Sometimes
I reallywas telling what I thought.
Lifton-Robert-Jay-Thought-Reform-and-the-Psychology-of-Totalism
The odors caused further re- sentment and severe criticism from his cellmates, living as they were in an intimacy which made every occurrence the experience of all.
In addition, Luca's immobility led to the development of severely infected bedsores on his back, thighs, and toes. At first these were treated very inadequately with iodine and other topical applications; but after objections had been raised by his cellmates to the odor that emanated from them, he received more effective treatment in the form of careful bandaging and penicillin injections.
Luca constantly maintained attempts to recover his physical capacities. After a short period of time he began to exercise his toes; after three months he could begin to sit up; after one year, he could stand, leaning against the wall. Not until fifteen months after his injury was he able to walk to the toilet. His cellmates at first assisted him in his exercises, but their "help" was frequently so rough that it caused him great pain--and on one such occasion he cried out so loudly that a prison official heard him, and came run- ning into the cell to find out what the trouble was. After this, his cellmates offered little assistance.
Despite his physical incapacity, Luca was required to take part in cell activities--confession and reform. Immediately after his injury, this consisted of answering "little papers" sent down from the officials, asking specific questions about such matters as his relationship with Father C, and his activities on behalf of Catholic organizations in China. Not long afterward more exhausting ac- tivity was required of him: he had to participate in the interim-
? 50 THOUGHT REFORM
nable cell "study" activities. When he would doze off--as he did frequently--the cell chief would strike him smartly on top of his head with a straw brush.
Luca's inner experiences during this period were those of ex- treme humiliation, helplessness, and depression:
I could do nothing for myself. . . . During the night if I had to urinate, I had to wake the man near me. . . . I wassorrowful, . . . I thought, "I can never be well again. My legs will never be cured. I will be helpless in everything. . . . " I thought much about my parents, how they must be suffering about me. . . . I wept several times, chiefly during the night.
He found comfort, reassurance, and an outlet for his feelings only through his fantasies, which usually concerned rich emotional ex- periences he had known in the past: places and people he had loved, songs with special meaning, his home, and his mother.
I was thinking mostly at night of places I had been--walking with my parents, my brother and sister . . . chiefly of home . . . and of holi- day journeys. . . . Once I had the strange feeling I had come back to Europe to my parents. . . . I had another thing--not exactly a dream --but like an obsession, maybe a pastime. I would try to remember geographical names--names of towns I knew all over the world-- sometimes of rivers and seas also--a kind of geographical hobby. . . . I have always been rather interested in geography. . . . When I was in very bad condition, I would sing, externally or internally--chiefly rather sorrowful songs: Negro spirituals--Swannee River, Josiah, Old Kentucky Home, Home on the Range--these songs in English . . . also, European songs and songs I sang with the Legion of Mary and other religious groups . . , religious songs from Holy W eek, also rather sad. They gave me a remembrance of my life in the Church with the youth in China. . . , When I was particularly in bad shape, I sang Negro spirituals . . . and also one song my mother sang to me when I was a little boy--a Negro baby song. . . . It was sorrowful, but an opportunity to express oneself, a kind of relief.
Later in his imprisonment, he was able to share some of these emotions:
There was in my cell for a while a young fellow, a Chinese Catholic. I knew he was a Catholic, but it wasn't possible for us to say anything or to speak about religion. But at recreation time, we sometimes sang songs. He was fond of music and knew many songs--Schubert, Bee-
? FATHER LUCA: THE FALSE CONFESSION 51
thoven, Christmas carols. He would sing the tune, then I would sing-- sometimes together. It was a way to express a community of feelings-- the others didn't understand. . . . He was on the outside a good prisoner--he said nothing against the Communist doctrine--and if not for the singing I might have doubted that he still had the Catholic faith. . . . He wasalso a comfort forme.
Beginning All Over
Three months after the injury (and four months after his ar- rest), Luca had an unexpected visitor in the cell: the judge ap- peared to announce a dramatic reversal in the official attitude to- ward the confession material. He told Luca that it was confused, inaccurate, and incomplete; and he gave an example of what he meant ("Why, as for L. [a Chinese allegedly the 'chief of an 'es- pionage' organization], you probably don't even know him. ") He urged the prisoner to "begin all over again" and this time "tell only the truth. " He informed him that he was to be transferred to a new cell "where you will be better able to write things. "
Luca was struck by the irony of the judge's statement--not too long before his reluctance to confess to an incriminating re- lationship with this same L. had resulted in his being placed in chains. But he was immensely pleased at what seemed to be an opportunity to clarify things and rid himself of the painful burden of maintaining his falsehoods. His hopefulness increased when he noted an improved atmosphere in the new cell and more consider- ate cellmates.
But his sense of relief was transient. When he began to dictate a denial of his three major "crimes" and a more accurate statement of his activities and associations (his limited knowledge of written Chinese, and poor physical condition prevented him from writing it out himself) the cell chief refused to accept the retraction; he told Luca that he was not yet "psychologically fit" to prepare his materials, and that if what he said were true, and he had really done nothing wrong, he would certainly not have been arrested.
Luca's dilemma was now greater than ever:
The judge said--"You must not tell untrue things. " On the other hand, when I told only real things, this was considered insufficient and I was not allowed to write them. I was in great psychological pain. I felt it was impossible to satisfy these people.
? 52 THOUGHT REFORM
There followed a return of the vindictive treatment--struggles, angry denunciations, and physical abuse: thumbs, pencils, or chop- sticks pressed under his chin or between his fingers, and painful ear-pulling. Attempts to tell the truth brought no relief.
Finally Luca came upon what seemed to him to be the only solution:
I thought, "I must find a way. There must be a way of giving real facts--and then presenting them as being bigger [more incriminating] than they were. " . , . Maybe this would satisfy mem. . , . From this time on I had this idea.
Soon afterward, during a prisonwide confession and self-accusa- tion movement, he found himself implementing this new approach. As confession pressures mounted and competitive feelings developed among the prisoners ("I can tell one guilty fact, . . . I can tell three guilty facts . . . "), Luca was himself heavily struggled and at the same time drawn into the group emotions.
Now--and for the remainder of his imprisonment--he began to make "real things bigger. " He imbued with an aura of espionage and intelligence such events as conversations with young girls in his religious groups and routine comments made to colleagues about the Chinese political and military situation during the Civil War. In this way he built up an impressive series of admissions: "Passing military information" to Father C, conveying "political and economic intelligence" to "imperialists" in Hong Kong, en- gaging in "reactionary activities" in the Legion of Mary (a militant, partly clandestine Catholic organization greatly resented by the Communists), and many additional "crimes"--all distorted exag- gerations of his real activities, rather than the more "creative fantasy" of his earlier false confessions.
And in response to continuing pressures, he began to dictate to a fellow prisoner (and later write out himself) a lengthy account of his entire stay in China, covering "generally speaking all of my behavior, although emphasizing what could be considered misbe- havior. " His efforts were well received ("The cell chief now looked upon me as a man with whom it is possible to do something"), and he felt the urge to produce more and more material.
This urge was intensified when, after one year, a general prison reorganization took place in which a new and more moderate
? FATHER LUCA: THE FALSE CONFESSION 53
policy was instituted. 1 Through manipulations from above, the cell chief was struggled and severely criticized for his encourage- ment of physical abuse, and then he (along with everyone else in the cell except Luca) was transferred and replaced.
After this Luca received no more beatings or physical pressures of any kind; but the new chief instituted a regime of increased psychological demands ("Although caring for my body, he was rather unpleasant to my spirit"). These demands took the form of twice-daily sessions during which all prisoners were required to write down and discuss their "bad thoughts/' as well as increas- ing demands upon Luca to condemn Church activities and to record "bad behavior" of any variety. Now Luca began to pour out in great detail information about all of his clerical activities in China as well as activities of his associates, especially emphasizing whatever could be constructed as "reactionary. "
I thought--it is so difficult to find out what they think is bad--so the best way I had was to write everything. . . . The idea came to me that if I don't confess something that is true, I won't be able to get rid of the things that are false.
