No More Learning

Mere outside is so very trifling
a circumstance with me, that I should scarcely have remembered to
mention it, had it not been a general topic of conversation in the
country. Olivia, now about eighteen, had that luxuriancy of beauty with
which painters generally draw Hebe: open, sprightly, and commanding.
Sophia's features were not so striking at first, but often did more
certain execution; for they were soft, modest, and alluring. The one
vanquished by a single blow, the other by efforts successively repeated.

[Illustration: _Olivia and Sophia. _]

The temper of a woman is generally formed from the turn of her features;
at least it was so with my daughters. Olivia wished for many lovers;
Sophia to secure one. Olivia was often affected, from too great a desire
to please; Sophia even repressed excellence, from her fear to offend.
The one entertained me with her vivacity when I was gay, the other with
her sense when I was serious. But these qualities were never carried to
excess in either, and I have often seen them exchange characters for a
whole day together. A suit of mourning has transformed my coquette into
a prude, and a new set of ribands has given her younger sister more than
natural vivacity. My eldest son, George, was bred at Oxford, as I
intended him for one of the learned professions. My second boy, Moses,
whom I designed for business, received a sort of miscellaneous education
at home. But it is needless to attempt describing the particular
characters of young people that had seen but very little of the world.
In short, a family likeness prevailed through all; and, properly
speaking, they had but one character—that of being all equally generous,
credulous, simple, and inoffensive.


[Illustration:

"_And having got it copied fair, with an elegant
frame, it was placed over the chimney-piece. _"
]




_CHAPTER II. _

_Family misfortunes. _—_The loss of fortune only serves
to increase the pride of the worthy. _


The temporal concerns of our family were chiefly committed to my wife's
management; as to the spiritual, I took them entirely under my own
direction. The profits of my living, which amounted to about thirty-five
pounds a year, I made over to the orphans and widows of the clergy of
our diocese; for, having a sufficient fortune of my own, I was careless
of temporalities, and felt a secret pleasure in doing my duty without
reward. I also set a resolution of keeping no curate, and of being
acquainted with every man in the parish, exhorting the married men to
temperance, and the bachelors to matrimony; so that in a few years it
was a common saying, that there were three strange wants at Wakefield—a
parson wanting pride, young men wanting wives, and alehouses wanting
customers.

Matrimony was always one of my favourite topics, and I wrote several
sermons to prove its happiness; but there was a peculiar tenet which I
made a point of supporting: for I maintained, with Whiston, that it was
unlawful for a priest of the Church of England, after the death of his
first wife, to take a second: or, to express it in one word, I valued
myself upon being a strict monogamist.

I was early initiated into this important dispute, on which so many
laborious volumes have been written. I published some tracts upon the
subject myself, which, as they never sold, I have the consolation of
thinking were read only by the happy _few_. Some of my friends called
this my weak side; but, alas! they had not, like me, made it the subject
of long contemplation. The more I reflected upon it, the more important
it appeared. I even went a step beyond Whiston in displaying my
principles: as he had engraven upon his wife's tomb that she was the
_only_ wife of William Whiston; so I wrote a similar epitaph for my
wife, though still living, in which I extolled her prudence, economy,
and obedience till death; and, having got it copied fair, with an
elegant frame, it was placed over the chimney-piece, where it answered
several very useful purposes. It admonished my wife of her duty to me
and my fidelity to her; it inspired her with a passion for fame, and
constantly put her in mind of her end.

It was thus, perhaps, from hearing marriage so often recommended, that
my eldest son, just upon leaving college, fixed his affections upon the
daughter of a neighbouring clergyman, who was a dignitary in the church,
and in circumstances to give her a large fortune; but fortune was her
smallest accomplishment. Miss Arabella Wilmot was allowed by all (except
my two daughters) to be completely pretty. Her youth, health, and
innocence were still heightened by a complexion so transparent, and such
a happy sensibility of look, as even age could not gaze on with
indifference. As Mr. Wilmot knew that I could make a very handsome
settlement on my son, he was not averse to the match; so both families
lived together in all that harmony which generally precedes an expected
alliance. Being convinced, by experience, that the days of courtship are
the most happy of our lives, I was willing enough to lengthen the
period; and the various amusements which the young couple every day
shared in each other's company seemed to increase their passion. We were
generally awakened in the morning by music, and on fine days rode
a-hunting. The hours between breakfast and dinner the ladies devoted to
dress and study: they usually read a page, and then gazed at themselves
in the glass, which even philosophers might own often presented the page
of greatest beauty. At dinner my wife took the lead; for, as she always
insisted upon carving everything herself, it being her mother's way, she
gave us, upon these occasions, the history of every dish. When we had
dined, to prevent the ladies leaving us I generally ordered the table to
be removed; and sometimes, with the music-master's assistance, the girls
would give us a very agreeable concert. Walking out, drinking tea,
country-dances, and forfeits shortened the rest of the day, without the
assistance of cards, as I hated all manner of gaming, except backgammon,
at which my old friend and I sometimes took a twopenny hit. Nor can I
here pass over an ominous circumstance that happened the last time we
played together: I only wanted to fling a quatre, and yet I threw
deuce-ace five times running.

Some months were elapsed in this manner, till at last it was thought
convenient to fix a day for the nuptials of the young couple, who seemed
earnestly to desire it. During the preparations for the wedding, I need
not describe the busy importance of my wife, nor the sly looks of my
daughters: in fact my attention was fixed on another object—the
completing a tract which I intended shortly to publish in defence of my
favourite principle. As I looked upon this as a masterpiece, both for
argument and style, I could not in the pride of my heart avoid showing
it to my old friend Mr. Wilmot, as I made no doubt of receiving his
approbation: but not till too late I discovered that he was violently
attached to the contrary opinion, and with good reason; for he was at
that time actually courting a fourth wife. This, as may be expected,
produced a dispute attended with some acrimony, which threatened to
interrupt our intended alliance; but, on the day before that appointed
for the ceremony, we agreed to discuss the subject at large.

