No More Learning

I have two beautiful children, Love and
Desire. They shall be your guides. Love will assail her in all his
might, and compel her to love you: Desire will encompass you about,
and make you desirable and lovely as himself; and I will be there to
help. I can get the Graces to come too, and between us we shall
prevail.

_Par_. How this will end, I know not. All I do know is, that I am in
love with Helen already. I see her before me--I sail for Greece I am
in Sparta--I am on my homeward journey, with her at my side! Ah, why
is none of it true?

_Aph_. Wait. Do not fall in love yet. You have first to secure my
interest with the bride, by your award. The union must be graced with
my victorious presence: your marriage-feast shall be my feast of
victory. Love, beauty, wedlock; all these you may purchase at the
price of yonder apple.

_Par_. But perhaps after the award you will forget all about _me_?

_Aph_. Shall I swear?

_Par_. No; but promise once more.

_Aph_. I promise that you shall have Helen to wife; that she shall
follow you, and make Troy her home; and I will be present with you,
and help you in all.

_Par_. And bring Love, and Desire, and the Graces?

_Aph Assuredly; and Passion and Hymen as well.

_Par_. Take the apple: it is yours.

F.




XXI

_Ares. Hermes_


_Ar_. Did you hear Zeus's threat, Hermes? most complimentary, wasn't
it, and most practicable? 'If I choose,' says he, 'I could let down a
cord from Heaven, and all of you might hang on to it and do your very
best to pull me down; it would be waste labour; you would never move
me. On the other hand, if I chose to haul up, I should have you all
dangling in mid air, with earth and sea into the bargain and so on;
you heard? Well, I dare say he _is_ too much for any of us
individually, but I will never believe he outweighs the whole of us in
a body, or that, even with the makeweight of earth and sea, we should
not get the better of him.

_Her_. Mind what you say, Ares; it is not safe to talk like that; we
might get paid out for chattering.

_Ar_. You don't suppose I should say this to every one; I am not
afraid of you; I know you can keep a quiet tongue. I _must_ tell you
what made me laugh most while he stormed: I remember not so long ago,
when Posidon and Hera and Athene rebelled and made a plot for his
capture and imprisonment, he was frightened out of his wits; well,
there were only three of them, and if Thetis had not taken pity on him
and called in the hundred-handed Briareus to the rescue, he would
actually have been put in chains, with his thunder and his bolt beside
him. When I worked out the sum, I could not help laughing.

_Her_. Oh, do be quiet; such things are too risky for you to say or me
to listen to.

H.




XXIV

_Hermes_. _Maia_


_Her_. Mother, I am the most miserable god in Heaven.

_Ma_. Don't say such things, child.

_Her_. Am I to do all the work of Heaven with my own hands, to be
hurried from one piece of drudgery to another, and never say a word? I
have to get up early, sweep the dining-room, lay the cushions and put
all to rights; then I have to wait on Zeus, and take his messages, up
and down, all day long; and I am no sooner back again (no time for a
wash) than I have to lay the table; and there was the nectar to pour
out, too, till this new cup-bearer was bought. And it really is too
bad, that when every one else is in bed, I should have to go off to
Pluto with the Shades, and play the usher in Rhadamanthus's court. It
is not enough that I must be busy all day in the wrestling-ground and
the Assembly and the schools of rhetoric, the dead must have their
share in me too. Leda's sons take turn and turn about betwixt Heaven
and Hades--_I_ have to be in both every day. And why should the sons
of Alemena and Semele, paltry women, why should they feast at their
ease, and I--the son of Maia, the grandson of Atlas--wait upon them?
And now here am I only just back from Sidon, where he sent me to see
after Europa, and before I am in breath again-off I must go to Argos,
in quest of Danae, 'and you can take Boeotia on your way,' says
father, 'and see Antiope. ' I am half dead with it all. Mortal slaves
are better off than I am: they have the chance of being sold to a new
master; I wish I had the same!

_Ma_. Come, come, child. You must do as your father bids you, like a
good boy. Run along now to Argos and Boeotia; don't loiter, or you
will get a whipping. Lovers are apt to be hasty.

F.