He even began, like others in his cell, to invent "bad thoughts":
Formerly it was a pressure to invent facts about before I was arrested. Now it became a pressure to invent ideas. . . . I had to say, for in- stance, that I had all kinds of good feelings about President Truman, which was a bad thing--although I really had no special feeling either for or against him.
For a period of two weeks he did nothing but write out material about himself and others. Under this impulse to tell all, he con- fessed for the first time that he and some other priests had ar- ranged a code together, used mostly in mail to inform friends and relatives in Europe of their personal safety and of the state of the Church in China, He gave this information now, even though he had carefully held it back during his confused state in the first month, and also in the more "relaxed" interview which just fol- lowed his injury. Much to his surprise, the judge made little of it, and it was never included as part of his formal confession; none- theless, he regretted it later on when he discovered, after his re- lease, that one of the priests involved had been arrested.
? 54 THOUGHT REFORM
He began to feel his efforts were being encouraged. The judge paid another visit to his cell, and this time was even more friendly in his assertion that Luca had a perfect right to deny any accusa- tion which was not completely justified. Yet despite this, Luca con- tinued over the months to experience increasing emotional tension, especially when he was criticized in connection with his religion. The problem came to a head during a special confession movement, when he strongly objected to the cell chief's assertion that he "used religion only as a cloak" for his alleged espionage activities:
I replied violently, "This is not a cloak. A cloak is easy to remove. But for me if you want to take off my religion, it is necessary to take out my heart and to kill me. "
The cell chief then told him that although he had improved in many ways, his anger was a form of bad behavior which he should take up in his self-criticisms, and that there must be still in his soul something which prevented him from having full confidence in the government.
Luca admitted that there were things still disturbing him, but said that he was unable to discuss them in the cell, and requested that he be allowed to see the prisoner-official who had spoken to him kindly and in his own language just after his injury. This was arranged, and Luca took part in two remarkable therapeutic ses- sions with this man, which ushered in a period of greater intimacy between himself and his captors. During the first, speaking "frankly but with caution," he said that he was still "grieving" about his deformed bodily state (avoiding any direct accusations, and speak- ing of it as "illness"); that he was still concerned about young girls in the Legion of Mary who had been beaten in their schools; and that he still had great doubts about whether there really was free- dom of religion in China. In saying these things Luca felt the mixed motivations characteristic for the thought reform experience:
I felt that these would be bad things to say in the cell because there they would cause me trouble. But I knew that to say something would give me relief. I also knew it would have a favorable result--that the officials would consider me frank and would have understanding for me.
One month later a second meeting was arranged during which the prisoner-official gave a startlingly "reasonable" answer to the
? FATHER LUCA: THE FALSE CONFESSION 55 points which Luca had previously raised--including the first semi-
official recognition of fallibility on the part of the government:
It is true that there have been wrong things in your case, but you must remember that your behavior was at first very antagonistic to the govern- ment. . . . When you spoke in a such a confused manner, the judge lost his temper. This, of course, was not right, but in any case you should try to understand the circumstances . . . perhaps some people have been mishandled in prisons--but you must remember that in seventeenth-century England and during the French Revolution, this also happened. And if you will take a look at the greater picture, you will see that there is better control of the population in China now to prevent these excesses than there was in either England or in France during these other periods.
This explanation deeply impressed Luca although it did not com- pletely dispel his belief that the Communists should have gone a step further and made public admission of and reparations for their excesses.
Near the end of his second year of imprisonment, he began to work on what eventually became his final confession document. Told first to write it out in his own language, he summarized the main points of his prison-prepared "autobiography," and then trans- lated these himself into Chinese. Next he was brought before a new and apparently high-ranking judge for a one-week period of severe, "rather correct," but sometimes threatening interrogation: "I see you do not yet have a good knowledge of your sins. You really ought to be punished very severely, perhaps ten years in prison. " With the aid of the old judge, the new judge, and the prisoner-official, Luca evolved a four-point confession full of "in- telligence" implications, but so close to actual events that Luca himself felt it to be "almost real. "
Church Under Attack
During Luca's remaining eighteen months of imprisonment, the cell study program put great emphasis on a critical analysis of the Church's activities in China. Luca admitted that certain priests were out of line in their political and even military activities in China (he had criticized colleagues for such behavior even before his arrest); but at the same time he emphasized that the great majority were concerned only with their religious activities. This
? 56 THOUGHT REFORM
attitude, he was told, was not progressive because it did not take into account the principles of "collective responsibility":
If one in a family makes a mistake, it is the fault of the entire family; if one priest does something wrong, and is not stopped by the higher authorities, the Church authorities are at fault.
When Luca would try to point out the good that the Church had done, its service to the sick and to the poor, he met this argu- ment:
This is still a form of aid to imperialism, because the sick and the poor and other Chinese people are led to believe that good is emanating from foreigners, conveying a favorable impression of foreigners in gen- eral, and therefore making propaganda for and serving the purposes of the imperialists.
Similarly, when Luca responded to arguments against the "old China hand" attitude of many priests--their lavish living habits and distance from the common people--by pointing out his own in- tegration into Chinese life--Chinese friends, services conducted in Chinese, living in the Chinese manner--he was told that his behavior was even worse, because it "deceived the people. "
Luca found this kind of argument extremely disturbing:
It was the most difficult of their reasoning to counteract. , . . What you do that is good--is bad--precisely because it is goodl
He continued to experience his greatest inner pain whenever religion was discussed; and because of his imperfect attitude, he was frequently criticized as "stubborn," "subjective," and "having backward ideas. " But increasingly he stifled whatever inner protest he felt, and began to express himself cautiously, in a manner con- sistent with the Communist point of view wherever possible; at the same time he immersed himself in "facts and logic"--in the elaboration of small detail.
He was considered to have made some "progress. " Toward the middle of his third year of imprisonment, he was sent to a different compound with a more liberal routine: exercise periods in the courtyard, more leeway in going to the toilet, and less suffocating discipline. Here hsueh hsi was the main task, and Luca was criti-
? F A THER LUCA: THE FALSE CONFESSION 57 cized repeatedly for not telling his real thoughts. This accusation
was upsetting because it was partially true.
Sometimes I dared not saysome things, . . .
Sometimes I reallywas telling what I thought. . . . And sometimes when I was, they still said I wasn't telling enough.
Even during this "improved" period, Luca was not free of out- ward signs of psychological disturbance, and suffered from in- somnia and "general nervousness/' When in response to cellmates' questions he admitted that he was praying at night, he would be told that he shouldn't do this, since it must be what was keeping him awake.
About nine months before his release, he was confronted with what turned out to be the last major demand for "betrayal. " The judge insisted that he write a letter to one of the young girls who had been most actively associated with him in the Legion of Mary, telling her that the Legion was a "reactionary organization led by spies" with "nothing religious about it," and that she should confess to the government all of her "reactionary activities. " Luca was warned, "Remember, your future depends upon how you write this. " After much pressure and conflict ("because of fear, and because I could not resist the moral pressure"), Luca finally wrote the letter. His first draft--which made some mention of things done for religion--was rejected; and in his final draft, he stated that he had deceived them in leading them to join the Legion of Mary, that he was wrong in telling them to "resist the govern- ment," and that he had done so because of his "imperialistic rela- tions. "
His letter did not go quite as far as the original request: he did not, for instance, include the phrase, "nothing religious about it. " This served to give him some sense of a small victory; but the entire incident was a source of such great pain that it was one of the matters he found most difficult to discuss with me.
After that--this was my chief grievance--I felt I was a coward. I said something that was to be used to trouble people, and while not con- trary to the essentials of the Church, could make a lot of trouble for religious work. . . . And I felt that these girls and other people had probably been more firm than I. . . . I should have been their leader --but I was not as strong as they.