It was managed with proper spirit on both sides: he asserted that I was
heterodox; I retorted the charge; he replied, and I rejoined. In the
meantime, while the controversy was hottest, I was called out by one of
my relations, who, with a face of concern, advised me to give up the
dispute, at least till my son's wedding was over. "How! " cried I,
"relinquish the cause of truth, and let him be a husband, already driven
to the very verge of absurdity? You might as well advise me to give up
my fortune as my argument. " "Your fortune," returned my friend, "I am
now sorry to inform you, is almost nothing. The merchant in town in
whose hands your money was lodged, has gone off, to avoid a statute of
bankruptcy, and is thought not to have left a shilling in the pound. I
was unwilling to shock you or the family with the account till after the
wedding; but now it may serve to moderate your warmth in the argument;
for I suppose your own prudence will enforce the necessity of
dissembling, at least till your son has the young lady's fortune
secure. " "Well," returned I, "if what you tell me be true, and if I am
to be a beggar, it shall never make me a rascal, or induce me to disavow
my principles. I'll go this moment and inform the company of my
circumstances: and as for the argument, I even here retract my former
concessions in the old gentleman's favour, nor will I allow him now to
be a husband in any sense of the expression. "

It would be useless to describe the different sensations of both
families, when I divulged the news of our misfortune; but what others
felt was slight to what the lovers appeared to endure. Mr. Wilmot, who
seemed before sufficiently inclined to break off the match, was by this
blow soon determined: one virtue he had in perfection, which was
prudence—too often the only one that is left us at seventy-two.

[Illustration:

"_And take this book too, it will be your comfort on the way. _"
]




_CHAPTER III. _

_A migration. —The fortunate circumstances of
our lives are generally found at
last to be of our own procuring. _


The only hope of our family now was, that the report of our misfortune
might be malicious or premature: but a letter from my agent in town soon
came with a confirmation of every particular. The loss of fortune to
myself alone would have been trifling: the only uneasiness I felt was
for my family, who were to be humbled, without an education to render
them callous to contempt.

Near a fortnight had passed before I attempted to restrain their
affliction; for premature consolation is but the remembrancer of sorrow.
During this interval, my thoughts were employed on some future means of
supporting them; and at last a small cure of fifteen pounds a year was
offered me in a distant neighbourhood, where I could still enjoy my
principles without molestation. With this proposal I joyfully closed,
having determined to increase my salary by managing a little farm.

Having taken this resolution, my next care was to get together the
wrecks of my fortune; and, all debts collected and paid, out of fourteen
thousand pounds we had but four hundred remaining. My chief attention,
therefore, was now to bring down the pride of my family to their
circumstances; for I well knew that aspiring beggary is wretchedness
itself. "You cannot be ignorant, my children," cried I, "that no
prudence of ours could have prevented our late misfortune; but prudence
may do much in disappointing its effects. We are now poor, my fondlings,
and wisdom bids us to conform to our humble situation. Let us, then,
without repining, give up those splendours with which numbers are
wretched, and seek, in humbler circumstances, that peace with which all
may be happy. The poor live pleasantly without our help; why then should
not we learn to live without theirs? No, my children, let us from this
moment give up all pretensions to gentility; we have still enough left
for happiness if we are wise, and let us draw upon content for the
deficiencies of fortune. "

As my eldest son was bred a scholar, I determined to send him to town,
where his abilities might contribute to our support and his own. The
separation of friends and families is, perhaps, one of the most
distressful circumstances attendant on penury. The day soon arrived on
which we were to disperse for the first time. My son, after taking leave
of his mother and the rest, who mingled their tears with their kisses,
came to ask a blessing from me. This I gave him from my heart, and
which, added to five guineas, was all the patrimony I had now to bestow.
"You are going, my boy," cried I, "to London on foot, in the manner
Hooker, your great ancestor, travelled there before you. Take from me
the same horse that was given him by the good Bishop Jewel, this staff;
and take this book too—it will be your comfort on the way; these two
lines in it are worth a million—_I have been young, and now am old; yet
never saw I the righteous man forsaken, nor his seed begging their
bread_. Let this be your consolation as you travel on. Go, my boy;
whatever be thy fortune, let me see thee once a year; still keep a good
heart, and farewell. " As he was possessed of integrity and honour, I was
under no apprehensions from throwing him naked into the amphitheatre of
life; for I knew he would act a good part, whether vanquished or
victorious.

