tis thanks to
him that our city is full of scribes and buffoons, veritable apes, whose
grimaces are incessantly deceiving the people; but there is no one left
who knows how to carry a torch,[500] so little is it practised.
DIONYSUS. I' faith, that's true! I almost died of laughter at the last
Panathenaea at seeing a slow, fat, pale-faced fellow, who ran well behind
all the rest, bent completely double and evidently in horrible pain. At
the gate of the Ceramicus the spectators started beating his belly,
sides, flanks and thighs; these slaps knocked so much wind out of him
that it extinguished his torch and he hurried away.
CHORUS. 'Tis a serious issue and an important debate; the fight is
proceeding hotly and its decision will be difficult; for, as violently as
the one attacks, as cleverly and as subtly does the other reply. But
don't keep always to the same ground; you are not at the end of your
specious artifices. Make use of every trick you have, no matter whether
it be old or new! Out with everything boldly, blunt though it be; risk
anything--that is smart and to the point. Perchance you fear that the
audience is too stupid to grasp your subtleties, but be reassured, for
that is no longer the case. They are all well-trained folk; each has his
book, from which he learns the art of quibbling; such wits as they are
happily endowed with have been rendered still keener through study. So
have no fear! Attack everything, for you face an enlightened audience.
EURIPIDES. Let's take your prologues; 'tis the beginnings of this able
poet's tragedies that I wish to examine at the outset. He was obscure in
the description of his subjects.
DIONYSUS. And which prologue are you going to examine?
EURIPIDES. A lot of them. Give me first of all that of the
'Orestes. '[501]
DIONYSUS. All keep silent, Aeschylus, recite.
AESCHYLUS. "Oh! Hermes of the nether world, whose watchful power executes
the paternal bidding, be my deliverer, assist me, I pray thee. I come, I
return to this land. "[502]
DIONYSUS. Is there a single word to condemn in that?
EURIPIDES. More than a dozen.
DIONYSUS. But there are but three verses in all.
EURIPIDES. And there are twenty faults in each.
DIONYSUS. Aeschylus, I beg you to keep silent; otherwise, besides these
three iambics, there will be many more attacked.
AESCHYLUS. What? Keep silent before this fellow?
DIONYSUS. If you will take my advice.
EURIPIDES. He begins with a fearful blunder. Do you see the stupid thing?
DIONYSUS. Faith! I don't care if I don't.
AESCHYLUS. A blunder? In what way?
EURIPIDES. Repeat the first verse.
AESCHYLUS. "Oh! Hermes of the nether world, whose watchful power executes
the paternal bidding. "
EURIPIDES. Is not Orestes speaking in this fashion before his father's
tomb?
AESCHYLUS. Agreed.
EURIPIDES. Does he mean to say that Hermes had watched, only that
Agamemnon should perish at the hands of a woman and be the victim of a
criminal intrigue?
AESCHYLUS. 'Tis not to the god of trickery, but to Hermes the benevolent,
that he gives the name of god of the nether world, and this he proves by
adding that Hermes is accomplishing the mission given him by his father.
EURIPIDES. The blunder is even worse than I had thought to make it out;
for if he holds his office in the nether world from his father. . . .
DIONYSUS. It means his father has made him a grave-digger.
AESCHYLUS. Dionysus, your wine is not redolent of perfume. [503]
DIONYSUS. Continue, Aeschylus, and you, Euripides, spy out the faults as
he proceeds.
AESCHYLUS. "Be my deliverer, assist me, I pray thee. I come, I return to
this land. "
EURIPIDES. Our clever Aeschylus says the very same thing twice over.
AESCHYLUS. How twice over?
EURIPIDES. Examine your expressions, for I am going to show you the
repetition. "I come, I return to this land. " But I _come_ is the same
thing as I _return. _
DIONYSUS. Undoubtedly. 'Tis as though I said to my neighbour, "Lend me
either your kneading-trough or your trough to knead in. "
AESCHYLUS. No, you babbler, no, 'tis not the same thing, and the verse is
excellent.
DIONYSUS. Indeed! then prove it.
AESCHYLUS. To come is the act of a citizen who has suffered no
misfortune; but the exile both comes and returns.
DIONYSUS. Excellent! by Apollo! What do you say to that, Euripides?
