confess the
deception
I had been guilty'
?
?
Childrens - Roses and Emily
' My vanity had hitherto
been flattered, my self-love gratified; I
had been pleased with those who did
homage to my beauty. ; but 'had never
entertained a sentiment of respect for
any one; Belmont alone had inspired me
with it, and he Was insensible to my
charms, and attracted by my sister!
"On retiring to rest, Fanny, as usual,
stopped at the door of my apartment to
? wish me good-night, and give the parting
kiss of peace and rove ; she had stretched
out her arms to embrace me; I shrunk
from them, and coldlysaid, 'Good-night. '
'Only good-night,' she exclaimed;'my Se-
raphina, my dear Seraphina! What have I
done, how have I offended, that thus you
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? 240 HOSE AND EMILY j OR,
would part from me? I implore you to tell
me;' and she held out the hand which Bel-
mont had kissed ; I flung it from me, and
rushing into my chamber,bolted the door.
In vain she intreated for admittance, and
I heard her sigh deeply as she passed
along the gallery into her own room.
"Alone, apd all silent around me, I
began to reflect upon my conduct. It was
the first time I had ever seriously com-
muned with my own heart, "and it rose in
reproaches against me. Though I had
. sometimes indulged myself in ridiculing
Fanny,it proceeded more from a desire of
appearing lively and witty, than from ab-
solutely considering her an object of such
unfeeling sport; and the gentle manner
in which she always received my jests, had,
in spite of my self-love, endeared her the
more closely to my affcctioiis. In the ad-
justment of my dress, how solicitous she
had always proved herself; and would
hasten to complete her own to assist in
mine; howunretorting at my petulance;
how consoling when any disappointment
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? SKETCHES OF YOUTHS* 241
corroded my spirits; how kind,liow placid'
at all times; she seemed to live but for
the happiness and blessing of others.
How submissive had she always been
under that neglect which would have
morthied, have maddened me; how
readily yielded to me the dominijn of
captivating without a murmur or a sigh;
end now, the only man whose attentions
had ever been pointedly directed to her,
I was ambitions of attaching to myself!
"Though my temper was naturally vio-
lent,from having been always uncontroul-
ed, and though I was impatient under any
disappointment,my heart wasneither cold
nor unfeeling; and as these reflections
pressed upon my mind, I burst into tears,
and wished to seek and ask forgiveness of
my;gentleFanny,for the caprice and injus-
ticeof my conduct. I stole out of myroom
and tapped at her door; she opened it
immediately, and I threw myself into her
arms. 'I have been unjust, my Fanny, un-
kind, capricious,ridiculous! Will you par-
don me r' 'Can Seraphina doubt it? 1 will
not even enquire the cause, lest it should
M
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? 242 ROSE AM) EMILY; OR,
t>e more lastingly remembered; it is
enoughthatyou regretit. 1 wasconvmced,
my sister, that you could not be happy^
whatever was the circumstance in which
your error originated; I therefore expect-
ed this visit, and have continued to read
in the hope of seeing you. ' I telt humbled
that she shouldimpute error to mc, though
1 was but too conscious of it myself, and
was leaving the room without a reply. She
threw her arms round me ; and the tender
pressure of her lips to mine, the sweet tone
in which she pronounced 'God bless you! '
as she raised her soft eyes to Heaven, re-
stored me wholly to her--' God bless my
sister! ' we each repeated, and separated.
"I felt consoled as I returned to my
chamber, that we were reconciled without
my having experienced the humiliation of
any direct avowal of my folly ; but I was
astonished and mortified when I reflected
upon the composure of her manner; and
that she could quietly read, whilst I had
been tortured by conflicting emotions;
but such are ever the advantages which
well-regulated minds have over those that
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? SKETCHES Of "YOUTH. *4<<
yield to every instant impulse. Fanny had
left me in sorrow; but from the conscious
rectitude of her own heart, she had de-
rived peace and comfort, and she had
wept only for me.
"At breakfast we met as usual. On the
countenance of Fanny I observed an ex-
pression of even more than customary
cheerfulness. After breakfast she said she
wished to remain all the morning in her
own apartment, without interruption, as
she was desirous of completing a drawing
she had begun.
"Belmont was introduced; I only was
with my mother. He enquired for Fanny,
and was told she was particularly engaged,
and had desired not to be interrupted. I
remarked a sudden shade pass over his
iine countenance, and he appeared for a
minute thoughtful and disappointed; but,
turning to me, who was employed at a
tambour frame, not so much for the uti-
lity or ornament of the work, as to display
my white arms in a graceful attitude; he
enquired if we had a good neighbourhood,
arfid introduced several local subjects
M2
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? ROSE AND EMILY; OR,
which I was able to answer with a degree
of ease and vivacity I hoped lie would
think enchanting.
