You talke of a
_Vniuer?
Ben Jonson - The Devil's Association
An _E?
cudero_, or ?
o _madame_, that wayts
Vpon 'hem in another Coach, at di? tance,
And when they walke, or daunce, holds by a hand-kercher,
Neuer pre? umes to touch 'hem.
EIT. This's ? ciruy! 90
And a forc'd grauity! I doe not like it.
I like our owne much better.
TAY. 'Tis more _French_,
And _Courtly_ ours.
EIT. And ta? ts more liberty.
VVe may haue our doozen of vi? iters, at once,
Make loue t'vs.
TAY. And before our husbands?
EIT. Hu? band? 95
As I am hone? t, _Tayle-bu? h_ I doe thinke
If no body ? hould loue mee, but my poore husband,
I ? hould e'n hang my ? elfe.
TAY. Fortune forbid, wench:
So faire a necke ? hould haue ? o foule a neck-lace.
EIT. 'Tis true, as I am hand? ome!
WIT. I receiu'd, _Lady_, 100
A token from you, which I would not bee
Rude to refu? e, being your fir? t remembrance.
(FIT. O, I am ? atisfied now!
MER. Do you ? ee it, Sir. )
WIT. But ? ince you come, to know me, neerer, _Lady_,
I'll begge the honour, you will weare for mee, 105
It mu? t be ? o.
Wittipol _giues it Mi? tre? ? e_ Fitz-dottrel.
M^rs. FIT. Sure I haue heard this tongue.
MER. What do you meane, S^r?
Mere-craft _murmures,_
WIT. Would you ha' me mercenary?
We'll recompence it anon, in ? omewhat el? e.
_He is ? atisfied, now he ? ees it. _
FIT. I doe not loue to be gull'd, though in a toy.
VVife, doe you heare? yo' are come into the Schole, wife,
VVhere you may learne, I doe perceiue it, any thing! 111
How to be fine, or faire, or great, or proud,
Or what you will, indeed, wife; heere 'tis taught.
And I am glad on't, that you may not ? ay,
Another day, when honours come vpon you, 115
You wanted meanes. I ha' done my parts: beene,
Today at fifty pound charge, fir? t, for a ring, [150]
_He vpbraids her, with his Bill of co? ts. _
To get you entred. Then left my new _Play_,
To wait vpon you, here, to ? ee't confirm'd.
That I may ? ay, both to mine owne eyes, and eares, 120
Sen? es, you are my witne? ? e, ? ha' hath inioy'd
All helps that could be had, for loue, or money--
M^rs. FIT. To make a foole of her.
FIT. Wife, that's your malice,
The wickedne? ? e o' you nature to interpret
Your husbands kinde? ? e thus. But I'll not leaue; 125
Still to doe good, for your deprau'd affections:
Intend it. Bend this ? tubborne will; be great.
TAY. Good _Madame_, whom do they v? e in me? ? ages?
WIT. They comonly v? e their ? laues, _Madame_.
TAI. And do's your _Ladi? hip_.
Thinke that ? o good, _Madame_?
WIT. no, indeed, _Madame_; I, 130
Therein preferre the fa? hion of _England_ farre,
Of your young delicate Page, or di? creet V? her.
FIT. And I goe with your _Ladi? hip_, in opinion,
Directly for your Gentleman-v? her.
There's not a finer _Officer_ goes on ground. 135
WIT. If hee be made and broken to his place, once.
FIT. Nay, ? o I pre? uppo? e him.
WIT. And they are fitter
Managers too, Sir, but I would haue 'hem call'd
Our _E? cudero's_.
FIT. Good.
WIT. Say, I ? hould ? end
To your _Ladi? hip_, who (I pre? ume) has gather'd 140
All the deare ? ecrets, to know how to make
_Pa? tillos_ of the _Dutche? ? e_ of _Braganza_,
_Coquettas_, _Almoiauana's_, _Mantecada's_,
_Alcoreas_, _Mu? taccioli_; or ? ay it were
The _Peladore_ of _Isabella_, or _balls_ 145
Again? t the itch, or _aqua nanfa_, or _oyle_
Of _Ie? ? amine_ for gloues, of the _Marque? ? e Muja_:
Or for the head, and hayre: why, the? e are _offices_.
