No More Learning

rebellion, would needs keep it up afterwards ; because, forsooth, other rebellions might happen, for which he was resolved to give cause. I must own that I would rather many libels should escape, than the liberty of the press should be infringed ; yet no man in England thinks worse of libels than I do, especially of such as bid open defiance to the present Protestant Establish ment. "
Trenchard died before Gordon, and the survivor of these partners in political journalism wrote a strong eulogium on his departed friend, — and then married his widow. Trenchard had been educated for the law, but, obtaining one of the Commissionerships of Forfeited Estates in Ireland, he abandoned the bar and never returned to it. By the death of an uncle he became independent in fortune, and he employed the leisure which wealth permitted him to enjoy in the open assertion of the political opinions which he thought likely to promote the public weal. The first object he had " in view in the publication of Cato's Letters, was to call for public justice upon the wicked managers of the fatal South Sea scheme ;" and the series was afterwards continued on various public and important subjects. " Speaking of Trenchard's de cease, Gordon says : — His death is a loss to man
kind. To me it is by far the greatest and most shocking that I ever knew, as he was the best friend
I may say the first friend. I found great credit and advantage in his friendship, and shall value myself upon it as long as I live. From the moment he knew me till the moment he died, every part of his behaviour to me was a proof of his affec-
that I ever had ;
TRENCHARD. "201
tion for me. From a perfect stranger to him, and without any other recommendation than a casual coffee-house acquaintance, and his own good opinion, he took me into his favour and care, and into as high a degree of intimacy as ever was shown by one man to another. This was the more remarkable, and did me the greater honour, for that he was naturally as shy in making friendships as he was eminently con stant to those which he had already made. " In another place, Gordon says of his friend : — " He was not fond of writing ; his fault lay far on the other side. He only did it when he thought it necessary. He was sometimes several months together without writing one ; though, upon the whole, he wrote as many, within about thirty, as I did. He wrote many such as I could not write, and I many such as he would not. To him it was owing, to his conversation and strong way of thinking, and to the protection and instruction which he gave me, that I was capable of writing so many. He was the best tutor that I ever had, and to him I owed more than to the whole
world besides. I will add, with the same truth, that, but for me, he never would have engaged in any weekly performance whatsoever. From any third hand there was no assistance whatever. I wanted none while I had him, and he sought none while he had me. " Trenchard's last days are spoken of : — " He was very merry with those who wrote scurrilously against him, and laughed heartily at what they thought he resented most. Not many days before he died, he diverted himself with a very abuseful book written by a clergyman, and pointed personally at him ; by a
202 THE FOURTH ESTATE.
clergyman highly obliged to his family, and always treated with great friendship by himself. " Gordon lived till 1750, and after his death two collections of his political tracts were published. *
To Bolingbroke was ascribed, without truth, the authorship of some of Cato's Letters. t That lordly writer, after his return from exile in 1725, finding that the Act of Attainder was not reversed as he de sired, did once more assume the pen of a public writer, and began a fierce opposition to the ministry through the press, but not in conjunction with Gordon or Trenchard. He commenced with the Occasional Writer, and afterwards contributed to the Craftsman. In the latter he wrote the series of articles which at tracted much attention, and were afterwards collected
and republished under the title of Letters on the History of England, by Humphrey Oldcastle. Bolingbroke refers to several cotemporary Papers. "I took " some umbrage," he makes one of his characters say, at a Paper which came out some time ago. The design and tendency of it seemed to me to favour the cause of a faction ; and of a faction, however con temptible in its present state, always to be guarded against. The Paper I mean is Fog's Journal of the 6th of June. " Again : " Might it not be designed to furnish the spruce, pert orator who strewed some of his flowers in the Daily Courant of the 11th of June. " Further on he several times speaks slightingly of the London Journal; and talks with great anger and con tempt for " these scribblers" and " these writers" who
* The titles are—A Cordial for Low Spirits, in 3 vols. , and the Pillars of Priestcraft, and Orthodoxy Shaken, 2 vols.
t Bolingbroke mentions Gordon in Oldcastle's Letters, p. 67.
