Coffee's
minister
is the Kev.
Adams-Great-American-Fraud
The self-styled "Eminent Aurist'^ will remedy the most difficult defects without a personal examination.
Would he essay to repair a defective chimney flue by "home treatment?
" The proposition is a far more reasonable one.
Yet the eternally hopeful, eternally credu- lous fill the mails with trusting appeals and dollars addressed to these- swindlers, and thus lighten themselves for a swifter flight to darkness and silence.
If I were organizing an American Institute of Quack Specialists I should select Dr. Oren Oneal of Chicago as the first president. The artful plausi- bility of his advertising, his ingenuity in "jollying along" the patient for
his reluctant dollars, the widespread familiarity of his features through the magazine advertising pages, and, above all, his sleek and polished personality, make him the natural candidate. A high-class exponent of the charlatan's art is Dr. Oren. No raw newspaper advertising for him! He prefers the magazines, and the bane of his business existence is that, .
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"G! ai>&es not necessary . . s out;of 100. "
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one by one, they are closing their pages to him. But he is usually the last of the patent medicine and quack ilk to go. McChire's stood by him long after all the other medical advertising had been expunged from its pages. His bland and benevolent features shone forth like a benison from the rear of Collier's for years. Harper's still harbors him, and he is a particular pet of the religious weeklies--at special rates.
"Dissolvent Method" is the Oncal slogan. No matter what the trouble may be, he "dissolves" it away. "How I Make the Blind See and Cure All Eye Diseases in Patient's Own Home Without the Knife/' is the modest heading of one of his advertisements in that model of religious journalism, the Christian Endeavor World. "By this mild and harmless treatment," he announces, "I have restored sight to thousands in all parts of the world. With it I have cured cataract, optic nerve paralysis.
How Much Would You Take for
Your Eyes?
Would You Sell Them at Any Price?
Ml w 1
n t\t-^ 1 r1--
H^Il]^ t 11 !
^:3 "^^mT
OREN ONEAL.
A high-class eye quack who will undertal^e to cure incurable blindness.
granulated {sic) lids, pannus, pterygium, glaucoma, ccnjeetion {sic) of the optic nerves, weak, watery eyes and all other eye diseases. " All this he will do for the moderate price of fifty dollars--sometimes for twenty-five, but the patient must put down part of the money in advance. Give him his pay and Oneal will undertake the impossible on any one's eyes; not only this, but he will undertake to cure cases wdiich he himself knows to be incurable. His "Dissolvent Method" is a high-sounding name foi a cheap eye-wash which can no more cure any serious derangement than can plain water. This he sends out by express with impressive directions as to use.
When I called upon Dr. Oneal at his office he assured me that he was doing a perfectly legitimate business, and that I was making a grave error in listing him with the quacks. As he spoke he was facing a wall on which hung a number of framed documents. One was a certificate
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of mpmbersllip in the American Medical Association, which is the standard medical body of the country. Dr. Oneal was forced out of it several years ago for unprofessional conduct. Nevertheless, he keeps the old certificate on exhibit. Xeinlibovinfi- tlie outlawed certificate were two others, one of a high-sounding organization whose sole purpose is to issue framable parchments to doctors of dubious standing, the other certifying that Dr. Orcn Oneal was a member of the staff of St. Luke's Hosnital at Niles, Michigan. Dr. Oneal has never been in Xiles, Michigan. He has had no relation with St. Luke's Hospital of that town, because there is no such institution. The document he purchased from a quack named Probert, who did a little peddling business in this line, charging $20 for the framed article when he couldn't get $25. Dr. B. F. Bye of cancer fame has one of these, and I have seen them decorating the offices of other quacks.
For the conduct of a perfectly legitimate business these were three obviously rotten props. A fourth was supplied by a copy of the 'Mew York Health Journal, used by Dr. Oneal as a warrant of professional standing, and containing an "unqualified editorial endorsement" (leading editorial) of that gentleman's method and practice. Xow, the New York Health Journal (since happily defunct) was, as I have observed before in the Liquozone matter and elsewhere, a fake, pure and simple. It printed no "editorial endorsements" except for cold cash. As Dr. Oneal doesn't remember paying for his puff, I assume that the firm which places his advertising did it for him. One other bit of suggestive evi- cience is found in the Nebraska State Board of Health Records, showing that in 1899 the Board secretaries recommended the revocation of Dr. Oren Oneal's license "on the ground of unprofessional and dishonorable conduct. "
Invents Unknown Diseases.
So much as to Oneal's standing. Now as to his methods. About a year ago a certain Mrs. Price wrote him; giving the details of an incurable case and asking if he could cure her. He replied:
"I find the trouble to be paralysis of the optic nerve. [There is no such condition; he meant, as he afterward admitted, atrophy of the optic nerve. ] I have been especially successful in curing such troubles as yours. [In a letter to another prospective patient, shown me as evi- dence that he would not take money from hopeless cases, he distinctly states that paralysis of the optic nerve "will not respond to any treat- ment. "] So positive am I that your case is curable and that you can be cured in a short time, that I will promise to continue the treatment free of charge after five months. " [Her condition, as described by her, was obviously and hopelessly incurable. ]
Here, then, is "the most successful oculist of modern times" {vide his ow^n modest claim) diagnosing a condition which doesn't exist, and prom- ising to cure a disea'^c wliich he himself admits elsewhere to be incurable. The matter of Mrs. Price's eyes never came to a test, because she offered to deposit one hundred dollars (twice his price) to be paid to him when a cure was effected, whereupon he wrote her one epistle replete with pained dignity, and charged up his letter-forms and postage to profit and loss.
i\n Eastern ophthalmologist filled out one of Dr. Oneal's diagnosis blanks with the unmistakable description of an incurable case of atrophy of the optic nerve, which the learned specialist promptly diagnosed as cataract, and offered to cure for fifty dollars. Strabismus (cross-eyes) is one of Dr. Oneal's specialties. I asked him how he cured this trouble without the knife to which he replied that he had never made such a claim. On the following day he sent to my hotel (for the purpose of
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proving that his methods were perfectly upright) a quantity of adver- tising matter, which he had apparently not censored, as it contained a diagnosis blank bearing these words: "Cross-eyes straightened in two minutes without knife, pain, or inconvenience. " When this slight dis- crepancy was called to his attention he tried to explain it away by saying that he used "an instrument of my own invention. " Technically, this instrument is a kind of scissors; but I fail to see how the patient who is lured to Dr. Oneal's office by promises of non-surgical cure ("Eye Diseases Cured Without Surgery" is the title of his book) suffers the less because the operator's instTument has two blades instead of one. Oneal says:
The Absorption Treatment AS ORIGINATED AND PERFECTEB BY
B^ OB. W. 0.
. CUBES . .
^M-
%m DR. V\. O. COFFEP
DR. W. O. COFFEE.
A strongly endorsed long-distance healer.