"It is said by Dr. Johnson, that * many
people can talk, but few can converse. '' I
wasone of the talkers. Onsubjectsof gene-
ral currency, such as dress, public amuse-
ments, and the weather, my observations
were as ingenious and as correct as those
of others. I could also laugh at my young
friends, and had a manner of ridiculing
their peculiarities, which seldom railed
to divert my male auditors. I could pro-
pose many charades, and sometimes find
a solution for one; I had even a few fine
sentiments on love and friendship, and
though they had been so often repeated,
as now seldom to be listened to, yet Bel-
mont had never heard them, and they
wereready to be advanced on the slightest
command; but when any subjects Mere
discussed, which required the exertion of
reason, or the powers of imagination, I
was unable to take a part, and left the
field to Fanny; always finding, in my re-
treat, many of both sexes, who wer>>
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? SKETCHES OF YOUTH. %4s5
equally desirous of being spared an expo-
sure of their intellectual poverty.
"The chat of the' day, and the descrip-
tion of our society, seemed but little to
interest Belmont, though, had he appear-
ed to listen with approbation, it would
have afforded me an inexhaustible fund
of talk; but, at the first pause which my
pretty lips made, he enquired if we had
an extensive circulating library; ^f the
books were well chosen; or if novels, as
is generally the case, occupied every
shelf? 'There are only novels,' I re-
plied. 'I suppose,' he continued, * that
Mr. Falkland's library supplies you with .
so many superior productions, you have
not often recourse to the public one; for
novels, however they may occasionally
amuse an idle hour, or relieve a gloomy
one, yet they certainly, (if indulged in too
much). enervate the mind, and destroydts;
relish for works of reasoning and infbrmi- .
tion. ' A blush of shamestole over njy face
at this remark, for I had scarcely read any
other volumes than ;those of the circula-
ting library ; and my father's books, since
M 3 . ,
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? 246 ROSE AND EMILY; Oft,
I had selected for myself, had been
quite neglected. *' Do you admire
poetry? ' he said. r O, passionately! ' I
exclaimed. 'Of what kind? ' * Sonnets
I doat upon; but verse of all descrip-
tions I adore. ' I thought he smiled, but
I was glad of an opportunity of exhibi.
ting a rapture, of appearing enthusiastic.
'Perhaps, Miss Falkland,' he said, ' you
sometimes are poetical? For I think
there seldom exists this very high relish
for poetry, without some inclination to
poetize. ' 'I do not often write,* I re-
plied, in a half tone of retiring modesty.
1 Sometimes then you do,' he answered
with vivacity; 'might I be so honoured
as to see any of your compositions? I
am an humble votary of the muses my-
self, and should rejoice to rind a kindred
mind. " A deep crimson now flushed my
cheek; I had strayed into the path of
falsehood, and I knew not how to re-
treat; but the wish to appear captiva-
ting. to Belmont, to evince . that 'kin-
deed mind' he so desired to meet, urged
me still further, and I took from nvy
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? SKETCHES OF YOUTH. 247
portfolio some lines which Fanny had
addressed to me. As he read them, his
fine eyes were lighted up with extacy.
* They are beautiful T he exclaimed;
how tender, how elegant the sentiment!
how the soul of the sister breathes in
every line! how perfect is friendship
when thus cemented by consanguinity! '
He respectfully pressed iny hand as he
returned the lines, but he imt ri iied no
kiss upon it; yet he continued to gaze
upon me with an expression of astonish-
ment and admiration that perplexed,
while it delighted me. I still pursued my
work, for confusion prevented my look-
ing up. 'Be not so diffident,' he whis-
pered; 'but real merit is always so; let
me entreat you to cultivate this truly
poetical talent; for my own part, I am
so warm an admirer of it, that no pilgrim
ever paid his devotions with more zeal to
his patron saint, than I mine to the
shrine of true poetry. ' ;. 4 ? . . ;
"Oh 1 had I really merited his eulo-
gium, I should have been indeed blest-
i. ? ? . ; . M 4 ,
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? 248 ROSE AND BMILY; OR,
ed; but I painfully experienced that--
'Praise umleserv'd, is satire iu disguise;' .
and I felt myself only an object of ridi-
cule and contempt. The praise was just-
ly Fanny's, and as this reflection press-
ed upon my mind, feelings even of envy
corroded my bosom. He had not once
complimented my beauty; not once re-
quested me to sing or play; but this
poetical effusion. of affection and genius
enraptured him; it was Fanny still who
charmed!
"I ventured at length to entreat him
to favour me with some of his produc-
tions, and he promised to bring his ma-
nuscripts the next day. He remained
with lis till the hour of dressing for din-
ner, and as he rose to take leaver he
said--* Since I shall not have the plea-
sure of seeing your sister . to-day, may I
request you to give, with my respectful
compliments, this song, which I promised
her to bring; flattering myself, at the
same time^ that s*h'e would? h^e permit-
ted me to have practised it tfith&ef. this
? 'i
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? SKETCHES OF YOUTH.
249
morning; but,' he added, with a smile
which I had penetration- enough to dis!
coyer' was designed. to conceal a sensa-
tion of mortification, * ladies must be
allowed to forget their promises, though
politeness, if not honour, commands that
we. should remember. ours. '
** It was now too evident that he was
piqued^ 'Ah, then! ' I said to myself, . .
* Fanny was informed of this visit, and
hate purposely absented herself; she has
read my heart; she has resigned him to
me. >> Generous, noble girl! and /--I
have added duplicity to vanity; he will
despise me; I despise myself. ". .