FIT. Fit for a gentleman, not a ? laue. They onely
Might aske for your _pineti_, _Spani? h_-cole, 150
To burne, and ? weeten a roome; but the _Arcana_
Of _Ladies_ Cabinets--
FIT. Should be el? e-where tru? ted.
Yo' are much about the truth. Sweet honoured _Ladies_,
_He enters him? elfe with the_ Ladies.
Let mee fall in wi' you. I'ha' my female wit,
As well as my male. And I doe know what ? utes 155
A _Lady_ of ? pirit, or a woman of fa? hion!
WIT. And you would haue your wife ? uch.
FIT. Yes, _Madame_, aerie,
Light; not to plaine di? hone? ty, I meane:
But, ? omewhat o' this ? ide.
WIT. I take you, Sir.
H'has rea? on _Ladies_. I'll not giue this ru? h 160
For any _Lady_, that cannot be hone? t
Within a thred.
TAY. Yes, _Madame_, and yet venter
As far for th'other, in her Fame--
WIT. As can be;
Coach it to _Pimlico_; daunce the _Saraband_; [151]
Heare, and talke bawdy; laugh as loud, as a larum; 165
Squeake, ? pring, do any thing.
EIT. In young company, _Madame_.
TAY. Or afore gallants. If they be braue, or _Lords_,
A woman is ingag'd.
FIT. I ? ay ? o, _Ladies_,
It is ciuility to deny vs nothing.
PVG.
You talke of a _Vniuer? ity_! why, _Hell_ is 170
A Grammar-? choole to this!
_The_ Diuell _admires him_.
EIT. But then,
Shee mu? t not lo? e a looke on ? tuffes, or cloth, _Madame_.
TAY. Nor no cour? e fellow.
WIT. She mu? t be guided, _Madame_
By the clothes he weares, and company he is in;
Whom to ? alute, how farre--
FIT. I ha' told her this. 175
And how that bawdry too, vpo' the point,
Is (in it ? elfe) as ciuill a di? cour? e--
WIT. As any other affayre of fle? h, what euer.
FIT. But ? hee will ne'r be capable, ? hee is not
So much as comming, _Madame_; I know not how 180
She lo? es all her opportunities
With hoping to be forc'd. I'haue entertain'd
_He ? hews his_ Pug.
A gentleman, a younger brother, here,
Whom I would faine breed vp, her _E? cudero_,
Again? t ? ome expectation's that I haue, 185
And ? he'll not countenance him.
WIT. What's his name?
FIT. _Diuel_, o' _Darbi-? hire_.
EIT. Ble? ? e us from him!
TAY. _Diuell? _
Call him _De-uile_, ? weet _Madame_.
M^rs. FI. What you plea? e, _Ladies_.
TAY. _De-uile's_ a prettier name!
EIT. And ? ounds, me thinks,
As it came in with the _Conquerour_--
MAN. Ouer ? mocks! 190
What things they are? That nature ? hould be at lea? ure
Euer to make 'hem! my woing is at an end.
Manly _goes out with indignation_.
WIT. What can he do?
EIT. Let's heare him.
TAY. Can he manage?
FIT. Plea? e you to try him, _Ladies_. Stand forth, _Diuell_.
PVG. Was all this but the preface to my torment? 195
FIT. Come, let their _Ladi? hips_ ? ee your honours.
EIT. O,
Hee makes a wicked leg.
TAY. As euer I ? aw!
WIT. Fit for a _Diuell_.
TAY. Good _Madame_, call him _De-uile_.
WIT. _De-uile_, what property is there mo? t required
I' your conceit, now, in the _E? cudero_? 200
_They begin their_ Catechi? me.
FIT. Why doe you not speake?
PVG. A ? etled di? creet pa? e, _Madame_.
