No More Learning

Steerforth, without any
displeasure; 'but I remember,--and so must you, I think,--when your
manner was different, Rosa; when it was not so guarded, and was more
trustful. '

'I am sure you are right,' she returned; 'and so it is that bad habits
grow upon one! Really? Less guarded and more trustful? How can I,
imperceptibly, have changed, I wonder! Well, that's very odd! I must
study to regain my former self. '

'I wish you would,' said Mrs. Steerforth, with a smile.

'Oh! I really will, you know! ' she answered. 'I will learn frankness
from--let me see--from James. '

'You cannot learn frankness, Rosa,' said Mrs. Steerforth quickly--for
there was always some effect of sarcasm in what Rosa Dartle said,
though it was said, as this was, in the most unconscious manner in the
world--'in a better school. '

'That I am sure of,' she answered, with uncommon fervour. 'If I am sure
of anything, of course, you know, I am sure of that. '

Mrs. Steerforth appeared to me to regret having been a little nettled;
for she presently said, in a kind tone:

'Well, my dear Rosa, we have not heard what it is that you want to be
satisfied about? '

'That I want to be satisfied about? ' she replied, with provoking
coldness. 'Oh! It was only whether people, who are like each other in
their moral constitution--is that the phrase? '

'It's as good a phrase as another,' said Steerforth.

'Thank you:--whether people, who are like each other in their moral
constitution, are in greater danger than people not so circumstanced,
supposing any serious cause of variance to arise between them, of being
divided angrily and deeply? '

'I should say yes,' said Steerforth.

'Should you? ' she retorted. 'Dear me! Supposing then, for instance--any
unlikely thing will do for a supposition--that you and your mother were
to have a serious quarrel. '

'My dear Rosa,' interposed Mrs. Steerforth, laughing good-naturedly,
'suggest some other supposition! James and I know our duty to each other
better, I pray Heaven! '

'Oh! ' said Miss Dartle, nodding her head thoughtfully. 'To be sure. That
would prevent it? Why, of course it would. Exactly. Now, I am glad I
have been so foolish as to put the case, for it is so very good to know
that your duty to each other would prevent it! Thank you very much. '

One other little circumstance connected with Miss Dartle I must
not omit; for I had reason to remember it thereafter, when all the
irremediable past was rendered plain. During the whole of this day, but
especially from this period of it, Steerforth exerted himself with his
utmost skill, and that was with his utmost ease, to charm this singular
creature into a pleasant and pleased companion. That he should succeed,
was no matter of surprise to me. That she should struggle against the
fascinating influence of his delightful art--delightful nature I thought
it then--did not surprise me either; for I knew that she was sometimes
jaundiced and perverse. I saw her features and her manner slowly change;
I saw her look at him with growing admiration; I saw her try, more and
more faintly, but always angrily, as if she condemned a weakness in
herself, to resist the captivating power that he possessed; and finally,
I saw her sharp glance soften, and her smile become quite gentle, and I
ceased to be afraid of her as I had really been all day, and we all sat
about the fire, talking and laughing together, with as little reserve as
if we had been children.

Whether it was because we had sat there so long, or because Steerforth
was resolved not to lose the advantage he had gained, I do not know; but
we did not remain in the dining-room more than five minutes after her
departure. 'She is playing her harp,' said Steerforth, softly, at the
drawing-room door, 'and nobody but my mother has heard her do that, I
believe, these three years. ' He said it with a curious smile, which was
gone directly; and we went into the room and found her alone.

'Don't get up,' said Steerforth (which she had already done)' my dear
Rosa, don't! Be kind for once, and sing us an Irish song. '

'What do you care for an Irish song? ' she returned.

'Much! ' said Steerforth. 'Much more than for any other. Here is Daisy,
too, loves music from his soul. Sing us an Irish song, Rosa! and let me
sit and listen as I used to do. '

He did not touch her, or the chair from which she had risen, but sat
himself near the harp. She stood beside it for some little while, in a
curious way, going through the motion of playing it with her right hand,
but not sounding it. At length she sat down, and drew it to her with one
sudden action, and played and sang.