"I went to. my own apartment with . .
sensations the most humiliating. Bel*
mont had quitted me with the impression
that mine and his were kindred minds. ?
yet was I sunk so low in my own estima- .
tion by the artifice I had practised, and T
by the . Consciousness that I did not me- .
rit his. admiration,. that I would gladly
have exchanged it for his contempt, his .
abhorrence. Yet how could I resolve to .
confess the deception I had been guilty'
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? 250 K0SE AND EMILY; OK,
of? Perhaps the verses would be forgot-
ten? ; I was certain my timid Fanny
would never shew them to any one; my.
father. only had seen the original, and
he. knew so well the retiring. delicacy of*
her nature, that he would be cautious
how he claimed for her even the most
deserved praise; he was not present
when I exhibited the lines as mine, and
I. begged my mother not to mention
them;. . thus, half hoping concealment,
but mote. strongly dpeadjng detection; I
joined the dinner table,. which consisted
only of our family party. The subject^
fortunately, was not mentioned by my
mother, whose joy at my praises I had
feared would have induced her to reveal
it. Fanny ;had finished Jier drawing, re-
ceived . the song Belmont bad? left her
with tranquil pleasure* and heard ouf
encomiums upon the charms. of his con-
versation. without any apparent emotion.
Though flattered myself my deception
would remain undiscovered, yet the se-
cret consciousness of having practised
it, embittered every moment. Fanny.
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? SKETCHES OF YOUTH. 251
sung and played to my father as usual;
while I, a prey to internal disquiet for
. having departed from the straight path
of sincerity, turned over the pages of a
novel without interest or attention. My
father. asked me to take my harp; an hour
was spent in tuning it. I had no one tp
listen to me but my parents and sister, and
my performance was careless and spiritless.
Fanny never sung more enclnmtingly. In
the domestic circle I felt no superiority,
and I was too. regardless of pleasing in it
taenvy her the talents she there displayed.
"Thenextday I received a copy of verses,
elegantly. complimenting me on my men-
tal graces, my poetic powers; but not one
word to my beauty! It had no signature;
but I was convinced Belmont was the au-
thor. Hadldeserved his praise,howproud
shouldIhavebeen ofexhibitingthem; but,
'conscience does make cowards of us all,'
and I concealed them from every eye.
"A few days afterwards he was our in-
vited guest. The circle was large, and
music was the principal entertainment of
the evening. As msqti as his compliments
m6
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? 252
ROSE AND OR,
had been paid to my parents, and some of"
the elder part of the company, he advanced
towards me, and his eyes beamed with the
most animated pleasure; he briefly, but
warmly, alluded to the exquisite delight
my poetry had afforded him, and, to my
astonishment, repeated every line of the
piece ! hadshewnhim. He approached my
sister, who . was at the other extremity of the
room my eyes followed him. I observed
her manner was distant and reserved ; he
endeavoured to engage her in conversa-
tion; but she seemed to return no other;
answers than those which civility forced
from her. . I saw him fold his arms in a
dejected attitude, and as he stood by her
side, survey her with a fixed, yet marked
attention. He, spoke again, and she re-
garded him with surprise and evident
confusion; he laid his hand upon her arm,
appeared to speak in an impressive man-
ner, and turned'hisi eyes towards me ;;' I
am betrayed,'11'thought, and sunk into a
seat. In afe w moments Fanny hastened to
. me, and, with her usual solicitude, en*
quired whether I was not well. 'The heat
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? SKETCHES OF YOUTH. 253
overcomes me,' I replied. 'Let us then
retire into another room;' and, putting
her arm round me, she led me into the
next apartment. Belmont soon followed.
My head was resting on Fanny's bosom,
while her gentle lip pressed my reclining
cheek. 'Ah ! ' he exclaimed,' I now see
the lovely picture of sisterly affection rea-
lized; that picture which your pen, Miss
Falkland, has so beautifully described. '
* Do not mention it,' I replied in haste.
* And why not ? Since it reflects the high-
est honour on your head and heart. Your
sister,' he continued, addressing himself
to Fanny, * is too diffident of her talents;
Iwishtoinspire her with more confidence. :
the lines she has addressed to you are of
the finest order of poetry. ' 'To me ! ' ex-
claimed Fanny; * dear,. dear Seraphina,
let me see them; how happy am I to be
thought so worthy. ' 'Have not even you
seen them ? ' said Belmont; ' then indeed
I have been greatly favoured. ' 'I wish
them not to be mentioned,' I said, at-
tempting to rise; but Belmont still pur*
sued? the subject, and repeated one of the
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? 254 ROSE AND EMILY; OR,
stanzas. I sunk down into a chair, itt
confusion indescribable. Fanny bent over
me and gently whispered, 'Be not dis-
tressed, my Seraphina; the discovery has
made me proud. ' 'Of Belmont s appro-
bation,'I ^aid. 'No; of you r's,' she re-
plied. 'Do not then betray me,' I hastily
intreated. She pressed rne to her heart,
andhersilence spoke more eloquently than
words. We were called upon to play ; I
could not recover my spirits or my confix
dence, and my fingers wandered over the
strings of my harp with more than their.
usual want of skill and expression. Fanny
played and sang so as to charm every one
present. Belmont stood close to her, and
watched every movement of her fingers;
his whole soul seemed absorbed in extacy
and admiration. After the lesson was
ended, a duet was proposed, and I beheld
with mortification Belmont preparing to
sing with Fanny. The most rapturous
plaudits followed. He came to me;
'How enchantingly your sister sings!
with what pathos, taste, and expression!