XXV

_Zeus. Helius_


_Zeus_. What have you been about, you villainous Titan? You have
utterly done for the earth, trusting your car to a silly boy like
that; he has got too near and scorched it in one place, and in another
killed everything with frost by withdrawing the heat too far; there is
not a single thing he has not turned upside down; if I had not seen
what was happening and upset him with the thunderbolt, there would not
have been a remnant of mankind left. A pretty deputy driver!

_Hel_. I was wrong, Zeus; but do not be angry with me; my boy pressed
me so; how could I tell it would turn out so badly?

_Zeus_. Oh, of course you didn't know what a delicate business it is,
and how the slightest divergence ruins everything! it never occurred
to you that the horses are spirited, and want a tight hand! oh no!
why, give them their heads a moment, and they are out of control; just
what happened: they carried him now left, now right, now clean round
backwards, and up or down, just at their own sweet will; he was
utterly helpless.

_Hel_. I knew it all; I held out for a long time and told him he
mustn't drive. But he wept and entreated, and his mother Clymene
joined in, and at last I put him up. I showed him how to stand, and
how far he was to mount upwards, and where to begin descending, and
how to hold the reins, and keep the spirited beasts under control; and
I told him how dangerous it was, if he did not keep the track. But,
poor boy, when he found himself in charge of all that fire, and
looking down into yawning space, he was frightened, and no wonder; and
the horses soon knew I was not behind them, took the child's measure,
left the track, and wrought all this havoc; he let go the reins--I
suppose he was afraid of being thrown out--and held on to the rail.
But he has suffered for it, and my grief is punishment enough for me,
Zeus.

_Zeus_. Punishment enough, indeed! after daring to do such a thing as
that! --Well, I forgive you this time. But if ever you transgress
again, or send another substitute like him, I will show you how much
hotter the thunderbolt is than your fire. Let his sisters bury him by
the Eridanus, where he was upset. They shall weep amber tears and be
changed by their grief into poplars. As for you, repair the car--the
pole is broken, and one of the wheels crushed--, put the horses to and
drive yourself. And let this be a lesson to you.

H.




XXVI

_Apollo. Hermes_


_Ap_. Hermes, have you any idea which of those two is Castor, and
which is Pollux? I never can make out.

_Her_. It was Castor yesterday, and Pollux to-day.

_Ap_. How do you tell? They are exactly alike.

_Her_. Why, Pollux's face is scarred with the wounds he got in boxing;
those that Amycus, the Bebrycian, gave him, when he was on that
expedition with Jason, are particularly noticeable. Castor has no
marks; his face is all right.

_Ap_. Good; I am glad I know that. Everything else is the same for
both. Each has his half egg-shell, with the star on top, each his
javelin and his white horse. I am always calling Pollux Castor, and
Castor Pollux. And, by the way, why are they never both here together?
Why should they be alternately gods and shades?

_Her_. That is their brotherly way. You see, it was decreed that one
of the sons of Leda must die, and the other be immortal; and by this
arrangement they split the immortality between them.

_Ap_. Rather a stupid way of doing it: if one of them is to be in
Heaven, whilst the other is underground, they will never see one
another at all; and I suppose that is just what they wanted to do.
Then again: all the other gods practise some useful profession, either
here or on earth; for instance, I am a prophet, Asclepius is a doctor,
you are a first-rate gymnast and trainer, Artemis ushers children into
the world; now what are these two going to do? surely two such great
fellows are not to have a lazy time of it?

_Her_. Oh no. Their business is to wait upon Posidon, and ride the
waves; and if they see a ship in distress, they go aboard of her, and
save the crew.

_Ap_. A most humane profession.

F.




DIALOGUES OF THE SEA-GODS

I

_Doris. Galatea_.


_Dor_. A handsome lover, Galatea, this Sicilian shepherd who they say
is so mad for you!

_Gal_. Don't be sarcastic, Doris; he is Posidon's son, after all.

_Dor_. Well, and if he were Zeus's, and still such a wild shaggy
creature, with only one eye (there is nothing uglier than to have only
one eye), do you think his birth would improve his beauty?

_Gal_. Shagginess and wildness, as you call them, are not ugly in a
man; and his eye looks very well in the middle of his forehead, and
sees just as well as if it were two.

_Dor_. Why, my dear, from your raptures about him one would think it
was you that were in love, not he.