EURIPIDES. I say that Orestes did not return to his country, for he came
there secretly, without the consent of those in power.
DIONYSUS. Very good indeed! by Hermes! only I have not a notion what it
is you mean.
EURIPIDES. Go on.
DIONYSUS. Come, be quick, Aeschylus, continue; and you look out for the
faults.
AESCHYLUS. "At the foot of this tomb I invoke my father and beseech him
to hearken to me and to hear. "
EURIPIDES. Again a repetition, to hearken and to hear are obviously the
same thing.
DIONYSUS. Why, wretched man, he's addressing the dead, whom to call
thrice even is not sufficient.
AESCHYLUS. And you, how do you form your prologues?
EURIPIDES. I am going to tell you, and if you find a repetition, an idle
word or inappropriate, let me be scouted!
DIONYSUS. Come, speak; 'tis my turn to listen. Let us hear the beauty of
your prologues,
EURIPIDES. "Oedipus was a fortunate man at first . . . "
AESCHYLUS. Not at all; he was destined to misfortune before he even
existed, since Apollo predicted he would kill his father before ever he
was born.
How can one say he was fortunate at first?
EURIPIDES. ". . . and he became the most unfortunate of mortals
afterwards. "
AESCHYLUS. No, he did not become so, for he never ceased being so. Look
at the facts! First of all, when scarcely born, he is exposed in the
middle of winter in an earthenware vessel, for fear he might become the
murderer of his father, if brought up; then he came to Polybus with his
feet swollen; furthermore, while young, he marries an old woman, who is
also his mother, and finally he blinds himself.
DIONYSUS. 'Faith! I think he could not have done worse to have been a
colleague of Erasinidas. [504]
EURIPIDES. You can chatter as you will, my prologues are very fine.
AESCHYLUS. I will take care not to carp at them verse by verse and word
for word;[505] but, an it please the gods, a simple little bottle will
suffice me for withering every one of your prologues.
EURIPIDES. You will wither my prologues with a little bottle? [506]
AESCHYLUS. With only one. You make verses of such a kind, that one can
adapt what one will to your iambics: a little bit of fluff, a little
bottle, a little bag. I am going to prove it.
EURIPIDES. You will prove it?
AESCHYLUS. Yes.
DIONYSUS. Come, recite.
EURIPIDES. "Aegyptus, according to the most widely spread reports, having
landed at Argos with his fifty daughters[507] . . . "
AESCHYLUS. . . . lost his little bottle.
EURIPIDES. What little bottle? May the plague seize you!
DIONYSUS. Recite another prologue to him. We shall see.
EURIPIDES. "Dionysus, who leads the choral dance on Parnassus with the
thyrsus in his hand and clothed in skins of fawns[508] . . . "
AESCHYLUS. . . . lost his little bottle.
DIONYSUS. There again his little bottle upsets us.
EURIPIDES. He won't bother us much longer. I have a certain prologue to
which he cannot adapt his tag: "There is no perfect happiness; this one
is of noble origin, but poor; another of humble birth[509] . . . "
AESCHYLUS. . . . lost his little bottle.
DIONYSUS. Euripides!
EURIPIDES. What's the matter?
DIONYSUS. Clue up your sails, for this damned little bottle is going to
blow a gale.
EURIPIDES. Little I care, by Demeter! I am going to make it burst in his
hands.
DIONYSUS. Then out with it; recite another prologue, but beware, beware
of the little bottle.
EURIPIDES. "Cadmus, the son of Agenor, while leaving the city of
Sidon[510] . . . "
AESCHYLUS. . . . lost his little bottle.
DIONYSUS. Oh! my poor friend; buy that bottle, do, for it is going to
tear all your prologues to ribbons.
EURIPIDES. What? Am I to buy it of him?
DIONYSUS. If you take my advice.
EURIPIDES. No, not I, for I have many prologues to which he cannot
possibly fit his catchword: "Pelops, the son of Tantalus, having started
for Pisa on his swift chariot[511] . . . "
AESCHYLUS. . . . lost his little bottle.
DIONYSUS. D'ye see? Again he has popped in his little bottle. Come,
Aeschylus, he is going to buy it of you at any price, and you can have a
splendid one for an obolus.