His departure only prepared the way for our own, which arrived a few
days afterwards. The leaving a neighbourhood in which we had enjoyed so
many hours of tranquillity was not without a tear, which scarcely
fortitude itself could suppress. Besides, a journey of seventy miles, to
a family that had hitherto never been above ten from home, filled us
with apprehension; and the cries of the poor, who followed us for some
miles, contributed to increase it. The first day's journey brought us in
safety within thirty miles of our future retreat, and we put up for the
night at an obscure inn in a village by the way. When we were shown a
room, I desired the landlord, in my usual way, to let us have his
company, with which he complied, as what he drank would increase the
bill next morning. He knew, however, the whole neighbourhood to which I
was removing, particularly Squire Thornhill, who was to be my landlord,
and who lived within a few miles of the place. This gentleman he
described as one who desired to know little more of the world than its
pleasures, being particularly remarkable for his attachment to the fair
sex. He observed, that no virtue was able to resist his arts and
assiduity, and that there was scarcely a farmer's daughter within ten
miles round but what had found him successful and faithless. Though this
account gave me some pain, it had a very different effect upon my
daughters, whose features seemed to brighten with the expectation of an
approaching triumph; nor was my wife less pleased and confident of their
allurements and virtue. While our thoughts were thus employed, the
hostess entered the room to inform her husband that the strange
gentleman, who had been two days in the house, wanted money, and could
not satisfy them for his reckoning. "Want money! " replied the host,
"that must be impossible; for it was no later than yesterday he paid
three guineas to our beadle to spare an old broken soldier that was to
be whipped through the town for dog-stealing. " The hostess, however,
still persisting in her first assertion, he was preparing to leave the
room, swearing that he would be satisfied one way or another, when I
begged the landlord would introduce me to a stranger of so much charity
as he described. With this he complied, showing in a gentleman who
seemed to be about thirty, dressed in clothes that once were laced. His
person was well-formed, and his face marked with the lines of thinking.
He had something short and dry in his address, and seemed not to
understand ceremony, or to despise it. Upon the landlord's leaving the
room, I could not avoid expressing my concern to the stranger at seeing
a gentleman in such circumstances, and offered him my purse to satisfy
the present demand. "I take it with all my heart, sir," replied he, "and
am glad that a late oversight, in giving what money I had about me, has
shown me that there are still some men like you. I must, however,
previously entreat being informed of the name and residence of my
benefactor, in order to repay him as soon as possible. " In this I
satisfied him fully, not only mentioning my name and late misfortune,
but the place to which I was going to remove. "This," cried he, "happens
still more luckily than I hoped for, as I am going the same way myself,
having been detained here two days by the floods, which I hope, by
to-morrow, will be found passable. " I testified the pleasure I should
have in his company, and my wife and daughters joining in entreaty, he
was prevailed upon to stay supper. The stranger's conversation, which
was at once pleasing and instructive, induced me to wish for a
continuance of it; but it was now high time to retire and take
refreshment against the fatigues of the following day.

[Illustration:

"_My wife and daughters joining in entreaty,
he was prevailed upon to stay supper. _"
]

The next morning we all set forward together: my family on horseback,
while Mr. Burchell, our new companion, walked along the foot-path by the
road-side, observing, with a smile, that as we were ill mounted he would
be too generous to attempt leaving us behind. As the floods were not yet
subsided, we were obliged to hire a guide, who trotted on before, Mr.
Burchell and I bringing up the rear. We lightened the fatigues of the
road with philosophical disputes, which he seemed to understand
perfectly. But what surprised me most was, that though he was a
money-borrower, he defended his opinions with as much obstinacy as if he
had been my patron. He now and then also informed me to whom the
different seats belonged that lay in our view as we travelled the road.
"That," cried he, pointing to a very magnificent house which stood at
some distance, "belongs to Mr. Thornhill, a young gentleman who enjoys a
large fortune, though entirely dependent on the will of his uncle, Sir
William Thornhill, a gentleman who, content with a little himself,
permits his nephew to enjoy the rest, and chiefly resides in town. "
"What! " cried I, "is my young landlord then the nephew of a man whose
virtues, generosity, and singularities are so universally known? I have
heard Sir William Thornhill represented as one of the most generous, yet
whimsical men in the kingdom; a man of consummate benevolence. "
"Something, perhaps, too much so," replied Mr. Burchell; "at least, he
carried benevolence to an excess when young, for his passions were then
strong, and as they were all upon the side of virtue, they led it up to
a romantic extreme. He early began to aim at the qualifications of the
soldier and the scholar; was soon distinguished in the army, and had
some reputation among men of learning. Adulation ever follows the
ambitious; for such alone receive most pleasure from flattery. He was
surrounded with crowds, who showed him only one side of their character;
so that he began to lose a regard for private interest in universal
sympathy. He loved all mankind; for fortune prevented him from knowing
that there were rascals. Physicians tell us of a disorder in which the
whole body is so exquisitely sensible, that the slightest touch gives
pain: what some have thus suffered in their persons, this gentleman felt
in his mind. The slightest distress, whether real or fictitious, touched
him to the quick, and his soul laboured under a sickly sensibility of
the miseries of others. Thus disposed to relieve, it will be easily
conjectured he found numbers disposed to solicit: his profusion began to
impair his fortune, but not his good-nature; that, indeed, was seen to
increase as the other seemed to decay; he grew improvident as he grew
poor; and though he talked like a man of sense, his actions were those
of a fool. Still, however, being surrounded with importunity, and no
longer able to satisfy every request that was made him, instead of
_money_ he gave _promises_. They were all he had to bestow, and he had
not resolution enough to give any man pain by a denial. By this he drew
round him crowds of dependents, whom he was sure to disappoint, yet
wished to relieve. These hung upon him for a time, and left him with
merited reproaches and contempt. But in proportion as he became
contemptible to others, he became despicable to himself. His mind had
leaned upon their adulation, and, that support taken away, he could find
no pleasure in the applause of his heart, which he had never learned to
reverence. The world now began to wear a different aspect; the flattery
of his friends began to dwindle into simple approbation. Approbation
soon took the more friendly form of advice; and advice, when rejected,
produced their reproaches. He now, therefore, found that such friends as
benefits had gathered round him were little estimable; he now found that
a man's own heart must be ever given to gain that of another. I now
found, that—that—I forget what I was going to observe; in short, sir, he
resolved to respect himself, and laid down a plan of restoring his
falling fortune. For this purpose, in his own whimsical manner, he
travelled through Europe on foot, and now, though he has scarcely
attained the age of thirty, his circumstances are more affluent than
ever. At present his bounties are more rational and moderate than
before; but he still preserves the character of a humourist, and finds
most pleasure in eccentric virtues. "