WIT. I thinke, a barren head, Sir, Mountaine-like,
To be expos'd to the cruelty of weathers--
FIT. I, for his Valley is beneath the wa? te, _Madame_,
And to be fruitfull there, it is ? ufficient. 205
Dulne? ? e vpon you! Could not you hit this?
PVG. Good Sir--
_He ? trikes him. _
WIT. He then had had no barren head.
You daw him too much, in troth, Sir.
FIT. I mu? t walke
With the _French_ ? ticke, like an old vierger for you.
PVG. O, _Chiefe_, call mee to _Hell_ againe, and free mee. 210
_The_ Diuell _prayes_.
FIT. Do you murmur now?
PVG. Not I, S^r.
WIT. What do you take [152]
M^r. _Deuile_, the height of your employment,
In the true perfect _E? cudero_?
FIT. When?
What doe you an? wer?
PVG. To be able, _Madame_,
Fir? t to enquire, then report the working, 215
Of any _Ladies_ phy? icke, in ? weete phra? e.
WIT. Yes, that's an act of elegance, and importance.
But what aboue?
FIT. O, that I had a goad for him.
PVG. To find out a good _Corne-cutter_.
TAY. Out on him!
EIT. Mo? t barbarous!
FIT. Why did you doe this, now? 220
Of purpo? e to di? credit me? you damn'd _Diuell_.
PVG. Sure, if I be not yet, I ? hall be. All
My daies in _Hell_, were holy-daies to this!
TAY. 'Tis labour lo? t, _Madame_?
EIT. H'is a dull fellow
Of no capacity!
TAI. Of no di? cour? e! 225
O, if my _Ambler_ had beene here!
EIT. I, _Madame_;
You talke of a man, where is there ? uch another?
WIT. M^r. _Deuile_, put ca? e, one of my _Ladies_, heere,
Had a fine brach: and would imploy you forth
To treate 'bout a conuenient match for her. 230
What would you ob? erue?
PVG. The color, and the ? ize, _Madame_.
WIT. And nothing el? e?
FIT. The Moon, you calfe, the Moone!
WIT. I, and the Signe.
TAI. Yes, and receits for pronene? ? e.
WIT. Then when the _Puppies_ came, what would you doe?
Vpon 'hem in another Coach, at di? tance,
And when they walke, or daunce, holds by a hand-kercher,
Neuer pre? umes to touch 'hem.
EIT. This's ? ciruy! 90
And a forc'd grauity! I doe not like it.
I like our owne much better.
TAY. 'Tis more _French_,
And _Courtly_ ours.
EIT. And ta? ts more liberty.
VVe may haue our doozen of vi? iters, at once,
Make loue t'vs.
TAY. And before our husbands?
EIT. Hu? band? 95
As I am hone? t, _Tayle-bu? h_ I doe thinke
If no body ? hould loue mee, but my poore husband,
I ? hould e'n hang my ? elfe.
TAY. Fortune forbid, wench:
So faire a necke ? hould haue ? o foule a neck-lace.
EIT. 'Tis true, as I am hand? ome!
WIT. I receiu'd, _Lady_, 100
A token from you, which I would not bee
Rude to refu? e, being your fir? t remembrance.
(FIT. O, I am ? atisfied now!
MER. Do you ? ee it, Sir. )
WIT. But ? ince you come, to know me, neerer, _Lady_,
I'll begge the honour, you will weare for mee, 105
It mu? t be ? o.
Wittipol _giues it Mi? tre? ? e_ Fitz-dottrel.
M^rs. FIT. Sure I haue heard this tongue.
MER. What do you meane, S^r?
Mere-craft _murmures,_
WIT. Would you ha' me mercenary?
We'll recompence it anon, in ? omewhat el? e.
_He is ? atisfied, now he ? ees it. _
FIT. I doe not loue to be gull'd, though in a toy.
VVife, doe you heare? yo' are come into the Schole, wife,
VVhere you may learne, I doe perceiue it, any thing! 111
How to be fine, or faire, or great, or proud,
Or what you will, indeed, wife; heere 'tis taught.