EURIPIDES. By Zeus, no, not yet! I have plenty of other prologues.
"Oeneus in the fields one day[512] . . . "
AESCHYLUS. . . . lost his little bottle.
EURIPIDES. Let me first finish the opening verse: "Oeneus in the fields
one day, having made an abundant harvest and sacrificed the first-fruits
to the gods . . . "
AESCHYLUS. . . . lost his little bottle.
DIONYSUS. During the sacrifice? And who was the thief?
EURIPIDES. Allow him to try with this one: "Zeus, as even Truth has
said[513] . . . "
DIONYSUS (_to Euripides_). You have lost again; he is going to say, "lost
his little bottle," for that bottle sticks to your prologues like a
ringworm. But, in the name of the gods, turn now to his choruses.
EURIPIDES. I will prove that he knows nothing of lyric poetry, and that
he repeats himself incessantly.
CHORUS. What's he going to say now? I am itching to know what criticisms
he is going to make on the poet, whose sublime songs so far outclass
those of his contemporaries. I cannot imagine with what he is going to
reproach the king of the Dionysia, and I tremble for the aggressor.
EURIPIDES. Oh! those wonderful songs! But watch carefully, for I am going
to condense them all into a single one.
DIONYSUS. And I am going to take pebbles to count the fragments.
EURIPIDES. "Oh, Achilles, King of Phthiotis, hearken to the shout of the
conquering foe and haste to sustain the assault. We dwellers in the
marshes do honour to Hermes, the author of our race. Haste to sustain the
assault. "
DIONYSUS. There, Aeschylus, you have already two assaults against you.
EURIPIDES. "Oh, son of Atreus, the most illustrious of the Greeks, thou,
who rulest so many nations, hearken to me. Haste to the assault. "
DIONYSUS. A third assault. Beware, Aeschylus.
EURIPIDES. "Keep silent, for the inspired priestesses are opening the
temple of Artemis. Haste to sustain the assault. I have the right to
proclaim that our warriors are leaving under propitious auspices. Haste
to sustain the assault. "[514]
DIONYSUS. Great gods, what a number of assaults! my kidneys are quite
swollen with fatigue; I shall have to go to the bath after all these
assaults.
EURIPIDES. Not before you have heard this other song arranged for the
music of the cithara.
DIONYSUS. Come then, continue; but, prithee, no more "assaults. "
EURIPIDES. "What! the two powerful monarchs, who reign over the Grecian
youth, phlattothrattophlattothrat, are sending the Sphinx, that terrible
harbinger of death, phlattothrattophlattothrat. With his avenging arm
bearing a spear, phlattothrattophlattothrat, the impetuous bird delivers
those who lean to the side of Ajax, phlattothrattophlattothrat, to the
dogs who roam in the clouds, phlattothrattophlattothrat. "[515]
DIONYSUS (_to Aeschylus_). What is this 'phlattothrat'? Does it come from
Marathon or have you picked it out of some labourer's chanty?
AESCHYLUS. I took what was good and improved it still more, so that I
might not be accused of gathering the same flowers as Phrynichus in the
meadow of the Muse. But this man borrows from everybody, from the
suggestions of prostitutes, from the sons of Melitus,[516] from the
Carian flute-music, from wailing women, from dancing-girls. I am going to
prove it, so let a lyre be brought. But what need of a lyre in his case?
Where is the girl with the castanets? Come, thou Muse of Euripides; 'tis
quite thy business to accompany songs of this sort.
DIONYSUS. This Muse has surely done fellation in her day, like a Lesbian
wanton. [517]
AESCHYLUS. "Ye halcyons, who twitter over the ever-flowing billows of the
sea, the damp dew of the waves glistens on your wings; and you spiders,
who we-we-we-we-we-weave the long woofs of your webs in the corners of
our houses with your nimble feet like the noisy shuttle, there where the
dolphin by bounding in the billows, under the influence of the flute,
predicts a favourable voyage; thou glorious ornaments of the vine, the
slender tendrils that support the grape. Child, throw thine arms about my
neck. "[518] Do you note the harmonious rhythm?
DIONYSUS. Yes.
AESCHYLUS. Do you note it?
DIONYSUS. Yes, undoubtedly.