? 58 THOUGHT REFORM
A short time later, he was told by his cellmates, "You are nervous, full of fear. . . . You must have more things to say. " He was then called before an official to discuss this matter. Luca approached this man openly, and asked him two questions which had long been troubling him: Would it be possible for him to remain in China after his release from prison? What was the real point of view of the government about religion? He was told that the government was not opposed to foreigners living and working in China, and that he would be able to stay; that the government did not oppose religion; and all those who did not oppose the religious reform movement could continue their religious activities. The reform movement referred to was the Communist-sponsored, nationwide, "triple autonomy" campaign for all of Chinese Christianity, ad- vocating Chinese rather than foreign direction of worship, funds, and organization. To the Communists, this movement was merely a way to cast off outside "imperialist" influence and form a "na- tional church"; but most of the Catholic missionaries saw it as a way to get the Church under direct Communist control. The Legion of Mary was strongly opposed to the reform movement, but Luca himself had favored a much more moderate position than some of his superiors. In this discussion, the official conceded that Luca "was not like other foreigners," as he had always been against the presence of foreign troops and Western concessions in China; but at the same time the official strongly condemned Luca for his re- peated defense of the Church in the cell, and insisted that he was attempting to influence the cell chief, a Chinese Catholic who was bitterly critical of Church activities. In this and other talks with officials, there was a sense of better mutual understanding than in previous talks, although Luca nonetheless encountered periodic outbursts of personal "struggles" and vindictive criticism, largely
relating to the issue of the Church.
There were also indications that Luca's imprisonment might
soon come to an end: the appearance of other foreigners, including another priest, in his cell; more rewriting, translating, and summariz- ing of his confession with the help of his compatible prisoner- official; orders for the foreigners to send for their luggage. His con- fession, simplified and clearly damning, was finally pruned down to just two points: his relationship with Father C, and his Legion of Mary activities. In the first, "espionage" was still mentioned;
? FATHER LUCA: THE FALSE CONFESSION 59
and in the second, a new emphasis was placed upon details of organizational structure and membership. The confession was ac- curate to the extent that it included only real events; it was distorted only 'in the interpretation of these events. When the confession was in final form, Luca was called into a special room, where he was photographed and recorded reading it aloud.
During his last weeks of imprisonment, Luca experienced what was perhaps his highest point of co-operation with his captors. During a last "confession movement," he brought out yet more details about his resistance to the government in his Legion of Mary work. After this, he became actively involved in helping two newcomers to confess. With one of them, he felt justified:
I believed that his attitude wasn't good--he had done bad things-- beatings and possibly killing people. There was no use for him not to confess.
But the other man was a Chinese Catholic priest, which put Luca in a difficult situation:
It was for me a very great strain. I dared not stay out of helping him, but I would not enforce upon him things I felt were wrong. I tried to make a compromise--to find real facts which were not against religion, to let him use words that didn't imply something. But either he did not understand my tactics, or else he just would not use them.
These incidents of co-operation--and especially the second--were also difficult for Luca to discuss.
His final sessions with judges and officials were held in an atmos- phere of friendly exchange between reasonable people. There was, however, some talk about a ten-year sentence. Luca admitted some of his "errors," and certain specific "bad behavior" concerning his relationship with Father C and with the Legion of Mary; but he emphasized that at the time, he had been unaware he was com- mitting a "crime. " The judge said:
We know we made mistakes with you--that is, with your body--but when you go away you must also admit that you had some faults, and you must not exaggerate what happened here. . . . You must realize that at the beginning it was difficult for us to fully master the prison situation--we had many bad people among the other prisoners--and now all of the beatings have stopped, which shows that our real policy
? 60 THOUGHT REFORM
is not so bad as might seem if one were to consider only what happened to you during the first year.
Luca responded by agreeing that he had observed these improve- ments in prison procedure.
During one of these interviews he was told for the first time that he was to be expelled from China; official confirmation came a few minutes later when he was taken before another judge and another official, who read the formal sentence. The "crimes" named had been reduced to three: the "military information" to Father C, his Legion of Mary activities (both included in his last confession), and "information to imperialists" transmitted in letters written from China.
Luca had mixed feelings about the resolution of his case:
Of course I felt some relief--the feeling that now it is all finished--no more strain. But at the same time I had the feeling that the conclusion is not totally satisfying--I didn't want to be out of my missionary work--and not see the many friends--the Christians left there--and no longer have any connection with them. . . . I also had the feeling that the things I said in the beginning were retracted--but that all of the case was not totally clear.
Release and Search
He still had these mixed feelings when he boarded the ship which took him from China to Hong Kong. On the way, he ex- perienced transient beliefs that there must be Communists among the sailors who would report on his shipboard behavior. He also observed and described to me the sequence of his feelings about his experience: the first day, sadness at leaving China; second day, chagrin at his "needless suffering" in an experience so "stupid and meaningless"; third and fourth days, the feeling that the Church had made mistakes in China which should be corrected; fifth and sixth days, a vague melancholy. When he landed in Hong Kong on the seventh day, he was quoted by reporters as saying that his arrest had been due to a "misunderstanding"--avoiding then any strong statement or condemnation.
When I saw him a few days later, his paranoid thinking had dis- appeared, his depression had diminished, and his attitude was no
? FATHER LUCA: THE FALSE CONFESSION 6l
longer neutral. He was once more the dedicated Catholic priest, preoccupied with the problems of his Church, cared for, attended to, and continuously visited by his religious colleagues. His prin- cipal regret was his inability to maintain allegiance to both the Church and to China:
To leave the prison was to be expelled--if I could have left the prison without having been expelled, I would have liked that most.
By the second interview (just two days after the first) little confusion remained: he spoke clearly of the "false accusations" made against him, of his conviction that he had been "unjustly" treated. But he did not stop with these condemnations; rather, he embarked upon a determined search for understanding of his ordeal. He sought--through meditations, talks with me, and his writings--to discover why the Communists had behaved as they did, what mistakes the Church had made in China which might have contributed to this behavior, and how he, as a priest who had undergone an ordeal, could help his Church to improve itself in the future. He told me of the detailed reconstruction of his entire imprisonment which he had begun while on the ship, essentially for his own use; of the special reports he was preparing for Church authorities; of the articles he was writing for Catholic periodicals. One of these articles dealt with apologetics, and refuted the Com- munist point of view on religion. Another article was a detailed re- port on the activities of the Legion of Mary in China.
When I was in jail they had me write very much about this. Now I would like to write freely about it and have a good look at the thing. . . . My aim is to have a document that a few people can study to see whether we made mistakes, and how these can be corrected. . . . And to show what were the false accusations that the Communists made against us.
Others were more simple vignettes of Catholic faith: he told of praying to the Virgin Mary during a painful ordeal of struggle and beating, which resulted in the immediate arrival of prison of- ficialswho stopped the abuse; and of the progress of a little Chinese girl, at first "naughty" and "fierce," whom Luca had succeeded in converting to active Catholicism despite the initial opposition of her parents. So preoccupied was he with these activities that it was
? 62 THOUGHT REFORM
not until the third session with me that he went into any detail about his prison experience.
When he did, it was usually in a self-deprecating manner. He spoke of his "weakness/* his "cowardly behavior/' of his failure to set a proper example as a leader of Chinese Christian youth. Nor could he always find comfort from talking with his fellow priests in Hong Kong: some would express amazement at his having made such a false confession, and he would interpret this as a feeling on their part of his having let the Church down; others received him as something of a hero, and this made him feel no better.
People now say, "You are wonderful. You have suffered so much--like a martyr/' I become uncomfortable and confused when they say this. There are so many things I should have done better.
Martyrdom was for him an ideal which he felt he had failed to live up to, and he viewed his imprisonment as a missed opportunity.
I felt not too useful because I had an insufficiently good attitude--and because I had confessed to false things. I had the idea of a somewhat wasted occasion.
He summed up his feelings in the language of the Church:
I am guilty of many sins, but not the ones that the Communists accuse me of; and I hope to make amends for my sins.
Yet it did mean a great deal to him to be once more living in a world of priests, nuns, and fellow Christians. He was especially pleased when he received visits from young colleagues, former students, or from Chinese Christian youths who told him of the inspiration they had derived from his leadership in the past.
