what a
stickler
you are!
Epiphanius Wilson - Japanese Literature
You _must_ take it off.
Do you hear?
[_She pulls it off,
and Taraukuwazhiya stands exposed. _] What! you, you rascal? Where has
my old man gone? Won't you speak? Won't you speak?
SERVANT. --Oh! I know nothing.
WIFE. --Oh! how furious I am! Oh! how furious I am! Of course he must
have gone to that woman's house. Won't you speak? Won't you speak? I
shall tear you in pieces?
SERVANT. --In that case, how can I keep anything from you? Master has
walked out to see Miss Hana.
WIFE. --What! _Miss_ Hana, do you say? Say, _Minx_, say _Minx_.
Gracious me, what a rage I am in! Then he really has gone to Hana's
house, has he?
SERVANT. --Yes, he really has gone there.
WIFE. --Oh! when I hear he has gone to Hana's house, I feel all ablaze,
and oh! in such a passion! oh! in such a passion! [_She bursts out
crying. _
SERVANT. --Your tears are but natural.
WIFE. --Ah! I had meant not to let you go if you had kept it from me.
But as you have told the truth I forgive you. So get up.
SERVANT. --I am extremely grateful for your kindness.
WIFE. --Now tell me, how came you to be sitting there?
SERVANT. --It was master's order that I should take his place; and so,
although it was most repugnant to me, there was no alternative but for
me to sit down, and I did so.
WIFE. --Naturally. Now I want to ask you to do me a good turn. Will
you?
SERVANT. --Pray, what may it be?
WIFE. --Why, just simply this: you will arrange the blanket on top of
me just as it was arranged on the top of you; won't you?
SERVANT. --Oh! your commands ought of course to be laid to heart; but I
shall get such a scolding if the thing becomes known, that I would
rather ask you to excuse me.
WIFE. --No, no! I will not allow him to scold you; so you must really
please arrange me.
SERVANT. --Please, please, let me off this time.
WIFE. --No, no! you must arrange me, as I will not so much as let him
point a finger at you.
SERVANT. --Well, then, if it comes to my getting a scolding, I count on
you, ma'am, as an intercessor.
WIFE. --Of course. I will intercede for you; so do you please arrange
me.
SERVANT. --In that case, be so good as to sit down here.
WIFE. --All right.
SERVANT. --I fear it will be uncomfortable, but I must ask you to put
your head under this.
WIFE. --Please arrange me so that he cannot possibly know the
difference between us.
SERVANT. --He will never know. It will do very nicely like this.
WIFE. --Will it?
SERVANT. --Yes.
WIFE. --Well, then! do you go and rest.
SERVANT. --Your commands are laid to heart.
[_He moves away. _
WIFE. --Wait a moment, Taraukuwazhiya!
SERVANT. --Yes, ma'am.
WIFE. --It is scarcely necessary to say so, but be sure not to tell him
that it is I.
SERVANT. --Of course not, I should not think of telling him.
WIFE. --It has come to my ears that you have been secretly wishing for
a purse and silk wrapper. [174] I will give you one of each which I
have worked myself.
SERVANT. --I am extremely grateful for your kindness.
WIFE. --Now be off and rest.
SERVANT. --Yes, ma'am.
_Enter husband, singing as he walks along the road. _
Why should the lonely sleeper heed
The midnight bell, the bird of dawn?
But ah! they're sorrowful indeed
When loosen'd was the damask zone.
Her image still, with locks that sleep
Had tangled, haunts me, and for aye;
Like willow-sprays where winds do sweep,
All tangled too, my feelings lie.
As the world goes, it rarely happens even with the most ardent secret
love; but in my case I never see her but what I care for her more and
more:--
'Twas in the spring-time that we first did meet,
Nor e'er can I forget my flow'ret sweet.
Ah well! ah well! I keep talking like one in a dream, and meantime
Taraukuwazhiya is sure to be impatiently awaiting me. I must get home.
How will he have been keeping my place for me? I feel a bit uneasy.