AESCHYLUS. And does the author of such rubbish dare to criticize my
songs? he, who imitates the twelve postures of Cyrene in his poetry?
AESCHYLUS. The Seven Chiefs before Thebes. Every man who had once seen it
longed to be marching to battle.
DIONYSUS. And you did very wrongly; through you the Thebans have become
more warlike; for this misdeed you deserve to be well beaten.
AESCHYLUS. You too might have trained yourself, but you were not willing.
Then, by producing 'The Persae,' I have taught you to conquer all your
enemies; 'twas my greatest work.
DIONYSUS. Aye, I shook with joy at the announcement of the death of
Darius; and the Chorus immediately clapped their hands and shouted,
"Triumph! "[486]
AESCHYLUS. Those are the subjects that poets should use. Note how useful,
even from remotest times, the poets of noble thought have been! Orpheus
taught us the mystic rites and the horrid nature of murder; Musaeus, the
healing of ailments and the oracles; Hesiod, the tilling of the soil and
the times for delving and harvest. And does not divine Homer owe his
immortal glory to his noble teachings? Is it not he who taught the
warlike virtues, the art of fighting and of carrying arms?
DIONYSUS. At all events he has not taught it to Pantacles,[487] the most
awkward of all men; t'other day, when he was directing a procession,
'twas only after he had put on his helmet that he thought of fixing in
the crest.
AESCHYLUS. But he has taught a crowd of brave warriors, such as
Lamachus,[488] the hero of Athens. 'Tis from Homer that I borrowed the
Patrocli and the lion-hearted Teucers,[489] whom I revived to the
citizens, to incite them to show themselves worthy of these illustrious
examples when the trumpets sounded. But I showed them neither
Sthenoboea[490] nor shameless Phaedra; and I don't remember ever having
placed an amorous woman on the stage.
EURIPIDES. No, no, you have never known Aphrodite.
AESCHYLUS. And I am proud of it. Whereas with you and those like you, she
appears everywhere and in every shape; so that even you yourself were
ruined and undone by her. [491]
DIONYSUS. That's true; the crimes you imputed to the wives of others, you
suffered from in turn.
EURIPIDES. But, cursed man, what harm have my Sthenoboeas done to Athens?
AESCHYLUS. You are the cause of honest wives of honest citizens drinking
hemlock, so greatly have your Bellerophons made them blush. [492]
EURIPIDES. Why, did I invent the story of Phaedra?
AESCHYLUS. No, the story is true enough; but the poet should hide what is
vile and not produce nor represent it on the stage. The schoolmaster
teaches little children and the poet men of riper age. We must only
display what is good.
EURIPIDES. And when you talk to us of towering mountains--Lycabettus and
of the frowning Parnes[493]--is that teaching us what is good? Why not
use human language?
AESCHYLUS. Why, miserable man, the expression must always rise to the
height of great maxims and of noble thoughts. Thus as the garment of the
demi-gods is more magnificent, so also is their language more sublime. I
ennobled the stage, while you have degraded it.
EURIPIDES. And how so, pray?
AESCHYLUS. Firstly you have dressed the kings in rags,[494] so that they
might inspire pity.
EURIPIDES. Where's the harm?
AESCHYLUS. You are the cause why no rich man will now equip the galleys,
they dress themselves in tatters, groan and say they are poor.
DIONYSUS. Aye, by Demeter! and he wears a tunic of fine wool underneath;
and when he has deceived us with his lies, he may be seen turning up on
the fish-market. [495]
AESCHYLUS. Moreover, you have taught boasting and quibbling; the
wrestling schools are deserted and the young fellows have submitted their
arses to outrage,[496] in order that they might learn to reel off idle
chatter, and the sailors have dared to bandy words with their
officers. [497] In my day they only knew how to ask for their
ship's-biscuit and to shout "Yo ho! heave ho! "
DIONYSUS. . . . and to let wind under the nose of the rower below them, to
befoul their mate with filth and to steal when they went ashore. Nowadays
they argue instead of rowing and the ship can travel as slow as she
likes.
AESCHYLUS. Of what crimes is he not the author? Has he not shown us
procurers, women who get delivered in the temples, have traffic with
their brothers,[498] and say that life is not life. [499] 'Tis thanks to
him that our city is full of scribes and buffoons, veritable apes, whose
grimaces are incessantly deceiving the people; but there is no one left
who knows how to carry a torch,[500] so little is it practised.