I don't know what it was, in her touch or voice, that made that song the
most unearthly I have ever heard in my life, or can imagine. There was
something fearful in the reality of it. It was as if it had never been
written, or set to music, but sprung out of passion within her; which
found imperfect utterance in the low sounds of her voice, and crouched
again when all was still. I was dumb when she leaned beside the harp
again, playing it, but not sounding it, with her right hand.

A minute more, and this had roused me from my trance:--Steerforth had
left his seat, and gone to her, and had put his arm laughingly about
her, and had said, 'Come, Rosa, for the future we will love each other
very much! ' And she had struck him, and had thrown him off with the fury
of a wild cat, and had burst out of the room.

'What is the matter with Rosa? ' said Mrs. Steerforth, coming in.

'She has been an angel, mother,' returned Steerforth, 'for a little
while; and has run into the opposite extreme, since, by way of
compensation. '

'You should be careful not to irritate her, James. Her temper has been
soured, remember, and ought not to be tried. '

Rosa did not come back; and no other mention was made of her, until I
went with Steerforth into his room to say Good night. Then he laughed
about her, and asked me if I had ever seen such a fierce little piece of
incomprehensibility.

I expressed as much of my astonishment as was then capable of
expression, and asked if he could guess what it was that she had taken
so much amiss, so suddenly.

'Oh, Heaven knows,' said Steerforth. 'Anything you like--or nothing!
I told you she took everything, herself included, to a grindstone, and
sharpened it. She is an edge-tool, and requires great care in dealing
with. She is always dangerous. Good night! '

'Good night! ' said I, 'my dear Steerforth! I shall be gone before you
wake in the morning. Good night! '

He was unwilling to let me go; and stood, holding me out, with a hand on
each of my shoulders, as he had done in my own room.

'Daisy,' he said, with a smile--'for though that's not the name your
godfathers and godmothers gave you, it's the name I like best to call
you by--and I wish, I wish, I wish, you could give it to me! '

'Why so I can, if I choose,' said I.

'Daisy, if anything should ever separate us, you must think of me at my
best, old boy. Come! Let us make that bargain. Think of me at my best,
if circumstances should ever part us! '

'You have no best to me, Steerforth,' said I, 'and no worst. You are
always equally loved, and cherished in my heart. '

So much compunction for having ever wronged him, even by a shapeless
thought, did I feel within me, that the confession of having done so was
rising to my lips. But for the reluctance I had to betray the confidence
of Agnes, but for my uncertainty how to approach the subject with no
risk of doing so, it would have reached them before he said, 'God bless
you, Daisy, and good night! ' In my doubt, it did NOT reach them; and we
shook hands, and we parted.

I was up with the dull dawn, and, having dressed as quietly as I could,
looked into his room. He was fast asleep; lying, easily, with his head
upon his arm, as I had often seen him lie at school.

The time came in its season, and that was very soon, when I almost
wondered that nothing troubled his repose, as I looked at him. But he
slept--let me think of him so again--as I had often seen him sleep at
school; and thus, in this silent hour, I left him. --Never more, oh
God forgive you, Steerforth! to touch that passive hand in love and
friendship. Never, never more!



CHAPTER 30. A LOSS


I got down to Yarmouth in the evening, and went to the inn. I knew that
Peggotty's spare room--my room--was likely to have occupation enough
in a little while, if that great Visitor, before whose presence all
the living must give place, were not already in the house; so I betook
myself to the inn, and dined there, and engaged my bed.

It was ten o'clock when I went out. Many of the shops were shut, and the
town was dull. When I came to Omer and Joram's, I found the shutters up,
but the shop door standing open. As I could obtain a perspective view
of Mr. Omer inside, smoking his pipe by the parlour door, I entered, and
asked him how he was.

'Why, bless my life and soul! ' said Mr. Omer, 'how do you find yourself?
Take a seat. ---Smoke not disagreeable, I hope? '

'By no means,' said I. 'I like it--in somebody else's pipe. '

'What, not in your own, eh? ' Mr. Omer returned, laughing. 'All the
better, sir. Bad habit for a young man. Take a seat. I smoke, myself,
for the asthma. '

Mr. Omer had made room for me, and placed a chair. He now sat down again
very much out of breath, gasping at his pipe as if it contained a supply
of that necessary, without which he must perish.

