No More Learning

On the bottle I read: "Certain cure for all diseases of the throat and lungs. " Consumption is a disease of the lungs; sometimes of the throat.
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If it "can sometimes be cured, but not always," then the German Syrup is not a "certain cure for all diseases of the throat and lungs," and somebody, as the ill-fated Reingelder put it, "haf lied in brint" on Mr. Green's bottle, Avhich must be very painful to Mr. Green, Mr. Green's remedy contains morphin and some hydrocyanic acid. Therefore consumption will be much less often curable where Boschee's German Syrup is used than where it is not.
Absolutely False Claims.
A curious mixture of the cautious, semi-ethical method and the blatant claim-all patent medicine is offered in the Ozomulsion Company. Ozomul- sion does not, like the "cures" mentioned above, contain active poisons. It is one of the numerous cod-liver oil preparations, and its advertising, in the medical journals at first and now^ in the lay press, is that of a cure for consumption. I visited the offices of the Ozomulsion Company recently and found them duly furnished with a regular physician, who was employed, so he informed me, in a purely ethical capacity. There was also present dur-
ing the interview the president of the Ozomulsion Company, Mr. A. Frank Kichardson, former advertising agent, former deviser of the advertising of Swamp-Root, former proprietor of Kranitonic, and present proprietor of Slocuni's Consumption Cure^ which is the "wicked partner" of Ozomulsion. For convenience, I will put the conversation in court report form, and, in- deed, it partook somewhat of the nature of a cross-examination
Q. --Dr. Smith, will Ozomulsion cure consumption?
A. --Ozomulsion builds up the tissues, imparts vigor, aids the natural re- sistance of the body, etc. (Goes into a long exploitation in the manner and style made familiar by patent medicine pamphlets. )
Q. --But will it cure consumption?
A. --Well, without saying that it is a specific, etc. (Passes to an in- structive, entertaining, and valuable disquisition on the symptoms and nature of tuberculosis. )
Q. --Yes, but will Ozomulsion cure consumption?
A. --We don't claim that it wall cure consumption.
Q. --Does not this advertisement state that Ozomulsion will cure con-
Bumption? (Showingadvertisement. ) A. --It seems so.
Q. --Will Ozomulsion cure consumption? A. --In the early stages of the disease
Q. {interrupting) --Does the advertisement make any qualifications as to the stage of the disease?
4---^'ot that I find.
Q. --Have you ever seen that advertisement before?
A. --Not to my knowledge.
Q. --Who wrote it?
A. {by President Richardson) --I done that ad. myself.
Q. --Mr. Richardson, will Ozomulsion cure consumption?
A. --Sure; w^e got testimonials to prove it.
Q. --Have you ever investigated any of these testimonials ?
Q. {to Dr. Smith)--Dr. Smith, in view of the direct statement of your
advertising, do you believe that Ozomulsion will cure consumption? A. --Well, I believe in a great many cases it will.
Health for Five Dollars.
That is as far as Dr. Smith would go. I wonder what he would have said as to the Dr. T. A. Slocum side of the business. Dr. Slocum puts out a ? "Special Cure Offer" that will snatch you from the jaws of death, on the
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"which," says the certificate, "will, in a majority of cases, effect a perma- nent cure of the malady from which the invalid is now suffering. " What- everailsyou--that'swhatDr. T. A. Slocumcures. For$10yougetalmost twice the amount, plus the guarantee. Surely there is little left on earth, unless Dr. Slocum should issue a $15 oft'er, to include funeral expenses and a tombstone.
The Slocum Consumption Cure proper consists of a gay-hued substance known as "Psychine. " Psychine is about 16 per cent, alcohol, and has a dash of strychnin to give the patient his money's worth. Its alluring color is derived from cochineal. It is "an infallible and unfailing remedy for consumption. " Ozomulsion is also a sure cure, if the literature is to be believed. To cure one's self twice of the same disease savors of reckless extravagance, but as "a perfect and permanent cure will be the inevitable consequence. " perhaps it's worth the money. It would not do to charge Dr. T. A. Slocum Avith fraud, because he is, I suppose, as dead as Lydia E. Pinkham: but Mr. A. Frank Richardson is very much alive, and I trust it will be no surprise to hiinj-e--sb^ iiai'4j:;75ta^l that his Ozomulsion makes claims that it can noti*<f^(C)t)^^liM-^ii)F^N^hin is considerably worse, that his special cure o^J^i a bit of shamenfi'^fljJ^kery, and that his whole Slocum Consumption/? |We is a fake and a fraiy! ^ ludicrous that its con- tinued existence is a/lfWliaiitikC|Diwnj<<it>>nv\nii huTiiai credulousness.