"I make no guarantee to cure," I have his letter guaranteeing a cure. He saj^s: "Neither do I charge for a cure. " I have his letter naming fifty dollars as the price of a cure. He says: "I will not under any cir- cumstances treat a case or take money when I think there is any doubt of effecting a cure. " I have his letters offering to treat hopeless cases, and other letters from him offering to take cases which he admits are probably incurable. In the face of all this, Oneal writes me a personal letter 'deprecating any attack upon him, and saying: "All you have against me. is a few technicalities--a few words which have crept into my literature to which you take exception. " Dr. Oneal is proceeding on a false premise. I have nothing against him; I found him a singularly agreeable and frank specimen of the genus Quack. But every man,
COFFEE
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\A-OTnnn nnd ehilfl who reads his adveTti-^einents lias this against him and against the magazines that print liis stuff; that he is a maker of lying promises, a deliberate swindlei'^ and a tamperer with blindness at the peril of others^ for a fifty-dcllar fee.
"Absorption iMethod"' is the professional catch-phrase of Dr. W. 0. Cofi'ee of Des jNIoines, Iowa, where he runs an eye-and-ear infirmary, and does an extensive bunco business by mail. Dr. Coffee's stock in trade as an oculist is a large supply of cheek and a copy of '"'External Diseases of the Eye," by Haab of Ijerlin. Professor Haab is a genuine authority and his book is an excellent foundation for eye practice, but not as Coffee uses it. The Des Moines expert's interest is confined to the pictures, which are in color and are rather painful to look at; just the sort of thing to set one worrying about his own eyes. Herein lies their value to the shrewd Coffee. He gets up a book of his own. all about himself and his successful Absorption Treatment; and. applying the treatment to the Haab volume, absorbs the illustrations wdiole.
Stolen Goods Improved.
For instance. Table 19 in the Haab book shows a badly mutilated eye
labeled "Lime-burn, caused by the explosion of a bottle. " That is wdiat Haab thought of it. Deluded Teuton! This same picture transferred to Coffee's classic work is described in the following bold and masterly strokes. "This eye was afflicted with granulated lids and ulcers, follow- ing inflammation. There is no known remedy that will remove these s^iots except Dr. Coffee's absorption treatment, and it will do it com- pletely. This case required three months to absorb the scum and scar and clear up the sight. " On the same plate of Haab's book appears an illustration of "Lime-burn of longer standing in the case of a mason mix- ing lime. " How tame, compared to the spirited Coffee version of the same eye! "Chronic ulcers of the eye and cataract. This eye had been diseased for four years, but only bad about one year. It had been treated by two different oculists with but temporary relief, and they wanted to operate, but the patient would not submit, and, hearing of Dr. Coffee, came to him, and in five months' use of the absorption treat- ment, sight was restored almost completely. " It is impossible to withhold a tribute to the calm and logical mind of the mason wdio owned the eye. An ordinary man, into whose optical cavity lime had spurted, would, in the instancy of his pain, rush to the nearest doctor. Net so our German friend.
"Wait," savs he to himself, "don't let's be hasty. This is a case for Coffee. Me for Des Moines, U. S. A. "
So he changes his clothes, buys him a ticket and comes over to be examined. Probably he tells Coffee about the lime incident.
'Lime? " says that Eminent Authority. "Pooh! Not at all. The trouble was caused by a general practitioner using sugar-of-lead eye- water in the eye. [This last is quoted direct from the Coffee book. ] Ulcers. Also cataract. I'll cure you. "
And he did it, so he says, in five months.
Imagine the surprise and relief of the mason at discovering that what he had supposed was a splash of lime from the mixture he was working, was really a dose of sugar-of-lead eyewater surreptitiously introduced into his optic by a villainous general practitioner presumably operating a squirt-gun from a neighboring window. (Query: Could it have bee3 Haab himself, scheming to get a picture for his book? )
Eyes Repaired by Mail.
Again, Plate 32 of Haab's book shows two sj)ecimens: (A) Senile, cataract in a woman seventy-two years old; (B) cataract in a fourteen
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year-old boy caused by falling against a table. In the Coffee tome, this identical Picture A appears as a before-using and Picture B as an after- using exhibit: "The patient/' says Dr. Coffee, "made the fatal error of submitting to an operation," with the result as shown in A; but after- ward came to Coffee, who repaired the damage as in B. Reasoning from the Coffee statement, it is plain that the aged lady and the unfortunate youth, having heard in their German homes that Dr. Coffee cured cataract by mail, promptly removed the injured organs and sent them, postage prepaid to Des Moines, where the specialist fixed one and returned it, but unfortunately mislaid the other, so that one of the senders must still be short of vision. But whether the venerable Frau is now cocking the eye of budding manhood at the village belles, or the youth peering cautiously at the Avorld with the seasoned and saddened outlook of seventy-tAvo years, is a matter requiring further investigation.
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THE HOUSE THE QUACK BUILT.
Residence of W. O. Coffee in Des Moines, built from the dollars of dupes.
In vicAV of the "Eminent Authority's" qualifications as an Eminent Thief and Pre-eminent Liar, the mass of testimonials which he offers fails to impress me particularly, though some of the local ones interest me. For instance, Mr. Nye, editor of the Des Moines Neirs, goes on record in print to the effect that "Dr. Coffee is an honorable man; perfectly reliable in every particular"--an opinion Avhich I venture to guess, is based on prompt payment of the Cofl'ee advertising bills due the Neios. Advertising Manager Snyder of the News furnishes additional cAndence in his letter. The owner of The Homestead and the manager of Successful Farming, both of Avhich papers get part of the Coffee adA^ertising fund, obligingly testify to the moral and professional Avorth of the "eminent" charlatan. And he has also got religious backing, an asset of the greatest value to any medical rogue, since it inspires confidence on the part of his prospectiA^e dupes. "LaAA'k, sirs, Ave keeps a minister! " boast Quack &
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Co. . and make the most of it in their advertisements. Dr.
Coffee's minister is the Kev. J. Ernest Cathell. reetor of St. Paul's Church, Des Moines, who lends his name to a personal endorsement. The processes underlying this endorsement are not difficult to conjecture. A not-too- inquiring, charitable-minded clergyman, a rich parishioner, an occasional pious word substantially backed up by a generous gift to the church: "Surely, this Dr. Coffee must be a worthy man. " And so the rogue goes forth, tongue in cheek, with a cheaply bought blessing on his bunco business which he promj)tly puts into type ai^ a shove to his trade. For the rest, the eminent Coffee just about parallels with his "Absorption Method" the eminent Oneal with his "Dissolvent Method. " He under- takes to cure promptly and permanently incurable cases of cataract, atrophy of the optic nerve (which he calls "paralysis"), glaucoma, and other ailments, without ever seeing the eye he is maltreating.
Scientific Editors Cry for Him.
