I was
thinking
mostly at night of places I had been--walking with my parents, my brother and sister .
Lifton-Robert-Jay-Thought-Reform-and-the-Psychology-of-Totalism
But the boy said he knew me, and also that I had told him to write anti-Communist pamphlets.
I snowed some hesitation, as I had contact with a thousand boys as a parish priest.
The judge said I was not sincere--put the handcuffs on me again-- and again made me sit in that extremely painful position until I con- fessed that I knew the boy. From this kind of interrogation, and from the suggestions which were made in the cell, gradually the confession built up, . . . I knew that I had been accused of instigating a boy to write anti-Communist slogans and to throw stones at street lights. . , . Many of the more concrete suggestions came from the cell. The chief would say, "You have already said you have done this, you must have done more. There must have been more boys. " Finally a con- fession somehow developed in which I said there had been twenty-five boys in this organization whose purpose was conducting sabotage and writing anti-Communist publications.
The third, Father C s organization, involved pressures from cell- mates, developing the points which Father Luca had already "admitted" during the interrogations.
They said, "Well, you certainly did something for Father C. " I said, "No, that would have been impossible. I had just come to China. I didn't know the situation. I didn't know Chinese. " They said, "You didn't know Chinese, but you do know foreign languages. " I admitted that I did. And so somehow the suggestion came out that, since I had to be doing something for him, maybe it was writing, some kind of clerical work. This seemed to be the only thing I could do for him. So it came to be like a conviction that not only I could do this, but that I had done this. . . . 1 remembered that Father C had once men- tioned an uncle of his and an old lady he knew, both in Switzerland. So I mixed this thing I heard from him with the suggestion I had written letters for him. And so I said I had written letters to that uncle and old lady in Switzerland.
They said, "You say you have not participated in his organization. Now you say you have written letters for him. That is a connection in his organization. Now what was your title? A man who writes letters like this for an organization--what is he called? What is his title? ". . . . They didn't say exactly, but the meaning was very clear. I made the reply, "Secretary. " After that I knew I must accept the title of Secretary. . . . I did not really believe I had been a secretary but rny mind was confused, and I felt it was impossible to refute their [cell- mates] arguments. I did develop the conviction that I had written two or three letters. It came little by little. . . . It is impossible to say exactly how these ideas first developed.
? FATHER LUCA: THE FALSE CONFESSION 45
Father Luca's false visualizations (or illusions) varied in dura- tion from a fleeting moment to a period of a few weeks or months, merging into a dream-like state in which
I was mixed up between real and imaginary things and persons. I was no longer able to distinguish what was real and what was imaginary. . . . I had the notion that many things were imaginary, but I was not sure. I could not say, "This is real," or "This is not real. "
This inability to distinguish the real from the unreal extended beyond his immediate confession material. Once, just after he had fainted,
I had the idea that I was no longer in prison. I had been put in a small house outside the cathedral. People were going about outside--chiefly Christians. I heard voices and recognized some of them.
But this delusion was by no means completely removed from the confession, because in it he "came out into the garden" and saw two men, remembering the name of one of them but not of the other. And this he related to his interrogators' demands that he name "secret agents" (Chinese assistants to foreign priests), and his in- ability to remember the name of one of them in particular. The next day he questioned whether all of this had really happened, as it had become to him "half-dream, half-real. " He had two additional delusions which also contained fantasies of rescue, but were more elaborate--and more lasting:
I had the idea that in the cell next to mine was a priest whom I knew very well before. He had also been badly mistreated. One day in bright daylight somebody came into his cell and said to him, "You have talked very well. Your affair is very simple and it is now finished. We see that you are not so bad. W e'll take you out this afternoon for a trip to the summer palace [in Peking]. After that we will release you. "
Then I heard this priest go out with a sigh, and while he was walking past my cell, he spoke in Latin--saying the beginning words of the Mass--"I shall come unto the altar of God. " . . . I thought, "Maybe he is saying that because in coming out of jail he is glad that tomorrow he can say Mass. Or maybe he is offering the pain and the suffering experienced to God. " . . . I remember that at that moment I coughed to let him know I was there.
? 46 THOUGHT REFORM
So convinced was he that this episode really occurred that one year later, during a special movement for the exposure of all "bad behavior/' he "confessed" to having coughed on this occasion to attract the attention of his fellow priest. It was only when he ar- rived in Hong Kong after his release, and was told that this other priest had never been arrested, that he gave up his belief in this incident. And the same was true of another rather similar episode:
Another time, in bright daylight, I had the impression I heard a European consul speaking--visiting the prison with a group of people. They went to visit another cell--someone else. On their way out, he said, "I have heard that Father Luca was also here. " There was no answer from the prison official. He was just before my cell at that mo- ment--so again I coughed--but the officer led him away. I heard him talking in the courtyard and I coughed again to let him know I was there. But nothing happened. . . . Here in Hong Kong I asked the officials of my government whether a consul ever visited the prison. They said no, and that it certainly couldn't be true.
These delusions were also related to his confession material and to a sense of guilt which was building up within him. For all of the characters in them--the other priest, the consul, and himself --had been involved in an incident which he had already confessed in some detail. Father Luca, in attempting to arrange for a young Chinese girl to leave her country and continue her religious studies in Europe, had approached the other priest for assistance, and the consul for the necessary documents. He had been disturbed by this part of his confession because he feared that it might result in the imprisonment of the other priest, and also troubled by the realiza- tion that he had chosen to help this girl from among many others because of affection which he felt for her beyond that of religious sympathy. Further, he had come to realize these actions violated Chinese Communist law; and although his captors did not make much of this, he was troubled by having--in approaching the con- sul--used "political means for religious aims. "
This was an especially important issue in Father Luca's case because, despite his confused state, he continued to struggle against any possible betrayal of his loyalty to the Catholic Church. The judge had been exerting great pressure upon him to make some ad- mission of the Church's relationship to imperialistic activities of Western governments. When he refused to do this, he had been
? FATHER LUCA: THE FALSE CONFESSION 47
required to resume the painful sitting position in which his hand- cuffs dug into his wrists; and the judge further explained, "I don't say that the Catholic Church is imperialistic. . . . I don't askyou to condemn religion . . . but just expect you to recognize that the imperialists used it as a 'cloak' for their invasion. " And thus un- der the pressure of "pain and explanation" Luca made the state- ment that "the imperialists used the Catholic Church as a cloak to make the invasion of China. " For this statement, and for in- cluding other missionaries (whom he feared might be consequently harmed) in his confession, he castigated himself severely, and looked upon himself as having been "weak. "
Yet through his mental haze, he attempted to understand his ordeal in terms of his religion;
In the first month I decided "Now I am suffering. It is for me a way of having penance for my sins. Now I think also that I have only one outlook and one hope--hope in God. "
The "Way9
But toward the end of this first month, Luca's physical and men- tal condition began to deteriorate. Infections had developed in the areas of his legs swollen by the chains. His increasing confusion made it difficult for him to keep the details of his confession straight. One fabrication required many more to support it, and this "novel," as he called it, became increasingly confused and contradictory. Then, during an interrogation session, he noticed the judge was moving his papers rapidly from one pile to another, until there were almost none left in the first pile. He became convinced that his case was close to being "solved," and this hope was further fed by the judge's sudden order that the heavy chains be removed from his ankles (the handcuffs had been taken off and put back on again several times, and at this point were also off). The judge then told him to sleep for the next two days, but continued to express disapproval concerning the confession, urging that after this long rest he come up with the proper material. Despite his great fatigue, Luca's fears prevented him from sleeping.