As he continued his explorations, he remained thoughtful and moderate in his views about the Communists as well as about his own Church, and always qualified his judgments. Concerning his own treatment, he said:
I think it is wrong to seek by evil means such guilty interpretation of my behavior. . . . I feel that they treated me wrongly. . . . Of course it is better that they admitted their mistakes--and let me retract. But even when they admit their mistakes, they don't go to the bottom of the question of why they make mistakes.
? FATHER LUCA: THE FALSE CONFESSION 6 j
The reasons for these Communist "mistakes" were, he felt;
They are prejudiced against the Catholic Church. . . . They are too confident about their own judgment. . . . They are not sufficiently correct about criticizing or punishing their own misbehavior, or that of their semi-official associations.
He had some praise for the Chinese Communist regime as well; he recognized its accomplishments in building and industry, he was impressed with their planned production, and he felt that many of their concepts about economics were "logical. " And al- though he himself had long been critical of the Nationalist Regime which preceded the Communists, its shortcomings, and especially its corruption, had become more vivid to him: "I have somewhat more understanding of the reason why so many people in China were discontented with the old order. "
Nonetheless, he believed that the Chinese people were paying a heavy price for their accomplishments--especially in the "great strain" being imposed upon them, and in the limitations upon their thought. He thought the Communists were particularly deficient in "the question about how to let people have their own ideas, and especially about a way of making justice in the courts. " There had been some improvement, he felt, but not enough:
At the beginning they were totally wrong; since three years ago, they have been in some ways better, but not sufficiently so that one could say that their ways were good.
Father Luca also had pointed and specific criticism for his own Church. He especially disapproved of those among the Catholic priests who became involved in military activities against the Chinese Communists, both on ethical and practical grounds: "I think it is not according to the Christian way of proceeding--and it is of no use," He claimed that he had always disapproved of these activities, but he had been made to feel during his imprisonment that he had "indulged" those among his friends who pursued such policies, and now his opposition was more firm. He was also critical of foreign priests who lived too lavishly in China ("They forgot the spirit of poverty"), and more basically of the Church's failure to build up a highranking Chinese hierarchy, and its tendency to keep foreign priests in the senior positions in China. He felt that both
? 64 THOUGHT REFORM
the Communists and the Church should mend their ways: that the former should admit and correct their mistakes and develop a "more fair attitude" towards religion; and that the latter should "see more what was wrong in our attitudes" and then seek to change them.
In all of this, Father Luca maintained a distinction between the fallible actions of individual priests, and his more basic religious convictions:
When there was criticism of priests, I knew that much was true, and I admitted it. But about the existence of God--I was convinced of the emptiness of their arguments when they said there was no God.
His religious feelings aside, Luca felt he had undergone an im- portant personal change. He found himself more willing to listen to others' opinions, more patient, and less quick to "get in anger. " He also thought that he had become more articulate, and had largely overcome a previous tendency to "feel nervous because I couldn't express the things I wanted to say/'
During the month in which we were working together, Luca showed periodic signs of restlessness, "nervous diarrhea," and anxiety concerning his future. But these gradually diminished as he became increasingly focused and relaxed within the Hong Kong Catholic setting. His physical condition also improved, although he was told that he would never be well enough for the active life of a parish priest. He showed throughout an obvious reluctance to leave Hong Kong; although it was not China proper, it had at least a partial Chinese atmosphere, and permitted him to use the Chinese language. At first he expressed this directly: "I regret the possibility that I may have to go back to Europe. " But gradually, he began to accept the inevitable, and when he finally left, he was looking ahead to future work. Yet he also looked back to his life in China--and his mood was one of sadness.
? CHAPTER 5 PSYCHOLOGICAL STEPS
There is a basic similarity in what both Dr. Vincent
and Father Luca experienced during Communist imprisonment. Although they were held in separate prisons far re- moved from each other, and although they differed very much in their responses to reform, they were both subjected to the same general sequence of psychological pressures. This sequence was es- sentially the same despite the fact that these men were very dif- ferent from each other, with different personal and professional life styles. Nor was this thought reform pattern common to just these two: it was experienced by all twenty-five of the Westerners whom I interviewed.
The common pattern becomes especially important in evaluating the stories these Westerners told me. Each was attempting to describe, in most instances as accurately as possible, the details of an ordeal from which he had just emerged. But what each reported was also inevitably influenced by his immediate life situation--his psychological transition between the two worlds, his personal struggles for both integrity and integration, his feelings about suc- coring and threatening colleagues and strangers in Hong Kong, his view of me as an American, a physician, a psychiatrist, and a person. All of these circumstances could affect his account, and especially its emotional tone. Therefore, both during the inter- views and in the later study of my notes, I had to sift out what was
65
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most characteristic and most consistent, to evaluate this informa- tion in terms of my understanding of the people supplying it, and then to piece together a composite analysis of the process itself.
Death and Rebirth
Both Dr. Vincent and Father Luca took part in an agonizing drama of death and rebirth. In each case, it was made clear that the "reactionary spy" who entered the prison must perish, and that in his place must arise a "new man/' resurrected in the Communist mold. Indeed, Dr. Vincent still used the phrase, "To die and be reborn"--words which he had heard more than once during his imprisonment.
Neither of these men had himself initiated the drama; indeed, at first both had resisted it, and tried to remain quite outside of it. But their environment did not permit any sidestepping: they were forced to participate, drawn into the forces around them until they themselves began to feel the need to confess and to reform. This penetration by the psychological forces of the environment into the inner emotions of the individual person is perhaps the outstanding psychiatric fact of thought reform. The milieu brings to bear upon the prisoner a series of overwhelming pressures, at the same time allowing only a very limited set of alternatives for adapting to them. In the interplay between person and environ- ment, a sequence of steps or operations*--of combinations of manipulation and response--takes place. All of these steps revolve about two policies and two demands: the fluctuation between assault and leniency, and the requirements of confession and re- education. The physical and emotional assaults bring about the symbolic death; leniency and the developing confession are the bridge between death and rebirth; the re-education process, along with the final confession, create the rebirth experience.
Death and rebirth, even when symbolic, affect one's entire being, but especially that part related to loyalties and beliefs, to the sense of being a specific person and at the same time being related to and part of groups of other people--or in other words, to one's sense of inner identity. 2 In the broadest terms, everything that hap- pened to these prisoners is related to this matter. Since everyone differs from everyone else in his identity, each prisoner experienced
? PSYCHOLOGICAL STEPS 6j
thought reform differently, nor did anyone respond completely to all these steps; at the same time, the experiences had such magnitude that they affected every prisoner in some measure, no matter what his background and character.
1. THE ASSAULT UPON IDENTITY
From the beginning, Dr. Vincent was told he was not really a
doctor, that all of what he considered himself to be was merely a cloak under which he hid what he really was. And Father Luca was told the same thing, especially about the area which he held most precious--his religion. Backing up this assertion were all of the physical and emotional assaults of early imprisonment: the confusing but incriminating interrogations, the humiliating "strug- gles," the painful and constricting chains, and the more direct phys- ical brutality. Dr. Vincent and Father Luca each began to lose his bearings on who and what he was, and where he stood in relation- ship to his fellows. Each felt his sense of self become amorphous and impotent and fall more and more under the control of its would-be remolders. Each was at one point willing to say (and to be) whatever his captors demanded.
Each was reduced to something not fully human and yet not quite animal, no longer the adult and yet not quite the child; instead, an adult human was placed in the position of an infant or a sub-human animal, helplessly being manipulated by larger and stronger "adults" or "trainers. " Placed in this regressive stance, each felt himself deprived of the power, mastery, and selfhood of adult existence.
In both, an intense struggle began between the adult man and the child-animal which had been created, a struggle against regres- sion and dehumanization. But each attempt on the part of the prisoner to reassert his adult human identity and to express his own will ("I am not a spy. I am a doctor"; or "This must be a mistake. I am a priest, I am telling the truth") was considered a show of re- sistance and of "insincerity," and called forth new assaults.
Not every prisoner was treated as severely as were Dr. Vincent and Father Luca, but each experienced similar external assaults leading to some form of inner surrender--a surrender of personal autonomy. This assault upon autonomy and identity even extended to the level of consciousness, so that men began to exist on a level
? 68 THOUGHT REFORM
which was neither sleep nor wakefulness, but rather an in-between hypnogogic state. In this state they were not only more readily in- fluenced, but they were also susceptible to destructive and aggressive impulses arising from within themselves.