DIONYSUS. I' faith, that's true! I almost died of laughter at the last
Panathenaea at seeing a slow, fat, pale-faced fellow, who ran well behind
all the rest, bent completely double and evidently in horrible pain. At
the gate of the Ceramicus the spectators started beating his belly,
sides, flanks and thighs; these slaps knocked so much wind out of him
that it extinguished his torch and he hurried away.
CHORUS. 'Tis a serious issue and an important debate; the fight is
proceeding hotly and its decision will be difficult; for, as violently as
the one attacks, as cleverly and as subtly does the other reply. But
don't keep always to the same ground; you are not at the end of your
specious artifices. Make use of every trick you have, no matter whether
it be old or new! Out with everything boldly, blunt though it be; risk
anything--that is smart and to the point. Perchance you fear that the
audience is too stupid to grasp your subtleties, but be reassured, for
that is no longer the case. They are all well-trained folk; each has his
book, from which he learns the art of quibbling; such wits as they are
happily endowed with have been rendered still keener through study. So
have no fear! Attack everything, for you face an enlightened audience.
EURIPIDES. Let's take your prologues; 'tis the beginnings of this able
poet's tragedies that I wish to examine at the outset. He was obscure in
the description of his subjects.
DIONYSUS. And which prologue are you going to examine?
EURIPIDES. A lot of them. Give me first of all that of the
'Orestes. '[501]
DIONYSUS. All keep silent, Aeschylus, recite.
AESCHYLUS. "Oh! Hermes of the nether world, whose watchful power executes
the paternal bidding, be my deliverer, assist me, I pray thee. I come, I
return to this land. "[502]
DIONYSUS. Is there a single word to condemn in that?
EURIPIDES. More than a dozen.
DIONYSUS. But there are but three verses in all.
EURIPIDES. And there are twenty faults in each.
DIONYSUS. Aeschylus, I beg you to keep silent; otherwise, besides these
three iambics, there will be many more attacked.
AESCHYLUS. What? Keep silent before this fellow?
DIONYSUS. If you will take my advice.
EURIPIDES. He begins with a fearful blunder. Do you see the stupid thing?
DIONYSUS. Faith! I don't care if I don't.
AESCHYLUS. A blunder? In what way?
EURIPIDES. Repeat the first verse.
AESCHYLUS. "Oh! Hermes of the nether world, whose watchful power executes
the paternal bidding. "
EURIPIDES. Is not Orestes speaking in this fashion before his father's
tomb?
AESCHYLUS. Agreed.
EURIPIDES. Does he mean to say that Hermes had watched, only that
Agamemnon should perish at the hands of a woman and be the victim of a
criminal intrigue?
AESCHYLUS. 'Tis not to the god of trickery, but to Hermes the benevolent,
that he gives the name of god of the nether world, and this he proves by
adding that Hermes is accomplishing the mission given him by his father.
EURIPIDES. The blunder is even worse than I had thought to make it out;
for if he holds his office in the nether world from his father. . . .
DIONYSUS. It means his father has made him a grave-digger.
AESCHYLUS. Dionysus, your wine is not redolent of perfume. [503]
DIONYSUS. Continue, Aeschylus, and you, Euripides, spy out the faults as
he proceeds.
AESCHYLUS. "Be my deliverer, assist me, I pray thee. I come, I return to
this land. "
EURIPIDES. Our clever Aeschylus says the very same thing twice over.
AESCHYLUS. How twice over?
EURIPIDES. Examine your expressions, for I am going to show you the
repetition. "I come, I return to this land. " But I _come_ is the same
thing as I _return. _
DIONYSUS. Undoubtedly. 'Tis as though I said to my neighbour, "Lend me
either your kneading-trough or your trough to knead in. "
AESCHYLUS. No, you babbler, no, 'tis not the same thing, and the verse is
excellent.
DIONYSUS. Indeed! then prove it.
AESCHYLUS. To come is the act of a citizen who has suffered no
misfortune; but the exile both comes and returns.
DIONYSUS. Excellent! by Apollo! What do you say to that, Euripides?
EURIPIDES. I say that Orestes did not return to his country, for he came
there secretly, without the consent of those in power.