This show of leniency did not help him to add anything to his confession. A few nights later, when he had been called for an in-
? 48 THOUGHT REFORM
terrogation, the judge asked, "Now, have you any intention of be- ing sincere? " Father Luca replied, "I want to be sincere and obe- dient, but I am not certain how to do it. I hope you will show me a way. " To which the judge answered, "I will show you a way," and then called in several prison guards and left the room. These newcomers proceeded to gag Father Luca, hold him in a painful position, and then over the course of the night, to inflict upon him a series of painful injuries, mainly to his back. When they had left him about dawn, he lay helpless for about one hour with multiple fractures of his vertebral column. Then a young Chinese whom he had not met before entered the room and began to speak with him softly, in a kind voice, and in Italian--the first time he had heard his own language since his arrest. He was solicitous and did every- thing possible to make Luca comfortable; then he proceeded to question him in detail about his confession, and mostly about his relations with Father C.
Luca was affected by this human approach ("His way of ques- tioning was objective and impartial. . . . He spoke my own lan- guage. . . . It was easier for me to confess"). And he now gave a relatively accurate version of all of these events, quite different from his previous confession. He still felt compelled to exaggerate many aspects of it because "I knew if I told only the truth it wouldn't be sufficient"; but he included nothing that was grossly false. After about two hours, he complained of pain and weakness--both be- cause of his physical condition and his realization that "what re- mained was difficult. " His visitor agreed to end the interview, and shortly afterward, when it was discovered that Father Luca could not walk, he was carried back to his cell on a stretcher. He later learned that he had been interrogated by a "prisoner-official," a prisoner so "advanced" in his reform that he functions essentially as a staff member. So impressed was Luca with the special quality of this session that, when he was in difficulty on several other oc- casions later on, he asked to see this Italian-speaking prisoner-of- ficial again.
He was also at this time examined by a physician who confirmed his fear that his spine had been broken, but spoke to him reassur- ingly and told him that after some time it would heal.
The months which followed were especially trying. His case was less resolved than ever, and he was now physically completely help-
? FATHER LUCA: THE FALSE CONFESSION 49
less, dependent upon his cellmates for his every need. After several days of lying on the stone floor, he was given a hard wooden bed with a rough blanket. He was visited on just one more occasion by the doctor, who arranged for his cellmates to request additional clothes and blankets from Father Luca's mission organization, which still existed on the outside. Luca derived some comfort from this because "I felt better about their beginning to take care of me. " But the only medical treatment he received at this time was the prescription of some leg exercises. His requests for assistance with urination or defecation were frequently refused; this, combined with his partial loss of control over both his urinary and anal sphinc- ters (on a neurological basis due to his injury) resulted in frequent soiling of his bedclothes and the cell. The odors caused further re- sentment and severe criticism from his cellmates, living as they were in an intimacy which made every occurrence the experience of all.
In addition, Luca's immobility led to the development of severely infected bedsores on his back, thighs, and toes. At first these were treated very inadequately with iodine and other topical applications; but after objections had been raised by his cellmates to the odor that emanated from them, he received more effective treatment in the form of careful bandaging and penicillin injections.
Luca constantly maintained attempts to recover his physical capacities. After a short period of time he began to exercise his toes; after three months he could begin to sit up; after one year, he could stand, leaning against the wall. Not until fifteen months after his injury was he able to walk to the toilet. His cellmates at first assisted him in his exercises, but their "help" was frequently so rough that it caused him great pain--and on one such occasion he cried out so loudly that a prison official heard him, and came run- ning into the cell to find out what the trouble was. After this, his cellmates offered little assistance.
Despite his physical incapacity, Luca was required to take part in cell activities--confession and reform. Immediately after his injury, this consisted of answering "little papers" sent down from the officials, asking specific questions about such matters as his relationship with Father C, and his activities on behalf of Catholic organizations in China. Not long afterward more exhausting ac- tivity was required of him: he had to participate in the interim-
? 50 THOUGHT REFORM
nable cell "study" activities. When he would doze off--as he did frequently--the cell chief would strike him smartly on top of his head with a straw brush.
Luca's inner experiences during this period were those of ex- treme humiliation, helplessness, and depression:
I could do nothing for myself. . . . During the night if I had to urinate, I had to wake the man near me. . . . I wassorrowful, . . . I thought, "I can never be well again. My legs will never be cured. I will be helpless in everything. . . . " I thought much about my parents, how they must be suffering about me. . . . I wept several times, chiefly during the night.
He found comfort, reassurance, and an outlet for his feelings only through his fantasies, which usually concerned rich emotional ex- periences he had known in the past: places and people he had loved, songs with special meaning, his home, and his mother.
I was thinking mostly at night of places I had been--walking with my parents, my brother and sister . . . chiefly of home . . . and of holi- day journeys. . . . Once I had the strange feeling I had come back to Europe to my parents. . . . I had another thing--not exactly a dream --but like an obsession, maybe a pastime. I would try to remember geographical names--names of towns I knew all over the world-- sometimes of rivers and seas also--a kind of geographical hobby. . . . I have always been rather interested in geography. . . . When I was in very bad condition, I would sing, externally or internally--chiefly rather sorrowful songs: Negro spirituals--Swannee River, Josiah, Old Kentucky Home, Home on the Range--these songs in English . . . also, European songs and songs I sang with the Legion of Mary and other religious groups . . , religious songs from Holy W eek, also rather sad. They gave me a remembrance of my life in the Church with the youth in China. . . , When I was particularly in bad shape, I sang Negro spirituals . . . and also one song my mother sang to me when I was a little boy--a Negro baby song. . . . It was sorrowful, but an opportunity to express oneself, a kind of relief.
