No More Learning

"The chat of the' day, and the descrip-
tion of our society, seemed but little to
interest Belmont, though, had he appear-
ed to listen with approbation, it would
have afforded me an inexhaustible fund
of talk; but, at the first pause which my
pretty lips made, he enquired if we had
an extensive circulating library; ^f the
books were well chosen; or if novels, as
is generally the case, occupied every
shelf? 'There are only novels,' I re-
plied. 'I suppose,' he continued, * that
Mr. Falkland's library supplies you with .
so many superior productions, you have
not often recourse to the public one; for
novels, however they may occasionally
amuse an idle hour, or relieve a gloomy
one, yet they certainly, (if indulged in too
much). enervate the mind, and destroydts;
relish for works of reasoning and infbrmi- .
tion. ' A blush of shamestole over njy face
at this remark, for I had scarcely read any
other volumes than ;those of the circula-
ting library ; and my father's books, since
M 3 . ,
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? 246 ROSE AND EMILY; Oft,
I had selected for myself, had been
quite neglected. *' Do you admire
poetry? ' he said. r O, passionately! ' I
exclaimed. 'Of what kind? ' * Sonnets
I doat upon; but verse of all descrip-
tions I adore. ' I thought he smiled, but
I was glad of an opportunity of exhibi.
ting a rapture, of appearing enthusiastic.
'Perhaps, Miss Falkland,' he said, ' you
sometimes are poetical? For I think
there seldom exists this very high relish
for poetry, without some inclination to
poetize. ' 'I do not often write,* I re-
plied, in a half tone of retiring modesty.
1 Sometimes then you do,' he answered
with vivacity; 'might I be so honoured
as to see any of your compositions? I
am an humble votary of the muses my-
self, and should rejoice to rind a kindred
mind. " A deep crimson now flushed my
cheek; I had strayed into the path of
falsehood, and I knew not how to re-
treat; but the wish to appear captiva-
ting. to Belmont, to evince . that 'kin-
deed mind' he so desired to meet, urged
me still further, and I took from nvy
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? SKETCHES OF YOUTH. 247
portfolio some lines which Fanny had
addressed to me. As he read them, his
fine eyes were lighted up with extacy.
* They are beautiful T he exclaimed;
how tender, how elegant the sentiment!
how the soul of the sister breathes in
every line! how perfect is friendship
when thus cemented by consanguinity! '
He respectfully pressed iny hand as he
returned the lines, but he imt ri iied no
kiss upon it; yet he continued to gaze
upon me with an expression of astonish-
ment and admiration that perplexed,
while it delighted me. I still pursued my
work, for confusion prevented my look-
ing up. 'Be not so diffident,' he whis-
pered; 'but real merit is always so; let
me entreat you to cultivate this truly
poetical talent; for my own part, I am
so warm an admirer of it, that no pilgrim
ever paid his devotions with more zeal to
his patron saint, than I mine to the
shrine of true poetry. ' ;. 4 ? . . ;
"Oh 1 had I really merited his eulo-
gium, I should have been indeed blest-
i. ? ? . ; . M 4 ,
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? 248 ROSE AND BMILY; OR,
ed; but I painfully experienced that--
'Praise umleserv'd, is satire iu disguise;' .
and I felt myself only an object of ridi-
cule and contempt. The praise was just-
ly Fanny's, and as this reflection press-
ed upon my mind, feelings even of envy
corroded my bosom. He had not once
complimented my beauty; not once re-
quested me to sing or play; but this
poetical effusion. of affection and genius
enraptured him; it was Fanny still who
charmed!
"I ventured at length to entreat him
to favour me with some of his produc-
tions, and he promised to bring his ma-
nuscripts the next day. He remained
with lis till the hour of dressing for din-
ner, and as he rose to take leaver he
said--* Since I shall not have the plea-
sure of seeing your sister . to-day, may I
request you to give, with my respectful
compliments, this song, which I promised
her to bring; flattering myself, at the
same time^ that s*h'e would? h^e permit-
ted me to have practised it tfith&ef. this
? 'i
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? SKETCHES OF YOUTH.