In addition, Luca's immobility led to the development of severely infected bedsores on his back, thighs, and toes. At first these were treated very inadequately with iodine and other topical applications; but after objections had been raised by his cellmates to the odor that emanated from them, he received more effective treatment in the form of careful bandaging and penicillin injections.
Luca constantly maintained attempts to recover his physical capacities. After a short period of time he began to exercise his toes; after three months he could begin to sit up; after one year, he could stand, leaning against the wall. Not until fifteen months after his injury was he able to walk to the toilet. His cellmates at first assisted him in his exercises, but their "help" was frequently so rough that it caused him great pain--and on one such occasion he cried out so loudly that a prison official heard him, and came run- ning into the cell to find out what the trouble was. After this, his cellmates offered little assistance.
Despite his physical incapacity, Luca was required to take part in cell activities--confession and reform. Immediately after his injury, this consisted of answering "little papers" sent down from the officials, asking specific questions about such matters as his relationship with Father C, and his activities on behalf of Catholic organizations in China. Not long afterward more exhausting ac- tivity was required of him: he had to participate in the interim-
? 50 THOUGHT REFORM
nable cell "study" activities. When he would doze off--as he did frequently--the cell chief would strike him smartly on top of his head with a straw brush.
Luca's inner experiences during this period were those of ex- treme humiliation, helplessness, and depression:
I could do nothing for myself. . . . During the night if I had to urinate, I had to wake the man near me. . . . I wassorrowful, . . . I thought, "I can never be well again. My legs will never be cured. I will be helpless in everything. . . . " I thought much about my parents, how they must be suffering about me. . . . I wept several times, chiefly during the night.
He found comfort, reassurance, and an outlet for his feelings only through his fantasies, which usually concerned rich emotional ex- periences he had known in the past: places and people he had loved, songs with special meaning, his home, and his mother.
I was thinking mostly at night of places I had been--walking with my parents, my brother and sister . . . chiefly of home . . . and of holi- day journeys. . . . Once I had the strange feeling I had come back to Europe to my parents. . . . I had another thing--not exactly a dream --but like an obsession, maybe a pastime. I would try to remember geographical names--names of towns I knew all over the world-- sometimes of rivers and seas also--a kind of geographical hobby. . . . I have always been rather interested in geography. . . . When I was in very bad condition, I would sing, externally or internally--chiefly rather sorrowful songs: Negro spirituals--Swannee River, Josiah, Old Kentucky Home, Home on the Range--these songs in English . . . also, European songs and songs I sang with the Legion of Mary and other religious groups . . , religious songs from Holy W eek, also rather sad. They gave me a remembrance of my life in the Church with the youth in China. . . , When I was particularly in bad shape, I sang Negro spirituals . . . and also one song my mother sang to me when I was a little boy--a Negro baby song. . . . It was sorrowful, but an opportunity to express oneself, a kind of relief.
Later in his imprisonment, he was able to share some of these emotions:
There was in my cell for a while a young fellow, a Chinese Catholic. I knew he was a Catholic, but it wasn't possible for us to say anything or to speak about religion. But at recreation time, we sometimes sang songs. He was fond of music and knew many songs--Schubert, Bee-
? FATHER LUCA: THE FALSE CONFESSION 51
thoven, Christmas carols. He would sing the tune, then I would sing-- sometimes together. It was a way to express a community of feelings-- the others didn't understand. . . . He was on the outside a good prisoner--he said nothing against the Communist doctrine--and if not for the singing I might have doubted that he still had the Catholic faith. . . . He wasalso a comfort forme.
Beginning All Over
Three months after the injury (and four months after his ar- rest), Luca had an unexpected visitor in the cell: the judge ap- peared to announce a dramatic reversal in the official attitude to- ward the confession material. He told Luca that it was confused, inaccurate, and incomplete; and he gave an example of what he meant ("Why, as for L. [a Chinese allegedly the 'chief of an 'es- pionage' organization], you probably don't even know him. ") He urged the prisoner to "begin all over again" and this time "tell only the truth. " He informed him that he was to be transferred to a new cell "where you will be better able to write things. "
Luca was struck by the irony of the judge's statement--not too long before his reluctance to confess to an incriminating re- lationship with this same L. had resulted in his being placed in chains. But he was immensely pleased at what seemed to be an opportunity to clarify things and rid himself of the painful burden of maintaining his falsehoods. His hopefulness increased when he noted an improved atmosphere in the new cell and more consider- ate cellmates.
But his sense of relief was transient. When he began to dictate a denial of his three major "crimes" and a more accurate statement of his activities and associations (his limited knowledge of written Chinese, and poor physical condition prevented him from writing it out himself) the cell chief refused to accept the retraction; he told Luca that he was not yet "psychologically fit" to prepare his materials, and that if what he said were true, and he had really done nothing wrong, he would certainly not have been arrested.
Luca's dilemma was now greater than ever:
The judge said--"You must not tell untrue things. " On the other hand, when I told only real things, this was considered insufficient and I was not allowed to write them. I was in great psychological pain. I felt it was impossible to satisfy these people.
? 52 THOUGHT REFORM
There followed a return of the vindictive treatment--struggles, angry denunciations, and physical abuse: thumbs, pencils, or chop- sticks pressed under his chin or between his fingers, and painful ear-pulling. Attempts to tell the truth brought no relief.
Finally Luca came upon what seemed to him to be the only solution:
I thought, "I must find a way. There must be a way of giving real facts--and then presenting them as being bigger [more incriminating] than they were. " . , . Maybe this would satisfy mem. . , . From this time on I had this idea.
Soon afterward, during a prisonwide confession and self-accusa- tion movement, he found himself implementing this new approach. As confession pressures mounted and competitive feelings developed among the prisoners ("I can tell one guilty fact, . . . I can tell three guilty facts . . . "), Luca was himself heavily struggled and at the same time drawn into the group emotions.
Now--and for the remainder of his imprisonment--he began to make "real things bigger. " He imbued with an aura of espionage and intelligence such events as conversations with young girls in his religious groups and routine comments made to colleagues about the Chinese political and military situation during the Civil War. In this way he built up an impressive series of admissions: "Passing military information" to Father C, conveying "political and economic intelligence" to "imperialists" in Hong Kong, en- gaging in "reactionary activities" in the Legion of Mary (a militant, partly clandestine Catholic organization greatly resented by the Communists), and many additional "crimes"--all distorted exag- gerations of his real activities, rather than the more "creative fantasy" of his earlier false confessions.
And in response to continuing pressures, he began to dictate to a fellow prisoner (and later write out himself) a lengthy account of his entire stay in China, covering "generally speaking all of my behavior, although emphasizing what could be considered misbe- havior. " His efforts were well received ("The cell chief now looked upon me as a man with whom it is possible to do something"), and he felt the urge to produce more and more material.
This urge was intensified when, after one year, a general prison reorganization took place in which a new and more moderate
? FATHER LUCA: THE FALSE CONFESSION 53
policy was instituted. 1 Through manipulations from above, the cell chief was struggled and severely criticized for his encourage- ment of physical abuse, and then he (along with everyone else in the cell except Luca) was transferred and replaced.
After this Luca received no more beatings or physical pressures of any kind; but the new chief instituted a regime of increased psychological demands ("Although caring for my body, he was rather unpleasant to my spirit"). These demands took the form of twice-daily sessions during which all prisoners were required to write down and discuss their "bad thoughts/' as well as increas- ing demands upon Luca to condemn Church activities and to record "bad behavior" of any variety. Now Luca began to pour out in great detail information about all of his clerical activities in China as well as activities of his associates, especially emphasizing whatever could be constructed as "reactionary. "
I thought--it is so difficult to find out what they think is bad--so the best way I had was to write everything. . . . The idea came to me that if I don't confess something that is true, I won't be able to get rid of the things that are false.