Since the early '0(Vs, ancMpei'iraps^berdre. ^hei^ Ijas constantly been in the public prints one orVfl^jther benefactor of the'T^man race who wishes to lie stow on suffering nr^^inct flee of cha^e, a^^medy which has snatched liim from the brink of tli^ia2g:e,H^A^pOa^f^ Mr. W. A. Noyes, of Roches- ter. X. Y. To any one who wrile^ IWIn'lie sends gratis a prescription which will surely cure consumption. But take this prescription to your druggist
and you will fail to get it filled, for the simple reason that the ingenious Mr. Xoyes has employed a pharmaceutical nomenclature peculiarly his own. If you wish to try the "Cannabis Sativa Remedy" (which is a mixture of hasheesh and other drugs) you must purchase it direct from the adver- tiser at a price which assures him an abnormal profit. As Mr. Noyes writes me proposing to give special treatment for my (supposed) case, de- pending on a diagnosis of sixty-seven questions, I fail to see why he is not liable for practicing medicine without a license.
Piso Grows Cautious.
Piso's Consumption Cure, extensively advertised a year or two ago, is apparently withdrawing from the field, so far as consumption goes, and the Piso people are now more modestly promising to cure coughs and colds. Old analyses give as the contents of Piso's Cure for Consumption, alcohol, chloroform, opium and cannabis indica (hasheesh). In reply to an inquiry as to whether their remedy contains morphin and cannabis indica, the Piso Company replies: "Since the year 1872 Piso's Cure has contained no mor- phin or anything derived from opium. " The question as to cannabis indica i. s not answered. Analysis shows that the "cure" contains chloroform, alcohol and apparently cannabis indica. It is therefore, another of the
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blanket plan, for $5, and guarantees the cure (or more medicine) for $10. His scheme is so noble and broad-minded that I can not refrain from detail-
ing it.
For $5 you get
1 large bottle of Psychine,
1 large bottle of Ozomulsion,
1 large bottle of Coltsfoote Expectorant, 1 large tube of Ozojell,
3 boxes of Lazy Liver Pills,
3 Hot X-E<Ty Porous Plasters,
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;|
"://;:
p^
^
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remedies which can not jjossibly cure consumption, but, on the contrary, tend by their poisonous and debilitating drugs to undermine the victim's stamina.
Peruna. liquozone, Duffy's Malt Whiskey, Pierce's Golden ^Medical Dis- covery and the other "blanket" cures include tuberculosis in their lists, claiming great numbers of well-authenticated cures. From the imposing- book pul)lislied by the R. V. Pierce Company, of Buffalo, I took a number of testimonials for investigation; not a large number, for I found the con- sumption testimonial rather scarce. From fifteen letters I got results in nine cases. Seven of the letters were returned to me marked '"unclaimed," of Avhich one was marked "Xame not in the dictory. " another "Xo such postoffice in the state"' and a third "Deceased,"' The eighth man wrote that the Golden ]Medical Discovery had cured his cough and blood-spitting, add- ing: '"It is the best lung medisan I ever used for lung trubble. " The last man said he took twenty-five bottles and was cured! Two out of nine seems to me a sus|)ieious]y small percentage of traceable recoveries. Much stres> has Ix'cn laid l)y the Proprietary Association of America through its
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-m^.
^ Upon %eceipt of Five Dollars {$5MG\ i . . . . . . . . ^
WHOLESALE CURING ON THE BLANKET PLAN.
A blanket cure from the "laboratory of Dr. T. A. Slocum. "
press committee on the suit brought by R. V. Pierce against the Ladies' Home Journal, the implication being (although the suit has not yet been tried) that a reckless libeler of a noble and worthy business has been suitably punished. In the full appreciation of Dr. Pierce's attitude in the matter of libel, I wish to state that in so far as its chiim of curing con- simiption is concerned his Golden ^Medical Discovery is an unqualified fraud.