And I am glad on't, that you may not ? ay,
Another day, when honours come vpon you, 115
You wanted meanes. I ha' done my parts: beene,
Today at fifty pound charge, fir? t, for a ring, [150]
_He vpbraids her, with his Bill of co? ts. _
To get you entred. Then left my new _Play_,
To wait vpon you, here, to ? ee't confirm'd.
That I may ? ay, both to mine owne eyes, and eares, 120
Sen? es, you are my witne? ? e, ? ha' hath inioy'd
All helps that could be had, for loue, or money--
M^rs. FIT. To make a foole of her.
FIT. Wife, that's your malice,
The wickedne? ? e o' you nature to interpret
Your husbands kinde? ? e thus. But I'll not leaue; 125
Still to doe good, for your deprau'd affections:
Intend it. Bend this ? tubborne will; be great.
TAY. Good _Madame_, whom do they v? e in me? ? ages?
WIT. They comonly v? e their ? laues, _Madame_.
TAI. And do's your _Ladi? hip_.
Thinke that ? o good, _Madame_?
WIT. no, indeed, _Madame_; I, 130
Therein preferre the fa? hion of _England_ farre,
Of your young delicate Page, or di? creet V? her.
FIT. And I goe with your _Ladi? hip_, in opinion,
Directly for your Gentleman-v? her.
There's not a finer _Officer_ goes on ground. 135
WIT. If hee be made and broken to his place, once.
FIT. Nay, ? o I pre? uppo? e him.
WIT. And they are fitter
Managers too, Sir, but I would haue 'hem call'd
Our _E? cudero's_.
FIT. Good.
WIT. Say, I ? hould ? end
To your _Ladi? hip_, who (I pre? ume) has gather'd 140
All the deare ? ecrets, to know how to make
_Pa? tillos_ of the _Dutche? ? e_ of _Braganza_,
_Coquettas_, _Almoiauana's_, _Mantecada's_,
_Alcoreas_, _Mu? taccioli_; or ? ay it were
The _Peladore_ of _Isabella_, or _balls_ 145
Again? t the itch, or _aqua nanfa_, or _oyle_
Of _Ie? ? amine_ for gloues, of the _Marque? ? e Muja_:
Or for the head, and hayre: why, the? e are _offices_.
FIT. Fit for a gentleman, not a ? laue. They onely
Might aske for your _pineti_, _Spani? h_-cole, 150
To burne, and ? weeten a roome; but the _Arcana_
Of _Ladies_ Cabinets--
FIT. Should be el? e-where tru? ted.
Yo' are much about the truth. Sweet honoured _Ladies_,
_He enters him? elfe with the_ Ladies.
Let mee fall in wi' you. I'ha' my female wit,
As well as my male. And I doe know what ? utes 155
A _Lady_ of ? pirit, or a woman of fa? hion!
WIT. And you would haue your wife ? uch.
FIT. Yes, _Madame_, aerie,
Light; not to plaine di? hone? ty, I meane:
But, ? omewhat o' this ? ide.
WIT. I take you, Sir.
H'has rea? on _Ladies_. I'll not giue this ru? h 160
For any _Lady_, that cannot be hone? t
Within a thred.
TAY. Yes, _Madame_, and yet venter
As far for th'other, in her Fame--
WIT. As can be;
Coach it to _Pimlico_; daunce the _Saraband_; [151]
Heare, and talke bawdy; laugh as loud, as a larum; 165
Squeake, ? pring, do any thing.
EIT. In young company, _Madame_.
TAY. Or afore gallants. If they be braue, or _Lords_,
A woman is ingag'd.
FIT. I ? ay ? o, _Ladies_,
It is ciuility to deny vs nothing.
PVG.
You talke of a _Vniuer? ity_! why, _Hell_ is 170
A Grammar-? choole to this!
_The_ Diuell _admires him_.
EIT. But then,
Shee mu? t not lo? e a looke on ? tuffes, or cloth, _Madame_.
TAY. Nor no cour? e fellow.
WIT. She mu? t be guided, _Madame_
By the clothes he weares, and company he is in;
Whom to ? alute, how farre--
FIT. I ha' told her this. 175
And how that bawdry too, vpo' the point,
Is (in it ? elfe) as ciuill a di? cour? e--
WIT. As any other affayre of fle? h, what euer.