249
morning; but,' he added, with a smile
which I had penetration- enough to dis!
coyer' was designed. to conceal a sensa-
tion of mortification, * ladies must be
allowed to forget their promises, though
politeness, if not honour, commands that
we. should remember. ours. '
** It was now too evident that he was
piqued^ 'Ah, then! ' I said to myself, . .
* Fanny was informed of this visit, and
hate purposely absented herself; she has
read my heart; she has resigned him to
me. >> Generous, noble girl! and /--I
have added duplicity to vanity; he will
despise me; I despise myself. ". .
"I went to. my own apartment with . .
sensations the most humiliating. Bel*
mont had quitted me with the impression
that mine and his were kindred minds. ?
yet was I sunk so low in my own estima- .
tion by the artifice I had practised, and T
by the . Consciousness that I did not me- .
rit his. admiration,. that I would gladly
have exchanged it for his contempt, his .
abhorrence. Yet how could I resolve to .
confess the deception I had been guilty'
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? 250 K0SE AND EMILY; OK,
of? Perhaps the verses would be forgot-
ten? ; I was certain my timid Fanny
would never shew them to any one; my.
father. only had seen the original, and
he. knew so well the retiring. delicacy of*
her nature, that he would be cautious
how he claimed for her even the most
deserved praise; he was not present
when I exhibited the lines as mine, and
I. begged my mother not to mention
them;. . thus, half hoping concealment,
but mote. strongly dpeadjng detection; I
joined the dinner table,. which consisted
only of our family party. The subject^
fortunately, was not mentioned by my
mother, whose joy at my praises I had
feared would have induced her to reveal
it. Fanny ;had finished Jier drawing, re-
ceived . the song Belmont bad? left her
with tranquil pleasure* and heard ouf
encomiums upon the charms. of his con-
versation. without any apparent emotion.
Though flattered myself my deception
would remain undiscovered, yet the se-
cret consciousness of having practised
it, embittered every moment. Fanny.
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? SKETCHES OF YOUTH. 251
sung and played to my father as usual;
while I, a prey to internal disquiet for
. having departed from the straight path
of sincerity, turned over the pages of a
novel without interest or attention. My
father. asked me to take my harp; an hour
was spent in tuning it. I had no one tp
listen to me but my parents and sister, and
my performance was careless and spiritless.
Fanny never sung more enclnmtingly. In
the domestic circle I felt no superiority,
and I was too. regardless of pleasing in it
taenvy her the talents she there displayed.
"Thenextday I received a copy of verses,
elegantly. complimenting me on my men-
tal graces, my poetic powers; but not one
word to my beauty! It had no signature;
but I was convinced Belmont was the au-
thor. Hadldeserved his praise,howproud
shouldIhavebeen ofexhibitingthem; but,
'conscience does make cowards of us all,'
and I concealed them from every eye.
"A few days afterwards he was our in-
vited guest. The circle was large, and
music was the principal entertainment of
the evening. As msqti as his compliments
m6
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? 252
ROSE AND OR,
had been paid to my parents, and some of"
the elder part of the company, he advanced
towards me, and his eyes beamed with the
most animated pleasure; he briefly, but
warmly, alluded to the exquisite delight
my poetry had afforded him, and, to my
astonishment, repeated every line of the
piece ! hadshewnhim. He approached my
sister, who . was at the other extremity of the
room my eyes followed him. I observed
her manner was distant and reserved ; he
endeavoured to engage her in conversa-
tion; but she seemed to return no other;
answers than those which civility forced
from her. . I saw him fold his arms in a
dejected attitude, and as he stood by her
side, survey her with a fixed, yet marked
attention. He, spoke again, and she re-
garded him with surprise and evident
confusion; he laid his hand upon her arm,
appeared to speak in an impressive man-
ner, and turned'hisi eyes towards me ;;' I
am betrayed,'11'thought, and sunk into a
seat. In afe w moments Fanny hastened to
. me, and, with her usual solicitude, en*
quired whether I was not well. 'The heat
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? SKETCHES OF YOUTH. 253
overcomes me,' I replied. 'Let us then
retire into another room;' and, putting
her arm round me, she led me into the
next apartment. Belmont soon followed.