He even began, like others in his cell, to invent "bad thoughts":
Formerly it was a pressure to invent facts about before I was arrested. Now it became a pressure to invent ideas. . . . I had to say, for in- stance, that I had all kinds of good feelings about President Truman, which was a bad thing--although I really had no special feeling either for or against him.
For a period of two weeks he did nothing but write out material about himself and others. Under this impulse to tell all, he con- fessed for the first time that he and some other priests had ar- ranged a code together, used mostly in mail to inform friends and relatives in Europe of their personal safety and of the state of the Church in China, He gave this information now, even though he had carefully held it back during his confused state in the first month, and also in the more "relaxed" interview which just fol- lowed his injury. Much to his surprise, the judge made little of it, and it was never included as part of his formal confession; none- theless, he regretted it later on when he discovered, after his re- lease, that one of the priests involved had been arrested.
? 54 THOUGHT REFORM
He began to feel his efforts were being encouraged. The judge paid another visit to his cell, and this time was even more friendly in his assertion that Luca had a perfect right to deny any accusa- tion which was not completely justified. Yet despite this, Luca con- tinued over the months to experience increasing emotional tension, especially when he was criticized in connection with his religion. The problem came to a head during a special confession movement, when he strongly objected to the cell chief's assertion that he "used religion only as a cloak" for his alleged espionage activities:
I replied violently, "This is not a cloak. A cloak is easy to remove. But for me if you want to take off my religion, it is necessary to take out my heart and to kill me. "
The cell chief then told him that although he had improved in many ways, his anger was a form of bad behavior which he should take up in his self-criticisms, and that there must be still in his soul something which prevented him from having full confidence in the government.
Luca admitted that there were things still disturbing him, but said that he was unable to discuss them in the cell, and requested that he be allowed to see the prisoner-official who had spoken to him kindly and in his own language just after his injury. This was arranged, and Luca took part in two remarkable therapeutic ses- sions with this man, which ushered in a period of greater intimacy between himself and his captors. During the first, speaking "frankly but with caution," he said that he was still "grieving" about his deformed bodily state (avoiding any direct accusations, and speak- ing of it as "illness"); that he was still concerned about young girls in the Legion of Mary who had been beaten in their schools; and that he still had great doubts about whether there really was free- dom of religion in China. In saying these things Luca felt the mixed motivations characteristic for the thought reform experience:
I felt that these would be bad things to say in the cell because there they would cause me trouble. But I knew that to say something would give me relief. I also knew it would have a favorable result--that the officials would consider me frank and would have understanding for me.
One month later a second meeting was arranged during which the prisoner-official gave a startlingly "reasonable" answer to the
? FATHER LUCA: THE FALSE CONFESSION 55 points which Luca had previously raised--including the first semi-
official recognition of fallibility on the part of the government:
It is true that there have been wrong things in your case, but you must remember that your behavior was at first very antagonistic to the govern- ment. . . . When you spoke in a such a confused manner, the judge lost his temper. This, of course, was not right, but in any case you should try to understand the circumstances . . . perhaps some people have been mishandled in prisons--but you must remember that in seventeenth-century England and during the French Revolution, this also happened. And if you will take a look at the greater picture, you will see that there is better control of the population in China now to prevent these excesses than there was in either England or in France during these other periods.
This explanation deeply impressed Luca although it did not com- pletely dispel his belief that the Communists should have gone a step further and made public admission of and reparations for their excesses.
Near the end of his second year of imprisonment, he began to work on what eventually became his final confession document. Told first to write it out in his own language, he summarized the main points of his prison-prepared "autobiography," and then trans- lated these himself into Chinese. Next he was brought before a new and apparently high-ranking judge for a one-week period of severe, "rather correct," but sometimes threatening interrogation: "I see you do not yet have a good knowledge of your sins. You really ought to be punished very severely, perhaps ten years in prison. " With the aid of the old judge, the new judge, and the prisoner-official, Luca evolved a four-point confession full of "in- telligence" implications, but so close to actual events that Luca himself felt it to be "almost real. "
Church Under Attack
During Luca's remaining eighteen months of imprisonment, the cell study program put great emphasis on a critical analysis of the Church's activities in China. Luca admitted that certain priests were out of line in their political and even military activities in China (he had criticized colleagues for such behavior even before his arrest); but at the same time he emphasized that the great majority were concerned only with their religious activities. This
? 56 THOUGHT REFORM
attitude, he was told, was not progressive because it did not take into account the principles of "collective responsibility":
If one in a family makes a mistake, it is the fault of the entire family; if one priest does something wrong, and is not stopped by the higher authorities, the Church authorities are at fault.
When Luca would try to point out the good that the Church had done, its service to the sick and to the poor, he met this argu- ment:
This is still a form of aid to imperialism, because the sick and the poor and other Chinese people are led to believe that good is emanating from foreigners, conveying a favorable impression of foreigners in gen- eral, and therefore making propaganda for and serving the purposes of the imperialists.
Similarly, when Luca responded to arguments against the "old China hand" attitude of many priests--their lavish living habits and distance from the common people--by pointing out his own in- tegration into Chinese life--Chinese friends, services conducted in Chinese, living in the Chinese manner--he was told that his behavior was even worse, because it "deceived the people. "
Luca found this kind of argument extremely disturbing:
It was the most difficult of their reasoning to counteract. , . . What you do that is good--is bad--precisely because it is goodl
He continued to experience his greatest inner pain whenever religion was discussed; and because of his imperfect attitude, he was frequently criticized as "stubborn," "subjective," and "having backward ideas. " But increasingly he stifled whatever inner protest he felt, and began to express himself cautiously, in a manner con- sistent with the Communist point of view wherever possible; at the same time he immersed himself in "facts and logic"--in the elaboration of small detail.
He was considered to have made some "progress. " Toward the middle of his third year of imprisonment, he was sent to a different compound with a more liberal routine: exercise periods in the courtyard, more leeway in going to the toilet, and less suffocating discipline. Here hsueh hsi was the main task, and Luca was criti-
? F A THER LUCA: THE FALSE CONFESSION 57 cized repeatedly for not telling his real thoughts. This accusation
was upsetting because it was partially true.
Sometimes I dared not saysome things, . . .
Sometimes I reallywas telling what I thought. . . . And sometimes when I was, they still said I wasn't telling enough.
Even during this "improved" period, Luca was not free of out- ward signs of psychological disturbance, and suffered from in- somnia and "general nervousness/' When in response to cellmates' questions he admitted that he was praying at night, he would be told that he shouldn't do this, since it must be what was keeping him awake.
About nine months before his release, he was confronted with what turned out to be the last major demand for "betrayal. " The judge insisted that he write a letter to one of the young girls who had been most actively associated with him in the Legion of Mary, telling her that the Legion was a "reactionary organization led by spies" with "nothing religious about it," and that she should confess to the government all of her "reactionary activities. " Luca was warned, "Remember, your future depends upon how you write this. " After much pressure and conflict ("because of fear, and because I could not resist the moral pressure"), Luca finally wrote the letter. His first draft--which made some mention of things done for religion--was rejected; and in his final draft, he stated that he had deceived them in leading them to join the Legion of Mary, that he was wrong in telling them to "resist the govern- ment," and that he had done so because of his "imperialistic rela- tions. "
His letter did not go quite as far as the original request: he did not, for instance, include the phrase, "nothing religious about it. " This served to give him some sense of a small victory; but the entire incident was a source of such great pain that it was one of the matters he found most difficult to discuss with me.
After that--this was my chief grievance--I felt I was a coward. I said something that was to be used to trouble people, and while not con- trary to the essentials of the Church, could make a lot of trouble for religious work. . . . And I felt that these girls and other people had probably been more firm than I. . . . I should have been their leader --but I was not as strong as they.