'I am sorry to have heard bad news of Mr. Barkis,' said I.

Mr. Omer looked at me, with a steady countenance, and shook his head.

'Do you know how he is tonight? ' I asked.

'The very question I should have put to you, sir,' returned Mr. Omer,
'but on account of delicacy. It's one of the drawbacks of our line of
business. When a party's ill, we can't ask how the party is. '

The difficulty had not occurred to me; though I had had my apprehensions
too, when I went in, of hearing the old tune. On its being mentioned, I
recognized it, however, and said as much.

'Yes, yes, you understand,' said Mr. Omer, nodding his head. 'We dursn't
do it. Bless you, it would be a shock that the generality of parties
mightn't recover, to say "Omer and Joram's compliments, and how do you
find yourself this morning? "--or this afternoon--as it may be. '

Mr. Omer and I nodded at each other, and Mr. Omer recruited his wind by
the aid of his pipe.

'It's one of the things that cut the trade off from attentions they
could often wish to show,' said Mr. Omer. 'Take myself. If I have known
Barkis a year, to move to as he went by, I have known him forty years.
But I can't go and say, "how is he? "'

I felt it was rather hard on Mr. Omer, and I told him so.

'I'm not more self-interested, I hope, than another man,' said Mr. Omer.
'Look at me! My wind may fail me at any moment, and it ain't
likely that, to my own knowledge, I'd be self-interested under such
circumstances. I say it ain't likely, in a man who knows his wind will
go, when it DOES go, as if a pair of bellows was cut open; and that man
a grandfather,' said Mr. Omer.

I said, 'Not at all. '

'It ain't that I complain of my line of business,' said Mr. Omer. 'It
ain't that. Some good and some bad goes, no doubt, to all callings. What
I wish is, that parties was brought up stronger-minded. '

Mr. Omer, with a very complacent and amiable face, took several puffs in
silence; and then said, resuming his first point:

'Accordingly we're obleeged, in ascertaining how Barkis goes on, to
limit ourselves to Em'ly. She knows what our real objects are, and she
don't have any more alarms or suspicions about us, than if we was so
many lambs. Minnie and Joram have just stepped down to the house, in
fact (she's there, after hours, helping her aunt a bit), to ask her how
he is tonight; and if you was to please to wait till they come back,
they'd give you full partic'lers. Will you take something? A glass of
srub and water, now? I smoke on srub and water, myself,' said Mr. Omer,
taking up his glass, 'because it's considered softening to the passages,
by which this troublesome breath of mine gets into action. But, Lord
bless you,' said Mr. Omer, huskily, 'it ain't the passages that's out of
order! "Give me breath enough," said I to my daughter Minnie, "and I'll
find passages, my dear. "'

He really had no breath to spare, and it was very alarming to see him
laugh. When he was again in a condition to be talked to, I thanked
him for the proffered refreshment, which I declined, as I had just had
dinner; and, observing that I would wait, since he was so good as to
invite me, until his daughter and his son-in-law came back, I inquired
how little Emily was?

'Well, sir,' said Mr. Omer, removing his pipe, that he might rub his
chin: 'I tell you truly, I shall be glad when her marriage has taken
place. '

'Why so? ' I inquired.

'Well, she's unsettled at present,' said Mr. Omer. 'It ain't that she's
not as pretty as ever, for she's prettier--I do assure you, she is
prettier. It ain't that she don't work as well as ever, for she does.
She WAS worth any six, and she IS worth any six. But somehow she wants
heart. If you understand,' said Mr. Omer, after rubbing his chin again,
and smoking a little, 'what I mean in a general way by the expression,
"A long pull, and a strong pull, and a pull altogether, my hearties,
hurrah! " I should say to you, that that was--in a general way--what I
miss in Em'ly. '

Mr. Omer's face and manner went for so much, that I could
conscientiously nod my head, as divining his meaning. My quickness of
apprehension seemed to please him, and he went on: 'Now I consider this
is principally on account of her being in an unsettled state, you
see. We have talked it over a good deal, her uncle and myself, and her
sweetheart and myself, after business; and I consider it is principally
on account of her being unsettled.
You must always recollect of Em'ly,'
said Mr. Omer, shaking his head gently, 'that she's a most extraordinary
affectionate little thing. The proverb says, "You can't make a silk
purse out of a sow's ear. " Well, I don't know about that. I rather think
you may, if you begin early in life. She has made a home out of that old
boat, sir, that stone and marble couldn't beat. '

'I am sure she has! ' said I.