One might suppose that the quacks would stop short of trying to deceive the medical profession in this matter, yet the "constmiption cure" may be found disporting itself in the pages of the medical journals. For instance, I find this advertisement in several professional magazines:
*'M,cArthur's Syrup of Hypophosphites has proved itself, time and time again, to be positively beneficial in this condition (tuberculosis) in the hands of prominent ol>sorvei'>, clinicians and. what is more, pvacticiiig i)hysicians, hundreds of ^\? llom have written their aduiiring encuiniuiiis in
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its belialf, and it is the enthusiastic conviction of many that its effect is truly specific. " Which, translated into lay terms, means that the syrup will cure consumption. I find also in the medical press "a sure cure for dropsy," fortified with a picture worthy of Swamp-Root or Lydia Pinkham. Both of these are frauds in attempting to foster the idea that they will cure the disease, and they are none the less fraudulent for being advertised to the medical profession instead of to the laity.
Is there, then, no legitimate advertising of preparations useful in diseases such as tuberculosis? Very little, and that little mostly in the medical journals, exploiting products which tend to build up and strengthen the patient. There has recently appeared, however, one advertisement in the la}'^ press which seems to me a legitimate attempt to push a nostrum. It is reproduced at the beginning of this article. Notice, first, the frank state- ment that there is no specific for consumption; second, that there is no attempt to deceive the public into the belief that the emulsion will be help- ful in all cases. Whether or not Scott's Emulsion is superior to other cod- liver oils is beside the present question. If all patent medicine "copy" were written in the same spirit of honesty as this, I should have been able to omit from this series all consideration of fraud, and devote my entire attentiontothefarlessinvolvedanddifficultmatterofpoison. Unhappily, all of the Scott's Emulsion advertising is not up to this standard. In another newspaper I have seen an excerpt in which the Scott & Bowne Company come perilously near making, if they do not actually make, the claim that their emulsion is a cure, and furthermore make themselves ridiculous by challenging comparison with another emulsion, suggesting a chemical test and ofi'ering, if their nostrum comes out second best, to give to the institution making the experiment a supply of their oil free for a year. This is like the German druggist who invented a heart-cure and offered two cases to any one who could prove that it was injurious!
Consumption is not the only incurable . disease in which there are good pickingsforthebirdsofprey. InarecentissueoftheNewYorkSunday American-Journal I find three cancer cures, one dropsy cure, one "heart- disease soon cured," three epilepsy cures and a "case of paralysis cured. " Cancer yields to but one agency--the knife. Epilepsy is either the result of pressure on the brain or some obscure cerelaral disease; medicine can never cure it. , Heart disease is of many kinds, and a drug that may be helpful in relieving symptoms in one case might be fatal in another. The same is true of dropsy. Medical science knows no "cure" for paralysis. As space lacks to consider individually the nature of each nostrum sepa- rately, I list briefly, for the protection of those w^ho read, a number of the more conspicuous swindles of this kind now being foisted on the public:
Rupert Wells' Radiatized Fluid, for cancer. Miles' Heart Disease Cure.
Miles' Grand Dropsy Cure.
Dr. Tucker's Epilepsy Cure.
Dr. Grant's Epilepsy Cure. W. H. May's Epilepsy Cure. Dr. Kline's Epilepsy Cure.
Dr. W. O. Bye's Cancer Cure. Mason's Cancer Cure.
Dr. Williams' Pink Pills for Pale People, which are adver- tised to cure paralysis and are a compound of green vitriol, starch and sugar.
Purchasers of these nostrums not only waste their money, but in many cases they throw away their onlj^ chance by delaying proper treatment until it is too late.
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Properlv, a "cure" known as Bioplasm belongs in this list, but so in- genious are its methods that it deserves some special attention. In some of the New York papers a brief advertisement, reading as follows, occupies a conspicuous position.
"After suffering for ten years the torture that only an ataxic can know, Mr. E. P. Burnham, of Delmar, N. Y. , has been relieved of all pain and restored to health and strength, and the ability to resume his usual pur- suits, by an easily obtained and inexpensive treatment which any drviggist can furnish. To any fellow-sufferer who mails him a self-addressed envelope Mr. Burnham sends free this prescription which cured him. Adv.