? 58 THOUGHT REFORM
A short time later, he was told by his cellmates, "You are nervous, full of fear. . . . You must have more things to say. " He was then called before an official to discuss this matter. Luca approached this man openly, and asked him two questions which had long been troubling him: Would it be possible for him to remain in China after his release from prison? What was the real point of view of the government about religion? He was told that the government was not opposed to foreigners living and working in China, and that he would be able to stay; that the government did not oppose religion; and all those who did not oppose the religious reform movement could continue their religious activities. The reform movement referred to was the Communist-sponsored, nationwide, "triple autonomy" campaign for all of Chinese Christianity, ad- vocating Chinese rather than foreign direction of worship, funds, and organization. To the Communists, this movement was merely a way to cast off outside "imperialist" influence and form a "na- tional church"; but most of the Catholic missionaries saw it as a way to get the Church under direct Communist control. The Legion of Mary was strongly opposed to the reform movement, but Luca himself had favored a much more moderate position than some of his superiors. In this discussion, the official conceded that Luca "was not like other foreigners," as he had always been against the presence of foreign troops and Western concessions in China; but at the same time the official strongly condemned Luca for his re- peated defense of the Church in the cell, and insisted that he was attempting to influence the cell chief, a Chinese Catholic who was bitterly critical of Church activities. In this and other talks with officials, there was a sense of better mutual understanding than in previous talks, although Luca nonetheless encountered periodic outbursts of personal "struggles" and vindictive criticism, largely
relating to the issue of the Church.
There were also indications that Luca's imprisonment might
soon come to an end: the appearance of other foreigners, including another priest, in his cell; more rewriting, translating, and summariz- ing of his confession with the help of his compatible prisoner- official; orders for the foreigners to send for their luggage. His con- fession, simplified and clearly damning, was finally pruned down to just two points: his relationship with Father C, and his Legion of Mary activities. In the first, "espionage" was still mentioned;
? FATHER LUCA: THE FALSE CONFESSION 59
and in the second, a new emphasis was placed upon details of organizational structure and membership. The confession was ac- curate to the extent that it included only real events; it was distorted only 'in the interpretation of these events. When the confession was in final form, Luca was called into a special room, where he was photographed and recorded reading it aloud.
During his last weeks of imprisonment, Luca experienced what was perhaps his highest point of co-operation with his captors. During a last "confession movement," he brought out yet more details about his resistance to the government in his Legion of Mary work. After this, he became actively involved in helping two newcomers to confess. With one of them, he felt justified:
I believed that his attitude wasn't good--he had done bad things-- beatings and possibly killing people. There was no use for him not to confess.
But the other man was a Chinese Catholic priest, which put Luca in a difficult situation:
It was for me a very great strain. I dared not stay out of helping him, but I would not enforce upon him things I felt were wrong. I tried to make a compromise--to find real facts which were not against religion, to let him use words that didn't imply something. But either he did not understand my tactics, or else he just would not use them.
These incidents of co-operation--and especially the second--were also difficult for Luca to discuss.
His final sessions with judges and officials were held in an atmos- phere of friendly exchange between reasonable people. There was, however, some talk about a ten-year sentence. Luca admitted some of his "errors," and certain specific "bad behavior" concerning his relationship with Father C and with the Legion of Mary; but he emphasized that at the time, he had been unaware he was com- mitting a "crime. " The judge said:
We know we made mistakes with you--that is, with your body--but when you go away you must also admit that you had some faults, and you must not exaggerate what happened here. . . . You must realize that at the beginning it was difficult for us to fully master the prison situation--we had many bad people among the other prisoners--and now all of the beatings have stopped, which shows that our real policy
? 60 THOUGHT REFORM
is not so bad as might seem if one were to consider only what happened to you during the first year.
Luca responded by agreeing that he had observed these improve- ments in prison procedure.
During one of these interviews he was told for the first time that he was to be expelled from China; official confirmation came a few minutes later when he was taken before another judge and another official, who read the formal sentence. The "crimes" named had been reduced to three: the "military information" to Father C, his Legion of Mary activities (both included in his last confession), and "information to imperialists" transmitted in letters written from China.
Luca had mixed feelings about the resolution of his case:
Of course I felt some relief--the feeling that now it is all finished--no more strain. But at the same time I had the feeling that the conclusion is not totally satisfying--I didn't want to be out of my missionary work--and not see the many friends--the Christians left there--and no longer have any connection with them. . . . I also had the feeling that the things I said in the beginning were retracted--but that all of the case was not totally clear.
Release and Search
He still had these mixed feelings when he boarded the ship which took him from China to Hong Kong. On the way, he ex- perienced transient beliefs that there must be Communists among the sailors who would report on his shipboard behavior. He also observed and described to me the sequence of his feelings about his experience: the first day, sadness at leaving China; second day, chagrin at his "needless suffering" in an experience so "stupid and meaningless"; third and fourth days, the feeling that the Church had made mistakes in China which should be corrected; fifth and sixth days, a vague melancholy. When he landed in Hong Kong on the seventh day, he was quoted by reporters as saying that his arrest had been due to a "misunderstanding"--avoiding then any strong statement or condemnation.
When I saw him a few days later, his paranoid thinking had dis- appeared, his depression had diminished, and his attitude was no
? FATHER LUCA: THE FALSE CONFESSION 6l
longer neutral. He was once more the dedicated Catholic priest, preoccupied with the problems of his Church, cared for, attended to, and continuously visited by his religious colleagues. His prin- cipal regret was his inability to maintain allegiance to both the Church and to China:
To leave the prison was to be expelled--if I could have left the prison without having been expelled, I would have liked that most.
By the second interview (just two days after the first) little confusion remained: he spoke clearly of the "false accusations" made against him, of his conviction that he had been "unjustly" treated. But he did not stop with these condemnations; rather, he embarked upon a determined search for understanding of his ordeal. He sought--through meditations, talks with me, and his writings--to discover why the Communists had behaved as they did, what mistakes the Church had made in China which might have contributed to this behavior, and how he, as a priest who had undergone an ordeal, could help his Church to improve itself in the future. He told me of the detailed reconstruction of his entire imprisonment which he had begun while on the ship, essentially for his own use; of the special reports he was preparing for Church authorities; of the articles he was writing for Catholic periodicals. One of these articles dealt with apologetics, and refuted the Com- munist point of view on religion. Another article was a detailed re- port on the activities of the Legion of Mary in China.
When I was in jail they had me write very much about this. Now I would like to write freely about it and have a good look at the thing. . . . My aim is to have a document that a few people can study to see whether we made mistakes, and how these can be corrected. . . . And to show what were the false accusations that the Communists made against us.
Others were more simple vignettes of Catholic faith: he told of praying to the Virgin Mary during a painful ordeal of struggle and beating, which resulted in the immediate arrival of prison of- ficialswho stopped the abuse; and of the progress of a little Chinese girl, at first "naughty" and "fierce," whom Luca had succeeded in converting to active Catholicism despite the initial opposition of her parents. So preoccupied was he with these activities that it was
? 62 THOUGHT REFORM
not until the third session with me that he went into any detail about his prison experience.
When he did, it was usually in a self-deprecating manner. He spoke of his "weakness/* his "cowardly behavior/' of his failure to set a proper example as a leader of Chinese Christian youth. Nor could he always find comfort from talking with his fellow priests in Hong Kong: some would express amazement at his having made such a false confession, and he would interpret this as a feeling on their part of his having let the Church down; others received him as something of a hero, and this made him feel no better.
People now say, "You are wonderful. You have suffered so much--like a martyr/' I become uncomfortable and confused when they say this. There are so many things I should have done better.
Martyrdom was for him an ideal which he felt he had failed to live up to, and he viewed his imprisonment as a missed opportunity.
I felt not too useful because I had an insufficiently good attitude--and because I had confessed to false things. I had the idea of a somewhat wasted occasion.
He summed up his feelings in the language of the Church:
I am guilty of many sins, but not the ones that the Communists accuse me of; and I hope to make amends for my sins.
Yet it did mean a great deal to him to be once more living in a world of priests, nuns, and fellow Christians. He was especially pleased when he received visits from young colleagues, former students, or from Chinese Christian youths who told him of the inspiration they had derived from his leadership in the past.
As he continued his explorations, he remained thoughtful and moderate in his views about the Communists as well as about his own Church, and always qualified his judgments. Concerning his own treatment, he said:
I think it is wrong to seek by evil means such guilty interpretation of my behavior. . . . I feel that they treated me wrongly. . . . Of course it is better that they admitted their mistakes--and let me retract. But even when they admit their mistakes, they don't go to the bottom of the question of why they make mistakes.