Her voice, and your poetic lyre, would
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? SKETCIIES OF YOUTH. 255
charm even a savage. ' I blushed deeply;
but that 1 may not tire you with a descrip-
tion of scenes and speeches, I will relate,
as concisely as I can, how my shame and
mortification became ai last complete.
"My poor mother's blind partiality for
her Seraphina led, one day, to a detection
of my delinquency. A large company
had assembled at our house; the topics
of the day had been discussed; politics
and the weather had given place to lite-
rary subjects and literary persons. The
comparative powers of men and women
in the acquirement of sciences and learn-
ing, in the display of taste, and the exer-
cise of judgment, had been fully com-
mented upon. The ladies supported their
party; boasted of a Carter,;w^o wrote
on Epictetus, and a Seward, who trans-
lated Horace. Several gentlemen, more
perhaps in compliment than sincerity,
advanced as the champions of female lite^
jature; but one, of sterner stuff' than the
rest, bluntly denied the possibility of a
woman's becoming more learned than an
ordinary school-boy, or capable of ac-
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? 256 ROSE AND EMILY J OR,
quiring any other sciences than botany or
music ; as if intellect were of a particular
sex,and depended upon corporeal strength
and construction! ' What woman,' he
scornfully exclaimed, ' who pretends to
understand Greek and Latin. , can, if left
to herself, do more than explain a quota-
tion in. a newspaper? I would not wish a
daughter of mine to pretend. to learning
or poetry. ' 'Not to poetry,. Sir 7? ' said my
mother in an accent of; surprise. 'No,
madam; certainly not to. poetry; it pro-
motes idle fancies, fantastic images* and
vain conceits; its very basis is fiction, and
I had rather see a girl employed with her
needle than her pen; but J beg pardon,
madam, perhaps you are a poet ? ' 'No Sir>
not I myself. ' 'Some one of your family
then, madam? ' 'Possibly Sir,' said my
mother, throwing a significant glance to-
wards me. I blushed; when the cynic
approaching me, said, in rather a soften-
ed tone, * Have I detected you? May I
presume, Miss Falkland, to request the
favour of hearing some of the effusions of
your genius? For I am 'assured tltey will
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? SKETCHES OF YOUTH.
257
convince me, whatever Im&y have thought
to the contrary, that the muses and graces
sometimes go hand in hand, and that
learning and talents are not confined to
our sex. ' 'I never thought they were,'
I replied, * and I now find that vanity and
curiosity are not exclusively ours. ' 'They
are not learned lines, Sir, said my mother.
'So much the better, madam; sonnets,
I imagine; or elegies, or odes, or songs,
or fables, or acrostics, or rebusses? '
'Neither, Sir,' replied my mother, pro-
voked at his sarcastic manner, which my
retort had instantly revived; * they are
neither; but whatever they are, they
would do honour to any person, even
to Pope himself. ' I observed a smile
lurking upon several countenances, as
my fond mother pronounced this
warm eulogium. Distressed as I was
at the conversation, and every moment
dreading to hear myself declared the poet,
I yet felt a security in the belief that the
lines themselves would not be produced
as a proof; but, to my astonishment and
confusion, my mother drew from her
pocket the very paper I had shewn Bel*'
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? 258
ROSE AND EMILY; OR,
mont; and presenting it to the gentleman,
i Read Sir, and judge for yourself,' (at the
same time throwing a glance of triumph
towards me,) 'judge of my daughter's
poetry. ' Fanny was in conversation with
Belmont in a distant part of the room,
and heard not what was passing; but at
the sudden silence of the company, as the
lines were reading, she looked up, listen-
ed, and in a moment her cheek was as
deeply crimsoned with surprise, as mine
was with shame. The gentleman, pau-
sing, pronounced them admirable, and jo-
cosely exclaimed, 'The laurel for Miss
Falkland. ' My father, who knew how
much Fanny shrunk from any thing like
publicity of praise, who approved of her
delicacy, and encouraged her reserve, at
this moment forgot his usual caution and
her diffidence, and replied, 'The appro-
bation of friends will be dearer to Fanny
than the poet's crown. ' 'To Seraphina
you mean,' said my mother. 'To Sera-
phina! then I am greatly mistaken; but
Come hither my dear girls,' said my fa-
ther, (ever wishing to draw truth from its
hidden recesses), confess to whom we
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? SKETCHES OF YOUTH. . 259
must decree the disputed bays, or the
golden violet. ' * To Seraphina,' an-
swered my poor mother, with emphatic
partiality; but my father, now zealous to
ascertain the fact, again enquired whose
they really were; for he had read them
as Fanny's.
"I left the room to avoid the humilia-
tingdiscoverywhichlthought awaited mo,
and eager to escape from the observation
of the company, and the astonished gaze
of Belmont. My ever-consoling sister
followed me, and would not be repulsed.