DIONYSUS. Very good indeed! by Hermes! only I have not a notion what it
is you mean.
EURIPIDES. Go on.
DIONYSUS. Come, be quick, Aeschylus, continue; and you look out for the
faults.
AESCHYLUS. "At the foot of this tomb I invoke my father and beseech him
to hearken to me and to hear. "
EURIPIDES. Again a repetition, to hearken and to hear are obviously the
same thing.
DIONYSUS. Why, wretched man, he's addressing the dead, whom to call
thrice even is not sufficient.
AESCHYLUS. And you, how do you form your prologues?
EURIPIDES. I am going to tell you, and if you find a repetition, an idle
word or inappropriate, let me be scouted!
DIONYSUS. Come, speak; 'tis my turn to listen. Let us hear the beauty of
your prologues,
EURIPIDES. "Oedipus was a fortunate man at first . . . "
AESCHYLUS. Not at all; he was destined to misfortune before he even
existed, since Apollo predicted he would kill his father before ever he
was born.
How can one say he was fortunate at first?
EURIPIDES. ". . . and he became the most unfortunate of mortals
afterwards. "
AESCHYLUS. No, he did not become so, for he never ceased being so. Look
at the facts! First of all, when scarcely born, he is exposed in the
middle of winter in an earthenware vessel, for fear he might become the
murderer of his father, if brought up; then he came to Polybus with his
feet swollen; furthermore, while young, he marries an old woman, who is
also his mother, and finally he blinds himself.
DIONYSUS. 'Faith! I think he could not have done worse to have been a
colleague of Erasinidas. [504]
EURIPIDES. You can chatter as you will, my prologues are very fine.
AESCHYLUS. I will take care not to carp at them verse by verse and word
for word;[505] but, an it please the gods, a simple little bottle will
suffice me for withering every one of your prologues.
EURIPIDES. You will wither my prologues with a little bottle? [506]
AESCHYLUS. With only one. You make verses of such a kind, that one can
adapt what one will to your iambics: a little bit of fluff, a little
bottle, a little bag. I am going to prove it.
EURIPIDES. You will prove it?
AESCHYLUS. Yes.
DIONYSUS. Come, recite.
EURIPIDES. "Aegyptus, according to the most widely spread reports, having
landed at Argos with his fifty daughters[507] . . . "
AESCHYLUS. . . . lost his little bottle.
EURIPIDES. What little bottle? May the plague seize you!
DIONYSUS. Recite another prologue to him. We shall see.
EURIPIDES. "Dionysus, who leads the choral dance on Parnassus with the
thyrsus in his hand and clothed in skins of fawns[508] . . . "
AESCHYLUS. . . . lost his little bottle.
DIONYSUS. There again his little bottle upsets us.
EURIPIDES. He won't bother us much longer. I have a certain prologue to
which he cannot adapt his tag: "There is no perfect happiness; this one
is of noble origin, but poor; another of humble birth[509] . . . "
AESCHYLUS. . . . lost his little bottle.
DIONYSUS. Euripides!
EURIPIDES. What's the matter?
DIONYSUS. Clue up your sails, for this damned little bottle is going to
blow a gale.
EURIPIDES. Little I care, by Demeter! I am going to make it burst in his
hands.
DIONYSUS. Then out with it; recite another prologue, but beware, beware
of the little bottle.
EURIPIDES. "Cadmus, the son of Agenor, while leaving the city of
Sidon[510] . . . "
AESCHYLUS. . . . lost his little bottle.
DIONYSUS. Oh! my poor friend; buy that bottle, do, for it is going to
tear all your prologues to ribbons.
EURIPIDES. What? Am I to buy it of him?
DIONYSUS. If you take my advice.
EURIPIDES. No, not I, for I have many prologues to which he cannot
possibly fit his catchword: "Pelops, the son of Tantalus, having started
for Pisa on his swift chariot[511] . . . "
AESCHYLUS. . . . lost his little bottle.
DIONYSUS. D'ye see? Again he has popped in his little bottle. Come,
Aeschylus, he is going to buy it of you at any price, and you can have a
splendid one for an obolus.
EURIPIDES. By Zeus, no, not yet! I have plenty of other prologues.