together
SWIFT. 203
differ from the new line of politics his Lordship had chosen to take up, and who, as he states, " speak the language of those who guide their pens and reward their labours. " Swift comes prominently before us again in 1 728, when, in conjunction with Dr. Sheridan, he started The Intelligencer, in which it appears, how ever, that he wrote only nine articles. It is enough just to name his Drapier's Letters, since they enjoyed a reputation only eclipsed by those of Junius. *
During the succeeding fifty years the Newspaper press extended its ramifications through the country, and mustered, from time to time, in its ranks many writers of acknowledged genius. From time to time also the law was resorted to by the authorities when a publication was thought to exert too potent an influ ence against those in power ; or when an additional amount of taxation could be wrung from the readers of the public Journals, or from those who advertised in their columns. A rapid glance at what may be called the Newspaper events, from the days of Steele till 1770, may be sufficient for this portion of our
* Swiff 8 Narrative of the Attempts of the Dissenters was pub lished in the " Correspondent" about 1728. In what form, or at what precise date, his editors did not know. About November, 1735, the Dean appears to have written a statement of the case of the Rev. Mr. Thorp, a clergyman who had suffered from the grasping spirit of his patron in the form of a Newspaper paragraph. Scott says, in a note, " It would be satisfactory to discover the Dean's paragraph. " An ad vertisement, as it seems from the Dean's correspondence, was published, offering a reward of ten guineas for the name of the author.
No. 50 of the Spectator, and No. 96 of the Guardian, are published with Swift's works. Some letters he wrote to the editors of Papers may be mentioned. Those given in the collections are —Two to the Dublin Weekly Journal, Sept. 14 and 21, 1728, and one to the same paper on Aug. 9, 1729. A Letter to the writer of the Occasional Paper in the Craftsman, 1727.
204 THE FOURTH ESTATE.
subject. In the reign of George the First, we find that the number of daily Papers had increased to three, whilst there were ten others issued three times a-week in the evening, besides weekly Journals. In a list of names of Papers flourishing in 1733, we find The Craftsman, Fog's Journal, Mist's Journal, The Daily Courant, The London Journal, Free Briton, Grub Street Journal, Weekly Register, Universal Spectator, Auditor, Weekly Miscellany, London Crier, Read's Journal ; all those being, it is said, under the influence of the booksellers, except the Craftsman. A few years later we find many additional titles. The Lon don Daily Post of 1 726 became the Public Advertiser in 1 752 ; the St. James's Post and St. James's Evening Post of 1715 were amalgamated, and were converted
into the St. James's Chronicle.
Eleven years after George the First had obtained the
throne, his Government passed a law* which rendered more exact the taxes upon Newspapers. The act which makes the alterations recites, that "the authors or printers of several Journals or Mercuries and other
had evaded the previous statute by print ing their News upon paper between the two sizes mentioned by the law," too large for the halfpenny stamp and too small for the penny one — in fact on neither a half sheet, nor a whole sheet — but entered them as pamphlets under another clause of the 10th of Anne, and so escaped by paying only the pamphlet tax of three shillings on each edition. The 8th of George the First stopped this evasion, but without
increasing the impost.
* 11 Geo. u. 13, 14.
subsequently
Newspapers
I. ,
8, §
ILLEGAL PAPERS. 20. 5
Iii George the Second's reign, the demand for Newspapers had so increased, and the pressure of the tax had become so irksome, that numerous unstamped publications appeared. This was noticed so frequently that, in 1743, a clause was inserted in an act* decla ring, that as great numbers of Newspapers, pamphlets, and other papers subject and liable to the stamp duties, but not stamped, were " daily sold, hawked, carried about, uttered and exposed for sale by divers obscure persons, who have no known or settled habitation," it is enacted, that all hawkers of unstamped Newspapers may be seized by any person, and taken before a jus tice of the peace, who may commit them to goal for three months. The law further offers a reward of twenty shillings to the informer who secures a convic tion. This law soon tenanted the gaols with the dealers
in unstamped Journals.