_Gal_. Oh no, I am not in love; but it is too bad, your all running
him down as you do. It is my belief you are jealous, Do you remember?
we were playing on the shore at the foot of Etna, where the long strip
of beach comes between the mountain and the sea; he was feeding his
sheep, and spied us from above; yes, but he never so much as glanced
at the rest of you; I was the pretty one; he was all eyes--eye, I
mean--for me. That is what makes you spiteful, because it showed I was
better than you, good enough to be loved, while you were taken no
notice of.

_Dor_. Hoity-toity! jealous indeed! because a one-eyed shepherd thinks
you pretty! Why, what could he see in you but your white skin? and he
only cared for that because it reminded him of cheese and milk; he
thinks everything pretty that is like them. If you want to know any
more than that about your looks, sit on a rock when it is calm, and
lean over the water; just a bit of white skin, that is all; and who
cares for that, if it is not picked out with some red?

_Gal_. Well, if I _am_ all white, I have got a lover of some sort;
there is not a shepherd or a sailor or a boatman to care for any of
you. Besides, Polyphemus is very musical.

_Dor_. Take care, dear; we heard him singing the other day when he
serenaded you. Heavens! one would have taken him for an ass braying.
And his lyre! what a thing! A stag's skull, with its horns for the
uprights; he put a bar across, and fastened on the strings without any
tuning-pegs! then came the performance, all harsh and out of tune; he
shouted something himself, and the lyre played something else, and the
love ditty sent us into fits of laughter. Why, Echo, chatterbox that
she is, would not answer him; she was ashamed to be caught mimicking
such a rough ridiculous song. Oh, and the pet that your beau brought
you in his arms! --a bear cub nearly as shaggy as himself. Now then,
Galatea, do you still think we envy you your lover?

_Gal_. Well, Doris, only show us your own; no doubt he is much
handsomer, and sings and plays far better.

_Dor_. Oh, I have not got one; _I_ do not set up to be lovely. But one
like the Cyclops--faugh, he might be one of his own goats! --he eats
raw meat, they say, and feeds on travellers--one like him, dear, you
may keep; I wish you nothing worse than to return his love.

H.




II

_Cyclops. Posidon_


_Cy_. Only look, father, what that cursed stranger has been doing to
me! He made me drunk, and set upon me whilst I was asleep, and blinded
me.

_Po_. Who has dared to do this?

_Cy_. He called himself 'Noman' at first: but when he had got safely
out of range, he said his name was Odysseus.

_Po_. I know--the Ithacan; on his way back from Troy. But how did he
come to do such a thing? He is not distinguished for courage.

_Cy_. When I got back from the pasture, I caught a lot of the fellows
in my cave. Evidently they had designs upon the sheep: because when I
had blocked up my doorway (I have a great big stone for that), and
kindled a fire, with a tree that I had brought home from the
mountain,--there they were trying to hide themselves. I saw they were
robbers, so I caught a few of them, and ate them of course, and then
that scoundrel of a Noman, or Odysseus, whichever it is, gave me
something to drink, with a drug in it; it tasted and smelt very good,
but it was villanously heady stuff; it made everything spin round;
even the cave seemed to be turning upside down, and I simply didn't
know where I was; and finally I fell off to sleep. And then he
sharpened that stake, and made it hot in the fire, and blinded me in
my sleep; and blind I have been ever since, father.

_Po_. You must have slept pretty soundly, my boy, or you would have
jumped up in the middle of it. Well, and how did Odysseus get off? He
couldn't move that stone away, _I_ know.

_Cy_. I took that away myself, so as to catch him as he went out. I
sat down in the doorway, and felt about for him with my hands. I just
let the sheep go out to pasture, and told the ram everything I wanted
done.

_Po_. Ah! and they slipped out under the sheep?
But you should have
set the other Cyclopes on to him.

_Cy_. I did call them, and they came: but when they asked me who it
was that was playing tricks with me, I said 'Noman'; and then they
thought I was mad, and went off home again. The villain! that name of
his was just a trick! And what I minded most was the way in which he
made game of my misfortune: 'Not even Papa can put this right,' he
said.

_Po_. Never mind, my boy; I will be even with him. I may not be able
to cure blindness, but he shall know that I have something to say to
mariners. He is not home yet.

F.