"Oeneus in the fields one day[512] . . . "
AESCHYLUS. . . . lost his little bottle.
EURIPIDES. Let me first finish the opening verse: "Oeneus in the fields
one day, having made an abundant harvest and sacrificed the first-fruits
to the gods . . . "
AESCHYLUS. . . . lost his little bottle.
DIONYSUS. During the sacrifice? And who was the thief?
EURIPIDES. Allow him to try with this one: "Zeus, as even Truth has
said[513] . . . "
DIONYSUS (_to Euripides_). You have lost again; he is going to say, "lost
his little bottle," for that bottle sticks to your prologues like a
ringworm. But, in the name of the gods, turn now to his choruses.
EURIPIDES. I will prove that he knows nothing of lyric poetry, and that
he repeats himself incessantly.
CHORUS. What's he going to say now? I am itching to know what criticisms
he is going to make on the poet, whose sublime songs so far outclass
those of his contemporaries. I cannot imagine with what he is going to
reproach the king of the Dionysia, and I tremble for the aggressor.
EURIPIDES. Oh! those wonderful songs! But watch carefully, for I am going
to condense them all into a single one.
DIONYSUS. And I am going to take pebbles to count the fragments.
EURIPIDES. "Oh, Achilles, King of Phthiotis, hearken to the shout of the
conquering foe and haste to sustain the assault. We dwellers in the
marshes do honour to Hermes, the author of our race. Haste to sustain the
assault. "
DIONYSUS. There, Aeschylus, you have already two assaults against you.
EURIPIDES. "Oh, son of Atreus, the most illustrious of the Greeks, thou,
who rulest so many nations, hearken to me. Haste to the assault. "
DIONYSUS. A third assault. Beware, Aeschylus.
EURIPIDES. "Keep silent, for the inspired priestesses are opening the
temple of Artemis. Haste to sustain the assault. I have the right to
proclaim that our warriors are leaving under propitious auspices. Haste
to sustain the assault. "[514]
DIONYSUS. Great gods, what a number of assaults! my kidneys are quite
swollen with fatigue; I shall have to go to the bath after all these
assaults.
EURIPIDES. Not before you have heard this other song arranged for the
music of the cithara.
DIONYSUS. Come then, continue; but, prithee, no more "assaults. "
EURIPIDES. "What! the two powerful monarchs, who reign over the Grecian
youth, phlattothrattophlattothrat, are sending the Sphinx, that terrible
harbinger of death, phlattothrattophlattothrat. With his avenging arm
bearing a spear, phlattothrattophlattothrat, the impetuous bird delivers
those who lean to the side of Ajax, phlattothrattophlattothrat, to the
dogs who roam in the clouds, phlattothrattophlattothrat. "[515]
DIONYSUS (_to Aeschylus_). What is this 'phlattothrat'? Does it come from
Marathon or have you picked it out of some labourer's chanty?
AESCHYLUS. I took what was good and improved it still more, so that I
might not be accused of gathering the same flowers as Phrynichus in the
meadow of the Muse. But this man borrows from everybody, from the
suggestions of prostitutes, from the sons of Melitus,[516] from the
Carian flute-music, from wailing women, from dancing-girls. I am going to
prove it, so let a lyre be brought. But what need of a lyre in his case?
Where is the girl with the castanets? Come, thou Muse of Euripides; 'tis
quite thy business to accompany songs of this sort.
DIONYSUS. This Muse has surely done fellation in her day, like a Lesbian
wanton. [517]
AESCHYLUS. "Ye halcyons, who twitter over the ever-flowing billows of the
sea, the damp dew of the waves glistens on your wings; and you spiders,
who we-we-we-we-we-weave the long woofs of your webs in the corners of
our houses with your nimble feet like the noisy shuttle, there where the
dolphin by bounding in the billows, under the influence of the flute,
predicts a favourable voyage; thou glorious ornaments of the vine, the
slender tendrils that support the grape. Child, throw thine arms about my
neck. "[518] Do you note the harmonious rhythm?
DIONYSUS. Yes.
AESCHYLUS. Do you note it?
DIONYSUS. Yes, undoubtedly.
AESCHYLUS. And does the author of such rubbish dare to criticize my
songs? he, who imitates the twelve postures of Cyrene in his poetry?