Later in his imprisonment, he was able to share some of these emotions:
There was in my cell for a while a young fellow, a Chinese Catholic. I knew he was a Catholic, but it wasn't possible for us to say anything or to speak about religion. But at recreation time, we sometimes sang songs. He was fond of music and knew many songs--Schubert, Bee-
? FATHER LUCA: THE FALSE CONFESSION 51
thoven, Christmas carols. He would sing the tune, then I would sing-- sometimes together. It was a way to express a community of feelings-- the others didn't understand. . . . He was on the outside a good prisoner--he said nothing against the Communist doctrine--and if not for the singing I might have doubted that he still had the Catholic faith. . . . He wasalso a comfort forme.
Beginning All Over
Three months after the injury (and four months after his ar- rest), Luca had an unexpected visitor in the cell: the judge ap- peared to announce a dramatic reversal in the official attitude to- ward the confession material. He told Luca that it was confused, inaccurate, and incomplete; and he gave an example of what he meant ("Why, as for L. [a Chinese allegedly the 'chief of an 'es- pionage' organization], you probably don't even know him. ") He urged the prisoner to "begin all over again" and this time "tell only the truth. " He informed him that he was to be transferred to a new cell "where you will be better able to write things. "
Luca was struck by the irony of the judge's statement--not too long before his reluctance to confess to an incriminating re- lationship with this same L. had resulted in his being placed in chains. But he was immensely pleased at what seemed to be an opportunity to clarify things and rid himself of the painful burden of maintaining his falsehoods. His hopefulness increased when he noted an improved atmosphere in the new cell and more consider- ate cellmates.
But his sense of relief was transient. When he began to dictate a denial of his three major "crimes" and a more accurate statement of his activities and associations (his limited knowledge of written Chinese, and poor physical condition prevented him from writing it out himself) the cell chief refused to accept the retraction; he told Luca that he was not yet "psychologically fit" to prepare his materials, and that if what he said were true, and he had really done nothing wrong, he would certainly not have been arrested.
Luca's dilemma was now greater than ever:
The judge said--"You must not tell untrue things. " On the other hand, when I told only real things, this was considered insufficient and I was not allowed to write them. I was in great psychological pain. I felt it was impossible to satisfy these people.
? 52 THOUGHT REFORM
There followed a return of the vindictive treatment--struggles, angry denunciations, and physical abuse: thumbs, pencils, or chop- sticks pressed under his chin or between his fingers, and painful ear-pulling. Attempts to tell the truth brought no relief.
Finally Luca came upon what seemed to him to be the only solution:
I thought, "I must find a way. There must be a way of giving real facts--and then presenting them as being bigger [more incriminating] than they were. " . , . Maybe this would satisfy mem. . , . From this time on I had this idea.
Soon afterward, during a prisonwide confession and self-accusa- tion movement, he found himself implementing this new approach. As confession pressures mounted and competitive feelings developed among the prisoners ("I can tell one guilty fact, . . . I can tell three guilty facts . . . "), Luca was himself heavily struggled and at the same time drawn into the group emotions.
Now--and for the remainder of his imprisonment--he began to make "real things bigger. " He imbued with an aura of espionage and intelligence such events as conversations with young girls in his religious groups and routine comments made to colleagues about the Chinese political and military situation during the Civil War. In this way he built up an impressive series of admissions: "Passing military information" to Father C, conveying "political and economic intelligence" to "imperialists" in Hong Kong, en- gaging in "reactionary activities" in the Legion of Mary (a militant, partly clandestine Catholic organization greatly resented by the Communists), and many additional "crimes"--all distorted exag- gerations of his real activities, rather than the more "creative fantasy" of his earlier false confessions.
And in response to continuing pressures, he began to dictate to a fellow prisoner (and later write out himself) a lengthy account of his entire stay in China, covering "generally speaking all of my behavior, although emphasizing what could be considered misbe- havior. " His efforts were well received ("The cell chief now looked upon me as a man with whom it is possible to do something"), and he felt the urge to produce more and more material.
This urge was intensified when, after one year, a general prison reorganization took place in which a new and more moderate
? FATHER LUCA: THE FALSE CONFESSION 53
policy was instituted. 1 Through manipulations from above, the cell chief was struggled and severely criticized for his encourage- ment of physical abuse, and then he (along with everyone else in the cell except Luca) was transferred and replaced.
After this Luca received no more beatings or physical pressures of any kind; but the new chief instituted a regime of increased psychological demands ("Although caring for my body, he was rather unpleasant to my spirit"). These demands took the form of twice-daily sessions during which all prisoners were required to write down and discuss their "bad thoughts/' as well as increas- ing demands upon Luca to condemn Church activities and to record "bad behavior" of any variety. Now Luca began to pour out in great detail information about all of his clerical activities in China as well as activities of his associates, especially emphasizing whatever could be constructed as "reactionary. "
I thought--it is so difficult to find out what they think is bad--so the best way I had was to write everything. . . . The idea came to me that if I don't confess something that is true, I won't be able to get rid of the things that are false.
He even began, like others in his cell, to invent "bad thoughts":
Formerly it was a pressure to invent facts about before I was arrested. Now it became a pressure to invent ideas. . . . I had to say, for in- stance, that I had all kinds of good feelings about President Truman, which was a bad thing--although I really had no special feeling either for or against him.
For a period of two weeks he did nothing but write out material about himself and others. Under this impulse to tell all, he con- fessed for the first time that he and some other priests had ar- ranged a code together, used mostly in mail to inform friends and relatives in Europe of their personal safety and of the state of the Church in China, He gave this information now, even though he had carefully held it back during his confused state in the first month, and also in the more "relaxed" interview which just fol- lowed his injury. Much to his surprise, the judge made little of it, and it was never included as part of his formal confession; none- theless, he regretted it later on when he discovered, after his re- lease, that one of the priests involved had been arrested.
? 54 THOUGHT REFORM
He began to feel his efforts were being encouraged. The judge paid another visit to his cell, and this time was even more friendly in his assertion that Luca had a perfect right to deny any accusa- tion which was not completely justified. Yet despite this, Luca con- tinued over the months to experience increasing emotional tension, especially when he was criticized in connection with his religion. The problem came to a head during a special confession movement, when he strongly objected to the cell chief's assertion that he "used religion only as a cloak" for his alleged espionage activities:
I replied violently, "This is not a cloak. A cloak is easy to remove. But for me if you want to take off my religion, it is necessary to take out my heart and to kill me. "
The cell chief then told him that although he had improved in many ways, his anger was a form of bad behavior which he should take up in his self-criticisms, and that there must be still in his soul something which prevented him from having full confidence in the government.
Luca admitted that there were things still disturbing him, but said that he was unable to discuss them in the cell, and requested that he be allowed to see the prisoner-official who had spoken to him kindly and in his own language just after his injury. This was arranged, and Luca took part in two remarkable therapeutic ses- sions with this man, which ushered in a period of greater intimacy between himself and his captors. During the first, speaking "frankly but with caution," he said that he was still "grieving" about his deformed bodily state (avoiding any direct accusations, and speak- ing of it as "illness"); that he was still concerned about young girls in the Legion of Mary who had been beaten in their schools; and that he still had great doubts about whether there really was free- dom of religion in China. In saying these things Luca felt the mixed motivations characteristic for the thought reform experience:
I felt that these would be bad things to say in the cell because there they would cause me trouble. But I knew that to say something would give me relief. I also knew it would have a favorable result--that the officials would consider me frank and would have understanding for me.