Singularly like Dr. W. 0. Coffee is Dr. P. Chester Madison of Chicago, who is, if one may credit his own statement, "America's Master Oculist. " Which one copied from the other I am unable to say; but both Coffee and Madison advertise an "Absorption Method," and both steal their illus- trations from Haab. Madison's pictorial peculations are exhibited in the accompanying illustration. Madison has ' high-priced local endorse- ments. The Chicago Inter Ocean (having been paid for it) declares its patron "America's Greatest Oculist," and solemnly states that he "will be classed in history as an eminent scientist," and that "scientific and medical journals are clamoring for articles written by him. " At least one religious journal seems to have "clamored" successfully, for "The Christian Century" prints, at advertising rates, doubtless, a touching article by the Doctor entitled "The Window of the Soul" (meaning the eye), and for good measure the managing editor of the paper writes him a letter,' all about "little Ethel Chapman," who was cured by the Madison Absorption Method. "It reminded one of the sweet scng of the skylark soaring to greet the morning sun," gurgles Editor Young ecstatically, "to hear little Ethel tell" how Dr. Madison saved her from blindness. It re- minds one of the sweet song of the cuckoo to hear Editor Young chanting on his editorial page the praises of Dr. Madison as a healer and a member of the Jackson Boulevard Christian Church, which is profitable for Dr. Madison, but pretty tough on a presumably innocent church.
Any kind of eye disease is meat for Madison, bat he makes quite a specialty of cross-eyes. "Why Remain Cross-Eyed? " he pertinently in- quii'es, and explains that he can cure people afflicted with strabismus "almost instantaneously without the use of the knife, without confining them to a dark room, without the use of bandages, without the adminis- tration of anesthetics, chloroform or ether, and with absolutely no pain. " The only drawback to this is that it is a lie. A few cases of strabismus there are, mostly those of young people, which can be corrected by slow and careful non-surgical treatment. But when Dr. Madison or any other doctor pretends to be generally successful in strabismus by an "Absorbent Method" or any such nonsense, he is obtainins: patients and their money under false pretenses. "Cross-Eyed Forty-eight Years; Cured in Two Minutes" is the heading of one of his testimonials. Another reads:
'"Eyes Straightened; Was Cross-Eyed Twenty-six Years. " This is sheer faking. If ]\Iadison straightens eyes in two minutes, he does it by cutting the muscle responsible for the uneven tension, and if he doesn't use the knife he uses scissors or clippers or some equally painful implement. Hi-?
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"no knife" claim is simply disreputable word-jiiggling. Of course, he undertakes to cure atrophy of the optic nerve, glaucoma, cataract, etc. , as do all the eye quacks.
The Flitting Fakers.
For the scores of petty fakers who flit from city to city doing a little business in eye lotions, I have no space. Their preparations are either boracic acid solutions, which are useful merely as a cleansing agent, and can be purchased at the corner drug store for one-twentieth of the quack's price, or cocain concoctions, extremely dangerous in unpracticed hands. In the semi-ethical field "INIurine" has made itself prominent. Its claims are preposterous. It is merely a fairly good cleansing solution. One
r. CHESTER MADISON OF CHICAGO.
He calls himself "America's Master Oculist," and steals pictures from a German
professor's book to prove it.
of the Murine concern's preparations, Banene, is advertised to absorb cataract, a reminiscence of Coffee, Madison, et al. The man who attempts to "doctor" his own eye for anything more serious than ordinary irrita- tion is running a risk. As for "absent treatment" there is just one kind of eye than can be successfully treated by mail, and that is a glass eye.
The superintendent of a great institution for the deaf and partly deaf states that nine-tenths of those who come there do so only after hav- ing spent from three hundred to one thousand dollars each on quack treatments, vibration methods and mechanical ear drums. Certain kinds of deafness are curable, it is true, and it is also true that the quacks, with their hit-or-miss system, sometimes benefit mild cases of catarrhal
? This picture, filched from Prof. Haab's "disease of the External Eye," is described by Madison as "Inflammation, adhesion, and bursting of eye-ball," cured by his absorption method. It is really a case of wound from an iron splinter.
Another of the Haab pictures, claimed by Madison as his own cure of "secondary cataract and adhesion following operation. " This is also a case of iron wound. Neither of these cases ever got within four thousand miles of Madison's oflice in Chicago, 111.
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deafness; but these are cases which any aurist could handle better, cheaper and more quickly. For, it must be borne in mind, the purpose of the quack who treats at so much per month, is to keep his patient under treatment as long as possible. Outside of simple catarrhal cases, the self-vaunting "specialist" is far more likely to do irreparable damage than to be of any benefit.
What Oneal and Coffee are to the diseased-eye market, Dr. Guy Clifford PoAvell is to the ear trade. So complete and satisfactorily does Powell fulfill every tradition of the quack industry that I shall catalogue him under specific headings, as an instructive type.
(A) Claims. "Deafness Cured at Last. Wonderful New Discovery for the Positive Cure of Deafness and Head Noises. At last, after years of study and research, the wonderful Nature Forces have been harnessed together and Deafness can be cured. If I did not know positively that
MADISON'S THEFTS FROM A STANDARD BOOK.
my method could cure I would net allow my name to be connected with this treatment. . . , Write to-day to the discoverer, Guy Clifford Powell. "
(B) Catchiuord. Electro-Vibration. "Jilectro-Vibration, which is my method of treatment, is heralded by the greatest scientists of this country as the most scientific and certain treatment of the age. "
(C) Religious Sponsor. Rev. Father Sydney G. Jeffords, rector of St. Stephen's Church, Peoria, Illinois, who writes a to-whom-it-may-concern letter, in which he says: "I consider Dr. Powell one of the most careful and exhaustive investigators in his special line to be found anywhere. "
(D) Editorial Sponsor. The National Journal of Health (a congener of the fake Neto York Health Journal and of the American Journal of Health), which editorializes as follows: "Dr. Guy Clifford Powell . . . has. perfected a system of treatment that actually cures, as w^e know from
'its results. It is known as the Electro-Vibratory apparatus for the cure of deafness and head noises," etc.
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(E) Deprcciaiing ^cale of Prices. From $100 by swift degrees to $15. (F) Typical Correspondence. (The diagnosis of the case indicated,
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THE WONDER OF THE CENTURY POSITIVE AND PERfVIANENT CURE
FOR DEAFNESS
DR. GUY CLIFFORD r-wvv? LL INTERNATiONAL SPeCiALlST
WHO CURES DEAFNESS AND HEAD NOISES PLEASE READ A'HAT FOLLOWS
DR. GUY CLIFFORD POWELL.
A "vibrator" quack and complete letter writer.
beyond possibility of doubt, hopeless deafness from destruction of the apparatus of hearing by an explosion. ) Letter I--Addressed "Dear
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Friend," assures the patient of complete and permanent cure "at your home. "
Letter II--Admits that the case is difficult, but refers the sufferer to the cured case of a Mr. Kelly, almost exactly similar, whose address Dr. Powell has unfortunately lost. Price of treatment $100! reduced to $30 because of "'special interest" in the case.
Letter III--Warning that the $30 price lasts only fifteen days.