The Papers occasionally gave reports of Parlia
mentary debates, regardless of the privileges of the House of Commons, and that assembly, in 1729, (Feb. 26,) resolved, " that it is an indignity to, and a breach of the privilege of this House, for any person to presume to give, in written or printed Newspapers,
any account or minutes of the debates, or other pro ceedings of this House, or of any committee thereof ; and that, upon discovery of the authors, &c, this House will proceed against the offenders with the utmost severity. "t There are other resolutions to the same effect. The Speaker having himself brought the subject under consideration some years afterwards, in 1 738, the resolution was repeated in nearly the same
* 16th Geo. II. , c. 26, § 5. t Pari. Hist. , Vol. VIII. , p. 683.
206 THE FOURTH ESTATE.
words ; " but after a debate, wherein, though no one undertook to defend the practice, the danger of im pairing the liberty of the press was more insisted upon than would formerly have been usual; and Sir Robert Walpole took credit to himself, for respecting it more than his predecessors. "*
Parliament did not succeed in preventing the people from obtaining in print some account of the proceedings in the Legislature. From about the time of the accession of George the First till 1 737, we have a report, such as it is, of debates in Boyer's Register ; the notices being continued afterwards in the London Magazine and the Gentleman's Magazine. On the
19th November, 1740, Johnson succeeded Guthrie the historian as the writer of the Parliamentary speeches for the Gentleman's Magazine, and continued to sup ply them till March, 1743, at which period Dr. Hawkesworth conducted the work.
When the Rebellion of 1745 broke out, the aid of the press was gladly accepted by the reigning family, and Fielding,t who had published his first novel three years before, came into the ranks of the journalists with a Paper which he called The True Patriot. The first number of this came out on the fifth of November 1 745, and the last on the fifteenth of April 1746. The services he rendered through the columns of this Paper gained him the post of Bow Street magistrate. Field
ing started some other Papers ; one was the Covent Garden Journal, by Sir Alexander Drawcansir, Knt. , and Censor General of England ; was commenced
* Coxe's Walpole, Vol. 572. , in Hallam. Born 1709, died 1754.
t
I. , p.
DR. JOHNSON. 207
January 11, and continued till August of the same year. It was published Tuesdays and Saturdays. In this he gave police cases. The Jacobite, by John Trott Plaid, Esq. , contained two papers by Fielding. *
In November 1758, Dr. Johnson devoted a number of the Idler to an essay on the Newspaper people of that day. He had, in an earlier portion of the same serial, amused his readers with what he calls a scheme for News-writers, &c, in which he indulges in some ponderous fun, at the expense of the Chronicles and Gazettes, the Journals and Evening Posts. On returning to the subject, he treats it in a more serious vein. He says : — " No species of literary men has lately been so much multiplied as the writers of News. Not many years ago, the nation was content with one Ga zette, but now we have not only in the metropolis Papers for every morning and every evening, but almost every large town has its weekly historian, who
circulates his periodical intelligence, and fills the villagers of his district with conjectures on the events of war, and with debates on the true inte rests of Europe. " After giving this record of a fact, the Doctor brings all his bitterness to bear upon " the unfortunate editors, who incurred his wrath. In Sir Henry Wotton's jocular definition," says he, "an ambassador is said to be a man of virtue, sent abroad to tell lies for the advantage of his country ; a News- writer is a man without virtue, who writes lies at home for his own profit. To these compositions is required neither genius nor knowledge, neither indus try nor sprightliness ; but contempt of shame, and
* March 12, and July 23, 1748.
regularly
20S THE FOURTH ESTATE.
indifference to truth are absolutely necessary. " When
he wrote this morsel of abuse, it must be remembered
that the great dictionary maker was enjoying a pension given by a Tory Government, and that the Newspapers who opposed the Doctor's party had gained an amount of influence very distasteful and very troublesome to those who were paid to " write up" absolutist doctrines. The Idler, in its less wrathful, and therefore more reliable mood, tells a different story :—
One of the principal amusements of the Idler is to read the
works of those minute historians, the writers of News, who,
though contemptuously overlooked by the composers of bulky volumes, are yet necessary in a nation where much wealth produces much leisure, and one part of the people has nothing to do but to observe the lives and fortunes of the other. To us, who are regaled every morning and evening with intelli gence, and are supplied from day to day with materials for con versation, it is difficult to conceive how man can subsist without a Newspaper, or to what entertainment companies can assemble
in those wide regions of the earth that have neither Chronicles nor Magazines, neither Gazettes nor Advertisers, neither Journals nor Evening Posts. All foreigners remark, that the knowledge of the common people of England is greater than that of any other vulgar. This superiority we undoubtedly owe to the rivulets of intelligence, which are continually
trickling among us, which every one may catch, and of which every one partakes.