My head was resting on Fanny's bosom,
while her gentle lip pressed my reclining
cheek. 'Ah ! ' he exclaimed,' I now see
the lovely picture of sisterly affection rea-
lized; that picture which your pen, Miss
Falkland, has so beautifully described. '
* Do not mention it,' I replied in haste.
* And why not ? Since it reflects the high-
est honour on your head and heart. Your
sister,' he continued, addressing himself
to Fanny, * is too diffident of her talents;
Iwishtoinspire her with more confidence.
:
the lines she has addressed to you are of
the finest order of poetry. ' 'To me ! ' ex-
claimed Fanny; * dear,. dear Seraphina,
let me see them; how happy am I to be
thought so worthy. ' 'Have not even you
seen them ? ' said Belmont; ' then indeed
I have been greatly favoured. ' 'I wish
them not to be mentioned,' I said, at-
tempting to rise; but Belmont still pur*
sued? the subject, and repeated one of the
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? 254 ROSE AND EMILY; OR,
stanzas. I sunk down into a chair, itt
confusion indescribable. Fanny bent over
me and gently whispered, 'Be not dis-
tressed, my Seraphina; the discovery has
made me proud. ' 'Of Belmont s appro-
bation,'I ^aid. 'No; of you r's,' she re-
plied. 'Do not then betray me,' I hastily
intreated. She pressed rne to her heart,
andhersilence spoke more eloquently than
words. We were called upon to play ; I
could not recover my spirits or my confix
dence, and my fingers wandered over the
strings of my harp with more than their.
usual want of skill and expression. Fanny
played and sang so as to charm every one
present. Belmont stood close to her, and
watched every movement of her fingers;
his whole soul seemed absorbed in extacy
and admiration. After the lesson was
ended, a duet was proposed, and I beheld
with mortification Belmont preparing to
sing with Fanny. The most rapturous
plaudits followed. He came to me;
'How enchantingly your sister sings!
with what pathos, taste, and expression!
Her voice, and your poetic lyre, would
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? SKETCIIES OF YOUTH. 255
charm even a savage. ' I blushed deeply;
but that 1 may not tire you with a descrip-
tion of scenes and speeches, I will relate,
as concisely as I can, how my shame and
mortification became ai last complete.
"My poor mother's blind partiality for
her Seraphina led, one day, to a detection
of my delinquency. A large company
had assembled at our house; the topics
of the day had been discussed; politics
and the weather had given place to lite-
rary subjects and literary persons. The
comparative powers of men and women
in the acquirement of sciences and learn-
ing, in the display of taste, and the exer-
cise of judgment, had been fully com-
mented upon. The ladies supported their
party; boasted of a Carter,;w^o wrote
on Epictetus, and a Seward, who trans-
lated Horace. Several gentlemen, more
perhaps in compliment than sincerity,
advanced as the champions of female lite^
jature; but one, of sterner stuff' than the
rest, bluntly denied the possibility of a
woman's becoming more learned than an
ordinary school-boy, or capable of ac-
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? 256 ROSE AND EMILY J OR,
quiring any other sciences than botany or
music ; as if intellect were of a particular
sex,and depended upon corporeal strength
and construction! ' What woman,' he
scornfully exclaimed, ' who pretends to
understand Greek and Latin. , can, if left
to herself, do more than explain a quota-
tion in. a newspaper? I would not wish a
daughter of mine to pretend. to learning
or poetry. ' 'Not to poetry,. Sir 7? ' said my
mother in an accent of; surprise. 'No,
madam; certainly not to. poetry; it pro-
motes idle fancies, fantastic images* and
vain conceits; its very basis is fiction, and
I had rather see a girl employed with her
needle than her pen; but J beg pardon,
madam, perhaps you are a poet ? ' 'No Sir>
not I myself. ' 'Some one of your family
then, madam? ' 'Possibly Sir,' said my
mother, throwing a significant glance to-
wards me. I blushed; when the cynic
approaching me, said, in rather a soften-
ed tone, * Have I detected you? May I
presume, Miss Falkland, to request the
favour of hearing some of the effusions of
your genius? For I am 'assured tltey will
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? SKETCHES OF YOUTH.