One month later a second meeting was arranged during which the prisoner-official gave a startlingly "reasonable" answer to the
? FATHER LUCA: THE FALSE CONFESSION 55 points which Luca had previously raised--including the first semi-
official recognition of fallibility on the part of the government:
It is true that there have been wrong things in your case, but you must remember that your behavior was at first very antagonistic to the govern- ment. . . . When you spoke in a such a confused manner, the judge lost his temper. This, of course, was not right, but in any case you should try to understand the circumstances . . . perhaps some people have been mishandled in prisons--but you must remember that in seventeenth-century England and during the French Revolution, this also happened. And if you will take a look at the greater picture, you will see that there is better control of the population in China now to prevent these excesses than there was in either England or in France during these other periods.
This explanation deeply impressed Luca although it did not com- pletely dispel his belief that the Communists should have gone a step further and made public admission of and reparations for their excesses.
Near the end of his second year of imprisonment, he began to work on what eventually became his final confession document. Told first to write it out in his own language, he summarized the main points of his prison-prepared "autobiography," and then trans- lated these himself into Chinese. Next he was brought before a new and apparently high-ranking judge for a one-week period of severe, "rather correct," but sometimes threatening interrogation: "I see you do not yet have a good knowledge of your sins. You really ought to be punished very severely, perhaps ten years in prison. " With the aid of the old judge, the new judge, and the prisoner-official, Luca evolved a four-point confession full of "in- telligence" implications, but so close to actual events that Luca himself felt it to be "almost real. "
Church Under Attack
During Luca's remaining eighteen months of imprisonment, the cell study program put great emphasis on a critical analysis of the Church's activities in China. Luca admitted that certain priests were out of line in their political and even military activities in China (he had criticized colleagues for such behavior even before his arrest); but at the same time he emphasized that the great majority were concerned only with their religious activities. This
? 56 THOUGHT REFORM
attitude, he was told, was not progressive because it did not take into account the principles of "collective responsibility":
If one in a family makes a mistake, it is the fault of the entire family; if one priest does something wrong, and is not stopped by the higher authorities, the Church authorities are at fault.
When Luca would try to point out the good that the Church had done, its service to the sick and to the poor, he met this argu- ment:
This is still a form of aid to imperialism, because the sick and the poor and other Chinese people are led to believe that good is emanating from foreigners, conveying a favorable impression of foreigners in gen- eral, and therefore making propaganda for and serving the purposes of the imperialists.
Similarly, when Luca responded to arguments against the "old China hand" attitude of many priests--their lavish living habits and distance from the common people--by pointing out his own in- tegration into Chinese life--Chinese friends, services conducted in Chinese, living in the Chinese manner--he was told that his behavior was even worse, because it "deceived the people. "
Luca found this kind of argument extremely disturbing:
It was the most difficult of their reasoning to counteract. , . . What you do that is good--is bad--precisely because it is goodl
He continued to experience his greatest inner pain whenever religion was discussed; and because of his imperfect attitude, he was frequently criticized as "stubborn," "subjective," and "having backward ideas. " But increasingly he stifled whatever inner protest he felt, and began to express himself cautiously, in a manner con- sistent with the Communist point of view wherever possible; at the same time he immersed himself in "facts and logic"--in the elaboration of small detail.
He was considered to have made some "progress. " Toward the middle of his third year of imprisonment, he was sent to a different compound with a more liberal routine: exercise periods in the courtyard, more leeway in going to the toilet, and less suffocating discipline. Here hsueh hsi was the main task, and Luca was criti-
? F A THER LUCA: THE FALSE CONFESSION 57 cized repeatedly for not telling his real thoughts. This accusation
was upsetting because it was partially true.
Sometimes I dared not saysome things, . . . Sometimes I reallywas telling what I thought. . . . And sometimes when I was, they still said I wasn't telling enough.
Even during this "improved" period, Luca was not free of out- ward signs of psychological disturbance, and suffered from in- somnia and "general nervousness/' When in response to cellmates' questions he admitted that he was praying at night, he would be told that he shouldn't do this, since it must be what was keeping him awake.
About nine months before his release, he was confronted with what turned out to be the last major demand for "betrayal. " The judge insisted that he write a letter to one of the young girls who had been most actively associated with him in the Legion of Mary, telling her that the Legion was a "reactionary organization led by spies" with "nothing religious about it," and that she should confess to the government all of her "reactionary activities. " Luca was warned, "Remember, your future depends upon how you write this. " After much pressure and conflict ("because of fear, and because I could not resist the moral pressure"), Luca finally wrote the letter. His first draft--which made some mention of things done for religion--was rejected; and in his final draft, he stated that he had deceived them in leading them to join the Legion of Mary, that he was wrong in telling them to "resist the govern- ment," and that he had done so because of his "imperialistic rela- tions. "
His letter did not go quite as far as the original request: he did not, for instance, include the phrase, "nothing religious about it. " This served to give him some sense of a small victory; but the entire incident was a source of such great pain that it was one of the matters he found most difficult to discuss with me.
After that--this was my chief grievance--I felt I was a coward. I said something that was to be used to trouble people, and while not con- trary to the essentials of the Church, could make a lot of trouble for religious work. . . . And I felt that these girls and other people had probably been more firm than I. . . . I should have been their leader --but I was not as strong as they.
? 58 THOUGHT REFORM
A short time later, he was told by his cellmates, "You are nervous, full of fear. . . . You must have more things to say. " He was then called before an official to discuss this matter. Luca approached this man openly, and asked him two questions which had long been troubling him: Would it be possible for him to remain in China after his release from prison? What was the real point of view of the government about religion? He was told that the government was not opposed to foreigners living and working in China, and that he would be able to stay; that the government did not oppose religion; and all those who did not oppose the religious reform movement could continue their religious activities. The reform movement referred to was the Communist-sponsored, nationwide, "triple autonomy" campaign for all of Chinese Christianity, ad- vocating Chinese rather than foreign direction of worship, funds, and organization. To the Communists, this movement was merely a way to cast off outside "imperialist" influence and form a "na- tional church"; but most of the Catholic missionaries saw it as a way to get the Church under direct Communist control. The Legion of Mary was strongly opposed to the reform movement, but Luca himself had favored a much more moderate position than some of his superiors. In this discussion, the official conceded that Luca "was not like other foreigners," as he had always been against the presence of foreign troops and Western concessions in China; but at the same time the official strongly condemned Luca for his re- peated defense of the Church in the cell, and insisted that he was attempting to influence the cell chief, a Chinese Catholic who was bitterly critical of Church activities.