My attention was so much taken up by Mr. Burchell's account, that I
scarcely looked forward as we went along, till we were alarmed by the
cries of my family; when, turning, I perceived my youngest daughter in
the midst of a rapid stream, thrown from her horse, and struggling with
the torrent. She had sunk twice, nor was it in my power to disengage
myself in time to bring her relief. My sensations were even too violent
to permit my attempting her rescue: she must have certainly perished,
had not my companion, perceiving her danger, instantly plunged in to her
relief, and, with some difficulty, brought her in safety to the opposite
shore. By taking the current a little farther up, the rest of the family
got safely over, where we had an opportunity of joining our
acknowledgments to hers. Her gratitude may be more readily imagined than
described: she thanked her deliverer more with looks than words, and
continued to lean upon his arm, as if still willing to receive
assistance. My wife also hoped one day to have the pleasure of returning
his kindness at her own house. Thus, after we were refreshed at the next
inn, and had dined together, as Mr. Burchell was going to a different
part of the country, he took leave; and we pursued our journey, my wife
observing, as he went, that she liked him extremely, and protesting
that, if he had birth and fortune to entitle him to match into such a
family as ours, she knew no man she would sooner fix upon. I could not
but smile to hear her talk in this lofty strain; but I was never much
displeased with those harmless delusions that tend to make us more
happy.




_CHAPTER IV. _

_A proof that even the humblest fortune may grant happiness,
which depends not on circumstances, but constitution. _


The place of our retreat was in a little neighbourhood, consisting of
farmers who tilled their own grounds, and were equal strangers to
opulence and poverty. As they had almost all the conveniences of life
within themselves, they seldom visited towns or cities in search of
superfluities. Remote from the polite, they still retained the primeval
simplicity of manners; and, frugal by habit, they scarcely knew that
temperance was a virtue. They wrought with cheerfulness on days of
labour; but observed festivals as intervals of idleness and pleasure.
They kept up the Christmas carol, sent true-love knots on Valentine
morning, ate pancakes on Shrovetide, showed their wit on the first of
April, and religiously cracked nuts on Michaelmas-eve. Being apprised of
our approach, the whole neighbourhood came out to meet their minister,
dressed in their finest clothes, and preceded by a pipe and tabor; a
feast also was provided for our reception, at which we sat cheerfully
down; and what the conversation wanted in wit was made up in laughter.

Our little habitation was situated at the foot of a sloping hill,
sheltered with a beautiful underwood behind, and a prattling river
before; on one side a meadow, on the other a green. My farm consisted of
about twenty acres of excellent land, having given a hundred pounds for
my predecessor's goodwill. Nothing could exceed the neatness of my
little enclosures, the elms and hedgerows appearing with inexpressible
beauty. My house consisted of but one storey, and was covered with
thatch, which gave it an air of great snugness; the walls on the inside
were nicely whitewashed, and my daughters undertook to adorn them with
pictures of their own designing. Though the same room served us for
parlour and kitchen, that only made it the warmer. Besides, as it was
kept with the utmost neatness, the dishes, plates, and coppers being
well scoured, and all disposed in bright rows on the shelves, the eye
was agreeably relieved, and did not want richer furniture. There were
three other apartments—one for my wife and me, another for our two
daughters within our own, and the third with two beds for the rest of
our children.

The little republic to which I gave laws was regulated in the following
manner: by sunrise we all assembled in our common apartment, the fire
being previously kindled by the servant; after we had saluted each other
with proper ceremony—for I always thought fit to keep up some mechanical
forms of good breeding, without which, freedom ever destroys
friendship—we all bent in gratitude to that Being who gave us another
day. This duty being performed, my son and I went to pursue our usual
industry abroad, while my wife and daughters employed themselves in
providing breakfast, which was always ready at a certain time. I allowed
half an hour for this meal, and an hour for dinner; which time was taken
up in innocent mirth between my wife and daughters, and in philosophical
arguments between my son and me.

[Illustration:

"_Sometimes Farmer Flamborough, our talkative neighbour,
and often the blind piper, would pay us a visit. _"
]


As we rose with the sun, so we never pursued our labours after it was
gone down, but returned home to the expecting family; where smiling
looks, a neat hearth, and pleasant fire were prepared for our reception.
Nor were we without guests; sometimes Farmer Flamborough, our talkative
neighbour, and often the blind piper, would pay us a visit, and taste
our gooseberry-wine, for the making of which we had lost neither the
recipe nor the reputation. These harmless people had several ways of
being good company; for while one played, the other would sing some
soothing ballad—Johnny Armstrong's Last Good-night, or the Cruelty of
Barbara Allen. The night was concluded in the manner we began the
morning, my youngest boys being appointed to read the lessons of the
day; and he that read loudest, distinctest, and best, was to have a
halfpenny on Sunday to put into the poor's-box.

When Sunday came, it was indeed a day of finery, which all my sumptuary
edicts could not restrain. How well soever I fancied my lectures against
pride had conquered the vanity of my daughters, yet I still found them
secretly attached to all their former finery; they still loved laces,
ribands, bugles, and catgut; my wife herself retained a passion for her
crimson paduasoy, because I formerly happend to say it became her.