After these admissions, however, the Doctor qua lifies his approbation by declaring that—
The compilation of Newspapers is often committed to narrow and mercenary minds, not qualified for the task of delighting or instructing ; who are content to fill their Paper with what ever matter is at hand, without industry to gather or dis cernment to select. Thus Journals are daily multiplied without
increase of knowledge. The tale of the Morning Paper is told
SMOLLETT AND WILKES. 209
the evening, and the narratives of the evening are bought again in the morning. These repetitions, indeed, waste time, but they do not shorten it. The most eager peruser of News is tired before he has completed his labour; and many a man,
who enters the coffee-house in his night-gown and slippers, is called away to his shop, or his dinner, before he has well con sidered the state of Europe.
Johnson's genius and industry had elevated him above the literary drudgery of writing Parliamentary debates, and he looked down with contempt upon the less talented or less fortunate scribblers, amongst whom in his earlier days he had been constrained to live.
Bubb Dodington in his Diary says, " Lord Bute called on me, and we had much talk about setting up a Paper. " Here is an admission that ministers, in the beginning of George the Third's reign, well understood the value of Newspaper support ; but, in the case of Lord Bute, the establishment of a Journal was not followed by the anticipated success. Smollett* was selected as the editor of the new paper, and on Sa turday, May 29, 1762, he published the first number
of The Briton only to excite an opposition too power ful to be conquered ; for, on the succeeding Saturday, June the 5th, the North Briton appeared under the editorship of Wilkes, supported by Lord Temple and by Churchill the poet. Smollett and Wilkes had pre viously been friends; they now became opposition journalists, and wrote certainly with greater bitterness
than wit. The palm of success, however, was soon awarded to the democratic M. P. The Briton stopped Feb. 12, 1763; its opponent proceeding for several
* In 1756 he set up the Critical Review, for a libel in which upon Admiral Knowles he was fined and imprisoned.
VOL. I. 0
210 THE FOURTH ESTATE.
weeks with great vigour. The North Briton, however, was "violently extinguished April 23, 1763. " In his celebrated Number Forty-Jive, Wilkes declared that falsehood had been uttered in a Royal speech, upon which a general warrant was issued against the authors of the libel. The officers entrusted with the warrant had received orders to seize the printer of the North Briton, but contrived first to apprehend the wrong man. They were soon put on a more correct scent ; Balfe and Kearsley, the printer and publisher of the offending Paper, were taken into custody, and both de claring Wilkes to be the author of Number 45, he was seized, and, after an examination before the Secre tary of State, was committed prisoner to the Tower. Churchill, the colleague of Wilkes in the North Bri ton, received, it is said, the profits arising from the sale of the Paper. His connection with this celebrated Journal led to the name of Churchill being included in the list of those whom the messengers had verbal directions to apprehend under the general warrant issued for that purpose. * The poet entered the room of Wilkes at the moment the latter was apprehended, and only escaped by the officers' ignorance of his person, and by the presence of mind with "which Wilkes addressed him by another name. Good morning, Mr. Thompson," said the ready-witted pri soner; "how does Mrs. Thompson do? Does she dine in the country ? " Churchill took the hint as readily as it was given. He replied, " Mrs. Thompson is waiting for me, and I only called for a moment to say, How d' ye do ? " In a few minutes the poet took
* Life of Churchill, prefixed to his Works, London, 1804.