'To see the clinging of that pretty little thing to her uncle,' said
Mr. Omer; 'to see the way she holds on to him, tighter and tighter, and
closer and closer, every day, is to see a sight. Now, you know, there's
a struggle going on when that's the case. Why should it be made a longer
one than is needful? '

I listened attentively to the good old fellow, and acquiesced, with all
my heart, in what he said.

'Therefore, I mentioned to them,' said Mr. Omer, in a comfortable,
easy-going tone, 'this. I said, "Now, don't consider Em'ly nailed down
in point of time, at all. Make it your own time. Her services have been
more valuable than was supposed; her learning has been quicker than was
supposed; Omer and Joram can run their pen through what remains; and
she's free when you wish. If she likes to make any little arrangement,
afterwards, in the way of doing any little thing for us at home,
very well. If she don't, very well still. We're no losers, anyhow. "
For--don't you see,' said Mr. Omer, touching me with his pipe, 'it ain't
likely that a man so short of breath as myself, and a grandfather too,
would go and strain points with a little bit of a blue-eyed blossom,
like her? '

'Not at all, I am certain,' said I.

'Not at all! You're right! ' said Mr. Omer. 'Well, sir, her cousin--you
know it's a cousin she's going to be married to? '

'Oh yes,' I replied. 'I know him well. '

'Of course you do,' said Mr. Omer. 'Well, sir! Her cousin being, as it
appears, in good work, and well to do, thanked me in a very manly sort
of manner for this (conducting himself altogether, I must say, in a way
that gives me a high opinion of him), and went and took as comfortable
a little house as you or I could wish to clap eyes on. That little
house is now furnished right through, as neat and complete as a doll's
parlour; and but for Barkis's illness having taken this bad turn, poor
fellow, they would have been man and wife--I dare say, by this time. As
it is, there's a postponement. '

'And Emily, Mr. Omer? ' I inquired. 'Has she become more settled? '

'Why that, you know,' he returned, rubbing his double chin again, 'can't
naturally be expected. The prospect of the change and separation, and
all that, is, as one may say, close to her and far away from her, both
at once. Barkis's death needn't put it off much, but his lingering
might. Anyway, it's an uncertain state of matters, you see. '

'I see,' said I.

'Consequently,' pursued Mr. Omer, 'Em'ly's still a little down, and a
little fluttered; perhaps, upon the whole, she's more so than she was.
Every day she seems to get fonder and fonder of her uncle, and more loth
to part from all of us. A kind word from me brings the tears into her
eyes; and if you was to see her with my daughter Minnie's little girl,
you'd never forget it. Bless my heart alive! ' said Mr. Omer, pondering,
'how she loves that child! '

Having so favourable an opportunity, it occurred to me to ask Mr. Omer,
before our conversation should be interrupted by the return of his
daughter and her husband, whether he knew anything of Martha.

'Ah! ' he rejoined, shaking his head, and looking very much dejected.
'No good. A sad story, sir, however you come to know it. I never thought
there was harm in the girl. I wouldn't wish to mention it before my
daughter Minnie--for she'd take me up directly--but I never did. None of
us ever did. '

Mr. Omer, hearing his daughter's footstep before I heard it, touched me
with his pipe, and shut up one eye, as a caution. She and her husband
came in immediately afterwards.

Their report was, that Mr. Barkis was 'as bad as bad could be'; that he
was quite unconscious; and that Mr. Chillip had mournfully said in the
kitchen, on going away just now, that the College of Physicians, the
College of Surgeons, and Apothecaries' Hall, if they were all called
in together, couldn't help him. He was past both Colleges, Mr. Chillip
said, and the Hall could only poison him.

Hearing this, and learning that Mr. Peggotty was there, I determined to
go to the house at once. I bade good night to Mr. Omer, and to Mr. and
Mrs. Joram; and directed my steps thither, with a solemn feeling, which
made Mr. Barkis quite a new and different creature.