'More dear than ever to my heart, my
Seraphina,' she exclaimed, * has not this
originated in your partiality for me, and
ought it not to cement our friendship in
still closer bonds?
been flattered, my self-love gratified; I
had been pleased with those who did
homage to my beauty. ; but 'had never
entertained a sentiment of respect for
any one; Belmont alone had inspired me
with it, and he Was insensible to my
charms, and attracted by my sister!
"On retiring to rest, Fanny, as usual,
stopped at the door of my apartment to
? wish me good-night, and give the parting
kiss of peace and rove ; she had stretched
out her arms to embrace me; I shrunk
from them, and coldlysaid, 'Good-night. '
'Only good-night,' she exclaimed;'my Se-
raphina, my dear Seraphina! What have I
done, how have I offended, that thus you
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? 240 HOSE AND EMILY j OR,
would part from me? I implore you to tell
me;' and she held out the hand which Bel-
mont had kissed ; I flung it from me, and
rushing into my chamber,bolted the door.
In vain she intreated for admittance, and
I heard her sigh deeply as she passed
along the gallery into her own room.
"Alone, apd all silent around me, I
began to reflect upon my conduct. It was
the first time I had ever seriously com-
muned with my own heart, "and it rose in
reproaches against me. Though I had
. sometimes indulged myself in ridiculing
Fanny,it proceeded more from a desire of
appearing lively and witty, than from ab-
solutely considering her an object of such
unfeeling sport; and the gentle manner
in which she always received my jests, had,
in spite of my self-love, endeared her the
more closely to my affcctioiis. In the ad-
justment of my dress, how solicitous she
had always proved herself; and would
hasten to complete her own to assist in
mine; howunretorting at my petulance;
how consoling when any disappointment
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? SKETCHES OF YOUTHS* 241
corroded my spirits; how kind,liow placid'
at all times; she seemed to live but for
the happiness and blessing of others.
How submissive had she always been
under that neglect which would have
morthied, have maddened me; how
readily yielded to me the dominijn of
captivating without a murmur or a sigh;
end now, the only man whose attentions
had ever been pointedly directed to her,
I was ambitions of attaching to myself!
"Though my temper was naturally vio-
lent,from having been always uncontroul-
ed, and though I was impatient under any
disappointment,my heart wasneither cold
nor unfeeling; and as these reflections
pressed upon my mind, I burst into tears,
and wished to seek and ask forgiveness of
my;gentleFanny,for the caprice and injus-
ticeof my conduct. I stole out of myroom
and tapped at her door; she opened it
immediately, and I threw myself into her
arms. 'I have been unjust, my Fanny, un-
kind, capricious,ridiculous! Will you par-
don me r' 'Can Seraphina doubt it? 1 will
not even enquire the cause, lest it should
M
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? 242 ROSE AM) EMILY; OR,
t>e more lastingly remembered; it is
enoughthatyou regretit. 1 wasconvmced,
my sister, that you could not be happy^
whatever was the circumstance in which
your error originated; I therefore expect-
ed this visit, and have continued to read
in the hope of seeing you. ' I telt humbled
that she shouldimpute error to mc, though
1 was but too conscious of it myself, and
was leaving the room without a reply. She
threw her arms round me ; and the tender
pressure of her lips to mine, the sweet tone
in which she pronounced 'God bless you! '
as she raised her soft eyes to Heaven, re-
stored me wholly to her--' God bless my
sister! ' we each repeated, and separated.
"I felt consoled as I returned to my
chamber, that we were reconciled without
my having experienced the humiliation of
any direct avowal of my folly ; but I was
astonished and mortified when I reflected
upon the composure of her manner; and
that she could quietly read, whilst I had
been tortured by conflicting emotions;
but such are ever the advantages which
well-regulated minds have over those that
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? SKETCHES Of "YOUTH. *4<<
yield to every instant impulse. Fanny had
left me in sorrow; but from the conscious
rectitude of her own heart, she had de-
rived peace and comfort, and she had
wept only for me.
"At breakfast we met as usual. On the
countenance of Fanny I observed an ex-
pression of even more than customary
cheerfulness. After breakfast she said she
wished to remain all the morning in her
own apartment, without interruption, as
she was desirous of completing a drawing
she had begun.
"Belmont was introduced; I only was
with my mother. He enquired for Fanny,
and was told she was particularly engaged,
and had desired not to be interrupted. I
remarked a sudden shade pass over his
iine countenance, and he appeared for a
minute thoughtful and disappointed; but,
turning to me, who was employed at a
tambour frame, not so much for the uti-
lity or ornament of the work, as to display
my white arms in a graceful attitude; he
enquired if we had a good neighbourhood,
arfid introduced several local subjects
M2
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? ROSE AND EMILY; OR,
which I was able to answer with a degree
of ease and vivacity I hoped lie would
think enchanting.
"It is said by Dr. Johnson, that * many
people can talk, but few can converse. '' I
wasone of the talkers. Onsubjectsof gene-
ral currency, such as dress, public amuse-
ments, and the weather, my observations
were as ingenious and as correct as those
of others. I could also laugh at my young
friends, and had a manner of ridiculing
their peculiarities, which seldom railed
to divert my male auditors. I could pro-
pose many charades, and sometimes find
a solution for one; I had even a few fine
sentiments on love and friendship, and
though they had been so often repeated,
as now seldom to be listened to, yet Bel-
mont had never heard them, and they
wereready to be advanced on the slightest
command; but when any subjects Mere
discussed, which required the exertion of
reason, or the powers of imagination, I
was unable to take a part, and left the
field to Fanny; always finding, in my re-
treat, many of both sexes, who wer>>
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? SKETCHES OF YOUTH. %4s5
equally desirous of being spared an expo-
sure of their intellectual poverty.