THE NORTH BRITON. 211
leave of his captured fellow-editor, hurried home, secured his papers, retired into the country, and escaped all search. A vote of the House of Commons released Wilkes for a while, only to visit him with an adverse vote on a subsequent occasion. The popularity
of the writer was distasteful to the majority in both Houses of Parliament, and his enemies most unscru pulously brought forward the immoralities of Wilkes's private life, to secure more readily a vote against him —
immoralities which several of the leaders of this attack had themselves taken part in. Number 45 of the North Briton was ordered to be burnt by the hangman in Cheapside ; and a resolution was adopted, " That the privilege of Parliament does not extend to the case of writing and publishing seditious libels, nor
ought to be allowed to obstruct the ordinary course of the laws in the speedy and effectual prosecution of so heinous and dangerous an offence. " Wilkes was further ordered to attend at the bar, but having been wounded in a duel — the second he had fought since he started the North Briton—he was unable to attend. His ex pulsion from Parliament, and subsequent proceedings, belong to the history of the period. General warrants, after a long debate, were declared to be illegal, and heavy damages were given in the courts of law against those who had arrested Wilkes, and his printer and publisher, under the insufficient authority of a minis terial order. Out of this political Paper, therefore, arose the establishment of another rule strengthening the political liberty we now enjoy. — "
Walpole in one of his Letters* says : Williams, Vol IV. , p. 49.
o2
212 THE FOURTH ESTATE.
the reprinter of the North Briton, stood in the pillory
14, 1765,) in Palace Yard. He went in a hackney coach, the number of which was 45. The mob erected a gallows opposite him, on which
they hung a boot* with a bonnet of straw. Then a collection was made for Williams which amounted to
nearly £200. " The money was placed in a blue purse trimmed with orange, the colour of the Revolution, in opposition to the Stuarts.
Chatterton, as well as Churchill, wrote for Wilkes. Before the Bristol poet left his native city he had con tributed to the Middlesex Journal ;t and after he arrived in the metropolis — believing he should take the town by storm, but, in truth, only to find in it an early grave—he purposed great literary projects to secure fame and fortune; but "for money to supply his hourly needs he trusted to occasional essays for the daily Papers. " In a letter to his sister, recounting the Ma gazines and Papers he wrote for, Chatterton tells her
to-day, (February
to " mind the Political Register ;
acquainted with the editor, who is also editor of another publication. " In the same communication he says : — " The printers of the daily publications are all fright ened out of their patriotism, and will take nothing unless 'tis moderate or ministerial. I have not had five patriotic essays this fortnight, all must be minis terial or entertaining. " He had been personally introduced to Wilkes, and wrote to his Bristol friends that his influence would secure all sorts of advantages.
* A Jack-boot, in allusion to the Christian name of Lord Bute,
t His articles for the Middlesex Journal will be found reprinted in
Mr. Dix's edition of his Works.
I am
very intimately
FOOTE. 213
It is needless to say how all these sanguine hopes were blighted. Chatterton afterwards wrote for both political parties —his poverty and his vanity being the incitements ; and one of the memoranda found in the
unhappy poet's pocket-book after his death, showed the sums he had received for literary work. The items are small enough, and the two smallest refer to News paper payments. They are :— " Received of Mr.
Hamilton, for Candidus and Foreign Journal, 2s. Od. ; Middlesex Journal, 8s. 6d. " Starvation and suicide soon after closed the scene.
The wit and satirist, Foote, did not let a certain portion of the press pass without notice ; but some of the sketches of Newspaper life to be found in his works are exaggerated into a grossness of caricature, which renders them less interesting than they must
have been had he adhered a little more closely to truth. Foote, who lies under the charge of having taken money to suppress acted libels, shows no mercy to those who were suspected of indulging in written
ones.
His bitterness of temper towards the Newspapers
was, no doubt, increased by the fact, that the chief adviser of the disreputable Duchess of Kingston, a Rev. Dr. Jackson, was " part editor of a Newspaper," and one of the promoters of the infamous charge that darkened the latter days of the comedian. Two of the characters in his drama of The Knights, Sir Gregory Gazette and Hartop, carry on a conversation about Newspapers ; and in the comedy of The Liar, Papillon says, "Well, to be sure, he is a great master ; it is a
thousand pities his genius could not be converted to
214 THE FOURTH ESTATE.
some public service. I think the Government should employ him to answer the Brussels Gazette :" on this the editor, Jon Bee (J. Badcock), notes :— " This paper was a password for lies, printed or oral, the press of that famous city being under the control of the Austrian archdukes. " An expose1 of Jackson's * character is given in the second act of The Capuchin
and other references to the Papers will be found scattered through Foote's dramas. The first act of The Patron gives a scene between two members of Foote's world of letters : —
What ! I suppose you forget your garret in Wine Office Court, when you furnished paragraphs to the Farthing Post at 12d. a dozen. Then did not I get you made collector of casualties to the Whitehall and St. James's ? But that post your laziness lost you. Gentlemen, he never brought them a robbery till the highwayman was going to be hanged, a birth till the christening was over, nor a death till the hatchment was up. And now, because he has got a little in flesh by being puff to the playhouse this winter, he is as proud and as vain as Voltaire. But the vacation will come, and then, I shall have him sneaking, and cringing, and hanging about me, begging a bit of translation.