The first Sunday, in particular, their behaviour served to mortify me. I
had desired my girls the preceding night to be dressed early the next
day; for I always loved to be at church a good while before the rest of
the congregation. They punctually obeyed my directions; but when we were
assembled in the morning at breakfast, down came my wife and daughters,
dressed out in all their former splendour; their hair plastered up with
pomatum, their faces patched to taste, their trains bundled up into a
heap behind, and rustling at every motion. I could not help smiling at
their vanity, particularly that of my wife, from whom I expected more
discretion. In this exigence, therefore, my only resource was to order
my son, with an important air, to call our coach. The girls were amazed
at the command; but I repeated it with more solemnity than before.
"Surely, my dear, you jest," cried my wife; "we can walk it perfectly
well: we want no coach to carry us now. " "You mistake, child," returned
I, "we do want a coach; for if we walk to church in this trim, the very
children in the parish will hoot after us. " "Indeed," replied my wife,
"I always imagined that my Charles was fond of seeing his children neat
and handsome about him. " "You may be as neat as you please," interrupted
I, "and I shall love you the better for it; but all this is not
neatness, but frippery. These rufflings, and pinkings, and patchings,
will only make us hated by all the wives of our neighbours. No, my
children," continued I, more gravely, "those gowns may be altered into
something of a plainer cut; for finery is very unbecoming in us, who
want the means of decency. I do not know whether such flouncing and
shredding is becoming even in the rich, if we consider, upon a moderate
calculation, that the nakedness of the indigent world may be clothed
from the trimmings of the vain. "

This remonstrance had the proper effect: they went with great composure,
that very instant, to change their dress; and the next day I had the
satisfaction of finding my daughters, at their own request, employed in
cutting up their trains into Sunday waistcoats for Dick and Bill, the
two little ones; and, what was still more satisfactory, the gowns seemed
improved by this curtailing.




_CHAPTER V. _

_A new and great acquaintance introduced. —What we place most
hopes upon generally proves most fatal. _


At a small distance from the house my predecessor had made a seat
overshaded by a hedge of hawthorn and honeysuckle. Here, when the
weather was fine, and our labour soon finished, we usually sat together
to enjoy an extensive landscape in the calm of the evening. Here, too,
we drank tea, which was now become an occasional banquet; and as we had
it but seldom, it diffused a new joy, the preparation for it being made
with no small share of bustle and ceremony. On these occasions our two
little ones always read for us, and they were regularly served after we
had done. Sometimes, to give a variety to our amusements, the girls sung
to the guitar; and while they thus formed a little concert, my wife and
I would stroll down the sloping field, that was embellished with
blue-bells and centaury, talk of our children with rapture, and enjoy
the breeze that wafted both health and harmony.
In this manner we began to find that every situation in life may bring
its own peculiar pleasures; every morning waked us to a repetition of
toil; but the evening repaid it with vacant hilarity.

It was about the beginning of autumn, on a holiday—for I kept such as
intervals of relaxation from labour—that I had drawn out my family to
our usual place of amusement, and our young musicians began their usual
concert. As we were thus engaged, we saw a stag bound nimbly by, within
about twenty paces of where we were sitting, and, by its panting, it
seemed pressed by the hunters. We had not much time to reflect upon the
poor animal's distress, when we perceived the dogs and horsemen come
sweeping along at some distance behind, and making the very path it had
taken. I was instantly for returning in with my family; but either
curiosity or surprise, or some more hidden motive, held my wife and
daughters to their seats. The huntsman, who rode foremost, passed us
with great swiftness, followed by four or five persons more, who seemed
in equal haste. At last, a young gentleman, of a more genteel appearance
than the rest, came forward, and for a while regarding us, instead of
pursuing the chase stopped short, and, giving his horse to a servant who
attended, approached us with a careless, superior air. He seemed to want
no introduction, but was going to salute my daughters as one certain of
a kind reception; but they had early learned the lesson of looking
presumption out of countenance. Upon which he let us know that his name
was Thornhill, and that he was the owner of the estate that lay for some
extent around us. He again, therefore, offered to salute the female part
of the family; and such was the power of fortune and fine clothes, that
he found no second repulse. As his address, though confident, was easy,
we soon became more familiar; and perceiving musical instruments lying
near, he begged to be favoured with a song. As I did not approve of such
disproportioned acquaintances, I winked upon my daughters in order to
prevent their compliance; but my hint was counteracted by one from their
mother, so that with a cheerful air they gave us a favourite song of
Dryden's. Mr. Thornhill seemed highly delighted with their performance
and choice, and then took up the guitar himself. He played but very
indifferently; however, my eldest daughter repaid his former applause
with interest, and assured him that his tones were louder than even
those of her master. At this compliment he bowed, which she returned by
a curtsey. He praised her taste, and she commended his understanding: an
age could not have made them better acquainted: while the fond mother
too, equally happy, insisted upon her landlord's stepping in, and taking
a glass of her gooseberry. The whole family seemed earnest to please
him: my girls attempted to entertain him with topics they thought most
modern; while Moses, on the contrary, gave him a question or two from
the ancients, for which he had the satisfaction of being laughed at; my
little ones were no less busy, and fondly stuck close to the stranger.
All my endeavours could scarcely keep their dirty fingers from handling
and tarnishing the lace on his clothes, and lifting up the flaps of his
pocket-holes, to see what was there. At the approach of evening he took
leave; but not till he had requested permission to renew his visit,
which, as he was our landlord, we most readily agreed to.