My low tap at the door was answered by Mr. Peggotty. He was not so much
surprised to see me as I had expected. I remarked this in Peggotty,
too, when she came down; and I have seen it since; and I think, in the
expectation of that dread surprise, all other changes and surprises
dwindle into nothing.

I shook hands with Mr. Peggotty, and passed into the kitchen, while he
softly closed the door. Little Emily was sitting by the fire, with her
hands before her face. Ham was standing near her.

We spoke in whispers; listening, between whiles, for any sound in the
room above. I had not thought of it on the occasion of my last visit,
but how strange it was to me, now, to miss Mr. Barkis out of the
kitchen!

'This is very kind of you, Mas'r Davy,' said Mr. Peggotty.

'It's oncommon kind,' said Ham.

'Em'ly, my dear,' cried Mr. Peggotty. 'See here! Here's Mas'r Davy come!
What, cheer up, pretty! Not a wured to Mas'r Davy? '

There was a trembling upon her, that I can see now. The coldness of her
hand when I touched it, I can feel yet. Its only sign of animation was
to shrink from mine; and then she glided from the chair, and creeping
to the other side of her uncle, bowed herself, silently and trembling
still, upon his breast.

'It's such a loving art,' said Mr. Peggotty, smoothing her rich hair
with his great hard hand, 'that it can't abear the sorrer of this.
It's nat'ral in young folk, Mas'r Davy, when they're new to these here
trials, and timid, like my little bird,--it's nat'ral. '

She clung the closer to him, but neither lifted up her face, nor spoke a
word.

'It's getting late, my dear,' said Mr. Peggotty, 'and here's Ham come
fur to take you home. Theer! Go along with t'other loving art! What'
Em'ly? Eh, my pretty? '

The sound of her voice had not reached me, but he bent his head as if he
listened to her, and then said:

'Let you stay with your uncle? Why, you doen't mean to ask me that! Stay
with your uncle, Moppet? When your husband that'll be so soon, is here
fur to take you home? Now a person wouldn't think it, fur to see this
little thing alongside a rough-weather chap like me,' said Mr. Peggotty,
looking round at both of us, with infinite pride; 'but the sea ain't
more salt in it than she has fondness in her for her uncle--a foolish
little Em'ly! '

'Em'ly's in the right in that, Mas'r Davy! ' said Ham. 'Lookee here! As
Em'ly wishes of it, and as she's hurried and frightened, like, besides,
I'll leave her till morning. Let me stay too! '

'No, no,' said Mr. Peggotty. 'You doen't ought--a married man like
you--or what's as good--to take and hull away a day's work. And you
doen't ought to watch and work both. That won't do. You go home and turn
in. You ain't afeerd of Em'ly not being took good care on, I know. '

Ham yielded to this persuasion, and took his hat to go. Even when he
kissed her--and I never saw him approach her, but I felt that nature
had given him the soul of a gentleman--she seemed to cling closer to
her uncle, even to the avoidance of her chosen husband. I shut the
door after him, that it might cause no disturbance of the quiet that
prevailed; and when I turned back, I found Mr. Peggotty still talking to
her.

'Now, I'm a going upstairs to tell your aunt as Mas'r Davy's here, and
that'll cheer her up a bit,' he said. 'Sit ye down by the fire, the
while, my dear, and warm those mortal cold hands. You doen't need to be
so fearsome, and take on so much. What? You'll go along with me? --Well!
come along with me--come! If her uncle was turned out of house and home,
and forced to lay down in a dyke, Mas'r Davy,' said Mr. Peggotty, with
no less pride than before, 'it's my belief she'd go along with him, now!
But there'll be someone else, soon,--someone else, soon, Em'ly! '

Afterwards, when I went upstairs, as I passed the door of my little
chamber, which was dark, I had an indistinct impression of her being
within it, cast down upon the floor. But, whether it was really she, or
whether it was a confusion of the shadows in the room, I don't know now.