Now, people who give away something for nothing, and spend money ad- vertising for a chance to do it, are as rare in the patent medicine business as out of it, and Delmar, N. Y. , is not included in any map of Altruria that I have learned of. E. P. Burnham, therefore, seemed worth writing to. The answer came back promptly, inclosing the prescription and explaining the advertiser's purpose:
"My only motive in the notice which caught your attention is to help other sufferers. Yoii owe me nothing. I have nothing to sell. When you are benefited, however, if yon feel disposed and able to send me a contribu- tion to assist me in making this great boon to our fellow-sufferers better known it will be thankfully received and used for that purpose. "
I fear that Mr. Burnham doesn't make much money out of grateful corre- spondents who were cured of locomotor ataxia by his prescription, because locomotor ataxia is absolutely and hopelessly incurable. Where Mr. Burn- ham gets his reward, I fancy, is from the Bioplasm Company, of 100 Will- iam street, Xew York, whose patent medicine is prescribed for me. I should like to believe that his "only motive is to help other sufferers," but as I find, on investigation, that the advertising agents who handle the "Bum- ham" account are the Bioplasm Company's agents, I am regretfully com- pelled to believe that Mr. Burnham, instead of being of the tribe of the good Samaritan, is probably an immediate relative of Ananias. The Bio- plasm Company also proposes to cure consumption, and is worthy of a conspicuous place in the Fraud's Gallery of Nostrums.
Even the skin of the Ethiop is not exempt from the attention of the quacks. A colored correspondent writes, asking that I "give a paragraph to these frauds who cater to the vanity of those of my race who insult their Creator in attempting to change their color and hair," and inclose a typical advertisement of "Lustorene," which "straightens kinky, nappy, curly hair. " and of "Lustorone Face Bleach," which "whitens the darkest skin" and will "bringtheskintoanydesiredshadeorcolor. " Nothingcouldbetterillus- trate to what ridiculous lengths the nostrum fraud will go. Of course, the Lustorone business is fraudulent. Some time since a Virginia concern, which advertised to turn negroes white, was suppressed by the Postoffice Department, which might well turn its attention to Lustorone Face Bleach.
There are being exploited in this country to-day more than 100 cures for diseasesthatareabsolutelybeyondthereachofdrugs. Theyareownedby men who know them to be swindles, and who in private conversation will almost always evade the direct statement that their nostrums will "cure" consumption, epilepsy, heart disease and ailments of that nature. Many of them "guarantee" their remedies. They will return your money if yon aren't satisfied. And they can afford to. They take the lightest of risks. The real risk is all on the other side. It is their few pennies per bottle against your life. Were the facile patter by which they lure to the bargain a menace to the pocketbook alone, one might regard them only as ordinary
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followers of light finance, might imagine them filching their gain with the confidential, half-brazen, half-ashamed leer of the thimblerigger. But the matter goes further and deeper. Every man who trades in this market, whether he pockets the profits of the maker, the Diirveyor or the advertiser, takes toll of blood. He may not deceive himself here^, for here the patent medicine is nakedest, most cold-hearted. Eelentless greed sets the trap and death is partner in the enterprise.
? REPnixTED FROM Colmek's Wekklv, Feb. 17, 1C06.
VI. --THE FUNDAMENTAL FAKES.
Advertising and testimonials are respectively the aggressive and de- fensive forces of the Great American Erand. Without the columns of the newspapers and magazines wherein to exploit themselves, a great majority of the patent medicines would peacefully and blessedly fade out of exist- ence. Nearly all the world of publications is open to the swindler, the exceptions being the high-class magazines and a very few independent spirited newspapers. The strongholds of the fraud are dailies, great and small, the cheap weeklies and the religious press. According to the esti- mate of a prominent advertising firm, above 90 per cent, of the earning capacity of the prominent nostrums is represented by their advertising. And all this advertising is based on the well-proven theory of the public's pitiable ignorance and gullibility in the vitally important matter of health.