"The chat of the' day, and the descrip-
tion of our society, seemed but little to
interest Belmont, though, had he appear-
ed to listen with approbation, it would
have afforded me an inexhaustible fund
of talk; but, at the first pause which my
pretty lips made, he enquired if we had
an extensive circulating library; ^f the
books were well chosen; or if novels, as
is generally the case, occupied every
shelf? 'There are only novels,' I re-
plied. 'I suppose,' he continued, * that
Mr. Falkland's library supplies you with .
so many superior productions, you have
not often recourse to the public one; for
novels, however they may occasionally
amuse an idle hour, or relieve a gloomy
one, yet they certainly, (if indulged in too
much). enervate the mind, and destroydts;
relish for works of reasoning and infbrmi- .
tion. ' A blush of shamestole over njy face
at this remark, for I had scarcely read any
other volumes than ;those of the circula-
ting library ; and my father's books, since
M 3 . ,
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? 246 ROSE AND EMILY; Oft,
I had selected for myself, had been
quite neglected. *' Do you admire
poetry? ' he said. r O, passionately! ' I
exclaimed. 'Of what kind? ' * Sonnets
I doat upon; but verse of all descrip-
tions I adore. ' I thought he smiled, but
I was glad of an opportunity of exhibi.
ting a rapture, of appearing enthusiastic.
'Perhaps, Miss Falkland,' he said, ' you
sometimes are poetical? For I think
there seldom exists this very high relish
for poetry, without some inclination to
poetize. ' 'I do not often write,* I re-
plied, in a half tone of retiring modesty.
1 Sometimes then you do,' he answered
with vivacity; 'might I be so honoured
as to see any of your compositions? I
am an humble votary of the muses my-
self, and should rejoice to rind a kindred
mind. " A deep crimson now flushed my
cheek; I had strayed into the path of
falsehood, and I knew not how to re-
treat; but the wish to appear captiva-
ting. to Belmont, to evince . that 'kin-
deed mind' he so desired to meet, urged
me still further, and I took from nvy
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? SKETCHES OF YOUTH. 247
portfolio some lines which Fanny had
addressed to me. As he read them, his
fine eyes were lighted up with extacy.
* They are beautiful T he exclaimed;
how tender, how elegant the sentiment!
how the soul of the sister breathes in
every line! how perfect is friendship
when thus cemented by consanguinity! '
He respectfully pressed iny hand as he
returned the lines, but he imt ri iied no
kiss upon it; yet he continued to gaze
upon me with an expression of astonish-
ment and admiration that perplexed,
while it delighted me. I still pursued my
work, for confusion prevented my look-
ing up. 'Be not so diffident,' he whis-
pered; 'but real merit is always so; let
me entreat you to cultivate this truly
poetical talent; for my own part, I am
so warm an admirer of it, that no pilgrim
ever paid his devotions with more zeal to
his patron saint, than I mine to the
shrine of true poetry. ' ;. 4 ? . . ;
"Oh 1 had I really merited his eulo-
gium, I should have been indeed blest-
i. ? ? . ; . M 4 ,
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? 248 ROSE AND BMILY; OR,
ed; but I painfully experienced that--
'Praise umleserv'd, is satire iu disguise;' .
and I felt myself only an object of ridi-
cule and contempt. The praise was just-
ly Fanny's, and as this reflection press-
ed upon my mind, feelings even of envy
corroded my bosom. He had not once
complimented my beauty; not once re-
quested me to sing or play; but this
poetical effusion. of affection and genius
enraptured him; it was Fanny still who
charmed!
"I ventured at length to entreat him
to favour me with some of his produc-
tions, and he promised to bring his ma-
nuscripts the next day. He remained
with lis till the hour of dressing for din-
ner, and as he rose to take leaver he
said--* Since I shall not have the plea-
sure of seeing your sister . to-day, may I
request you to give, with my respectful
compliments, this song, which I promised
her to bring; flattering myself, at the
same time^ that s*h'e would? h^e permit-
ted me to have practised it tfith&ef. this
? 'i
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? SKETCHES OF YOUTH.
249
morning; but,' he added, with a smile
which I had penetration- enough to dis!
coyer' was designed. to conceal a sensa-
tion of mortification, * ladies must be
allowed to forget their promises, though
politeness, if not honour, commands that
we. should remember. ours. '
** It was now too evident that he was
piqued^ 'Ah, then! ' I said to myself, . .
* Fanny was informed of this visit, and
hate purposely absented herself; she has
read my heart; she has resigned him to
me. >> Generous, noble girl! and /--I
have added duplicity to vanity; he will
despise me; I despise myself. ". .