Letter IV--Expressing surprise that "Dear Friend" has failed to avail himself of the unparalleled opportunity. Dr. Powell "firmly believes" that if the patient had ordered at once he would "at the present moment be well on the road to recovery. " Terms now $5 down and $25 after trial. "I could not make an offer more fair to my brother," he patheti- cally avers.
Letter V--Price drops to $25. "Should, you place your case with me I will cure you. " The doubts expressed in Xo. II have fled before the fear of losing the catch.
Letter VI--"It has been and is now a matter of no small wonderment to me why you so persistently neglect so important a matter as the treatment and cure of your affliction. I have cured many cases similar to yours. My professional honor is at stake, and I am not going to make a false or misleading statement to secure you as a patient. " Terms--$25 cash, or $15 cash and two monthly payments of $7. 50 each.
Letter VII and last--"Fortune is now knocking at your door," and Dr. Powell makes a "special and confidential price of $15," to secure "a cured patient in your neighborhood right away," and for this, gives me "the most positive assurance of a rapid and complete cure. "
This is the Complete Letter-Writer of quackery. Of the seven epistles six are form-letters, sent exactly alike to every patient, and abounding in general promises, equally and fallaciously inapplicable, to every cases. Dr. Guy Clifford Powell's "Electro-Vibratory Cure for Deafness" isn't worth $100, or $30, or $25, or 25 cents, except as its patent right, owned by the "discoverer," is an asset in his swindling operations.
Another member of the Powell clan hails from Boston. He must be a thorn in the side of Discoverer Powell, this Dr. J. Rider Powell, as he not only has a vibrator of his own, but he offers to sell it, together with a five months' treatment, for the low price of three dollars, which is cutting under the market with a vengeance. Considering the cheapness of Dr. J. Eider, I hesitate to criticise him too severely, but his "literature" fills me with misgivings that he is brother in art, if not in family, to Guy Clifford. Boston shelters also "Health Specialist Sproule," who occasionally styles himself "Catarrh Specialist Sproule. " "Deafness Conquered" is Sproule's headline. "I shall let you know whether the case is one I can con- scientiously accept for treatment," he writes me, and when I send him the details of a case which anyone but an imbecile or a quack Avould recognize as hopeless, he cheerfully accepts it. The Doctors Gardner of West Thirty-third Street, K'ew York, run a fake concern, on a basis, of false and ridiculous claims.
The Deaf Not Neglected.
Small instruments at large prices, exploited as aids to hearing, may still be found advertised in some of the most careful magazines. These are quite moderate in their claims, and as long as the prospective buyer understands that it is ten to one against his deriving any benefit from them, they are, perhaps, legitimate enough. Seldom do they do any harm, though the introduction of foreign substances into the ear is not the most prudent of processes. An extreme type Avas the late Help-to- Hear Company (not in the legitimate category), which sent out circulars
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stating that the inventor had been deaf for twelve years, during which time he had spent a small fortune on cures, before perfecting a device which was a certain remedy and which he would sell to the blessed public for the small price of $2 each. Investigation by the Post-Office authori- ties developed the fact that the "device" was a small sheet of hard rubber to be held against the teeth, that it was wholly inefficacious, and that it cost about seven cents; after admitting all which, the Help-to-Hear Com- pany gracefully retired from business.
Easily first among the mechanical fakes is Actina, made by the New York and London Electric Association of Kansas City, which also manu- factures "Magneto-Conservative Garments" (supposed to cure anything from indigestion to locomotor ataxia) and other bunco devices. Actina itself is alleged to cure deafness and blindness, also catarrh, nervousness and a few pathological odds and ends of that sort. Its religious backers
are the St. Louis Christian Advocate and the Central Baptist. Its booklet
WONDERFUL ACTINA.
"Cures" eye troubles at one end, ear diseases at the other and all by means of a bad smell valued at ten dollars.
is a weird jumble of pseudo-physiology and bad English. The Actina itself costs ten dollars. It is a small steel vial with screw stoppers at both ends. One end cures eye ailments and the other ear troubles. They work simultaneously. I live in hopes of seeing the Actina concern give a test, applying Blind Mary to one end and a deaf mute to the other, and curing both at one stroke of business for five dollars apiece. The Actina, upon being unpacked from the box in which it is mailed, comports itself life a decayed onion. It is worth the ten dollars to get away from the odor. "Can be used by anyone with perfect safety," says the advertisement, but I should regard it as extremely unsafe to offer it to a person with a weak stomach. Its principal ingredient is oil of mustard, an active poison, regarding which the United States Pharma- copeia prints this emphatic warning: ''Great caution should be exer- cised when smelling this oil. " So the "perfect safety" guarantee is hardly sound. The Actina contains also oil of sassafras, representing pre- sunmbly a brave but hopeless attempt to kill the inexpressible odor| and
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some alkaloid, possibly atropin. So far as curing any genuine eye or ear disease is concerned, the sufferer might just as well--and with "far more
--
blow red pepper up his nose, and get his sneeze cheaper than by
safety
sniffing at a ten-dollar evil smell. The whole contrivance costs probably about twenty-five cents to make.
Space lacks to consider at any length the get-thin-quick frauds, but the following letter regarding the "Obesity Cure" of F. J. Kellogg of Rattle Creek, ^lichigan, puts the case so justly that I quote it as applying to all this class of fakes:
"Co^rANCHE, Texas, Feb. 7, 1900. "Editor Collier's, 'New York City, N. Y. :
"Dear Sir--As one of ycur subscribers I take the liberty of sending you the within Tetter.
" 'Turns fat into muscle' is the slogan of this fake. Everyone having
the slightest knowledge of physiological metamorphosis knows that such '
a change is impossible.
"This vulture sneaking into the homes of those suffering from fattv
degeneration, or (which is more frequently the case) enjoying good health and fat because of a family characteristic, and, b}^ a process of mental suggestion, swindling and despoiling them of remaining health, should be held up to public scorn till the world may see that there are better men in every prison containing an inmate on earth.
"Yours truly,
"J. W. Reese. "
Mr. Reese is right. Nothing supplies muscle where fat was, but hard physical effort, and the man who pretends to achieve this result by medi- cine or "health food" is lying in the face of a fundamental law of nature. The treatment that reduces your fat by mail reduces your health by mail. There are also cures for leanness, addressed mostly to women, and promis- ing- perfection of figure. It is, perhaps, enough to say that any woman who tries the "bust developer" treatment is playing with fire, and that the vultures who conduct it fatten on the carrion of ruined morals and wrecked lives.
Some "Ways of Knowing a Quack.
In one department of medical practice a layman may be justified in giving advice, and that is in pointing out what pitfalls to avoid. Here are a few of the more conspicuous and unmistakable indications of quackery among the specialists : The advertising doctor who, having a "cure" to sell, is "editorially endorsed" by any publication, particul-^' in the religious field, is a quack. The doctor who advertises secret powers, or newly discovered scientfic methods, or vaunts a special "sys- tem" or "method. " is a quack. The doctor who offers to sell, at a price, a cure for any ailment is a quack, and if he professes a "special interest" in your case and promises reduced rates, he's throwing in a little extra lying for good measure. Finally, the form-letter is a sure sign. You can tell it because it begins "Dear Friend," or "Dear Mr. So-and-So," or "My Dear Correspondent," and contains promises that will fit any case.