I had leisure to think, before the kitchen fire, of pretty little
Emily's dread of death--which, added to what Mr. Omer had told me, I
took to be the cause of her being so unlike herself--and I had leisure,
before Peggotty came down, even to think more leniently of the weakness
of it: as I sat counting the ticking of the clock, and deepening my
sense of the solemn hush around me. Peggotty took me in her arms, and
blessed and thanked me over and over again for being such a comfort to
her (that was what she said) in her distress. She then entreated me to
come upstairs, sobbing that Mr. Barkis had always liked me and admired
me; that he had often talked of me, before he fell into a stupor; and
that she believed, in case of his coming to himself again, he would
brighten up at sight of me, if he could brighten up at any earthly
thing.

The probability of his ever doing so, appeared to me, when I saw him, to
be very small. He was lying with his head and shoulders out of bed, in
an uncomfortable attitude, half resting on the box which had cost him so
much pain and trouble. I learned, that, when he was past creeping out of
bed to open it, and past assuring himself of its safety by means of the
divining rod I had seen him use, he had required to have it placed on
the chair at the bed-side, where he had ever since embraced it, night
and day. His arm lay on it now. Time and the world were slipping from
beneath him, but the box was there; and the last words he had uttered
were (in an explanatory tone) 'Old clothes! '

'Barkis, my dear! ' said Peggotty, almost cheerfully: bending over him,
while her brother and I stood at the bed's foot. 'Here's my dear boy--my
dear boy, Master Davy, who brought us together, Barkis! That you sent
messages by, you know! Won't you speak to Master Davy? '

He was as mute and senseless as the box, from which his form derived the
only expression it had.

'He's a going out with the tide,' said Mr. Peggotty to me, behind his
hand.

My eyes were dim and so were Mr. Peggotty's; but I repeated in a
whisper, 'With the tide? '

'People can't die, along the coast,' said Mr. Peggotty, 'except when
the tide's pretty nigh out. They can't be born, unless it's pretty nigh
in--not properly born, till flood. He's a going out with the tide. It's
ebb at half-arter three, slack water half an hour. If he lives till it
turns, he'll hold his own till past the flood, and go out with the next
tide. '

We remained there, watching him, a long time--hours. What mysterious
influence my presence had upon him in that state of his senses, I shall
not pretend to say; but when he at last began to wander feebly, it is
certain he was muttering about driving me to school.

'He's coming to himself,' said Peggotty.

Mr. Peggotty touched me, and whispered with much awe and reverence.
'They are both a-going out fast. '

'Barkis, my dear! ' said Peggotty.

'C. P. Barkis,' he cried faintly. 'No better woman anywhere! '

'Look! Here's Master Davy! ' said Peggotty. For he now opened his eyes.

I was on the point of asking him if he knew me, when he tried to stretch
out his arm, and said to me, distinctly, with a pleasant smile:

'Barkis is willin'! '

And, it being low water, he went out with the tide.



CHAPTER 31. A GREATER LOSS


It was not difficult for me, on Peggotty's solicitation, to resolve to
stay where I was, until after the remains of the poor carrier should
have made their last journey to Blunderstone. She had long ago bought,
out of her own savings, a little piece of ground in our old churchyard
near the grave of 'her sweet girl', as she always called my mother; and
there they were to rest.

In keeping Peggotty company, and doing all I could for her (little
enough at the utmost), I was as grateful, I rejoice to think, as even
now I could wish myself to have been. But I am afraid I had a supreme
satisfaction, of a personal and professional nature, in taking charge of
Mr. Barkis's will, and expounding its contents.

I may claim the merit of having originated the suggestion that the will
should be looked for in the box. After some search, it was found in the
box, at the bottom of a horse's nose-bag; wherein (besides hay) there
was discovered an old gold watch, with chain and seals, which Mr. Barkis
had worn on his wedding-day, and which had never been seen before or
since; a silver tobacco-stopper, in the form of a leg; an imitation
lemon, full of minute cups and saucers, which I have some idea Mr.
Barkis must have purchased to present to me when I was a child, and
afterwards found himself unable to part with; eighty-seven guineas and
a half, in guineas and half-guineas; two hundred and ten pounds, in
perfectly clean Bank notes; certain receipts for Bank of England
stock; an old horseshoe, a bad shilling, a piece of camphor, and an
oyster-shell. From the circumstance of the latter article having
been much polished, and displaying prismatic colours on the inside,
I conclude that Mr. Barkis had some general ideas about pearls, which
never resolved themselves into anything definite.

For years and years, Mr.