The judge said I was not sincere--put the handcuffs on me again-- and again made me sit in that extremely painful position until I con- fessed that I knew the boy. From this kind of interrogation, and from the suggestions which were made in the cell, gradually the confession built up, . . . I knew that I had been accused of instigating a boy to write anti-Communist slogans and to throw stones at street lights. . , . Many of the more concrete suggestions came from the cell. The chief would say, "You have already said you have done this, you must have done more. There must have been more boys. " Finally a con- fession somehow developed in which I said there had been twenty-five boys in this organization whose purpose was conducting sabotage and writing anti-Communist publications.
The third, Father C s organization, involved pressures from cell- mates, developing the points which Father Luca had already "admitted" during the interrogations.
They said, "Well, you certainly did something for Father C. " I said, "No, that would have been impossible. I had just come to China. I didn't know the situation. I didn't know Chinese. " They said, "You didn't know Chinese, but you do know foreign languages. " I admitted that I did. And so somehow the suggestion came out that, since I had to be doing something for him, maybe it was writing, some kind of clerical work. This seemed to be the only thing I could do for him. So it came to be like a conviction that not only I could do this, but that I had done this. . . . 1 remembered that Father C had once men- tioned an uncle of his and an old lady he knew, both in Switzerland. So I mixed this thing I heard from him with the suggestion I had written letters for him. And so I said I had written letters to that uncle and old lady in Switzerland.
They said, "You say you have not participated in his organization. Now you say you have written letters for him. That is a connection in his organization. Now what was your title? A man who writes letters like this for an organization--what is he called? What is his title? ". . . . They didn't say exactly, but the meaning was very clear. I made the reply, "Secretary. " After that I knew I must accept the title of Secretary. . . . I did not really believe I had been a secretary but rny mind was confused, and I felt it was impossible to refute their [cell- mates] arguments. I did develop the conviction that I had written two or three letters. It came little by little. . . . It is impossible to say exactly how these ideas first developed.
? FATHER LUCA: THE FALSE CONFESSION 45
Father Luca's false visualizations (or illusions) varied in dura- tion from a fleeting moment to a period of a few weeks or months, merging into a dream-like state in which
I was mixed up between real and imaginary things and persons. I was no longer able to distinguish what was real and what was imaginary. . . . I had the notion that many things were imaginary, but I was not sure. I could not say, "This is real," or "This is not real. "
This inability to distinguish the real from the unreal extended beyond his immediate confession material. Once, just after he had fainted,
I had the idea that I was no longer in prison. I had been put in a small house outside the cathedral. People were going about outside--chiefly Christians. I heard voices and recognized some of them.
But this delusion was by no means completely removed from the confession, because in it he "came out into the garden" and saw two men, remembering the name of one of them but not of the other. And this he related to his interrogators' demands that he name "secret agents" (Chinese assistants to foreign priests), and his in- ability to remember the name of one of them in particular. The next day he questioned whether all of this had really happened, as it had become to him "half-dream, half-real. " He had two additional delusions which also contained fantasies of rescue, but were more elaborate--and more lasting:
I had the idea that in the cell next to mine was a priest whom I knew very well before. He had also been badly mistreated. One day in bright daylight somebody came into his cell and said to him, "You have talked very well. Your affair is very simple and it is now finished. We see that you are not so bad. W e'll take you out this afternoon for a trip to the summer palace [in Peking]. After that we will release you. "
Then I heard this priest go out with a sigh, and while he was walking past my cell, he spoke in Latin--saying the beginning words of the Mass--"I shall come unto the altar of God. " . . . I thought, "Maybe he is saying that because in coming out of jail he is glad that tomorrow he can say Mass. Or maybe he is offering the pain and the suffering experienced to God. " . . . I remember that at that moment I coughed to let him know I was there.
? 46 THOUGHT REFORM
So convinced was he that this episode really occurred that one year later, during a special movement for the exposure of all "bad behavior/' he "confessed" to having coughed on this occasion to attract the attention of his fellow priest. It was only when he ar- rived in Hong Kong after his release, and was told that this other priest had never been arrested, that he gave up his belief in this incident. And the same was true of another rather similar episode:
Another time, in bright daylight, I had the impression I heard a European consul speaking--visiting the prison with a group of people. They went to visit another cell--someone else. On their way out, he said, "I have heard that Father Luca was also here. " There was no answer from the prison official. He was just before my cell at that mo- ment--so again I coughed--but the officer led him away. I heard him talking in the courtyard and I coughed again to let him know I was there. But nothing happened. . . . Here in Hong Kong I asked the officials of my government whether a consul ever visited the prison. They said no, and that it certainly couldn't be true.
These delusions were also related to his confession material and to a sense of guilt which was building up within him. For all of the characters in them--the other priest, the consul, and himself --had been involved in an incident which he had already confessed in some detail. Father Luca, in attempting to arrange for a young Chinese girl to leave her country and continue her religious studies in Europe, had approached the other priest for assistance, and the consul for the necessary documents. He had been disturbed by this part of his confession because he feared that it might result in the imprisonment of the other priest, and also troubled by the realiza- tion that he had chosen to help this girl from among many others because of affection which he felt for her beyond that of religious sympathy. Further, he had come to realize these actions violated Chinese Communist law; and although his captors did not make much of this, he was troubled by having--in approaching the con- sul--used "political means for religious aims. "
This was an especially important issue in Father Luca's case because, despite his confused state, he continued to struggle against any possible betrayal of his loyalty to the Catholic Church. The judge had been exerting great pressure upon him to make some ad- mission of the Church's relationship to imperialistic activities of Western governments. When he refused to do this, he had been
? FATHER LUCA: THE FALSE CONFESSION 47
required to resume the painful sitting position in which his hand- cuffs dug into his wrists; and the judge further explained, "I don't say that the Catholic Church is imperialistic. . . . I don't askyou to condemn religion . . . but just expect you to recognize that the imperialists used it as a 'cloak' for their invasion. " And thus un- der the pressure of "pain and explanation" Luca made the state- ment that "the imperialists used the Catholic Church as a cloak to make the invasion of China. " For this statement, and for in- cluding other missionaries (whom he feared might be consequently harmed) in his confession, he castigated himself severely, and looked upon himself as having been "weak. "
Yet through his mental haze, he attempted to understand his ordeal in terms of his religion;
In the first month I decided "Now I am suffering. It is for me a way of having penance for my sins. Now I think also that I have only one outlook and one hope--hope in God. "
The "Way9
But toward the end of this first month, Luca's physical and men- tal condition began to deteriorate. Infections had developed in the areas of his legs swollen by the chains. His increasing confusion made it difficult for him to keep the details of his confession straight. One fabrication required many more to support it, and this "novel," as he called it, became increasingly confused and contradictory. Then, during an interrogation session, he noticed the judge was moving his papers rapidly from one pile to another, until there were almost none left in the first pile. He became convinced that his case was close to being "solved," and this hope was further fed by the judge's sudden order that the heavy chains be removed from his ankles (the handcuffs had been taken off and put back on again several times, and at this point were also off). The judge then told him to sleep for the next two days, but continued to express disapproval concerning the confession, urging that after this long rest he come up with the proper material. Despite his great fatigue, Luca's fears prevented him from sleeping.