[_He arrives at his house. _] Halloo! halloo! Taraukuwazhiya! I'm back!
I'm back! [_He enters the room. _] I'm just back. Poor fellow! the time
must have seemed long to you. There now! [_Seating himself. _] Well, I
should like to tell you to take off the "abstraction blanket"; but you
would probably feel ashamed at being exposed. [175] Anyhow I will
relate to you what Hana said last night if you care to listen. Do you?
[_The figure nods acquiescence. _] So you would like to? Well, then,
I'll tell you all about it: I made all the haste I could, but yet it
was nearly dark before I arrived; and I was just going to ask
admittance, my thoughts full of how anxiously Hana must be waiting for
me in her loneliness, saying, perhaps, with the Chinese poet[176]:--
He promised but he comes not, and I lie on my pillow in the fifth
watch of the night:--
The wind shakes the pine trees and the bamboos; can it be my beloved?
when there comes borne to me the sound of her voice, humming as she
sat alone:--
"The breezes through the pine trees moan,
The dying torch burns low;
Ah me! 'tis eerie all alone!
Say, will he come or no? "
So I gave a gentle rap on the back door, on hearing which she cried
out: "Who's there? who's there? " Well, a shower was falling at the
time. So I answered by singing:--
Who comes to see you Hana dear,
Regardless of the soaking rain?
And do your words, Who's there, who's there?
Mean that you wait for lovers twain?
to which Hana replied:--
"What a fine joke! well, who can tell?
On such a dark and rainy night
Who ventures out must love me well,
And I, of course, must be polite,
And say: Pray sir, pass this way. "
And, with these words, she loosened the ring and staple with a
cling-a-ring, and pushed open the door with a crick-a-tick; and while
the breeze from the bamboo blind poured towards me laden with the
scent of flowers, out she comes to me, and, "At your service, sir,"
says she, "though I am but a poor country maid. " So in we went, hand
in hand, to the parlor. But yet her first question, "Who's there? " had
left me so doubtful as to whether she might not be playing a double
game, that I turned my back on her, and said crossly that I supposed
she had been expecting a number of lovers, and that the thought quite
spoiled my pleasure. But oh! what a darling Hana is! Coming to my side
and clasping tight my hand, she whispered, saying:
"If I do please you not, then from the first
Better have said that I do please you not;
But wherefore pledge your troth, and after turn
Against me? Alas! alas!
"Why be so angry? I am playing no double game. " Then she asked why I
had not brought you, Taraukuwazhiya, with me; and on my telling her
the reason why you had remained at home, "Poor fellow! " said she, "how
lonely he must be all by himself! Never was there a handier lad at
everything than he, though doubtless it is a case of the mugwort
planted among the hemp, which grows straight without need of twisting,
and of the sand mixed with the mud, which gets black without need of
dyeing,[177] and it is his having been bound to you from a boy that
has made him so genteel and clever. Please always be a kind master to
him. " Yes, those are the things you have said of you when Hana is the
speaker. As for my old vixen, she wouldn't let as much fall from her
mug in the course of a century, I'll warrant! [_Violent shaking under
the blanket. _] Then she asked me to pass into the inner room to rest
awhile. So in we went to the inner room, hand in hand. And then she
brought out wine and food, and pressed me to drink, so that what with
drinking one's self, and passing the cup to her, and pressing each
other to drink, we kept feasting until quite far into the night, when
at her suggestion another room was sought and a little repose taken.
But soon day began to break, and I said I would go home. Then Hana
exclaimed:--
"Methought that when I met thee, dearest heart!
I'd tell thee all that swells within my breast:--
But now already 'tis the hour to part,
And oh! how much still lingers unexpress'd!
Please stay and rest a little longer! " "But no! " said I, "I must get
home. All the temple-bells are a-ringing. " "And heartless priests they
are," cried she, "that ring them! Horrid wretches to begin their
ding-dong, ding-dong, ding-dong, when it is still the middle of the
night! " But for all her entreaties, and for all my own regrets, I
remembered that "meeting is but parting," and,
Tearing me loose, I made to go; farewell!