Dactyl. I beg for translation ?
Puff.
No, no, not aline: not ifyou would do it at 2d. a sheet. No boiled beef and carrots at mornings, no more cold pudding and porter ; you may take your leave of my shop.
* Jackson is spoken of by Foote as having been clerk to the Moravian Mission House in Old Jewry, and afterwards the writer of scandalous paragraphs for a Newspaper, subsequently to which he resided with the Duchess of Kingston, and is said to have been " one of her cabinet council. " This disreputable and unfortunate scribbler fell into poverty, went over to Ireland, and there joined in the rebel lion of 1797 ; was taken prisoner, and condemned to be hanged. He escaped the gibbet by taking poison whilst under sentence, the persons tried with him being all publicly hanged.
Puff.
THE BANKRUPT. 215
Another character in the same drama, Mr. Rust, threatens to " paragraph Sir Thomas Lofty in all the
A scandalous Newspaper paragraph enters into the composition of the plot of The Bankrupt; and, in the third act of that play, we are thus intro duced to a Newspaper editor's room, as sketched by Foote :—
SCENE—A Printer's.
Margin discovered, with Newspapers, Account Books, fyc.
Mar. September the 9th. Sold twelve hundred and thirty. June the 20th. Two thousand and six. Good increase for the time, considering, too, that the winter has been pretty pacific : dabbled but little in treasons, and not remarkably scurrilous, unless, indeed, in a few personal cases. We must season higher to keep up the demand. Writers in Journals, like rope- dancers, to engage the public attention must venture their necks every step they take. The pleasure people feel, arises from the risks that we run—what's the matter ?
Enter Dingey.
Din. Mr Hyson has left the answer to his last letter on East India affairs.
Mar. A lazy rascal : now his letter is forgot, he comes with an answer. Besides, the subject is stale. Return it again. Are all our people in waiting ?
Din. The Attorney General to the Paper, that answers the law cases, is not come yet.
Mar. Oh, that's Ben Bone'em, the bailiff; prudently done ; perhaps he has a writ against one of our authors. Bid them en ter, and call over their names.
Din. Walk in, gentlemen.
Enter Pepper, Plaster, Rumour, Forge'em, Fibber, Comma, Caustic, O'Flam, and others.
Din. Politicians, pro and con. — Messieurs Pepper and Plaster.
Pep. and Pla. Here.
Papers. "
210 THE FOURTH ESTATE.
Mar. Pepper and Plaster, as both the Houses are up, I shall adjourn your political warfare till their meeting again.
Pep. Don't you think the public would bear one skirmish
more before we close the campaign ? my hand.
I have a trimmer here in
Pla. To which I have as tart a retort.
Mar. No, no : enough for the present. It Plaster, the proper timing the subject that gives success to our labours. The conductor of Newspaper, like good cook, should always serve things in their season who eats oysters in June Plays and Parliament Houses are winter provisions.
Pep. Then half the satire and salt will be lost besides, if the great man should happen to die, or go out.
Mar. Pshaw will do as well for the great man that comes in. Political Papers should bear vamping, like sermons change but the application and text, and they will suit all per sons and seasons.
Pla. True enough but, mean time, what can we turn to for we shall be quite out of work
Mar. warrant you, you are not idle, there's business enough; the press teems with fresh publications —Histories, translations, voyages —
Pep. That take up as much time to read as to make.
Mar. And, what with letters from Paris or Spa, inun dations, elopements, dismal effects of thunder and lightning, remarkable causes at country assizes, and with changing the ministry now and then, you will have employment enough for the summer.
Pla. And so enter upon our old trade in the winter.