FIT. But ? hee will ne'r be capable, ? hee is not
So much as comming, _Madame_; I know not how 180
She lo? es all her opportunities
With hoping to be forc'd. I'haue entertain'd
_He ? hews his_ Pug.
A gentleman, a younger brother, here,
Whom I would faine breed vp, her _E? cudero_,
Again? t ? ome expectation's that I haue, 185
And ? he'll not countenance him.
WIT. What's his name?
FIT. _Diuel_, o' _Darbi-? hire_.
EIT. Ble? ? e us from him!
TAY. _Diuell? _
Call him _De-uile_, ? weet _Madame_.
M^rs. FI. What you plea? e, _Ladies_.
TAY. _De-uile's_ a prettier name!
EIT. And ? ounds, me thinks,
As it came in with the _Conquerour_--
MAN. Ouer ? mocks! 190
What things they are? That nature ? hould be at lea? ure
Euer to make 'hem! my woing is at an end.
Manly _goes out with indignation_.
WIT. What can he do?
EIT. Let's heare him.
TAY. Can he manage?
FIT. Plea? e you to try him, _Ladies_. Stand forth, _Diuell_.
PVG. Was all this but the preface to my torment? 195
FIT. Come, let their _Ladi? hips_ ? ee your honours.
EIT. O,
Hee makes a wicked leg.
TAY. As euer I ? aw!
WIT. Fit for a _Diuell_.
TAY. Good _Madame_, call him _De-uile_.
WIT. _De-uile_, what property is there mo? t required
I' your conceit, now, in the _E? cudero_? 200
_They begin their_ Catechi? me.
FIT. Why doe you not speake?
PVG. A ? etled di? creet pa? e, _Madame_.
WIT. I thinke, a barren head, Sir, Mountaine-like,
To be expos'd to the cruelty of weathers--
FIT. I, for his Valley is beneath the wa? te, _Madame_,
And to be fruitfull there, it is ? ufficient. 205
Dulne? ? e vpon you! Could not you hit this?
PVG. Good Sir--
_He ? trikes him. _
WIT. He then had had no barren head.
You daw him too much, in troth, Sir.
FIT. I mu? t walke
With the _French_ ? ticke, like an old vierger for you.
PVG. O, _Chiefe_, call mee to _Hell_ againe, and free mee. 210
_The_ Diuell _prayes_.
FIT. Do you murmur now?
PVG. Not I, S^r.
WIT. What do you take [152]
M^r. _Deuile_, the height of your employment,
In the true perfect _E? cudero_?
FIT. When?
What doe you an? wer?
PVG. To be able, _Madame_,
Fir? t to enquire, then report the working, 215
Of any _Ladies_ phy? icke, in ? weete phra? e.
WIT. Yes, that's an act of elegance, and importance.
But what aboue?
FIT. O, that I had a goad for him.
PVG. To find out a good _Corne-cutter_.
TAY. Out on him!
EIT. Mo? t barbarous!
FIT. Why did you doe this, now? 220
Of purpo? e to di? credit me? you damn'd _Diuell_.
PVG. Sure, if I be not yet, I ? hall be. All
My daies in _Hell_, were holy-daies to this!
TAY. 'Tis labour lo? t, _Madame_?
EIT. H'is a dull fellow
Of no capacity!
TAI. Of no di? cour? e! 225
O, if my _Ambler_ had beene here!
EIT. I, _Madame_;
You talke of a man, where is there ? uch another?
WIT. M^r. _Deuile_, put ca? e, one of my _Ladies_, heere,
Had a fine brach: and would imploy you forth
To treate 'bout a conuenient match for her. 230
What would you ob? erue?
PVG. The color, and the ? ize, _Madame_.
WIT. And nothing el? e?
FIT. The Moon, you calfe, the Moone!
WIT. I, and the Signe.
TAI. Yes, and receits for pronene? ? e.
WIT. Then when the _Puppies_ came, what would you doe?