"I went to. my own apartment with . .
sensations the most humiliating. Bel*
mont had quitted me with the impression
that mine and his were kindred minds. ?
yet was I sunk so low in my own estima- .
tion by the artifice I had practised, and T
by the . Consciousness that I did not me- .
rit his. admiration,. that I would gladly
have exchanged it for his contempt, his .
abhorrence. Yet how could I resolve to .
confess the deception I had been guilty'
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? 250 K0SE AND EMILY; OK,
of? Perhaps the verses would be forgot-
ten? ; I was certain my timid Fanny
would never shew them to any one; my.
father. only had seen the original, and
he. knew so well the retiring. delicacy of*
her nature, that he would be cautious
how he claimed for her even the most
deserved praise; he was not present
when I exhibited the lines as mine, and
I. begged my mother not to mention
them;. . thus, half hoping concealment,
but mote. strongly dpeadjng detection; I
joined the dinner table,. which consisted
only of our family party. The subject^
fortunately, was not mentioned by my
mother, whose joy at my praises I had
feared would have induced her to reveal
it. Fanny ;had finished Jier drawing, re-
ceived . the song Belmont bad? left her
with tranquil pleasure* and heard ouf
encomiums upon the charms. of his con-
versation. without any apparent emotion.
Though flattered myself my deception
would remain undiscovered, yet the se-
cret consciousness of having practised
it, embittered every moment. Fanny.
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? SKETCHES OF YOUTH. 251
sung and played to my father as usual;
while I, a prey to internal disquiet for
. having departed from the straight path
of sincerity, turned over the pages of a
novel without interest or attention. My
father. asked me to take my harp; an hour
was spent in tuning it. I had no one tp
listen to me but my parents and sister, and
my performance was careless and spiritless.
Fanny never sung more enclnmtingly. In
the domestic circle I felt no superiority,
and I was too. regardless of pleasing in it
taenvy her the talents she there displayed.
"Thenextday I received a copy of verses,
elegantly. complimenting me on my men-
tal graces, my poetic powers; but not one
word to my beauty! It had no signature;
but I was convinced Belmont was the au-
thor. Hadldeserved his praise,howproud
shouldIhavebeen ofexhibitingthem; but,
'conscience does make cowards of us all,'
and I concealed them from every eye.
"A few days afterwards he was our in-
vited guest. The circle was large, and
music was the principal entertainment of
the evening. As msqti as his compliments
m6
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? 252
ROSE AND OR,
had been paid to my parents, and some of"
the elder part of the company, he advanced
towards me, and his eyes beamed with the
most animated pleasure; he briefly, but
warmly, alluded to the exquisite delight
my poetry had afforded him, and, to my
astonishment, repeated every line of the
piece ! hadshewnhim. He approached my
sister, who . was at the other extremity of the
room my eyes followed him. I observed
her manner was distant and reserved ; he
endeavoured to engage her in conversa-
tion; but she seemed to return no other;
answers than those which civility forced
from her. . I saw him fold his arms in a
dejected attitude, and as he stood by her
side, survey her with a fixed, yet marked
attention. He, spoke again, and she re-
garded him with surprise and evident
confusion; he laid his hand upon her arm,
appeared to speak in an impressive man-
ner, and turned'hisi eyes towards me ;;' I
am betrayed,'11'thought, and sunk into a
seat. In afe w moments Fanny hastened to
. me, and, with her usual solicitude, en*
quired whether I was not well. 'The heat
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? SKETCHES OF YOUTH. 253
overcomes me,' I replied. 'Let us then
retire into another room;' and, putting
her arm round me, she led me into the
next apartment. Belmont soon followed.
My head was resting on Fanny's bosom,
while her gentle lip pressed my reclining
cheek. 'Ah ! ' he exclaimed,' I now see
the lovely picture of sisterly affection rea-
lized; that picture which your pen, Miss
Falkland, has so beautifully described. '
* Do not mention it,' I replied in haste.
* And why not ? Since it reflects the high-
est honour on your head and heart. Your
sister,' he continued, addressing himself
to Fanny, * is too diffident of her talents;
Iwishtoinspire her with more confidence. :
the lines she has addressed to you are of
the finest order of poetry. ' 'To me ! ' ex-
claimed Fanny; * dear,. dear Seraphina,
let me see them; how happy am I to be
thought so worthy. ' 'Have not even you
seen them ? ' said Belmont; ' then indeed
I have been greatly favoured. ' 'I wish
them not to be mentioned,' I said, at-
tempting to rise; but Belmont still pur*
sued? the subject, and repeated one of the
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? 254 ROSE AND EMILY; OR,
stanzas. I sunk down into a chair, itt
confusion indescribable. Fanny bent over
me and gently whispered, 'Be not dis-
tressed, my Seraphina; the discovery has
made me proud. ' 'Of Belmont s appro-
bation,'I ^aid. 'No; of you r's,' she re-
plied. 'Do not then betray me,' I hastily
intreated. She pressed rne to her heart,
andhersilence spoke more eloquently than
words. We were called upon to play ; I
could not recover my spirits or my confix
dence, and my fingers wandered over the
strings of my harp with more than their.
usual want of skill and expression. Fanny
played and sang so as to charm every one
present. Belmont stood close to her, and
watched every movement of her fingers;
his whole soul seemed absorbed in extacy
and admiration. After the lesson was
ended, a duet was proposed, and I beheld
with mortification Belmont preparing to
sing with Fanny. The most rapturous
plaudits followed. He came to me;
'How enchantingly your sister sings!
with what pathos, taste, and expression!