Farewell a thousand times, like ocean sands
Untold! and followed by her distant gaze
I went; but as I turn'd me round, the moon,
A slender rim, sparkling remain'd behind,
And oh! what pain it was to me to part!
[_He sheds tears. _] And so I came home. Oh! isn't it a pity? [_Weeping
again. _] Ah well! out of my heart's joy has flamed all this long
history, and meanwhile you must be very uncomfortable. Take off that
"abstraction blanket. " Take it off, for I have nothing more to tell
you. Gracious goodness!
what a stickler you are! Well, then! I must
pull it off myself. I _will_ have it off, man! do you hear me?
[_He pulls off the blanket, and up jumps his wife. _
WIFE. --Oh! how furious I am! Oh! how furious I am! To hoax me and go
off to Hana in that manner!
HUSBAND. --Oh! not at all, not at all! I never went to Hana. I have
been performing my devotions, indeed I have.
WIFE. --What! so he means to come and tell me that he has been
performing his devotions? and then into the bargain to talk about
"things the old vixen would never have let drop"! Oh! I'm all ablaze
with rage! Hoaxing me and going off--where? Going off where?
[_Pursuing her husband round the stage. _
HUSBAND. --Not at all, not at all! I never said anything of the kind.
Do, do forgive me! do forgive me!
WIFE. --Oh! how furious I am! Oh! how furious I am! Where have you
been, sir? where have you been?
HUSBAND. --Well, then! why should I conceal it from you? I have been to
pray both for your welfare and for my own at the Temple of the Five
Hundred Disciples[178] in Tsukushi.
WIFE. --Oh! how furious I am! Oh! how furious I am! as if you could
have got as far as the Five Hundred Disciples!
HUSBAND. --Do, do forgive me! Do forgive me!
WIFE. --Oh! how furious I am! Oh! how furious I am!
[_The husband runs away. _
Where's the unprincipled wretch off to? Is there nobody there? Please
catch him! I won't let him escape! I won't let him escape!
and Taraukuwazhiya stands exposed. _] What! you, you rascal? Where has
my old man gone? Won't you speak? Won't you speak?
SERVANT. --Oh! I know nothing.
WIFE. --Oh! how furious I am! Oh! how furious I am! Of course he must
have gone to that woman's house. Won't you speak? Won't you speak? I
shall tear you in pieces?
SERVANT. --In that case, how can I keep anything from you? Master has
walked out to see Miss Hana.
WIFE. --What! _Miss_ Hana, do you say? Say, _Minx_, say _Minx_.
Gracious me, what a rage I am in! Then he really has gone to Hana's
house, has he?
SERVANT. --Yes, he really has gone there.
WIFE. --Oh! when I hear he has gone to Hana's house, I feel all ablaze,
and oh! in such a passion! oh! in such a passion! [_She bursts out
crying. _
SERVANT. --Your tears are but natural.
WIFE. --Ah! I had meant not to let you go if you had kept it from me.
But as you have told the truth I forgive you. So get up.
SERVANT. --I am extremely grateful for your kindness.
WIFE. --Now tell me, how came you to be sitting there?
SERVANT. --It was master's order that I should take his place; and so,
although it was most repugnant to me, there was no alternative but for
me to sit down, and I did so.
WIFE. --Naturally. Now I want to ask you to do me a good turn. Will
you?
SERVANT. --Pray, what may it be?
WIFE. --Why, just simply this: you will arrange the blanket on top of
me just as it was arranged on the top of you; won't you?
SERVANT. --Oh! your commands ought of course to be laid to heart; but I
shall get such a scolding if the thing becomes known, that I would
rather ask you to excuse me.
WIFE. --No, no! I will not allow him to scold you; so you must really
please arrange me.
SERVANT. --Please, please, let me off this time.
WIFE. --No, no! you must arrange me, as I will not so much as let him
point a finger at you.