III

_Posidon. Alpheus_


_Pos_. What is the meaning of this, Alpheus? unlike others, when you
take your plunge you do not mingle with the brine as a river should;
you do not put an end to your labours by dispersing; you hold together
through the sea, keep your current fresh, and hurry along in all your
original purity; you dive down to strange depths like a gull or a
heron; I suppose you will come to the top again and show yourself
somewhere or other.

_Al_. Do not press me, Posidon; a love affair; and many is the time
you have been in love yourself.

_Pos_. Woman, nymph, or Nereid?

_Al_. All wrong; she is a fountain.

_Pos_. A fountain? and where does she flow?

_Al_. She is an islander--in Sicily. Her name is Arethusa.

_Pos_. Ah, I commend your taste. She is pellucid, and bubbles up in
perfect purity; the water as bright over her pebbles as if it were a
mass of silver.

_Al_. You know my fountain, Posidon, and no mistake. It is to her that
I go.

_Pos_. Go, then; and may the course of love run smooth! But pray where
did you meet her? Arcadia and Syracuse, you know!

_Al_. I am in a hurry; you are detaining me, with these superfluous
questions.

_Pos_. Ah, so I am. Be off to your beloved, rise from the sea, mingle
your channels and be one water.

H.




IV

_Menelaus. Proteus_


_Me_. I can understand your turning into _water_, you know, Proteus,
because you _are_ a sea-god. I can even pass the tree; and the lion is
not wholly beyond the bounds of belief. But the idea of your being
able to turn into _fire_, living under water as you do,--this excites
my surprise, not to say my incredulity.

_Pro_. Don't let it; because I can.

_Me_. I have seen you do it. But (to be frank with you) I think there
must be some deception; you play tricks with one's eyes; you don't
really turn into anything of the kind?

_Pro_. Deception? What deception can there possibly be? Everything is
above-board. Your eyes were open, I suppose, and you saw me change
into all these things? If that is not enough for you, if you think it
is a fraud, an optical illusion, I will turn into fire again, and you
can touch me with your hand, my sagacious friend. You will then be
able to conclude whether I am only visible fire, or have the
additional property of burning.

_Me_. That would be rash.

_Pro_. I suppose you have never seen such a thing as a polypus, nor
observed the proceedings of that fish?

_Me_. I have seen them; as to their proceedings, I shall be glad of
your information.

_Pro_. The polypus, having selected his rock, and attached himself by
means of his suckers, assimilates himself to it, changing his colour
to match that of the rock. By this means he hopes to escape the
observation of fishermen: there is no contrast of colour to betray his
presence; he looks just like stone.

_Me_. So I have heard. But yours is quite another matter, Proteus.

_Pro_. I don't know what evidence would satisfy you, if you reject
that of your own eyes.

_Me_. I have seen it done, but it is an extraordinary business; fire
and water, one and the same person!

F.




V

_Panope. Galene_


_Pa_. Galene, did you see what Eris did yesterday at the Thessalian
banquet, because she had not had an invitation?

_Ga_, No, I was not with you; Posidon had told me to keep the sea
quiet for the occasion. What did Eris do, then, if she was not there?

_Pa_. Thetis and Peleus had just gone off to the bridal chamber,
conducted by Amphitrite and Posidon, when Eris came in unnoticed--
which was easy enough; some were drinking, some dancing, or attending
to Apollo's lyre or the Muses' songs--Well, she threw down a lovely
apple, solid gold, my dear; and there was written on it, FOR THE FAIR.
It rolled along as if it knew what it was about, till it came in front
of Hera, Aphrodite, and Athene. Hermes picked it up and read out the
inscription; of course we Nereids kept quiet; what should _we_ do in
such company? But they all made for it, each insisting that it was
hers; and if Zeus had not parted them, there would have been a battle.
He would not decide the matter himself, though they asked him to. 'Go,
all of you, to Ida,' he said, 'to the son of Priam; he is a man of
taste, quite capable of picking out the beauty; he will be no bad
judge. '

_Ga_. Yes. and the Goddesses, Panope?

_Pa_. They are going to Ida to-day, I believe; we shall soon have news
of the result.

_Ga_. Oh, I can tell you that now; if the umpire is not a blind man,
no one else can win, with Aphrodite in for it.

_Triton. Posidon. Amymone_

_Tri_. Posidon, there is such a pretty girl coming to Lerna for water
every day; I don't know that I ever saw a prettier.