257
convince me, whatever Im&y have thought
to the contrary, that the muses and graces
sometimes go hand in hand, and that
learning and talents are not confined to
our sex. ' 'I never thought they were,'
I replied, * and I now find that vanity and
curiosity are not exclusively ours. ' 'They
are not learned lines, Sir, said my mother.
'So much the better, madam; sonnets,
I imagine; or elegies, or odes, or songs,
or fables, or acrostics, or rebusses? '
'Neither, Sir,' replied my mother, pro-
voked at his sarcastic manner, which my
retort had instantly revived; * they are
neither; but whatever they are, they
would do honour to any person, even
to Pope himself. ' I observed a smile
lurking upon several countenances, as
my fond mother pronounced this
warm eulogium. Distressed as I was
at the conversation, and every moment
dreading to hear myself declared the poet,
I yet felt a security in the belief that the
lines themselves would not be produced
as a proof; but, to my astonishment and
confusion, my mother drew from her
pocket the very paper I had shewn Bel*'
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? 258
ROSE AND EMILY; OR,
mont; and presenting it to the gentleman,
i Read Sir, and judge for yourself,' (at the
same time throwing a glance of triumph
towards me,) 'judge of my daughter's
poetry. ' Fanny was in conversation with
Belmont in a distant part of the room,
and heard not what was passing; but at
the sudden silence of the company, as the
lines were reading, she looked up, listen-
ed, and in a moment her cheek was as
deeply crimsoned with surprise, as mine
was with shame. The gentleman, pau-
sing, pronounced them admirable, and jo-
cosely exclaimed, 'The laurel for Miss
Falkland. ' My father, who knew how
much Fanny shrunk from any thing like
publicity of praise, who approved of her
delicacy, and encouraged her reserve, at
this moment forgot his usual caution and
her diffidence, and replied, 'The appro-
bation of friends will be dearer to Fanny
than the poet's crown. ' 'To Seraphina
you mean,' said my mother. 'To Sera-
phina! then I am greatly mistaken; but
Come hither my dear girls,' said my fa-
ther, (ever wishing to draw truth from its
hidden recesses), confess to whom we
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? SKETCHES OF YOUTH. . 259
must decree the disputed bays, or the
golden violet. ' * To Seraphina,' an-
swered my poor mother, with emphatic
partiality; but my father, now zealous to
ascertain the fact, again enquired whose
they really were; for he had read them
as Fanny's.
"I left the room to avoid the humilia-
tingdiscoverywhichlthought awaited mo,
and eager to escape from the observation
of the company, and the astonished gaze
of Belmont. My ever-consoling sister
followed me, and would not be repulsed.
'More dear than ever to my heart, my
Seraphina,' she exclaimed, * has not this
originated in your partiality for me, and
ought it not to cement our friendship in
still closer bonds? ' Though my heart
could not reply in affirmation to the purity
of the intentions ascribed to me, yet her
tenderness calmed the agitation of my
spirits; and the nobleness of her nature,
which had ever shone most conspicuous
in moments of trial, inspired me with
a wish to emulate it, to rise superior to
the shame I had endured, and, by a can-
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? 260 ROSE AND EMILY; OR,
did and public avowal of my folly, in some
measure, to expiate it. 'I will confess all,'
I said; ' I will confess it before the whole
party. ' 'No,no,'repliedmygenerousFan-
ny,' there is no necessity for it; it may not
be known ; let it pass; it will be soon for-
gotten by those who are indifferent to it;
but to me how dear has been this proof of
your affection; then let it pass with others. '
"Fanny's intreaties had no effect upon
me; I knew that had it been possible for
her to have erred as I had done, she would
have been capable o? a? iy atonement, and
I felt that nothing but a confession of my
guilt, would restore me to myself,
"I returned into the room, and with a
kind of mock-heroic dignity, which I as.