If I were organizing an American Institute of Quack Specialists I should select Dr. Oren Oneal of Chicago as the first president. The artful plausi- bility of his advertising, his ingenuity in "jollying along" the patient for
his reluctant dollars, the widespread familiarity of his features through the magazine advertising pages, and, above all, his sleek and polished personality, make him the natural candidate. A high-class exponent of the charlatan's art is Dr. Oren. No raw newspaper advertising for him! He prefers the magazines, and the bane of his business existence is that, .
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"G! ai>&es not necessary . . s out;of 100. "
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one by one, they are closing their pages to him. But he is usually the last of the patent medicine and quack ilk to go. McChire's stood by him long after all the other medical advertising had been expunged from its pages. His bland and benevolent features shone forth like a benison from the rear of Collier's for years. Harper's still harbors him, and he is a particular pet of the religious weeklies--at special rates.
"Dissolvent Method" is the Oncal slogan. No matter what the trouble may be, he "dissolves" it away. "How I Make the Blind See and Cure All Eye Diseases in Patient's Own Home Without the Knife/' is the modest heading of one of his advertisements in that model of religious journalism, the Christian Endeavor World. "By this mild and harmless treatment," he announces, "I have restored sight to thousands in all parts of the world. With it I have cured cataract, optic nerve paralysis.
How Much Would You Take for
Your Eyes?
Would You Sell Them at Any Price?
Ml w 1
n t\t-^ 1 r1--
H^Il]^ t 11 !
^:3 "^^mT
OREN ONEAL.
A high-class eye quack who will undertal^e to cure incurable blindness.
granulated {sic) lids, pannus, pterygium, glaucoma, ccnjeetion {sic) of the optic nerves, weak, watery eyes and all other eye diseases. " All this he will do for the moderate price of fifty dollars--sometimes for twenty-five, but the patient must put down part of the money in advance. Give him his pay and Oneal will undertake the impossible on any one's eyes; not only this, but he will undertake to cure cases wdiich he himself knows to be incurable. His "Dissolvent Method" is a high-sounding name foi a cheap eye-wash which can no more cure any serious derangement than can plain water. This he sends out by express with impressive directions as to use.
When I called upon Dr. Oneal at his office he assured me that he was doing a perfectly legitimate business, and that I was making a grave error in listing him with the quacks. As he spoke he was facing a wall on which hung a number of framed documents. One was a certificate
cr,) ,
? p<,i; ^ .
O '' '?
'
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of mpmbersllip in the American Medical Association, which is the standard medical body of the country. Dr. Oneal was forced out of it several years ago for unprofessional conduct. Nevertheless, he keeps the old certificate on exhibit. Xeinlibovinfi- tlie outlawed certificate were two others, one of a high-sounding organization whose sole purpose is to issue framable parchments to doctors of dubious standing, the other certifying that Dr. Orcn Oneal was a member of the staff of St. Luke's Hosnital at Niles, Michigan. Dr. Oneal has never been in Xiles, Michigan. He has had no relation with St. Luke's Hospital of that town, because there is no such institution. The document he purchased from a quack named Probert, who did a little peddling business in this line, charging $20 for the framed article when he couldn't get $25. Dr. B. F. Bye of cancer fame has one of these, and I have seen them decorating the offices of other quacks.
For the conduct of a perfectly legitimate business these were three obviously rotten props. A fourth was supplied by a copy of the 'Mew York Health Journal, used by Dr. Oneal as a warrant of professional standing, and containing an "unqualified editorial endorsement" (leading editorial) of that gentleman's method and practice. Xow, the New York Health Journal (since happily defunct) was, as I have observed before in the Liquozone matter and elsewhere, a fake, pure and simple. It printed no "editorial endorsements" except for cold cash. As Dr. Oneal doesn't remember paying for his puff, I assume that the firm which places his advertising did it for him. One other bit of suggestive evi- cience is found in the Nebraska State Board of Health Records, showing that in 1899 the Board secretaries recommended the revocation of Dr. Oren Oneal's license "on the ground of unprofessional and dishonorable conduct. "
Invents Unknown Diseases.
So much as to Oneal's standing. Now as to his methods. About a year ago a certain Mrs. Price wrote him; giving the details of an incurable case and asking if he could cure her. He replied:
"I find the trouble to be paralysis of the optic nerve. [There is no such condition; he meant, as he afterward admitted, atrophy of the optic nerve. ] I have been especially successful in curing such troubles as yours. [In a letter to another prospective patient, shown me as evi- dence that he would not take money from hopeless cases, he distinctly states that paralysis of the optic nerve "will not respond to any treat- ment. "] So positive am I that your case is curable and that you can be cured in a short time, that I will promise to continue the treatment free of charge after five months. " [Her condition, as described by her, was obviously and hopelessly incurable. ]
Here, then, is "the most successful oculist of modern times" {vide his ow^n modest claim) diagnosing a condition which doesn't exist, and prom- ising to cure a disea'^c wliich he himself admits elsewhere to be incurable. The matter of Mrs. Price's eyes never came to a test, because she offered to deposit one hundred dollars (twice his price) to be paid to him when a cure was effected, whereupon he wrote her one epistle replete with pained dignity, and charged up his letter-forms and postage to profit and loss.
i\n Eastern ophthalmologist filled out one of Dr. Oneal's diagnosis blanks with the unmistakable description of an incurable case of atrophy of the optic nerve, which the learned specialist promptly diagnosed as cataract, and offered to cure for fifty dollars. Strabismus (cross-eyes) is one of Dr. Oneal's specialties. I asked him how he cured this trouble without the knife to which he replied that he had never made such a claim. On the following day he sent to my hotel (for the purpose of
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proving that his methods were perfectly upright) a quantity of adver- tising matter, which he had apparently not censored, as it contained a diagnosis blank bearing these words: "Cross-eyes straightened in two minutes without knife, pain, or inconvenience. " When this slight dis- crepancy was called to his attention he tried to explain it away by saying that he used "an instrument of my own invention. " Technically, this instrument is a kind of scissors; but I fail to see how the patient who is lured to Dr. Oneal's office by promises of non-surgical cure ("Eye Diseases Cured Without Surgery" is the title of his book) suffers the less because the operator's instTument has two blades instead of one. Oneal says:
The Absorption Treatment AS ORIGINATED AND PERFECTEB BY
B^ OB. W. 0.
. CUBES . .
^M-
%m DR. V\. O. COFFEP
DR. W. O. COFFEE.
A strongly endorsed long-distance healer.