[Illustration:

"_Mr. Thornhill was highly delighted with their
performance and choice, and then took the guitar himself. _"
]


As soon as he was gone, my wife called a council on the conduct of the
day. She was of opinion that it was a most fortunate hit; for she had
known even stranger things than that brought to bear. She hoped again to
see the day in which we might hold up our heads with the best of them;
and concluded, she protested she could see no reason why the two Miss
Wrinkles should marry great fortunes, and her children get none. As this
last argument was directed to me, I protested I could see no reason for
it neither; nor why Mr. Simkins got the ten thousand pound prize in the
lottery, and we set down with a blank. "I protest, Charles," cried my
wife, "this is the way you always damp my girls and me when we are in
spirits. Tell me, Sophy, my dear, what do you think of our new visitor?
Don't you think he seemed to be good-natured? " "Immensely so, indeed,
mamma," replied she; "I think he has a great deal to say upon
everything, and is never at a loss; and the more trifling the subject,
the more he has to say. " "Yes," cried Olivia, "he is well enough for a
man; but, for my part, I don't much like him, he is so extremely
impudent and familiar; but on the guitar he is shocking. " These two last
speeches I interpreted by contraries. I found by this, that Sophia
internally despised as much as Olivia secretly admired him. "Whatever
may be your opinions of him, my children," cried I, "to confess the
truth, he has not prepossessed me in his favour. Disproportioned
friendships ever terminate in disgust; and I thought, notwithstanding
all his ease, that he seemed perfectly sensible of the distance between
us. Let us keep to companions of our own rank. There is no character
more contemptible than a man that is a fortune-hunter; and I can see no
reason why fortune-hunting women should not be contemptible too. Thus,
at best, we shall be contemptible if his views be honourable; but if
they be otherwise! I should shudder but to think of that! It is true, I
have no apprehensions from the conduct of my children, but I think there
are some from his character. " I would have proceeded, but for the
interruption of a servant from the squire, who, with his compliments,
sent us a side of venison, and a promise to dine with us some days
after. This well-timed present pleaded more powerfully in his favour
than anything I had to say could obviate. I therefore continued silent,
satisfied with just having pointed out danger, and leaving it to their
own discretion to avoid it. That virtue which requires to be ever
guarded is scarcely worth the sentinel.




_CHAPTER VI. _

_Happiness of a country fireside. _


As we carried on the former dispute with some degree of warmth, in order
to accommodate matters it was universally agreed that we should have a
part of the venison for supper, and the girls undertook the task with
alacrity. "I am sorry," cried I, "that we have no neighbour or stranger
to take part in this good cheer: feasts of this kind acquire a double
relish from hospitality. " "Bless me! " cried my wife, "here comes our
good friend, Mr. Burchell, that saved our Sophia, and that run you down
fairly in the argument. " "Confute me in argument, child! " cried I, "you
mistake there, my dear; I believe there are but few that can do that: I
never dispute your abilities at making a goose-pie, and I beg you'll
leave argument to me. " As I spoke poor Mr. Burchell entered the house,
and was welcomed by the family, who shook him heartily by the hand,
while little Dick officiously reached him a chair.

I was pleased with the poor man's friendship for two reasons: because I
knew that he wanted mine, and I knew him to be friendly as far as he was
able. He was known in our neighbourhood by the character of the poor
gentleman that would do no good when he was young, though he was not yet
thirty. He would at intervals talk with great good sense; but in general
he was fondest of the company of children, whom he used to call harmless
little men. He was famous, I found, for singing them ballads and telling
them stories; and seldom went out without something in his pockets for
them—a piece of gingerbread, or a halfpenny whistle. He generally came
for a few days into our neighbourhood once a year, and lived upon the
neighbours' hospitality. He sat down to supper among us, and my wife was
not sparing of her gosseberry-wine. The tale went round; he sung us old
songs, and gave the children the story of the Buck of Beverland, with
the History of Patient Grizzel, the Adventures of Catskin, and then Fair
Rosamond's Bower. Our cock, which always crew at eleven, now told us it
was time for repose; but an unforeseen difficulty started about lodging
the stranger: all our beds were already taken up, and it was too late to
send him to the next alehouse. In this dilemma, little Dick offered him
his part of the bed, if his brother Moses would let him lie with him.
"And I," cried Bill, "will give Mr. Burchell my part, if my sisters will
take me to theirs. " "Well done, my good children," cried I, "hospitality
is one of the first Christian duties. The beast retires to its shelter,
and the bird flies to its nest; but helpless man can only find refuge
from his fellow-creature. The greatest stranger in this world was He
that came to save it: He never had a house, as if willing to see what
hospitality was left remaining amongst us. Deborah, my dear," cried I to
my wife, "give those boys a lump of sugar each; and let Dick's be the
largest, because he spoke first. "

In the morning early, I called out my whole family to help at saving an
after-growth of hay, and our guest offering his assistance, he was
accepted among the number. Our labours went on lightly; we turned the
swath to the wind; I went foremost, and the rest followed in due
succession. I could not avoid, however, observing the assiduity of Mr.
Burchell in aiding my daughter Sophia in her part of the task. When he
had finished his own, he would join in hers, and enter into a close
conversation: but I had too good an opinion of Sophia's understanding,
and was too well convinced of her ambition, to be under any uneasiness
from a man of broken fortune. When we were finished for the day, Mr.
Burchell was invited as on the night before, but he refused, as he was
to lie that night at a neighbour's, to whose child he was carrying a
whistle. When gone, our conversation at supper turned upon our late
unfortunate guest. "What a strong instance," said I, "is that poor man
of the miseries attending a youth of levity and extravagance! He by no
means wants sense, which only serves to aggravate his former folly. Poor
forlorn creature! where are now the revellers, the flatterers, that he
could once inspire and command? Gone, perhaps, to attend the bagnio
pandar, grown rich by his extravagance. They once praised him, and now
they applaud the pandar: their former raptures at his wit are now
converted into sarcasms at his folly: he is poor, and perhaps deserves
poverty; for he has neither the ambition to be independent nor the skill
to be useful. " Prompted perhaps by some secret reasons, I delivered this
observation with too much acrimony, which my Sophia gently reproved.
"Whatsoever his former conduct may have been, papa, his circumstances
should exempt him from censure now. His present indigence is a
sufficient punishment for former folly: and I have heard my papa himself
say, that we should never strike one unnecessary blow at a victim over
whom Providence holds the scourge of its resentment. " "You are right,
Sophy," cried my son Moses; "and one of the ancients finely represents
so malicious a conduct, by the attempts of a rustic to flay Marsyas,
whose skin, the fable tells us, had been wholly stripped off by another;
besides, I don't know if this poor man's situation be so bad as my
father would represent it. We are not to judge of the feelings of others
by what we might feel if in their place. However dark the habitation of
the mole to our eyes, yet the animal itself finds the apartments
sufficiently lightsome. And, to confess the truth, this man's mind seems
fitted to his station; for I never heard any one more sprightly than he
was to-day, when he conversed with you. " This was said without the least
design: however, it excited a blush, which she strove to cover by an
affected laugh; assuring him that she scarcely took any notice of what
he said to her, but that she believed he might once have been a very
fine gentleman. The readiness with which she undertook to vindicate
herself, and her blushing, were symptoms I did not internally approve;
but I repressed my suspicions.