Burned in order to veil the shame and an-
guish of my feelings, exclaimed--' Friends
and enemies! ye, who are witnesses of my
disgrace, hear my confession, and award
your punishment. I plead guilty to the
charge of theft; I have strutted in bor-
rowed plumes, and . now, like the poor
jack-daw, am . 1 stripped of them all; not
even one feather remains to decorate my
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? SKETCHES OF YOUTH. 261
cap. I quit poetry and the muses for ever,
and hope the lesson which humbled vanity
has this day inscribed upon my heart, will
never be erased. This dear girl from
whom I have pilfered,'----Fanny intreat-
ed me to proceed no farther; "myheroism
was but the ebullition of a moment; I
burst into tears, and was unable to utter
another word. Belmont arose, and, taking
ahandof each. led us to another apartment,
where, placing himself between us, he
exclaimed, 'Dear and interesting sisters! '
then turning to me,'Who, Miss. Falkland,.
would not fall, thus to rise? ' He pressed .
our hands between his, and imprinted a
kiss on each; mine was the tribute of
sympathising pity; Fanny's of respect
and admiration. I felt it such, but at
thatmoment she was ' too much mypride,
to wake my envy. ''
"Belmont Continued to visit us, and
was always our welcome guest. In vain
my beauty blazed upon his eye; Fannys
virtues sunkinto his heart; inherlie found
that' kindred mind' he had 'sought, and
he soonbecamc her. lover andherhusband.
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? 3 >i ROSE AND EMILY J OR,
"Disappointed in ray desire of pleasing
the only man whose esteem I had ever
seriously wished to obtain, I grew peevish
and discontented,and I turned, for a time,
disgusted from the insipid flatteries of the
fops who still surrounded me.
"I was not ignorant of the source of
Belmont's attachment to Fanny; for,.
whatever might be my boast of beauty, I
had long been conscious of her mental su-
periority ; but in a ball room,or in general
society, the charms of mind are neither
appreciated nor discovered, while those of
person are instantly acknowledged and
idolized. i
"In Fanny I had never, till now, found
a rival $ and I began to reflect, with
sorrow and perhaps humiliation, upon
the life of folly I had led. I was even desi-
rous oi bee ming like her; but how could
I begin my reformation ? Long habits op-
posed so strong a barrier between my
wish and my power, that, rather than
make any extraordinary exertion, I again
indolently yielded to them; and again
listened to all who flattered my vanity;
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? SKETCHES OF YOUTH* 265
though they iio longer deluded my un-
derstanding.
"Happiness had fled with Belmont and
Fanny. From their house I always re-
turned with my mind corroded by dis-
quiet, occasioned by the comparison I
unavoidably made between her and me;
yet she was dearer to me than ever. The
cheerfulness of her temper gave buoy-
ancy to her step, animation to her eye,
smiles to her mouth, and the sweetest
modulation to her voice. At once lively
and intelligent, gentle and affectionate,
her various virtues, instead of losing, dally
gained new influence over the heart of
Belmont. The sphere in which shemoved,
was to him the central point of happiness;
his wife was his friend ; his home was his
? world. All who saw her, loved her--
'loved her so much that they forgot to
admire yet,instead of the attentions she
received, and the affection she inspired,
adding one to the number of the tww,
they only rendered her the more desirous
of pleasing, and more deserving the bless-
ing of being beloved. Every new duty
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? 264 ROSE AND EMILY; OR,
she had to perform, served but to deve-
lope some new beauty of character ; and
never has the pronoun 'my' been pro-
nounced with more pride, than when
Belmont has said ' my wife,' and I, 'my
sister;' yet alas! the happiness she im-
parted and received could not give peace
to my bosom; and reflection came to me
but as the messenger of misery. Children
of the same parents, we had shared the
same solicitude, the same affection, and,
but for the fatal possession of beauty, my
mind might have been as richly endowed
as Fanny's. My powers of understanding
were enervated by the frivolous pursuits
which a too tender and indulgent mother
had permitted me to follow. I was a child
in information; in myself I had no re-
sources; books, in general, wearied me;
y for music I had no taste, and in needle-
work I found no amusement. A prey to
secret discontent, my temper became so
irritable, that I began to find my adorers
retreating from a shrine at which perpe-
tual homage was exacted, and my health
suffered from the inquietude of my mind.
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