This show of leniency did not help him to add anything to his confession. A few nights later, when he had been called for an in-
? 48 THOUGHT REFORM
terrogation, the judge asked, "Now, have you any intention of be- ing sincere? " Father Luca replied, "I want to be sincere and obe- dient, but I am not certain how to do it. I hope you will show me a way. " To which the judge answered, "I will show you a way," and then called in several prison guards and left the room. These newcomers proceeded to gag Father Luca, hold him in a painful position, and then over the course of the night, to inflict upon him a series of painful injuries, mainly to his back. When they had left him about dawn, he lay helpless for about one hour with multiple fractures of his vertebral column. Then a young Chinese whom he had not met before entered the room and began to speak with him softly, in a kind voice, and in Italian--the first time he had heard his own language since his arrest. He was solicitous and did every- thing possible to make Luca comfortable; then he proceeded to question him in detail about his confession, and mostly about his relations with Father C.
Luca was affected by this human approach ("His way of ques- tioning was objective and impartial. . . . He spoke my own lan- guage. . . . It was easier for me to confess"). And he now gave a relatively accurate version of all of these events, quite different from his previous confession. He still felt compelled to exaggerate many aspects of it because "I knew if I told only the truth it wouldn't be sufficient"; but he included nothing that was grossly false. After about two hours, he complained of pain and weakness--both be- cause of his physical condition and his realization that "what re- mained was difficult. " His visitor agreed to end the interview, and shortly afterward, when it was discovered that Father Luca could not walk, he was carried back to his cell on a stretcher. He later learned that he had been interrogated by a "prisoner-official," a prisoner so "advanced" in his reform that he functions essentially as a staff member. So impressed was Luca with the special quality of this session that, when he was in difficulty on several other oc- casions later on, he asked to see this Italian-speaking prisoner-of- ficial again.
He was also at this time examined by a physician who confirmed his fear that his spine had been broken, but spoke to him reassur- ingly and told him that after some time it would heal.
The months which followed were especially trying. His case was less resolved than ever, and he was now physically completely help-
? FATHER LUCA: THE FALSE CONFESSION 49
less, dependent upon his cellmates for his every need. After several days of lying on the stone floor, he was given a hard wooden bed with a rough blanket. He was visited on just one more occasion by the doctor, who arranged for his cellmates to request additional clothes and blankets from Father Luca's mission organization, which still existed on the outside. Luca derived some comfort from this because "I felt better about their beginning to take care of me. " But the only medical treatment he received at this time was the prescription of some leg exercises. His requests for assistance with urination or defecation were frequently refused; this, combined with his partial loss of control over both his urinary and anal sphinc- ters (on a neurological basis due to his injury) resulted in frequent soiling of his bedclothes and the cell. The odors caused further re- sentment and severe criticism from his cellmates, living as they were in an intimacy which made every occurrence the experience of all.
In addition, Luca's immobility led to the development of severely infected bedsores on his back, thighs, and toes. At first these were treated very inadequately with iodine and other topical applications; but after objections had been raised by his cellmates to the odor that emanated from them, he received more effective treatment in the form of careful bandaging and penicillin injections.
Luca constantly maintained attempts to recover his physical capacities. After a short period of time he began to exercise his toes; after three months he could begin to sit up; after one year, he could stand, leaning against the wall. Not until fifteen months after his injury was he able to walk to the toilet. His cellmates at first assisted him in his exercises, but their "help" was frequently so rough that it caused him great pain--and on one such occasion he cried out so loudly that a prison official heard him, and came run- ning into the cell to find out what the trouble was. After this, his cellmates offered little assistance.
Despite his physical incapacity, Luca was required to take part in cell activities--confession and reform. Immediately after his injury, this consisted of answering "little papers" sent down from the officials, asking specific questions about such matters as his relationship with Father C, and his activities on behalf of Catholic organizations in China. Not long afterward more exhausting ac- tivity was required of him: he had to participate in the interim-
? 50 THOUGHT REFORM
nable cell "study" activities. When he would doze off--as he did frequently--the cell chief would strike him smartly on top of his head with a straw brush.
Luca's inner experiences during this period were those of ex- treme humiliation, helplessness, and depression:
I could do nothing for myself. . . . During the night if I had to urinate, I had to wake the man near me. . . . I wassorrowful, . . . I thought, "I can never be well again. My legs will never be cured. I will be helpless in everything. . . . " I thought much about my parents, how they must be suffering about me. . . . I wept several times, chiefly during the night.
He found comfort, reassurance, and an outlet for his feelings only through his fantasies, which usually concerned rich emotional ex- periences he had known in the past: places and people he had loved, songs with special meaning, his home, and his mother.
I was thinking mostly at night of places I had been--walking with my parents, my brother and sister . . . chiefly of home . . . and of holi- day journeys. . . . Once I had the strange feeling I had come back to Europe to my parents. . . . I had another thing--not exactly a dream --but like an obsession, maybe a pastime. I would try to remember geographical names--names of towns I knew all over the world-- sometimes of rivers and seas also--a kind of geographical hobby. . . . I have always been rather interested in geography. . . . When I was in very bad condition, I would sing, externally or internally--chiefly rather sorrowful songs: Negro spirituals--Swannee River, Josiah, Old Kentucky Home, Home on the Range--these songs in English . . . also, European songs and songs I sang with the Legion of Mary and other religious groups . . , religious songs from Holy W eek, also rather sad. They gave me a remembrance of my life in the Church with the youth in China. . . , When I was particularly in bad shape, I sang Negro spirituals . . . and also one song my mother sang to me when I was a little boy--a Negro baby song. . . . It was sorrowful, but an opportunity to express oneself, a kind of relief.
Later in his imprisonment, he was able to share some of these emotions:
There was in my cell for a while a young fellow, a Chinese Catholic. I knew he was a Catholic, but it wasn't possible for us to say anything or to speak about religion. But at recreation time, we sometimes sang songs. He was fond of music and knew many songs--Schubert, Bee-
? FATHER LUCA: THE FALSE CONFESSION 51
thoven, Christmas carols. He would sing the tune, then I would sing-- sometimes together. It was a way to express a community of feelings-- the others didn't understand. . . . He was on the outside a good prisoner--he said nothing against the Communist doctrine--and if not for the singing I might have doubted that he still had the Catholic faith. . . . He wasalso a comfort forme.