"I make no guarantee to cure," I have his letter guaranteeing a cure. He saj^s: "Neither do I charge for a cure. " I have his letter naming fifty dollars as the price of a cure. He says: "I will not under any cir- cumstances treat a case or take money when I think there is any doubt of effecting a cure. " I have his letters offering to treat hopeless cases, and other letters from him offering to take cases which he admits are probably incurable. In the face of all this, Oneal writes me a personal letter 'deprecating any attack upon him, and saying: "All you have against me. is a few technicalities--a few words which have crept into my literature to which you take exception. " Dr. Oneal is proceeding on a false premise. I have nothing against him; I found him a singularly agreeable and frank specimen of the genus Quack. But every man,
COFFEE
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\A-OTnnn nnd ehilfl who reads his adveTti-^einents lias this against him and against the magazines that print liis stuff; that he is a maker of lying promises, a deliberate swindlei'^ and a tamperer with blindness at the peril of others^ for a fifty-dcllar fee.
"Absorption iMethod"' is the professional catch-phrase of Dr. W. 0. Cofi'ee of Des jNIoines, Iowa, where he runs an eye-and-ear infirmary, and does an extensive bunco business by mail. Dr. Coffee's stock in trade as an oculist is a large supply of cheek and a copy of '"'External Diseases of the Eye," by Haab of Ijerlin. Professor Haab is a genuine authority and his book is an excellent foundation for eye practice, but not as Coffee uses it. The Des Moines expert's interest is confined to the pictures, which are in color and are rather painful to look at; just the sort of thing to set one worrying about his own eyes. Herein lies their value to the shrewd Coffee. He gets up a book of his own. all about himself and his successful Absorption Treatment; and. applying the treatment to the Haab volume, absorbs the illustrations wdiole.
Stolen Goods Improved.
For instance. Table 19 in the Haab book shows a badly mutilated eye
labeled "Lime-burn, caused by the explosion of a bottle. " That is wdiat Haab thought of it. Deluded Teuton! This same picture transferred to Coffee's classic work is described in the following bold and masterly strokes. "This eye was afflicted with granulated lids and ulcers, follow- ing inflammation. There is no known remedy that will remove these s^iots except Dr. Coffee's absorption treatment, and it will do it com- pletely. This case required three months to absorb the scum and scar and clear up the sight. " On the same plate of Haab's book appears an illustration of "Lime-burn of longer standing in the case of a mason mix- ing lime. " How tame, compared to the spirited Coffee version of the same eye! "Chronic ulcers of the eye and cataract. This eye had been diseased for four years, but only bad about one year. It had been treated by two different oculists with but temporary relief, and they wanted to operate, but the patient would not submit, and, hearing of Dr. Coffee, came to him, and in five months' use of the absorption treat- ment, sight was restored almost completely. " It is impossible to withhold a tribute to the calm and logical mind of the mason wdio owned the eye. An ordinary man, into whose optical cavity lime had spurted, would, in the instancy of his pain, rush to the nearest doctor. Net so our German friend.
"Wait," savs he to himself, "don't let's be hasty. This is a case for Coffee. Me for Des Moines, U. S. A. "
So he changes his clothes, buys him a ticket and comes over to be examined. Probably he tells Coffee about the lime incident.
'Lime? " says that Eminent Authority. "Pooh! Not at all. The trouble was caused by a general practitioner using sugar-of-lead eye- water in the eye. [This last is quoted direct from the Coffee book. ] Ulcers. Also cataract. I'll cure you. "
And he did it, so he says, in five months.
Imagine the surprise and relief of the mason at discovering that what he had supposed was a splash of lime from the mixture he was working, was really a dose of sugar-of-lead eyewater surreptitiously introduced into his optic by a villainous general practitioner presumably operating a squirt-gun from a neighboring window. (Query: Could it have bee3 Haab himself, scheming to get a picture for his book? )
Eyes Repaired by Mail.
Again, Plate 32 of Haab's book shows two sj)ecimens: (A) Senile, cataract in a woman seventy-two years old; (B) cataract in a fourteen
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year-old boy caused by falling against a table. In the Coffee tome, this identical Picture A appears as a before-using and Picture B as an after- using exhibit: "The patient/' says Dr. Coffee, "made the fatal error of submitting to an operation," with the result as shown in A; but after- ward came to Coffee, who repaired the damage as in B. Reasoning from the Coffee statement, it is plain that the aged lady and the unfortunate youth, having heard in their German homes that Dr. Coffee cured cataract by mail, promptly removed the injured organs and sent them, postage prepaid to Des Moines, where the specialist fixed one and returned it, but unfortunately mislaid the other, so that one of the senders must still be short of vision. But whether the venerable Frau is now cocking the eye of budding manhood at the village belles, or the youth peering cautiously at the Avorld with the seasoned and saddened outlook of seventy-tAvo years, is a matter requiring further investigation.
r
THE HOUSE THE QUACK BUILT.
Residence of W. O. Coffee in Des Moines, built from the dollars of dupes.
In vicAV of the "Eminent Authority's" qualifications as an Eminent Thief and Pre-eminent Liar, the mass of testimonials which he offers fails to impress me particularly, though some of the local ones interest me. For instance, Mr. Nye, editor of the Des Moines Neirs, goes on record in print to the effect that "Dr. Coffee is an honorable man; perfectly reliable in every particular"--an opinion Avhich I venture to guess, is based on prompt payment of the Cofl'ee advertising bills due the Neios. Advertising Manager Snyder of the News furnishes additional cAndence in his letter. The owner of The Homestead and the manager of Successful Farming, both of Avhich papers get part of the Coffee adA^ertising fund, obligingly testify to the moral and professional Avorth of the "eminent" charlatan. And he has also got religious backing, an asset of the greatest value to any medical rogue, since it inspires confidence on the part of his prospectiA^e dupes. "LaAA'k, sirs, Ave keeps a minister! " boast Quack &
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Co. . and make the most of it in their advertisements. Dr.
Coffee's minister is the Kev. J. Ernest Cathell. reetor of St. Paul's Church, Des Moines, who lends his name to a personal endorsement. The processes underlying this endorsement are not difficult to conjecture. A not-too- inquiring, charitable-minded clergyman, a rich parishioner, an occasional pious word substantially backed up by a generous gift to the church: "Surely, this Dr. Coffee must be a worthy man. " And so the rogue goes forth, tongue in cheek, with a cheaply bought blessing on his bunco business which he promj)tly puts into type ai^ a shove to his trade. For the rest, the eminent Coffee just about parallels with his "Absorption Method" the eminent Oneal with his "Dissolvent Method. " He under- takes to cure promptly and permanently incurable cases of cataract, atrophy of the optic nerve (which he calls "paralysis"), glaucoma, and other ailments, without ever seeing the eye he is maltreating.
Scientific Editors Cry for Him.