Study the medicine advertising in your morning paper, and you will find yourself in a veritable goblin-realm of fakery, peopled with monstrous myths. Here is an amulet in the form of an electric belt, warranted to restore youth and vigor to the senile; yonder a magic ring or mysterious inhaler, or a bewitched foot-plaster which will draw the pangs of rheuma- tism from the tortuied body "or your money back;" and again some benefi- cent wizard in St. Louis promises with a secret philtre to charm away deadly cancer, while in the next column a firm of magi in Denver pro- poses confidently to exorcise the demon of incurable consumption without ever seeing the patient. Is it credible that a supposedly civilized nation should accejjt such stufip as gospel? Yet these exploitations cited above, while they are extreme, differ only in degree from nearly all patent-medicine advertising. Ponce de Leon, groping toward that dim fountain whence youth springs eternal, might believe that he had found his goal in the Peruna factory, the Liquozone '"laboratory" or the Vitse-Ore plant; his thousands of descendants in this century of enlightenment painfully drag themselves along poisoned trails, following a will-o'-the-wisp that dances above the open graves.
Newspaper Accomplices.
If there is no limit to the gullibility of the public on the one hand, there is apparently none to the cupidity of the newspapers on the other. As the Proprietary Association of America is constantly setting forth in veiled warnings, the press takes an enormous profit from patent-medicine adver- tising. Mr. Hearst's papers alone reap a harvest of more than half a million dollars per annum from this source. The Chicago Tribune, which treats nostrum adA^ertising in a spirit of independence, and sometimes with scant courtesy, still receives more than $80,000 a year in medical patronage. Manyofthelesserjournalsactuallyliveonpatentmedicines. Whatwonder that they are considerate of these profitable customers! Pin a newspaper owner down to the issue of fraud in the matter, and he will take refuge in the plea that his advertisers and not himself are repsonsible for what appears in the advertising columns. Caveat emptor is the implied super- scription above this department. The more shame to those publications
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whichprostitutetheirnewsandeditorialdepartmentstotheirgreed. Hera are two samples, one from the Cleveland Plain-Dealer, the other from a temperance weekly:
CURES CATARRH AND ASTHMA. FOREIGN SPECIALISTS GIVE REASON FOR MARVELOUS SUCCESS OF NEW REMEDY. ASCATCO.
"Vienna, September 9. --The astonishing success of the Ascatco treatment for catarrh, asthma and bronchitis is wholly attributed to its marvelous action on the mucous membranes, and having no disturbing influence on other organs of the body.
"It is claimed by European savants, from whom this remedy emanated, that five hundred drops will cure permanently even the most obstinate cases. The dose is small and pleasant to take, being only seven drops twice daily. The Austrian dispensary, 32 West Twenty-fifth Street, New^ York, N. Y. , will send a trial treatment of Ascatco free by mail to all suft'erers who have not tested the wonderful curative powers of the specific. "
THE AMERICAN ISSUE, AN ADVOCATE OF CHRISTIAN PATRIOTISM. OFFICIAL ORGAN OF THE ANTI-SALOON LEAGUE, COLUMBUS, OHIO.
? Taul said: 'Prove all things; hold fast that wdiich is good. ' Vitse-Ore has been before the American people for three decades and is still growing in popularity.
"They have proven and hold fast to it. Read about it on last page. You can test ^nd prove it without a penny risk. "
Green Goods ''Cable News. "
The "Ascatco" advertisement, which the Plain-Dealer prints as a cable- gram, without any distinguishing mark to designate it as an advertisement, of course, emanates from the office of the nostrum, and is a fraud, as the Plain-Dealer well knew when it accepted payment, and became partner to the swdndle by deceiving its readers. The Vitse-Ore "editorial" appears by virtue of a full-page advertisement of this extraordinary fake in the same issue.