Beginning All Over
Three months after the injury (and four months after his ar- rest), Luca had an unexpected visitor in the cell: the judge ap- peared to announce a dramatic reversal in the official attitude to- ward the confession material. He told Luca that it was confused, inaccurate, and incomplete; and he gave an example of what he meant ("Why, as for L. [a Chinese allegedly the 'chief of an 'es- pionage' organization], you probably don't even know him. ") He urged the prisoner to "begin all over again" and this time "tell only the truth. " He informed him that he was to be transferred to a new cell "where you will be better able to write things. "
Luca was struck by the irony of the judge's statement--not too long before his reluctance to confess to an incriminating re- lationship with this same L. had resulted in his being placed in chains. But he was immensely pleased at what seemed to be an opportunity to clarify things and rid himself of the painful burden of maintaining his falsehoods. His hopefulness increased when he noted an improved atmosphere in the new cell and more consider- ate cellmates.
But his sense of relief was transient. When he began to dictate a denial of his three major "crimes" and a more accurate statement of his activities and associations (his limited knowledge of written Chinese, and poor physical condition prevented him from writing it out himself) the cell chief refused to accept the retraction; he told Luca that he was not yet "psychologically fit" to prepare his materials, and that if what he said were true, and he had really done nothing wrong, he would certainly not have been arrested.
Luca's dilemma was now greater than ever:
The judge said--"You must not tell untrue things. " On the other hand, when I told only real things, this was considered insufficient and I was not allowed to write them. I was in great psychological pain. I felt it was impossible to satisfy these people.
? 52 THOUGHT REFORM
There followed a return of the vindictive treatment--struggles, angry denunciations, and physical abuse: thumbs, pencils, or chop- sticks pressed under his chin or between his fingers, and painful ear-pulling. Attempts to tell the truth brought no relief.
Finally Luca came upon what seemed to him to be the only solution:
I thought, "I must find a way. There must be a way of giving real facts--and then presenting them as being bigger [more incriminating] than they were. " . , . Maybe this would satisfy mem. . , . From this time on I had this idea.
Soon afterward, during a prisonwide confession and self-accusa- tion movement, he found himself implementing this new approach. As confession pressures mounted and competitive feelings developed among the prisoners ("I can tell one guilty fact, . . . I can tell three guilty facts . . . "), Luca was himself heavily struggled and at the same time drawn into the group emotions.
Now--and for the remainder of his imprisonment--he began to make "real things bigger. " He imbued with an aura of espionage and intelligence such events as conversations with young girls in his religious groups and routine comments made to colleagues about the Chinese political and military situation during the Civil War. In this way he built up an impressive series of admissions: "Passing military information" to Father C, conveying "political and economic intelligence" to "imperialists" in Hong Kong, en- gaging in "reactionary activities" in the Legion of Mary (a militant, partly clandestine Catholic organization greatly resented by the Communists), and many additional "crimes"--all distorted exag- gerations of his real activities, rather than the more "creative fantasy" of his earlier false confessions.
And in response to continuing pressures, he began to dictate to a fellow prisoner (and later write out himself) a lengthy account of his entire stay in China, covering "generally speaking all of my behavior, although emphasizing what could be considered misbe- havior. " His efforts were well received ("The cell chief now looked upon me as a man with whom it is possible to do something"), and he felt the urge to produce more and more material.
This urge was intensified when, after one year, a general prison reorganization took place in which a new and more moderate
? FATHER LUCA: THE FALSE CONFESSION 53
policy was instituted. 1 Through manipulations from above, the cell chief was struggled and severely criticized for his encourage- ment of physical abuse, and then he (along with everyone else in the cell except Luca) was transferred and replaced.
After this Luca received no more beatings or physical pressures of any kind; but the new chief instituted a regime of increased psychological demands ("Although caring for my body, he was rather unpleasant to my spirit"). These demands took the form of twice-daily sessions during which all prisoners were required to write down and discuss their "bad thoughts/' as well as increas- ing demands upon Luca to condemn Church activities and to record "bad behavior" of any variety. Now Luca began to pour out in great detail information about all of his clerical activities in China as well as activities of his associates, especially emphasizing whatever could be constructed as "reactionary. "
I thought--it is so difficult to find out what they think is bad--so the best way I had was to write everything. . . . The idea came to me that if I don't confess something that is true, I won't be able to get rid of the things that are false.
He even began, like others in his cell, to invent "bad thoughts":
Formerly it was a pressure to invent facts about before I was arrested. Now it became a pressure to invent ideas. . . . I had to say, for in- stance, that I had all kinds of good feelings about President Truman, which was a bad thing--although I really had no special feeling either for or against him.
For a period of two weeks he did nothing but write out material about himself and others. Under this impulse to tell all, he con- fessed for the first time that he and some other priests had ar- ranged a code together, used mostly in mail to inform friends and relatives in Europe of their personal safety and of the state of the Church in China, He gave this information now, even though he had carefully held it back during his confused state in the first month, and also in the more "relaxed" interview which just fol- lowed his injury. Much to his surprise, the judge made little of it, and it was never included as part of his formal confession; none- theless, he regretted it later on when he discovered, after his re- lease, that one of the priests involved had been arrested.
? 54 THOUGHT REFORM
He began to feel his efforts were being encouraged. The judge paid another visit to his cell, and this time was even more friendly in his assertion that Luca had a perfect right to deny any accusa- tion which was not completely justified. Yet despite this, Luca con- tinued over the months to experience increasing emotional tension, especially when he was criticized in connection with his religion. The problem came to a head during a special confession movement, when he strongly objected to the cell chief's assertion that he "used religion only as a cloak" for his alleged espionage activities:
I replied violently, "This is not a cloak. A cloak is easy to remove. But for me if you want to take off my religion, it is necessary to take out my heart and to kill me. "
The cell chief then told him that although he had improved in many ways, his anger was a form of bad behavior which he should take up in his self-criticisms, and that there must be still in his soul something which prevented him from having full confidence in the government.
Luca admitted that there were things still disturbing him, but said that he was unable to discuss them in the cell, and requested that he be allowed to see the prisoner-official who had spoken to him kindly and in his own language just after his injury. This was arranged, and Luca took part in two remarkable therapeutic ses- sions with this man, which ushered in a period of greater intimacy between himself and his captors. During the first, speaking "frankly but with caution," he said that he was still "grieving" about his deformed bodily state (avoiding any direct accusations, and speak- ing of it as "illness"); that he was still concerned about young girls in the Legion of Mary who had been beaten in their schools; and that he still had great doubts about whether there really was free- dom of religion in China. In saying these things Luca felt the mixed motivations characteristic for the thought reform experience:
I felt that these would be bad things to say in the cell because there they would cause me trouble. But I knew that to say something would give me relief. I also knew it would have a favorable result--that the officials would consider me frank and would have understanding for me.