SERVANT. --Well, then, if it comes to my getting a scolding, I count on
you, ma'am, as an intercessor.
WIFE. --Of course. I will intercede for you; so do you please arrange
me.
SERVANT. --In that case, be so good as to sit down here.
WIFE. --All right.
SERVANT. --I fear it will be uncomfortable, but I must ask you to put
your head under this.
WIFE. --Please arrange me so that he cannot possibly know the
difference between us.
SERVANT. --He will never know. It will do very nicely like this.
WIFE. --Will it?
SERVANT. --Yes.
WIFE. --Well, then! do you go and rest.
SERVANT. --Your commands are laid to heart.
[_He moves away. _
WIFE. --Wait a moment, Taraukuwazhiya!
SERVANT. --Yes, ma'am.
WIFE. --It is scarcely necessary to say so, but be sure not to tell him
that it is I.
SERVANT. --Of course not, I should not think of telling him.
WIFE. --It has come to my ears that you have been secretly wishing for
a purse and silk wrapper. [174] I will give you one of each which I
have worked myself.
SERVANT. --I am extremely grateful for your kindness.
WIFE. --Now be off and rest.
SERVANT. --Yes, ma'am.
_Enter husband, singing as he walks along the road. _
Why should the lonely sleeper heed
The midnight bell, the bird of dawn?
But ah! they're sorrowful indeed
When loosen'd was the damask zone.
Her image still, with locks that sleep
Had tangled, haunts me, and for aye;
Like willow-sprays where winds do sweep,
All tangled too, my feelings lie.
As the world goes, it rarely happens even with the most ardent secret
love; but in my case I never see her but what I care for her more and
more:--
'Twas in the spring-time that we first did meet,
Nor e'er can I forget my flow'ret sweet.
Ah well! ah well! I keep talking like one in a dream, and meantime
Taraukuwazhiya is sure to be impatiently awaiting me. I must get home.
How will he have been keeping my place for me? I feel a bit uneasy.
[_He arrives at his house. _] Halloo! halloo! Taraukuwazhiya! I'm back!
I'm back! [_He enters the room. _] I'm just back. Poor fellow! the time
must have seemed long to you. There now! [_Seating himself. _] Well, I
should like to tell you to take off the "abstraction blanket"; but you
would probably feel ashamed at being exposed. [175] Anyhow I will
relate to you what Hana said last night if you care to listen. Do you?
[_The figure nods acquiescence. _] So you would like to? Well, then,
I'll tell you all about it: I made all the haste I could, but yet it
was nearly dark before I arrived; and I was just going to ask
admittance, my thoughts full of how anxiously Hana must be waiting for
me in her loneliness, saying, perhaps, with the Chinese poet[176]:--
He promised but he comes not, and I lie on my pillow in the fifth
watch of the night:--
The wind shakes the pine trees and the bamboos; can it be my beloved?
when there comes borne to me the sound of her voice, humming as she
sat alone:--
"The breezes through the pine trees moan,
The dying torch burns low;
Ah me! 'tis eerie all alone!
Say, will he come or no? "
So I gave a gentle rap on the back door, on hearing which she cried
out: "Who's there? who's there? " Well, a shower was falling at the
time. So I answered by singing:--
Who comes to see you Hana dear,
Regardless of the soaking rain?
And do your words, Who's there, who's there?
Mean that you wait for lovers twain?
to which Hana replied:--
"What a fine joke! well, who can tell?
On such a dark and rainy night
Who ventures out must love me well,
And I, of course, must be polite,
And say: Pray sir, pass this way. "
And, with these words, she loosened the ring and staple with a
cling-a-ring, and pushed open the door with a crick-a-tick; and while
the breeze from the bamboo blind poured towards me laden with the
scent of flowers, out she comes to me, and, "At your service, sir,"
says she, "though I am but a poor country maid. " So in we went, hand
in hand, to the parlor. But yet her first question, "Who's there? " had
left me so doubtful as to whether she might not be playing a double
game, that I turned my back on her, and said crossly that I supposed
she had been expecting a number of lovers, and that the thought quite
spoiled my pleasure. But oh! what a darling Hana is! Coming to my side
and clasping tight my hand, she whispered, saying:
"If I do please you not, then from the first
Better have said that I do please you not;
But wherefore pledge your troth, and after turn
Against me? Alas! alas!