Singularly like Dr. W. 0. Coffee is Dr. P. Chester Madison of Chicago, who is, if one may credit his own statement, "America's Master Oculist. " Which one copied from the other I am unable to say; but both Coffee and Madison advertise an "Absorption Method," and both steal their illus- trations from Haab. Madison's pictorial peculations are exhibited in the accompanying illustration. Madison has ' high-priced local endorse- ments. The Chicago Inter Ocean (having been paid for it) declares its patron "America's Greatest Oculist," and solemnly states that he "will be classed in history as an eminent scientist," and that "scientific and medical journals are clamoring for articles written by him. " At least one religious journal seems to have "clamored" successfully, for "The Christian Century" prints, at advertising rates, doubtless, a touching article by the Doctor entitled "The Window of the Soul" (meaning the eye), and for good measure the managing editor of the paper writes him a letter,' all about "little Ethel Chapman," who was cured by the Madison Absorption Method. "It reminded one of the sweet scng of the skylark soaring to greet the morning sun," gurgles Editor Young ecstatically, "to hear little Ethel tell" how Dr. Madison saved her from blindness. It re- minds one of the sweet song of the cuckoo to hear Editor Young chanting on his editorial page the praises of Dr. Madison as a healer and a member of the Jackson Boulevard Christian Church, which is profitable for Dr. Madison, but pretty tough on a presumably innocent church.
Any kind of eye disease is meat for Madison, bat he makes quite a specialty of cross-eyes. "Why Remain Cross-Eyed? " he pertinently in- quii'es, and explains that he can cure people afflicted with strabismus "almost instantaneously without the use of the knife, without confining them to a dark room, without the use of bandages, without the adminis- tration of anesthetics, chloroform or ether, and with absolutely no pain. " The only drawback to this is that it is a lie. A few cases of strabismus there are, mostly those of young people, which can be corrected by slow and careful non-surgical treatment. But when Dr. Madison or any other doctor pretends to be generally successful in strabismus by an "Absorbent Method" or any such nonsense, he is obtainins: patients and their money under false pretenses. "Cross-Eyed Forty-eight Years; Cured in Two Minutes" is the heading of one of his testimonials. Another reads:
'"Eyes Straightened; Was Cross-Eyed Twenty-six Years. " This is sheer faking. If ]\Iadison straightens eyes in two minutes, he does it by cutting the muscle responsible for the uneven tension, and if he doesn't use the knife he uses scissors or clippers or some equally painful implement. Hi-?
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"no knife" claim is simply disreputable word-jiiggling. Of course, he undertakes to cure atrophy of the optic nerve, glaucoma, cataract, etc. , as do all the eye quacks.
The Flitting Fakers.
For the scores of petty fakers who flit from city to city doing a little business in eye lotions, I have no space. Their preparations are either boracic acid solutions, which are useful merely as a cleansing agent, and can be purchased at the corner drug store for one-twentieth of the quack's price, or cocain concoctions, extremely dangerous in unpracticed hands. In the semi-ethical field "INIurine" has made itself prominent. Its claims are preposterous. It is merely a fairly good cleansing solution. One
r. CHESTER MADISON OF CHICAGO.
He calls himself "America's Master Oculist," and steals pictures from a German
professor's book to prove it.
of the Murine concern's preparations, Banene, is advertised to absorb cataract, a reminiscence of Coffee, Madison, et al. The man who attempts to "doctor" his own eye for anything more serious than ordinary irrita- tion is running a risk. As for "absent treatment" there is just one kind of eye than can be successfully treated by mail, and that is a glass eye.
The superintendent of a great institution for the deaf and partly deaf states that nine-tenths of those who come there do so only after hav- ing spent from three hundred to one thousand dollars each on quack treatments, vibration methods and mechanical ear drums. Certain kinds of deafness are curable, it is true, and it is also true that the quacks, with their hit-or-miss system, sometimes benefit mild cases of catarrhal
? This picture, filched from Prof. Haab's "disease of the External Eye," is described by Madison as "Inflammation, adhesion, and bursting of eye-ball," cured by his absorption method. It is really a case of wound from an iron splinter.
Another of the Haab pictures, claimed by Madison as his own cure of "secondary cataract and adhesion following operation. " This is also a case of iron wound. Neither of these cases ever got within four thousand miles of Madison's oflice in Chicago, 111.
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deafness; but these are cases which any aurist could handle better, cheaper and more quickly. For, it must be borne in mind, the purpose of the quack who treats at so much per month, is to keep his patient under treatment as long as possible. Outside of simple catarrhal cases, the self-vaunting "specialist" is far more likely to do irreparable damage than to be of any benefit.
What Oneal and Coffee are to the diseased-eye market, Dr. Guy Clifford PoAvell is to the ear trade. So complete and satisfactorily does Powell fulfill every tradition of the quack industry that I shall catalogue him under specific headings, as an instructive type.
(A) Claims. "Deafness Cured at Last. Wonderful New Discovery for the Positive Cure of Deafness and Head Noises. At last, after years of study and research, the wonderful Nature Forces have been harnessed together and Deafness can be cured. If I did not know positively that
MADISON'S THEFTS FROM A STANDARD BOOK.
my method could cure I would net allow my name to be connected with this treatment. . . , Write to-day to the discoverer, Guy Clifford Powell. "
(B) Catchiuord. Electro-Vibration. "Jilectro-Vibration, which is my method of treatment, is heralded by the greatest scientists of this country as the most scientific and certain treatment of the age. "
(C) Religious Sponsor. Rev. Father Sydney G. Jeffords, rector of St. Stephen's Church, Peoria, Illinois, who writes a to-whom-it-may-concern letter, in which he says: "I consider Dr. Powell one of the most careful and exhaustive investigators in his special line to be found anywhere. "
(D) Editorial Sponsor. The National Journal of Health (a congener of the fake Neto York Health Journal and of the American Journal of Health), which editorializes as follows: "Dr. Guy Clifford Powell . . . has. perfected a system of treatment that actually cures, as w^e know from
'its results. It is known as the Electro-Vibratory apparatus for the cure of deafness and head noises," etc.
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(E) Deprcciaiing ^cale of Prices. From $100 by swift degrees to $15. (F) Typical Correspondence. (The diagnosis of the case indicated,
^
THE WONDER OF THE CENTURY POSITIVE AND PERfVIANENT CURE
FOR DEAFNESS
DR. GUY CLIFFORD r-wvv? LL INTERNATiONAL SPeCiALlST
WHO CURES DEAFNESS AND HEAD NOISES PLEASE READ A'HAT FOLLOWS
DR. GUY CLIFFORD POWELL.
A "vibrator" quack and complete letter writer.
beyond possibility of doubt, hopeless deafness from destruction of the apparatus of hearing by an explosion. ) Letter I--Addressed "Dear
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Friend," assures the patient of complete and permanent cure "at your home. "
Letter II--Admits that the case is difficult, but refers the sufferer to the cured case of a Mr. Kelly, almost exactly similar, whose address Dr. Powell has unfortunately lost. Price of treatment $100! reduced to $30 because of "'special interest" in the case.
Letter III--Warning that the $30 price lasts only fifteen days.
Letter IV--Expressing surprise that "Dear Friend" has failed to avail himself of the unparalleled opportunity. Dr. Powell "firmly believes" that if the patient had ordered at once he would "at the present moment be well on the road to recovery. " Terms now $5 down and $25 after trial. "I could not make an offer more fair to my brother," he patheti- cally avers.