[Illustration:

"_I could not avoid, however, observing
the assiduity of Mr. Burchell in aiding my
daughter Sophia in her part of the task. _"
]


As we expected our landlord the next day, my wife went to make the
venison-pasty; Moses sat reading, while I taught the little ones: my
daughters seemed equally busy with the rest; and I observed them for a
good while cooking something over the fire. I at first supposed they
were assisting their mother; but little Dick informed me, in a whisper,
that they were making a wash for the face. Washes of all kinds I had a
natural antipathy to; for I knew that, instead of mending the
complexion, they spoiled it. I therefore approached my chair by slow
degrees to the fire, and grasping the poker, as if it wanted mending,
seemingly by accident overturned the whole composition, and it was too
late to begin another.




_CHAPTER VII. _

_A town wit described. —The dullest fellows may learn
to be comical for a night or two. _


When the morning arrived on which we were to entertain our young
landlord, it may be easily supposed what provisions were exhausted to
make an appearance. It may be also conjectured, that my wife and
daughters expanded their gayest plumage on this occasion. Mr. Thornhill
came with a couple of friends, his chaplain and feeder. The servants,
who were numerous, he politely ordered to the next alehouse: but my
wife, in the triumph of her heart, insisted on entertaining them all;
for which, by the bye, our family was pinched for three weeks after. As
Mr. Burchell had hinted to us, the day before, that he was making some
proposals of marriage to Miss Wilmot, my son George's former mistress,
this a good deal damped the heartiness of his reception: but accident in
some measure relieved our embarrassment; for one of the company
happening to mention her name, Mr. Thornhill observed with an oath, that
he never knew anything more absurd than calling such a fright a beauty.
"For, strike me ugly! " continued he, "if I should not find as much
pleasure in choosing my mistress by the information of a lamp under the
clock of St. Dunstan's. " At this he laughed, and so did we: the jests of
the rich are ever successful. Olivia, too, could not avoid whispering,
loud enough to be heard, that he had an infinite fund of humour.

After dinner, I began with my usual toast, the Church; for this I was
thanked by the chaplain, as he said the Church was the only mistress of
his affections. "Come, tell us honestly, Frank," said the squire, with
his usual archness, "suppose the Church, your present mistress, dressed
in lawn sleeves, on one hand, and Miss Sophia, with no lawn about her,
on the other, which would you be for? " "For both, to be sure," cried the
chaplain, "Right, Frank! " cried the squire; "for may this glass
suffocate me, but a fine girl is worth all the priestcraft in the
creation; for what are tithes and tricks but an imposition, all a
confounded imposture? and I can prove it. " "I wish you would," cried my
son Moses; "and I think," continued he, "that I should be able to answer
you. " "Very well, sir," cried the squire, who immediately smoked him,
and winked on the rest of the company to prepare us for the sport: "if
you are for a cool argument upon the subject, I am ready to accept the
challenge. And first, whether are you for managing it analogically or
dialogically? " "I am for managing it rationally," cried Moses, quite
happy at being permitted to dispute. "Good again! " cried the squire;
"and, firstly, of the first I hope you'll not deny that whatever is, is:
if you don't grant me that, I can go no further. " "Why," returned Moses,
"I think I may grant that, and make the best of it. " "I hope, too,"
returned the other, "you will grant that a part is less than the whole? "
"I grant that too," cried Moses: "it is but just and reasonable. " "I
hope," cried the squire, "you will not deny, that the three angles of a
triangle are equal to two right ones? " "Nothing can be plainer,"
returned t'other, and looked round him with his usual importance. "Very
well," cried the squire, speaking very quick; "the premises being thus
settled, I proceed to observe, that the concatenation of
self-existences, proceeding in a reciprocal duplicate ratio, naturally
produce a problematical dialogism, which, in some measure, proves that
the essence of spirituality may be referred to the second predicable. "
"Hold, hold! " cried the other, "I deny that. Do you think I can thus
tamely submit to such heterodox doctrines? " "What! " replied the squire,
as if in a passion, "not submit! Answer me one plain question. Do you
think Aristotle right when he says that relatives are related? "
"Undoubtedly," replied the other. "If so, then," cried the squire,
"answer me directly to what I propose: Whether do you judge the
analytical investigation of the first part of my enthymem deficient
_secundum quoad_, or _quoad minus_? and give me your reasons, I say,
directly. " "I protest," cried Moses, "I don't rightly comprehend the
force of your reasoning; but if it be reduced to one single,
proposition, I fancy it may then have an answer. " "Oh, sir," cried the
squire, "I am your most humble servant: I find you want me to furnish
you with argument and intellects too. No, sir! there I protest you are
too hard for me. " This effectually raised the laugh against poor Moses,
who sat the only dismal figure in a group of merry faces; nor did he
offer a single syllable more during the whole entertainment.