? FATHER LUCA: THE FALSE CONFESSION 6 j
The reasons for these Communist "mistakes" were, he felt;
They are prejudiced against the Catholic Church. . . . They are too confident about their own judgment. . . . They are not sufficiently correct about criticizing or punishing their own misbehavior, or that of their semi-official associations.
He had some praise for the Chinese Communist regime as well; he recognized its accomplishments in building and industry, he was impressed with their planned production, and he felt that many of their concepts about economics were "logical. " And al- though he himself had long been critical of the Nationalist Regime which preceded the Communists, its shortcomings, and especially its corruption, had become more vivid to him: "I have somewhat more understanding of the reason why so many people in China were discontented with the old order. "
Nonetheless, he believed that the Chinese people were paying a heavy price for their accomplishments--especially in the "great strain" being imposed upon them, and in the limitations upon their thought. He thought the Communists were particularly deficient in "the question about how to let people have their own ideas, and especially about a way of making justice in the courts. " There had been some improvement, he felt, but not enough:
At the beginning they were totally wrong; since three years ago, they have been in some ways better, but not sufficiently so that one could say that their ways were good.
Father Luca also had pointed and specific criticism for his own Church. He especially disapproved of those among the Catholic priests who became involved in military activities against the Chinese Communists, both on ethical and practical grounds: "I think it is not according to the Christian way of proceeding--and it is of no use," He claimed that he had always disapproved of these activities, but he had been made to feel during his imprisonment that he had "indulged" those among his friends who pursued such policies, and now his opposition was more firm. He was also critical of foreign priests who lived too lavishly in China ("They forgot the spirit of poverty"), and more basically of the Church's failure to build up a highranking Chinese hierarchy, and its tendency to keep foreign priests in the senior positions in China. He felt that both
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the Communists and the Church should mend their ways: that the former should admit and correct their mistakes and develop a "more fair attitude" towards religion; and that the latter should "see more what was wrong in our attitudes" and then seek to change them.
In all of this, Father Luca maintained a distinction between the fallible actions of individual priests, and his more basic religious convictions:
When there was criticism of priests, I knew that much was true, and I admitted it. But about the existence of God--I was convinced of the emptiness of their arguments when they said there was no God.
His religious feelings aside, Luca felt he had undergone an im- portant personal change. He found himself more willing to listen to others' opinions, more patient, and less quick to "get in anger. " He also thought that he had become more articulate, and had largely overcome a previous tendency to "feel nervous because I couldn't express the things I wanted to say/'
During the month in which we were working together, Luca showed periodic signs of restlessness, "nervous diarrhea," and anxiety concerning his future. But these gradually diminished as he became increasingly focused and relaxed within the Hong Kong Catholic setting. His physical condition also improved, although he was told that he would never be well enough for the active life of a parish priest. He showed throughout an obvious reluctance to leave Hong Kong; although it was not China proper, it had at least a partial Chinese atmosphere, and permitted him to use the Chinese language. At first he expressed this directly: "I regret the possibility that I may have to go back to Europe. " But gradually, he began to accept the inevitable, and when he finally left, he was looking ahead to future work. Yet he also looked back to his life in China--and his mood was one of sadness.
? CHAPTER 5 PSYCHOLOGICAL STEPS
There is a basic similarity in what both Dr. Vincent
and Father Luca experienced during Communist imprisonment. Although they were held in separate prisons far re- moved from each other, and although they differed very much in their responses to reform, they were both subjected to the same general sequence of psychological pressures. This sequence was es- sentially the same despite the fact that these men were very dif- ferent from each other, with different personal and professional life styles. Nor was this thought reform pattern common to just these two: it was experienced by all twenty-five of the Westerners whom I interviewed.
The common pattern becomes especially important in evaluating the stories these Westerners told me. Each was attempting to describe, in most instances as accurately as possible, the details of an ordeal from which he had just emerged. But what each reported was also inevitably influenced by his immediate life situation--his psychological transition between the two worlds, his personal struggles for both integrity and integration, his feelings about suc- coring and threatening colleagues and strangers in Hong Kong, his view of me as an American, a physician, a psychiatrist, and a person. All of these circumstances could affect his account, and especially its emotional tone. Therefore, both during the inter- views and in the later study of my notes, I had to sift out what was
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most characteristic and most consistent, to evaluate this informa- tion in terms of my understanding of the people supplying it, and then to piece together a composite analysis of the process itself.
Death and Rebirth
Both Dr. Vincent and Father Luca took part in an agonizing drama of death and rebirth. In each case, it was made clear that the "reactionary spy" who entered the prison must perish, and that in his place must arise a "new man/' resurrected in the Communist mold. Indeed, Dr. Vincent still used the phrase, "To die and be reborn"--words which he had heard more than once during his imprisonment.
Neither of these men had himself initiated the drama; indeed, at first both had resisted it, and tried to remain quite outside of it. But their environment did not permit any sidestepping: they were forced to participate, drawn into the forces around them until they themselves began to feel the need to confess and to reform. This penetration by the psychological forces of the environment into the inner emotions of the individual person is perhaps the outstanding psychiatric fact of thought reform. The milieu brings to bear upon the prisoner a series of overwhelming pressures, at the same time allowing only a very limited set of alternatives for adapting to them. In the interplay between person and environ- ment, a sequence of steps or operations*--of combinations of manipulation and response--takes place. All of these steps revolve about two policies and two demands: the fluctuation between assault and leniency, and the requirements of confession and re- education. The physical and emotional assaults bring about the symbolic death; leniency and the developing confession are the bridge between death and rebirth; the re-education process, along with the final confession, create the rebirth experience.
Death and rebirth, even when symbolic, affect one's entire being, but especially that part related to loyalties and beliefs, to the sense of being a specific person and at the same time being related to and part of groups of other people--or in other words, to one's sense of inner identity. 2 In the broadest terms, everything that hap- pened to these prisoners is related to this matter. Since everyone differs from everyone else in his identity, each prisoner experienced
? PSYCHOLOGICAL STEPS 6j
thought reform differently, nor did anyone respond completely to all these steps; at the same time, the experiences had such magnitude that they affected every prisoner in some measure, no matter what his background and character.
1. THE ASSAULT UPON IDENTITY
From the beginning, Dr. Vincent was told he was not really a
doctor, that all of what he considered himself to be was merely a cloak under which he hid what he really was. And Father Luca was told the same thing, especially about the area which he held most precious--his religion. Backing up this assertion were all of the physical and emotional assaults of early imprisonment: the confusing but incriminating interrogations, the humiliating "strug- gles," the painful and constricting chains, and the more direct phys- ical brutality. Dr. Vincent and Father Luca each began to lose his bearings on who and what he was, and where he stood in relation- ship to his fellows. Each felt his sense of self become amorphous and impotent and fall more and more under the control of its would-be remolders. Each was at one point willing to say (and to be) whatever his captors demanded.
Each was reduced to something not fully human and yet not quite animal, no longer the adult and yet not quite the child; instead, an adult human was placed in the position of an infant or a sub-human animal, helplessly being manipulated by larger and stronger "adults" or "trainers. " Placed in this regressive stance, each felt himself deprived of the power, mastery, and selfhood of adult existence.
In both, an intense struggle began between the adult man and the child-animal which had been created, a struggle against regres- sion and dehumanization. But each attempt on the part of the prisoner to reassert his adult human identity and to express his own will ("I am not a spy. I am a doctor"; or "This must be a mistake. I am a priest, I am telling the truth") was considered a show of re- sistance and of "insincerity," and called forth new assaults.
Not every prisoner was treated as severely as were Dr. Vincent and Father Luca, but each experienced similar external assaults leading to some form of inner surrender--a surrender of personal autonomy. This assault upon autonomy and identity even extended to the level of consciousness, so that men began to exist on a level
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which was neither sleep nor wakefulness, but rather an in-between hypnogogic state. In this state they were not only more readily in- fluenced, but they were also susceptible to destructive and aggressive impulses arising from within themselves.