Letter V--Price drops to $25. "Should, you place your case with me I will cure you. " The doubts expressed in Xo. II have fled before the fear of losing the catch.
Letter VI--"It has been and is now a matter of no small wonderment to me why you so persistently neglect so important a matter as the treatment and cure of your affliction. I have cured many cases similar to yours. My professional honor is at stake, and I am not going to make a false or misleading statement to secure you as a patient. " Terms--$25 cash, or $15 cash and two monthly payments of $7. 50 each.
Letter VII and last--"Fortune is now knocking at your door," and Dr. Powell makes a "special and confidential price of $15," to secure "a cured patient in your neighborhood right away," and for this, gives me "the most positive assurance of a rapid and complete cure. "
This is the Complete Letter-Writer of quackery. Of the seven epistles six are form-letters, sent exactly alike to every patient, and abounding in general promises, equally and fallaciously inapplicable, to every cases. Dr. Guy Clifford Powell's "Electro-Vibratory Cure for Deafness" isn't worth $100, or $30, or $25, or 25 cents, except as its patent right, owned by the "discoverer," is an asset in his swindling operations.
Another member of the Powell clan hails from Boston. He must be a thorn in the side of Discoverer Powell, this Dr. J. Rider Powell, as he not only has a vibrator of his own, but he offers to sell it, together with a five months' treatment, for the low price of three dollars, which is cutting under the market with a vengeance. Considering the cheapness of Dr. J. Eider, I hesitate to criticise him too severely, but his "literature" fills me with misgivings that he is brother in art, if not in family, to Guy Clifford. Boston shelters also "Health Specialist Sproule," who occasionally styles himself "Catarrh Specialist Sproule. " "Deafness Conquered" is Sproule's headline. "I shall let you know whether the case is one I can con- scientiously accept for treatment," he writes me, and when I send him the details of a case which anyone but an imbecile or a quack Avould recognize as hopeless, he cheerfully accepts it. The Doctors Gardner of West Thirty-third Street, K'ew York, run a fake concern, on a basis, of false and ridiculous claims.
The Deaf Not Neglected.
Small instruments at large prices, exploited as aids to hearing, may still be found advertised in some of the most careful magazines. These are quite moderate in their claims, and as long as the prospective buyer understands that it is ten to one against his deriving any benefit from them, they are, perhaps, legitimate enough. Seldom do they do any harm, though the introduction of foreign substances into the ear is not the most prudent of processes. An extreme type Avas the late Help-to- Hear Company (not in the legitimate category), which sent out circulars
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stating that the inventor had been deaf for twelve years, during which time he had spent a small fortune on cures, before perfecting a device which was a certain remedy and which he would sell to the blessed public for the small price of $2 each. Investigation by the Post-Office authori- ties developed the fact that the "device" was a small sheet of hard rubber to be held against the teeth, that it was wholly inefficacious, and that it cost about seven cents; after admitting all which, the Help-to-Hear Com- pany gracefully retired from business.
Easily first among the mechanical fakes is Actina, made by the New York and London Electric Association of Kansas City, which also manu- factures "Magneto-Conservative Garments" (supposed to cure anything from indigestion to locomotor ataxia) and other bunco devices. Actina itself is alleged to cure deafness and blindness, also catarrh, nervousness and a few pathological odds and ends of that sort. Its religious backers
are the St. Louis Christian Advocate and the Central Baptist. Its booklet
WONDERFUL ACTINA.
"Cures" eye troubles at one end, ear diseases at the other and all by means of a bad smell valued at ten dollars.
is a weird jumble of pseudo-physiology and bad English. The Actina itself costs ten dollars. It is a small steel vial with screw stoppers at both ends. One end cures eye ailments and the other ear troubles. They work simultaneously. I live in hopes of seeing the Actina concern give a test, applying Blind Mary to one end and a deaf mute to the other, and curing both at one stroke of business for five dollars apiece. The Actina, upon being unpacked from the box in which it is mailed, comports itself life a decayed onion. It is worth the ten dollars to get away from the odor. "Can be used by anyone with perfect safety," says the advertisement, but I should regard it as extremely unsafe to offer it to a person with a weak stomach. Its principal ingredient is oil of mustard, an active poison, regarding which the United States Pharma- copeia prints this emphatic warning: ''Great caution should be exer- cised when smelling this oil. " So the "perfect safety" guarantee is hardly sound. The Actina contains also oil of sassafras, representing pre- sunmbly a brave but hopeless attempt to kill the inexpressible odor| and
? Ill
some alkaloid, possibly atropin. So far as curing any genuine eye or ear disease is concerned, the sufferer might just as well--and with "far more
--
blow red pepper up his nose, and get his sneeze cheaper than by
safety
sniffing at a ten-dollar evil smell. The whole contrivance costs probably about twenty-five cents to make.
Space lacks to consider at any length the get-thin-quick frauds, but the following letter regarding the "Obesity Cure" of F. J. Kellogg of Rattle Creek, ^lichigan, puts the case so justly that I quote it as applying to all this class of fakes:
"Co^rANCHE, Texas, Feb. 7, 1900. "Editor Collier's, 'New York City, N. Y. :
"Dear Sir--As one of ycur subscribers I take the liberty of sending you the within Tetter.
" 'Turns fat into muscle' is the slogan of this fake. Everyone having
the slightest knowledge of physiological metamorphosis knows that such '
a change is impossible.
"This vulture sneaking into the homes of those suffering from fattv
degeneration, or (which is more frequently the case) enjoying good health and fat because of a family characteristic, and, b}^ a process of mental suggestion, swindling and despoiling them of remaining health, should be held up to public scorn till the world may see that there are better men in every prison containing an inmate on earth.
"Yours truly,
"J. W. Reese. "
Mr. Reese is right. Nothing supplies muscle where fat was, but hard physical effort, and the man who pretends to achieve this result by medi- cine or "health food" is lying in the face of a fundamental law of nature. The treatment that reduces your fat by mail reduces your health by mail. There are also cures for leanness, addressed mostly to women, and promis- ing- perfection of figure. It is, perhaps, enough to say that any woman who tries the "bust developer" treatment is playing with fire, and that the vultures who conduct it fatten on the carrion of ruined morals and wrecked lives.
Some "Ways of Knowing a Quack.
In one department of medical practice a layman may be justified in giving advice, and that is in pointing out what pitfalls to avoid. Here are a few of the more conspicuous and unmistakable indications of quackery among the specialists : The advertising doctor who, having a "cure" to sell, is "editorially endorsed" by any publication, particul-^' in the religious field, is a quack. The doctor who advertises secret powers, or newly discovered scientfic methods, or vaunts a special "sys- tem" or "method. " is a quack. The doctor who offers to sell, at a price, a cure for any ailment is a quack, and if he professes a "special interest" in your case and promises reduced rates, he's throwing in a little extra lying for good measure. Finally, the form-letter is a sure sign. You can tell it because it begins "Dear Friend," or "Dear Mr. So-and-So," or "My Dear Correspondent," and contains promises that will fit any case.