But though all this gave me no pleasure, it had a very different effect
upon Olivia, who mistook it for humour, though but a mere act of memory.
She thought him, therefore, a very fine gentleman; and such as consider
what powerful ingredients a good figure, fine clothes, and fortune are
in that character, will easily forgive her. Mr. Thornhill,
notwithstanding his real ignorance, talked with ease, and could
expatiate upon the common topics of conversation with fluency. It is not
surprising, then, that such talents should win the affections of a girl
who, by education, was taught to value an appearance in herself, and
consequently to set a value upon it in another.

Upon his departure, we again entered into a debate upon the merits of
our young landlord. As he directed his looks and conversation to Olivia,
it was no longer doubted but that she was the object that induced him to
be our visitor. Nor did she seem to be much displeased at the innocent
raillery of her brother and sister upon this occasion. Even Deborah
herself seemed to share the glory of the day, and exulted in her
daughter's victory, as if it were her own. "And now, my dear," cried she
to me, "I'll fairly own that it was I who instructed my girls to
encourage our landlord's addresses. I had always some ambition, and you
now see that I was right; for who knows how this may end? " "Ay, who
knows that, indeed! " answered I, with a groan: "for my part, I don't
much like it; and I could have been better pleased with one that was
poor and honest, than this fine gentleman with his fortune and
infidelity; for, depend on't, if he be what I suspect him, no
freethinker shall ever have a child of mine. "

"Sure, father," cried Moses, "You are too severe in this; for Heaven
will never arraign him for what he thinks, but for what he does. Every
man has a thousand vicious thoughts, which arise without his power to
suppress. Thinking freely of religion may be involuntary with this
gentleman; so that, allowing his sentiments to be wrong, yet, as he is
purely passive in his assent, he is no more to be blamed for his errors
than the governor of a city without walls for the shelter he is obliged
to afford an invading enemy. "

"True, my son," cried I; "but if the governor invites the enemy there,
he is justly culpable; and such is always the case with those who
embrace error. The vice does not lie in assenting to the proofs they
see, but in being blind to many of the proofs that offer. So that,
though our erroneous opinions be involuntary when formed, yet, as we
have been wilfully corrupt or very negligent in forming them, we deserve
punishment for our vice, or contempt for our folly. "

[Illustration:

"_And when he bought each of the girls a
set of ribands, hers was the finest. _"—_p. _ 30.
]


My wife now kept up the conversation, though not the argument: she
observed, that several very prudent men of our acquaintance were
freethinkers, and made very good husbands; and she knew some sensible
girls that had had skill enough to make converts of their spouses. "And
who knows, my dear," continued she, "what Olivia may be able to do? The
girl has a great deal to say upon every subject, and, to my knowledge,
is very well skilled in controversy. "

"Why, my dear, what controversy can she have read? "cried I. "It does
not occur to me that I ever put such books into her hands: you certainly
over-rate her merit. " "Indeed, papa," replied Olivia, "she does not; I
have read a great deal of controversy. I have read the disputes between
Thwackum and Square; the controversy between Robinson Crusoe and Friday
the savage; and I am now employed in reading the controversy in
'Religious Courtship. '" "Very well," cried I: "that's a good girl; I
find you are perfectly qualified for making converts, and so go help
your mother to make the gooseberry-pie. "




_CHAPTER VIII. _

_An amour, which promises little good fortune,
yet may be productive of much. _


The next morning we were again visited by Mr. Burchell, though I began,
for certain reasons, to be displeased with the frequency of his return;
but I could not refuse him my company and my fireside. It is true, his
labour more than requited his entertainment; for he wrought among us
with vigour, and, either in the meadow or at the hay-rick, put himself
foremost. Besides, he had always something amusing to say that lessened
our toil, and was at once so out of the way, and yet so sensible, that I
loved, laughed at, and pitied him. My only dislike arose from an
attachment he discovered to my daughter: he would, in a jesting manner,
call her his little mistress; and when he bought each of the girls a set
of ribands, hers was the finest. I knew not how, but he every day seemed
to become more amiable, his wit to improve, and his simplicity to assume
the superior airs of wisdom.

Our family dined in the field, and we sat, or rather reclined, round a
temperate repast, our cloth spread upon the hay, while Mr. Burchell gave
cheerfulness to the feast. To heighten our satisfaction, two blackbirds
answered each other from the opposite hedges, the familiar redbreast
came and pecked the crumbs from our hands, and every sound seemed but
the echo of tranquillity. "I never sit thus," says Sophia, "but I think
of the two lovers, so sweetly described by Mr. Gay, who were struck dead
in each other's arms. There is something so pathetic in the description,
that I have read it a hundred times with new rapture. " "In my opinion,"
cried my son, "the finest strokes in that description are much below
those in the 'Acis and Galatea' of Ovid. The Roman poet understands the
use of _contrast_ better, and upon that figure, artfully managed, all
strength in the pathetic depends. " "It is remarkable," cried Mr.
Burchell, "that both the poets you mention have equally contributed to
introduce a false taste into their respective countries, by loading all
their lines with epithet. Men of little genius found them most easily
imitated in their defects; and English poetry, like that in the latter
empire of Rome, is nothing at present but a combination of luxuriant
images, without plot or connection—a string of epithets that improve the
sound without carrying on the sense. But perhaps, madam, while I thus
reprehend others, you'll think it just that I should give them an
opportunity to retaliate; and, indeed, I have made this remark only to
have an opportunity of introducing to the company a ballad, which,
whatever be its other defects, is, I think, at least free from those I
have mentioned. "


A BALLAD.

"Turn, gentle hermit of the dale,
And guide my lonely way
To where yon taper cheers the vale
With hospitable ray.