Whether, because church-going people are more trusting, and therefore more easily befooled than others, or from some more obscure reason, many of the religious papers fairly reek with patent-medicine fakes. Take, for instance, the Christian Endeavor World, which is the undenominational organ of a large, powerful and useful organization, unselfishly working toward the betterment of society. A subscriber who recently complained of certain advertisements received the following reply from the business manager of the publication:
"Dear Sir: --Your letter of the 4th comes to me for reply. Appreciating the good spirit in which you write, let me assure you that, to the best of our knowledge and belief, w^e are not publishing any fraudulent or unwor- thy medicine advertising. We decline every year thousands of dollars' worth of patent-medicine advertising that we think is either fraudulent or misleading. You w-ould be surprised, very likely, if you could know of the people of high intelligence and good character who are benefited by these
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medicines. Wc haA'e taken a great deal of pains to make particular in- quiries of our subscribers with respect to this question, and a very large percentage of tliera are devoted to one or more well-known patent medi- cines, and regard them as household remedies. Trusting that you will be able to understand that we are acting according to our best and sin- ceicst judgment, I remain, yours very truly,
"The Golden Rule Company, "George W. Coleman, Business Manager. "
Running through half a dozen recent issues of the Christ-ion Endeavor World. I find nineteen medical advertisements of, at best, dubious nature. ^\ssuming that thie business management of the Christian Endeavor World rcpioscnts normal intelligence, I would like to ask whether it accepts the statement that a pair of "magic foot drafts" applied to the bottom of the feet will cure any and every kind of rheumatism in any part of the body? Further, if the advertising department is genuinely interested in declining "fraudulent or misleading" copy, I would call their attention to the ri- diculous claims of Dr. Shoop's medicines, which "cure" almost every dis- ease; to two hair removers, one an "Indian Secret," the other an "acci- dental discovery," both either fakes or dangerous; to the lying claims of Hall's Catarrh Cure, that it is "a positive cure for catarrh" in all its stage; to "Syrup of Figs," which is not a fig syrup, but a preparation of senna to Dr. Kilmers Swamp Root, of which the principal medicinal constituent is alcohol; and, finally, to Dr. Bye's Oil Cure for cancer, a particularly cruel swindle on unfortunates suft'ering from an incurable malady. All of these, with other matter, which for the sake of decency I do not care to detail in these columns, appear in recent issues of the Christian Endeavor
World, and are respectfully submitted to its management and its readers. Quackery and Religion.
The Baptist Watchman of Oct. 12, 1905, prints an editorial defending theprincipleofpatentmedicines. Itwouldbeinterestingtoknowwhether the back page of the number has any connection with the editorial. This page is given up to an illustrated advertisement of A^it^-Ore, one of the boldest fakes in the whole Frauds' Gallery. Vitse-Ore claims to be a mineral mined from "an extinct mineral spring," and to contain free iron, free sulphur and free magnesium. It contains no free iron, no free sul- phur, and no free magnesium. It announces itself as "a certain and never- failing cure" for rheumatisrii and Bright's disease, dropsy, blood poisoning, nervous prostration and general debility, among other maladies. Whether it is, as asserted, mined from an extinct spring or bucketed from a sewer, has no bearing on its utterly fraudulent character. There is no "certain and never-failing cure" for the diseases in its list, and when the Baptist
Watchman sells itself to such an exploitation it becomes partner to a swindle not only on the pockets of its readers, but on their health as well. In the same issue I find "Piso's Cure for Consumption," "Bye's Cancer Cure," "Mrs. M. Summer's Female Remedy," "Winslow's Soothing Syrup," and "Juven Pills," somewhat disguised here, but in other mediums openly a sexual weakness "remedy. "
A correspondent sends me clippings from The Christian Century, lead- ing oft" with an interesting editorial entitled "Our Advertisers," from which I quote in part:
. "We take pleasure in calling the attention of oar readers to the high grade of advertising -which The Christian Century commands. We shall continue to advertise only such companies as we know to be thoroughly reliable. Dui'ing the \^. \>? year we have refused thousands of dolbu-. -^'
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worth of advertising which other religious journals are running, but which is rated 'objectionable' by the better class of periodicals. Compare our advertising columns with the columns of any other purely religious jour- nal, and let us know what you think of the character of our advertising- patrons. "
Whether the opinion of a non-subscriber will interest The Christian Century I have no means of knowing, but I will venture it. ]\Iy opinion is that a considerable proportion of its advertisements are such as any right-minded and intelligent publisher should be ashamed to print, and that if its readers accept its indorsement of the advertising columns they
Tin: i*i:ijrNA l)i? r<>> Mam rv* ti iUN<>> ( o.