One month later a second meeting was arranged during which the prisoner-official gave a startlingly "reasonable" answer to the
? FATHER LUCA: THE FALSE CONFESSION 55 points which Luca had previously raised--including the first semi-
official recognition of fallibility on the part of the government:
It is true that there have been wrong things in your case, but you must remember that your behavior was at first very antagonistic to the govern- ment. . . . When you spoke in a such a confused manner, the judge lost his temper. This, of course, was not right, but in any case you should try to understand the circumstances . . . perhaps some people have been mishandled in prisons--but you must remember that in seventeenth-century England and during the French Revolution, this also happened. And if you will take a look at the greater picture, you will see that there is better control of the population in China now to prevent these excesses than there was in either England or in France during these other periods.
This explanation deeply impressed Luca although it did not com- pletely dispel his belief that the Communists should have gone a step further and made public admission of and reparations for their excesses.
Near the end of his second year of imprisonment, he began to work on what eventually became his final confession document. Told first to write it out in his own language, he summarized the main points of his prison-prepared "autobiography," and then trans- lated these himself into Chinese. Next he was brought before a new and apparently high-ranking judge for a one-week period of severe, "rather correct," but sometimes threatening interrogation: "I see you do not yet have a good knowledge of your sins. You really ought to be punished very severely, perhaps ten years in prison. " With the aid of the old judge, the new judge, and the prisoner-official, Luca evolved a four-point confession full of "in- telligence" implications, but so close to actual events that Luca himself felt it to be "almost real. "
Church Under Attack
During Luca's remaining eighteen months of imprisonment, the cell study program put great emphasis on a critical analysis of the Church's activities in China. Luca admitted that certain priests were out of line in their political and even military activities in China (he had criticized colleagues for such behavior even before his arrest); but at the same time he emphasized that the great majority were concerned only with their religious activities. This
? 56 THOUGHT REFORM
attitude, he was told, was not progressive because it did not take into account the principles of "collective responsibility":
If one in a family makes a mistake, it is the fault of the entire family; if one priest does something wrong, and is not stopped by the higher authorities, the Church authorities are at fault.
When Luca would try to point out the good that the Church had done, its service to the sick and to the poor, he met this argu- ment:
This is still a form of aid to imperialism, because the sick and the poor and other Chinese people are led to believe that good is emanating from foreigners, conveying a favorable impression of foreigners in gen- eral, and therefore making propaganda for and serving the purposes of the imperialists.
Similarly, when Luca responded to arguments against the "old China hand" attitude of many priests--their lavish living habits and distance from the common people--by pointing out his own in- tegration into Chinese life--Chinese friends, services conducted in Chinese, living in the Chinese manner--he was told that his behavior was even worse, because it "deceived the people. "
Luca found this kind of argument extremely disturbing:
It was the most difficult of their reasoning to counteract. , . . What you do that is good--is bad--precisely because it is goodl
He continued to experience his greatest inner pain whenever religion was discussed; and because of his imperfect attitude, he was frequently criticized as "stubborn," "subjective," and "having backward ideas. " But increasingly he stifled whatever inner protest he felt, and began to express himself cautiously, in a manner con- sistent with the Communist point of view wherever possible; at the same time he immersed himself in "facts and logic"--in the elaboration of small detail.
He was considered to have made some "progress. " Toward the middle of his third year of imprisonment, he was sent to a different compound with a more liberal routine: exercise periods in the courtyard, more leeway in going to the toilet, and less suffocating discipline. Here hsueh hsi was the main task, and Luca was criti-
? F A THER LUCA: THE FALSE CONFESSION 57 cized repeatedly for not telling his real thoughts. This accusation
was upsetting because it was partially true.
Sometimes I dared not saysome things, . . . Sometimes I reallywas telling what I thought. . . . And sometimes when I was, they still said I wasn't telling enough.
Even during this "improved" period, Luca was not free of out- ward signs of psychological disturbance, and suffered from in- somnia and "general nervousness/' When in response to cellmates' questions he admitted that he was praying at night, he would be told that he shouldn't do this, since it must be what was keeping him awake.
About nine months before his release, he was confronted with what turned out to be the last major demand for "betrayal. " The judge insisted that he write a letter to one of the young girls who had been most actively associated with him in the Legion of Mary, telling her that the Legion was a "reactionary organization led by spies" with "nothing religious about it," and that she should confess to the government all of her "reactionary activities. " Luca was warned, "Remember, your future depends upon how you write this. " After much pressure and conflict ("because of fear, and because I could not resist the moral pressure"), Luca finally wrote the letter. His first draft--which made some mention of things done for religion--was rejected; and in his final draft, he stated that he had deceived them in leading them to join the Legion of Mary, that he was wrong in telling them to "resist the govern- ment," and that he had done so because of his "imperialistic rela- tions. "
His letter did not go quite as far as the original request: he did not, for instance, include the phrase, "nothing religious about it. " This served to give him some sense of a small victory; but the entire incident was a source of such great pain that it was one of the matters he found most difficult to discuss with me.
After that--this was my chief grievance--I felt I was a coward. I said something that was to be used to trouble people, and while not con- trary to the essentials of the Church, could make a lot of trouble for religious work. . . . And I felt that these girls and other people had probably been more firm than I. . . . I should have been their leader --but I was not as strong as they.
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A short time later, he was told by his cellmates, "You are nervous, full of fear. . . . You must have more things to say. " He was then called before an official to discuss this matter. Luca approached this man openly, and asked him two questions which had long been troubling him: Would it be possible for him to remain in China after his release from prison? What was the real point of view of the government about religion? He was told that the government was not opposed to foreigners living and working in China, and that he would be able to stay; that the government did not oppose religion; and all those who did not oppose the religious reform movement could continue their religious activities. The reform movement referred to was the Communist-sponsored, nationwide, "triple autonomy" campaign for all of Chinese Christianity, ad- vocating Chinese rather than foreign direction of worship, funds, and organization. To the Communists, this movement was merely a way to cast off outside "imperialist" influence and form a "na- tional church"; but most of the Catholic missionaries saw it as a way to get the Church under direct Communist control. The Legion of Mary was strongly opposed to the reform movement, but Luca himself had favored a much more moderate position than some of his superiors. In this discussion, the official conceded that Luca "was not like other foreigners," as he had always been against the presence of foreign troops and Western concessions in China; but at the same time the official strongly condemned Luca for his re- peated defense of the Church in the cell, and insisted that he was attempting to influence the cell chief, a Chinese Catholic who was bitterly critical of Church activities.