"Why be so angry? I am playing no double game. " Then she asked why I
had not brought you, Taraukuwazhiya, with me; and on my telling her
the reason why you had remained at home, "Poor fellow! " said she, "how
lonely he must be all by himself! Never was there a handier lad at
everything than he, though doubtless it is a case of the mugwort
planted among the hemp, which grows straight without need of twisting,
and of the sand mixed with the mud, which gets black without need of
dyeing,[177] and it is his having been bound to you from a boy that
has made him so genteel and clever. Please always be a kind master to
him. " Yes, those are the things you have said of you when Hana is the
speaker. As for my old vixen, she wouldn't let as much fall from her
mug in the course of a century, I'll warrant! [_Violent shaking under
the blanket. _] Then she asked me to pass into the inner room to rest
awhile. So in we went to the inner room, hand in hand. And then she
brought out wine and food, and pressed me to drink, so that what with
drinking one's self, and passing the cup to her, and pressing each
other to drink, we kept feasting until quite far into the night, when
at her suggestion another room was sought and a little repose taken.
But soon day began to break, and I said I would go home. Then Hana
exclaimed:--
"Methought that when I met thee, dearest heart!
I'd tell thee all that swells within my breast:--
But now already 'tis the hour to part,
And oh! how much still lingers unexpress'd!
Please stay and rest a little longer! " "But no! " said I, "I must get
home. All the temple-bells are a-ringing. " "And heartless priests they
are," cried she, "that ring them! Horrid wretches to begin their
ding-dong, ding-dong, ding-dong, when it is still the middle of the
night! " But for all her entreaties, and for all my own regrets, I
remembered that "meeting is but parting," and,
Tearing me loose, I made to go; farewell!
Farewell a thousand times, like ocean sands
Untold! and followed by her distant gaze
I went; but as I turn'd me round, the moon,
A slender rim, sparkling remain'd behind,
And oh! what pain it was to me to part!
[_He sheds tears. _] And so I came home. Oh! isn't it a pity? [_Weeping
again. _] Ah well! out of my heart's joy has flamed all this long
history, and meanwhile you must be very uncomfortable. Take off that
"abstraction blanket. " Take it off, for I have nothing more to tell
you. Gracious goodness!
what a stickler you are! Well, then! I must
pull it off myself. I _will_ have it off, man! do you hear me?
[_He pulls off the blanket, and up jumps his wife. _
WIFE. --Oh! how furious I am! Oh! how furious I am! To hoax me and go
off to Hana in that manner!
HUSBAND. --Oh! not at all, not at all! I never went to Hana. I have
been performing my devotions, indeed I have.
WIFE. --What! so he means to come and tell me that he has been
performing his devotions? and then into the bargain to talk about
"things the old vixen would never have let drop"! Oh! I'm all ablaze
with rage! Hoaxing me and going off--where? Going off where?
[_Pursuing her husband round the stage. _
HUSBAND. --Not at all, not at all! I never said anything of the kind.
Do, do forgive me! do forgive me!
WIFE. --Oh! how furious I am! Oh! how furious I am! Where have you
been, sir? where have you been?
HUSBAND. --Well, then! why should I conceal it from you? I have been to
pray both for your welfare and for my own at the Temple of the Five
Hundred Disciples[178] in Tsukushi.
WIFE. --Oh! how furious I am! Oh! how furious I am! as if you could
have got as far as the Five Hundred Disciples!
HUSBAND. --Do, do forgive me! Do forgive me!
WIFE. --Oh! how furious I am! Oh! how furious I am!
[_The husband runs away. _
Where's the unprincipled wretch off to? Is there nobody there? Please
catch him! I won't let him escape! I won't let him escape!