PERUNA'S WAY OF PURCHASING TESTIMONIALS.
will have a very heavy indictment to bring against it. Three ''cancer cures," a dangerous "heart cure," a charlatan eye doctor, Piso's Con- sumption Cure^ Dr. Shoop's Rheumatism Cure and Liquozone make up a pretty fair "Frauds' Gallery" for the delectation of The Christian Century's
readers.
As a convincing argument, many nostrums guarantee, not a cure, as they
would have the public believe, but a reimbursement if the medicine is un- satisfactory. Liquozone does this, and faithfully carries out its agreement. Electro-gen, a nov,- "germicide," which has stolen Liquozone's advertising- scheme almost word for word, also i)romises this. Dr. Shoop's agreement
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is so worded that the unsatisfied customer is likely to have considerable trouble in getting his money back. Other concerns send their "remedies" free on trial, among these being the ludicrous ? '? 'magic foot drafts" re- ferred to above. At first thought it would seem that only a cure would bring profit to the makers. But the fact is that most diseases tend to cure themselves by natural means, and the delighted and deluded patient, ascrib- ing the relief to the '? remedy. '" Avhich really has nothing to do with it, sends on his grateful dollar. Where the money is already paid, most people are too inert to undertake the eflfort of getting it back. It is the easj" American way of accepting a swindle as a sort of joke, which makes for the nostrum readers ready profits.
Safe Rewards,
Then there is the "reward for proof" that the proprietary will not per- form the wonders advertised. The Liquozone Company offer $1,000, I be- lieve, for any germ that Liquozone will not kill. This is a pretly safe offer, because there are no restrictions as to the manner in w^hich the unfortunate germ might be maltreated. If the matter came to an issue, the defendants might put their bacillus in the Liquozone bottle and freeze him solid. If that didn't end him, they could boil the ice and save their money, as thus far no germ has been discovered w^hich can survive the process of being made into soup. Nearly all of the Hall Catarrh Cure advertise- ments offer a reward of $100 for any case of catarrh which the nostrum fails to cure. It isn't enough, though one hundred times that amount might be worth while; for who doubts that Mr. F. J. 'heney, inventor of the "red clause," would fight for his cure through every court, exhausting the prospective $100 reward of his opponent in the first round? How^ hollow^ the "guarantee" pretence is, is shown by a clever scheme devised by Radam, the quack, years ago, when Shreveport was stricken with yellow fever. Knowing that his offer could not be accepted, he proposed to the
United States Government that he should eradicate the epidemic by de- stroying all the germs with Radam's Microbe Killer, offering to deposit $10,000 as a guarantee. Of course, the Government declined on the ground that it had no power to accept such an offer. Meantime, Radam got a lot of free advertising, and his fortune was made.
Xo little stress is laid on "personal advice" by the patent-medicine companies. This may be, according to the statements of the firm, from their physician or from some special expert. As a matter of fact, it is almost invariably furnished by a $10-a-week typewriter, following out one of a number of "form" letters prepared in bulk for the "personal-inquiry" dupes. Such is the Lydia E. Pinkham method. The Pinkham Company writes me that it is entirely innocent of any intent to deceive people into believing that Lydia E. Pinkham is still alive, and that it has published in several cases statements regarding her demise. It is true that a number of years ago a newspaper forced the Pinkham concern into a defensive admission of Lydia E. Pinkham's death, but since then the main purpose of the Pinkham advertising has been to befool the feminine public into believing that their letters go to a woman--who died nearly twenty years ago of one of the diseases, it is said, which her remedy claims to cure.
The Immortal Mrs. Pinkham.
True, the newspaper appeal is always "Write to Mrs. Pinkham," and this
is technically a saving clause, as there is a Mrs. Pinkham, widow of the son of Lydia E. Pinkham. , What sense of shame she might be supposed to suffer in the perpetration of an obvious and public fraud is presumably
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salvedbythelargeprofitsofthebusiness. Thegreatinajorityofthegulls "uiio "write to ]Mrs. Pinkham" suppose themselves to be addressing Lydia El. Pinkham, and their letters are not even answered by the present proprietor of the name, but by a corps of hurried clerks and typewriters.
You get the same results when you write to Dr. Hartman, of Peruna, for personal guidance. Dr. Hartman himself told me that he took no active part now in the conduct of the Peruna Company. If he sees the letters addressed to him at all, it is by chance.