Her voice, and your poetic lyre, would
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? SKETCIIES OF YOUTH. 255
charm even a savage. ' I blushed deeply;
but that 1 may not tire you with a descrip-
tion of scenes and speeches, I will relate,
as concisely as I can, how my shame and
mortification became ai last complete.
"My poor mother's blind partiality for
her Seraphina led, one day, to a detection
of my delinquency. A large company
had assembled at our house; the topics
of the day had been discussed; politics
and the weather had given place to lite-
rary subjects and literary persons. The
comparative powers of men and women
in the acquirement of sciences and learn-
ing, in the display of taste, and the exer-
cise of judgment, had been fully com-
mented upon. The ladies supported their
party; boasted of a Carter,;w^o wrote
on Epictetus, and a Seward, who trans-
lated Horace. Several gentlemen, more
perhaps in compliment than sincerity,
advanced as the champions of female lite^
jature; but one, of sterner stuff' than the
rest, bluntly denied the possibility of a
woman's becoming more learned than an
ordinary school-boy, or capable of ac-
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? 256 ROSE AND EMILY J OR,
quiring any other sciences than botany or
music ; as if intellect were of a particular
sex,and depended upon corporeal strength
and construction! ' What woman,' he
scornfully exclaimed, ' who pretends to
understand Greek and Latin. , can, if left
to herself, do more than explain a quota-
tion in. a newspaper? I would not wish a
daughter of mine to pretend. to learning
or poetry. ' 'Not to poetry,. Sir 7? ' said my
mother in an accent of; surprise. 'No,
madam; certainly not to. poetry; it pro-
motes idle fancies, fantastic images* and
vain conceits; its very basis is fiction, and
I had rather see a girl employed with her
needle than her pen; but J beg pardon,
madam, perhaps you are a poet ? ' 'No Sir>
not I myself. ' 'Some one of your family
then, madam? ' 'Possibly Sir,' said my
mother, throwing a significant glance to-
wards me. I blushed; when the cynic
approaching me, said, in rather a soften-
ed tone, * Have I detected you? May I
presume, Miss Falkland, to request the
favour of hearing some of the effusions of
your genius? For I am 'assured tltey will
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? SKETCHES OF YOUTH.
257
convince me, whatever Im&y have thought
to the contrary, that the muses and graces
sometimes go hand in hand, and that
learning and talents are not confined to
our sex. ' 'I never thought they were,'
I replied, * and I now find that vanity and
curiosity are not exclusively ours. ' 'They
are not learned lines, Sir, said my mother.
'So much the better, madam; sonnets,
I imagine; or elegies, or odes, or songs,
or fables, or acrostics, or rebusses? '
'Neither, Sir,' replied my mother, pro-
voked at his sarcastic manner, which my
retort had instantly revived; * they are
neither; but whatever they are, they
would do honour to any person, even
to Pope himself. ' I observed a smile
lurking upon several countenances, as
my fond mother pronounced this
warm eulogium. Distressed as I was
at the conversation, and every moment
dreading to hear myself declared the poet,
I yet felt a security in the belief that the
lines themselves would not be produced
as a proof; but, to my astonishment and
confusion, my mother drew from her
pocket the very paper I had shewn Bel*'
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? 258
ROSE AND EMILY; OR,
mont; and presenting it to the gentleman,
i Read Sir, and judge for yourself,' (at the
same time throwing a glance of triumph
towards me,) 'judge of my daughter's
poetry. ' Fanny was in conversation with
Belmont in a distant part of the room,
and heard not what was passing; but at
the sudden silence of the company, as the
lines were reading, she looked up, listen-
ed, and in a moment her cheek was as
deeply crimsoned with surprise, as mine
was with shame. The gentleman, pau-
sing, pronounced them admirable, and jo-
cosely exclaimed, 'The laurel for Miss
Falkland. ' My father, who knew how
much Fanny shrunk from any thing like
publicity of praise, who approved of her
delicacy, and encouraged her reserve, at
this moment forgot his usual caution and
her diffidence, and replied, 'The appro-
bation of friends will be dearer to Fanny
than the poet's crown. ' 'To Seraphina
you mean,' said my mother. 'To Sera-
phina! then I am greatly mistaken; but
Come hither my dear girls,' said my fa-
ther, (ever wishing to draw truth from its
hidden recesses), confess to whom we
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? SKETCHES OF YOUTH. . 259
must decree the disputed bays, or the
golden violet. ' * To Seraphina,' an-
swered my poor mother, with emphatic
partiality; but my father, now zealous to
ascertain the fact, again enquired whose
they really were; for he had read them
as Fanny's.
"I left the room to avoid the humilia-
tingdiscoverywhichlthought awaited mo,
and eager to escape from the observation
of the company, and the astonished gaze
of Belmont. My ever-consoling sister
followed me, and would not be repulsed.
'More dear than ever to my heart, my
Seraphina,' she exclaimed, * has not this
originated in your partiality for me, and
ought it not to cement our friendship in
still closer bonds?