_Pos_. What is she, a lady? or a mere water-carrier?

_Tri_. Oh no; she is one of the fifty daughters of that Egyptian king.
Her name is Amymone; I asked about that and her family. Danaus
understands discipline; he is bringing them up to do everything for
themselves; they have to fetch water, and make themselves generally
useful.

_Pos_. And does she come all that way by herself, from Argos to Lerna?

_Tri_. Yes; and Argos, you know, is a thirsty place; she is always
having to get water.

_Pos_. Triton, this is most exciting. We must go and see her.

_Tri_. Very well. It is just her time now; I reckon she will be about
half-way to Lerna.

_Pos_. Bring out the chariot, then. Or no; it takes such a time
getting it ready, and putting the horses to. Just fetch me out a good
fast dolphin; that will be quickest.

_Tri_. Here is a racer for you.

_Pos_. Good; now let us be off. You swim alongside. --Here we are at
Lerna. I'll lie in ambush hereabouts; and you keep a look-out. When
you see her coming--

_Tri_. Here she comes.

_Pos_. A charming child; the dawn of loveliness. We must carry her
off.

_Am_. Villain! where are you taking me to? You are a kidnapper. I know
who sent you--my uncle Aegyptus. I shall call my father.

_Tri_. Hush, Amymone; it is Posidon.

_Am_. Posidon? What do you mean? Unhand me, villain! would you drag me
into the sea? Help, help, I shall sink and be drowned.

_Pos_. Don't be frightened; no harm shall be done to you. Come, you
shall have a fountain called after you; it shall spring up in this
very place, near the waves; I will strike the rock with my trident. --
Think how nice it will be being dead, and not having to carry water
any more, like all your sisters.

F.




VII

_South Wind. West Wind_


_S_. Zephyr, is it true about Zeus and the heifer that Hermes is
convoying across the sea to Egypt? --that he fell in love with it?

_W_. Certainly. She was not a heifer then, though, but a daughter of
the river Inachus. Hera made her what she is now; Zeus was so deep in
love that Hera was jealous.

_S_. And is he still in love, now that she is a cow?

_W_. Oh, yes; that is why he has sent her to Egypt, and told us not to
stir up the sea till she has swum across; she is to be delivered there
of her child, and both of them are to be Gods.

_S_. The heifer a God?

_W_. Yes, I tell you. And Hermes said she was to be the patroness of
sailors and our mistress, and send out or confine any of us that she
chooses.

_S_. So we must regard ourselves as her servants at once?

_W_. Why, yes; she will be the kinder if we do. Ah, she has got across
and landed. Do you see? she does not go on four legs now; Hermes has
made her stand erect, and turned her back into a beautiful woman.

_S_. This is most remarkable, Zephyr; no horns, no tail, no cloven
hoofs; instead, a lovely maid. But what is the matter with Hermes? he
has changed his handsome face into a dog's.

_W_. We had better not meddle; he knows his own business best.

H.




VIII

_Posidon. Dolphins_


_Pos_. Well done, Dolphins! --humane as ever. Not content with your
former exploit, when Ino leapt with Melicertes from the Scironian
cliff, and you picked the boy up and conveyed him to the Isthmus, one
of you swims from Methymna to Taenarum with this musician on his back,
mantle and lyre and all. Those sailors had almost had their wicked
will of him; but you were not going to stand that.

_Dol_. You need not be surprised to find us doing a good turn to a
man, Posidon; we were men before we were fishes.

_Pos_. Yes; I think it was too bad of Dionysus to celebrate his
victory by such a transformation scene; he might have been content
with adding you to the roll of his subjects. --Well, Dolphin, tell me
all about Arion.

_Dol_. From what I can gather, Periander was very fond of him, and was
always sending for him to perform; till Arion grew quite rich at his
expense, and thought he would take a trip to Methymna, and show off
his wealth at home. He took ship accordingly; but it was with a crew
of rogues. He had made no secret of the gold and silver he had with
him; and when they were in mid Aegean, the sailors rose against him.
As I was swimming alongside, I heard all that went on. 'Since your
minds are made up,' says Arion, 'at least let me get my mantle on, and
sing my own dirge; and then I will throw myself into the sea of my own
accord. '--The sailors agreed.