Mar. Ay or, for variety, as must be tiresome to take always one side, you, Pepper, may go over to administration, and Plaster will join opposition. The novelty may, perhaps, give fresh spirits to both.
Pep. With all my heart. A bold writer has now no encouragement to sharpen his pen. have known the day
when there was no difficulty in getting a lodging in Newgate but now, all can say wo 'nt procure me a warrant from Westminster justice.
I
;
I
it
a:
:;
it I
a
if
?
:
;
!
a
:
is, ?
foote's sketch. 217
Mar. You say right, hard times, master Pepper, for perse cution is the very life and soul of our trade ; but don't despair, who knows how soon matters may mend ? Gentlemen, you
may draw back. Read the next.
Din. Critics—Thomas Comma and Christopher Caustic. Mar. Where are they ?
Din. As you could not find them in constant employment,
they are engaged by the great to do the articles in the Monthly Reviews.
Mar. I thought they were done by Dr. Doubtful, the deist.
Din. Formerly, but now he deals in manuscript sermons, and writes religious essays for one of the Journals.
Mar. Then he will soon sink. I foresaw what would come of his dramming. Go on.
Din. Collectors of paragraphs —Roger Rumour and Phelim O'Flam.
Ru. and O'Flam. Here.
Din. Fibber and Forge 'em, composers and makers of ditto. Fib. and Forge. Here.
Mar. Well, Rumour, what have you brought for the press ? Ru. I have been able to bring you no positives.
Mar. How ! no positives ?
Ru. Not one. I have a probability from the court end of
the town ; and two good supposes out of the city.
Mar. Hand them here— [reads} : " It is probable that, if the King of Prussia should join the Czarina, France will send a fleet into the Mediterranean, which, by giving umbrage to the
maritime powers, will involve Spain, by its family compact : to which, if Austria should refuse to accede, there may be a powerful diversion in Poland, made conjunctly by Sweden and
Denmark. And if Sardinia and Sicily abide by the treaties, the German Princes can never be neuter ; Italy will become the seat of war, and all Europe be soon set in a flame. " Vastly well, Master Rumour, finely confused, and very alarming. Dingey, give him a shilling for this. I hope no other Paper has got it ?
Ru. O, fy, did you ever know me guilty of such a
Mar. True, true ; now let us see your supposes —[reads] :
21S
THE FOURTH ESTATE.
" It is supposed, if Alderman Mango should surrender his gown he will be succeeded by Mr. Deputy Drylips, and if my Lord Mayor should continue ill of the gout, it is supposed the swan-hopping will cease for this season. " That last suppose is fudged in ; why would you cram these upon me for a couple ?
Ru. As distinct as can be.
Mar. Fy, remember our bargain. You agreed to do the Court of Alderman always for sixpence.
Ru. What, if a Common Hall should be called ?
Mar. Oh! then you are to have three-pence a motion, I
I am sure no gentleman can accuse me of
know that very well :
being sneaking. Dingey, give him sixpence for his supposes. Well, Phelim O 'Flam, any deaths in your district ?
O 'Flam. The devil a one. Mar. How! none?
O 'Flam. O, yes, a parcel of nobodies, that died worth nothing at all ; fellows that can't pay for a funeral. Upon my conscience I can 't think what becomes of the folks ; for my part, I believe all the people who live in town fall down dead in the country ; and then, too, since Doctor Despatch is gone to Bath, patients linger so long.
Mar. Indeed !
O 'Flam. To be sure they do. Why, I waited at the Jolly
Topers a matter of two days and a half for the last breath of Lady Dy Dropsy, for fear some other collector should catch it.
Mar. A long time, indeed.
O 'Flam. Wasn 't it, considering that she had two consulta
tions besides, devilish tough? Mr. Margin, I shall quit the mortality walk, so provide yourself as soon as you can.
Mar. I hope not.
O'Flam. Why, what will I do? I am sure the deaths
wo 'nt keep me alive ; you see I am already stripped to my shroud ; since November, the suicide season, I have not got salt
to my porridge.
Enter Sir Thomas Tradewell. -
Sir Tho. Is your name Matthew Margin ? Mar. It is, and what then ?
foote's sketch. 219
Sir Tho. Then, pray, what right had you to kill me in your
last Saturday's Paper ?